Reading Reviews for I'll Be Juliet
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by angel_speaks Secrets

5th July 2012:
Hiya!
angel_speaks here with a full-on review!

Grammar: This was all that I spotted throughout the chapter:

Dakota and Lara come out of Madame Malkinís and stormed off.

You're doing quite a good job on this part, keep it up! ^_^

Characterization: Based on this chapter, it seems like Dakota has more of that Slytherin fire than Shaunee. The part where Shaunee approached Dakota while Vinnie went to get her book, Dakota showed more of an attitude that would have been expected from a Slytherin student (in my opinon).

Plot: The plot is very interesting! I think that if you were more consistent with how you write out the characters the plot will be even better than it is now. Lastly, the plot is flowing uite nicely at this point.

I'd be very interested in reading more of this story. I hope you update soon! i hope i didn't sound too harsh. if you need any help, I'm available at the HPFF forums, look for me, emesias and send me PM ^_^

Happy Writing! 9/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much. You didn't sound harsh at all! Feedback is always appreciated :D

I'll definately update soon :)


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Review #2, by angel_speaks Flights and Fights

5th July 2012:
Hiya!
angel_speaks here... again ^_^

I think that this was the only grammatical error I found in this chapter:

A thought ran across my mind that had I had thought many times before and I finally decided to tell Lara

There was an extra "had".

Characterization:I noticed that Shaunee was about to apologize to Dakota as they had accidentally bumped into each other at Madame Malkin's. Shaunee was about to apologize and it seemed that if it were another person, she would have apologize and it kind of strikes me as odd as Slytherin students especially one who'd have a Death Eater as father would show a lot more arrogance and have that "I'm more superior than anyone else" kind of attitude... Just wanted to point that out...

Happy Writing! 8/10

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Review #3, by angel_speaks Welcome to the Wonderful World of Shaunee Duke

5th July 2012:
Hiya!
angel_speaks here!

I think this is a good introduction to the second POV.
The only thing I noticed was the lack of description of each of the girl's environment. I think that if you add that element in, you'd really pull in the reader.

Characterization: I think the only thing that I have to say about this part of the story is that it kind of hard to believe that Draco would have a best friend (all based on the original canon). he's usually portrayed as the type to only have friends that he can manipulate to do things for him, for example Crabbe and Goyle. Just a small bit that I wanted to share. However, considering the uniqueness of your plot, I'll let this one slide (just wanted you to know) ^_^


Happy Writing! 8/10

Author's Response: Hi again :)

On your feedback about Draco, I'm not going to spoil anything, but I'm touching on that in a later chapter :3

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #4, by angel_speaks Enter Dakota Renee Montgomery

5th July 2012:
Hiya!
angel_speaks here!

I think that this story seems very promising. I have yet to spot any major grammatical errors and any plot' but if i see one I'll be sure to point it out. One thing though, just to clarify, Dakota and her family is currently living at Massachusetts, flying off to London... for school supplies? The idea could work as I'm assuming that they're also there to leave off for school as well? If so, maybe you can add that detail in so that way, readers won't just think that Dakota and her family is flying off to London just for supplies...

Other than that, I think you're doing a good job at it!

Happy Writing! 8/10

Author's Response: Dakota and her family went to London to get school supplies and stayed there for a few days until it was time to leave for Hogwarts.

Thank you for reading and reviewing! :D


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Review #5, by kestral14 Welcome to the Wonderful World of Shaunee Duke

13th April 2012:
Very interesting! This story certainly has promise. Two things though.
1. In the first chapter, you said, "feeling better than I had since You-Know-Who returned." You just might want to reword that.
2. You might want to explain more about Dakota and Shauneeís families. I'm still not quite sure how everybody is related, etc.
Other than those things, it was a very good couple of chapters!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you think it's interesting.

And thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it.

Thanks again! :)


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