Reading Reviews for Wounded Vexation
  
41 Reviews Found

Review #1, by aquabluez17 A Few Mishaps

20th January 2013:
oh god i wonder who is watching them... maybe its Lucius??? He was always a creeper haha

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! Since I am back to writing you'll find out the answer to this in the near future! :) You're right Lucius is quite the creeper.

~SR17


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Review #2, by aquabluez17 A Letter Can Change Everything

20th January 2013:
Hey! Its Mya =)

Wow! This was really great! The descriptions were amazing!! It was like Awww Dracoo!! You really made me feel for him!! =)

I really loved the beginning and will try to read more now hah since I have a few updates to catch up on :P

great work!

Author's Response: Hi Mya!

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! I am so happy that you liked this chapter and the story so far. :)

~SR17


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Review #3, by ScarletEye158 The Funeral

21st October 2012:
Aww this was so bittersweet! Poor Draco has been through so much :/

I liked the fact that Harry spoke at the funeral. I almost forgot that he wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for her and I feel like it was the least he could do :) Where was Ron, though? Did he not go?

I was glad you made Draco and Teddy have a little moment in your fic, too. I almost never think of them being family, but even if they are distantly related, its still there. I'm glad he was able to relate to him a little bit and I hope he eventually becomes a part of Teddy's life :)

Ahhh, Amelia and Draco finally kissed (on the lips :p)! I wish she didn't have to go though :/ I like her and Draco's relationship and I really hope its Amelia who is shaking Draco awake... They are perfect for each other(:

Keep writing, girl! Can't wait to read more :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you liked it when Harry spoke at the funeral. I figured he should play some part in it since Narcissa lied which in turn saved his life too. I didn't make Ron go because well it's Ron. I figured there would still be too many bitter feelings between them still. He's definitely a guy who knows how to hold a grudge.

You hit the nail on the head with Teddy. He was there to represent the new hope that everyone had fought for. I also wanted him to make a small connection with Draco because they are related and right now Draco needs to know he's not alone.

Yep Cliffhanger...I Love them! :) I swoon every time I think of the two of them.

Thanks again!!

-Jenn


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Review #4, by ScarletEye158 The Morning After

21st October 2012:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I just realized I never reviewed this! Omg I totally thought I did :O Sorry for the long wait I guess!

I liked the chapter though (: I liked how you could see Draco and Amelia's relationship change throughout the chapter, especially after she read the letter. The fact that Draco freaked out over having her read it and being so embarrassed seem so realistic because as you said, Purebloods don't usually show their emotions like that.

Ugh, stupid Mr. Lamport. How can he try and fire Amelia for something like that? I'm sure there are more people who would be able to take care of sick patients while she's helping Draco! I'm glad Draco stood up to him, but I was a little worried when he flashed his Dark Mark. I thought Amelia would've been mad or scared about that for sure.

FRIENDS!? NO! They need to be together! :O and he kissed her! Yet still wants to be friends! gahhh! I guess I'll just have to wait until the next chapter to hopefully see them get together (:

Loved your writing in this and I'm glad you're starting to post more stories and chapters now :D

Nice job, love!

-Amanda

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Review #5, by academica The Morning After

4th September 2012:
Hey! I'm sorry if this review took a little longer than expected. Nevertheless, here I am back again!

Okay, so I really like that Draco stood up for Amelia! I think you executed it in a way that made sense with the way he's known to act - rashly. I also like how his behavior made Amelia feel a little awkward and fueled some feelings between them. It's nice that Narcissa continues to impact the growth of their relationship even after death.

One technical aspect that you might want to work on is your use of passive voice. Generally, writers try to use active voice whenever possible, unless passive voice is necessary for a stylistic reason. For example, I think this sentence:

He heard a gentle click of the handle which allowed him knowledge that whoever had been knocking had now entered despite his quiet demeanor.

...would flow better if you wrote it like this:

He heard the gentle click of the handle and knew that someone had decided to enter the room despite his efforts to remain quiet.

There, Draco is the actor, not the door handle :)

Another technical thing that I noticed is that you often end sentences with a comma when you should use a period, and vice versa. Not all dialogue tags require a comma, just those with "speaking" words preceding them. If you say something like "he walked across the room" before beginning a line of dialogue, that can probably end with a period. There's a great tutorial for this topic on the forums in the Writer's Resources section. You've also got a few problems with capitalization related to dialogue that the tutorial should address.

You may want to consider looking into a beta for this story (if you have one, I apologize, but I can't remember if I saw a credit in the summary). Someone like that can help you iron out the awkward phrasing and technical mistakes that I've been noticing and pointing out in this review.

I wasn't sure about the dialogue here. Some of it seems a little halted; Draco seemed to speak very formally to Amelia out loud, but then he sounded a bit more realistic and youthful in his thoughts. I also thought that Mr. Lamport seemed to jump fairly quickly to wanting to fire Amelia. Sometimes just "people watching" in real life and listening to how you talk to your friends can help with writing realistic dialogue. (There might be a tutorial, too.)

I did like the ending, though. Sure, it's a bit sappy, but it seems much more realistic than the two of them just jumping headfirst into a relationship. I like that you're trying to keep the pace slow here.

This review feels very critique-heavy, and I want you to know that I still like the story's concept and look forward to seeing where you take it next. I hope this is helpful, and feel free to re-request :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Okay...so I have taken a LONG time to respond to this review.

I am glad that you liked the tension/feelings that come up between them. I wanted to show them in a subtle way where you have that awkwardness, yet it is still apparent.

That is a great point about the passive voice. It totally makes sense to me now that you pointed it out. The nice thing about being a writer is that you can only improve. So I greatly appreciate it.

Punctuation is always been something that I have struggled with. I am going to make sure that my Beta knows that I need that assistance in that area. I will also look up the tutorials on the forums. I don't want to fully depend on a Beta to correct everything I also want to learn where and how I can correct my own works in progress.

I think that what I am trying to portray is Draco holding up a front while Amelia is around. He sort of only feels comfortable being himself to himself at the moment. I hope that makes sense. Mr. Lamport is a unreasonable man. I will look for a tutorial on that though. You bring out a lot of great points that I seem to over look a lot and I appreciate the honesty.

When I set out to write this I always told myself, real relationships move slowly and I need to do the same with them. I am glad that you still like the story's concept. I am working on the next chapter and taking my time making sure that I feel it fits before I post it.

Thanks again for taking the time to review this chapter for me! :)

-SR17


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Review #6, by Moonyxluna The Morning After

22nd June 2012:
He turned his head back to the window as a gentle rain began its mournful pitter-patter against the panes of glass -- THAT. LINE. *flails* that line. So much love. All of the other descriptions were SO beautiful. The rain and the sun came at the perfect times and I'm just going to sit here and fangirl some more. (Yep, it's a verb now :p)

I loved every single second of every single line of Draco here. He's just this- this completely broken man and through all of that he didn't care that the girl in front of him was a muggle born, but he needed her there and pushed everything away to keep her around. I felt every emotion he had here, I smiled when he smiled and my heart wretched when he was sad.

I was so scared Amelia wasn't going to be able to be there after Mr. Lamport tried to get her to leave! I thought it stayed very true to Draco -- good or bad, well that doesn't really matter at this point -- that he threatened the money his family puts towards them. And the scar! I thought Amelia's reaction was perfect.

Hmm.. what else can I fangirl about? Ahh! His little thoughts to himself. He lurves her! Okay.. maybe not that much.. yet! I LOVE how he's so confused about his feelings here. and the kiss! Amelia's reaction was so funny how she couldn't really place what had just happened. I liked how you set it up too; it was so unexpected and just happened, I think even he was surprised a little by it :)

Okay.. I loved this. I can't wait to read what happens next, fantastic work♥!

Author's Response: Hahahahahaha I am so glad that you liked this! I was really worried about this chapter and if it would seem too rushed. I am at ease now. This review puts a smile on my face everytime I read it! =) I am glad that you liked that line!! It is my favorite one! I am glad you like the contrasts between the sun and rain.

I am so happy to hear that the emotions, details and reactions came across the way I wanted them to. I figured it was time for them to be more united. Mr. Lamport is a revolting man and he's not completely gone from the story line yet.

I am having a hard time putting in words the way I feel about this review! I am just so excited that you liked it! You might be onto something in your last paragraph there. Although I don't want to give too much away. ;)

Thanks again!! You've really helped build my confidence as a writer. Thank you for that!

-SR17


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Review #7, by academica A Dying Day

22nd June 2012:
Hey there! I'm here with another requested review :)

Well, there was certainly a lot of action in this chapter, and it was definitely very sad. I'm sorry to see Narcissa pass, but at the same time, I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore. I feel like her state and dependence on Draco and Amelia had caused her to hold them captive in a way as well, and maybe now both of them can start to make some changes as they figure out what to do next. There were a couple of times while reading this that I felt like I might cry a few tears, or at least where I felt very sad, so I think the emotion worked.

The moment with Draco and his mother was really touching. I am a little surprised that Amelia stayed in the room, since I would have thought it would be more appropriate to allow the Malfoys some privacy as they said goodbye to one another. I also think it would have been nice for Amelia to take a couple seconds to say goodbye, since she and Narcissa seem to have gotten somewhat close. Still, like I said, the emotion worked well here.

I think the dialogue is better here -- I felt less like Draco and Amelia were trying to be omniscient. It doesn't quite feel totally "natural" yet, but it's definitely getting there. I liked the description in this chapter, too, especially that chilling couple of lines from Narcissa's medical record. I'm glad you've got a beta working on this now, since I did see a few technical mistakes, but overall this is good.

Great job! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am so happy to have your oppinion on this story as it motivates me do write better! It has really built my confidence. =)

I am glad that you thought that the emotions worked in this chapter. You're right she has held them captive. Eventually they will find themselves.

The moment with Draco and Narcissa was really hard to write so I am happy to hear that you liked it. I may just go back an add an Amelia touch to her good bye.

I am also super happy that you see progression with dialogue here! I have been working very hard to get it to feel just as natural as possible so I am glad to know that it is seen that the effort is there. I am glad that you liked the lines from her medical record and the description. I figured it would give it that overall goosebump feeling.

I cannot begin to thank you enough for reviewing as much as you have. I greatly appreciate it! =)

Thanks,

-SR17


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Review #8, by megthechef43 A Dying Day

11th June 2012:
SR17,

I'm crying. This was so emotional and sad. That last part was horribly sad when he thanked her. Great job. Great Chapter.

Meg

Author's Response: Meg,

Thanks for reading and reviewing again! =) I am glad that you liked this chapter. It makes me super happy to know that I got the emotions out there. I really wanted Draco to show his vulnerable side when he thanked her. =)

Thanks again!
-SR17


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Review #9, by megthechef43 How To Break The Cycle.

11th June 2012:
SR17,

Can a Malfoy change? I believe so. Draco is so burdened it's sad and Amelia is and isn't helping is situation. Amelia being there makes him realize that he must change or be lonely forever but her skeptism is helping him. I like the atmosphere you have created so far and I'm REALLY enjoying Amelia's character. I'm hoping Draco can change a find happiness. I love Narcissa in this story. She is perfect.

I'll be reading on...

Meg

Author's Response: That is a good question. Can Malfoy change? I think you're right. =) Amelia is still trying to figure out what she thinks about Draco. All she remembers is the spoiled brat from Hogwarts. She is very defensive and won't be pushed around. Draco has this huge weight on his shoulders and tries very hard to comprehend his emotions and thoughts. Amelia does a great job of getting him to see the side of himself that he doesn't see. That will become an important part later on. ;)

I am glad that you like the atmosphere and Amelia as a character. I am also happy that you really like Narcissa.

Thanks again,
-SR17


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Review #10, by megthechef43 Purebloods and Mudbloods

11th June 2012:
SR17,

I just feel so horrible for Draco at the moment. I can tell he is going through a lot right now and the one person he could confide in is terminally ill. Gosh, this was a great chapter and I got a lot of insight in to Draco personality.

I'll be reading on...

Meg

Author's Response: Thanks again for reading and reviewing again!! You're right he is going through a lot. I am glad that this chapter really brought out Draco's personality. I hope you enjoy the other chapters just as much! =)

Thanks,

-SR17


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Review #11, by megthechef43 Sitting in Silence and Coping with Reality.

11th June 2012:
SR17,

Haha, You are good at cliffy endings aren't you? Well, I'm still intrigued. Draco's characterization is great in this chapter. I feel sorry for him because he is so miserable. I hope he doesn't make Amelia too uncomfortable.

I'll be reading on...

Meg

Author's Response: hahahaha I LOVE cliffy endings. =)I think you'll see Amelia hold her own against Draco. I am glad that you're still intrigued and you like my characterization. It means a lot to me for you to say that.

Thanks!

-SR17


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Review #12, by megthechef43 A Letter Can Change Everything

11th June 2012:
SR17,

I liked the little cliffy at the end. I'm intrigued to keep reading this story. I never read much of anything besides Dramione but this has caught my eye more than once and I finally decided to read it.

Meg

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am so glad that this caught your eye! I know how much you love Dramione so for you to take the time to read a story that has Draco, but no Hermione means a lot to me. =) I am in love with cliffy endings.

Thanks again!

-SR17


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Review #13, by academica How To Break The Cycle.

21st May 2012:
Hey again! I'm here with another requested review :)

This chapter was definitely action-packed! I liked the bit about Draco taking off Lucius's ring; the whole time I thought it was a reference to his marriage (perhaps with Astoria?) falling apart, but this twist has an even darker feel to it. I also like how the intensity of the piece has picked up in terms of Narcissa having a seizure and her life being shortened quite a bit. When Amelia delivered the news to Draco, it sort of punched me in the gut as well, and so I think that was quite effective.

I do have a few more critiques for you this time around. There were several places in this chapter where I felt like the writing was a little too formal and omniscient, and it didn't sound quite as natural for me. For example, when Draco and his mother are talking and Draco is talking to Amelia, it comes out sounding more like a speech in a play than something that would be part of a real conversation, at least for me. I also wasn't as big a fan of the characterization of the Malfoys here, either - I felt like I couldn't tell if Draco really wanted to change, but it wasn't like he was just saying it, because he never actually said it aloud. I also felt like you were stretching it a little bit when Narcissa was saying that she lied to Voldemort because it was the right thing to do. As much as I love her, I still feel like the only reason was to try to hold her family together, not that she had a real change of heart about her views on Voldemort. As I mentioned, I feel like it has a very omniscient feel to it, like the characters are actually saying things about themselves that would be more appropriate coming from a third person narrator (for example, Draco saying that he needs to realize what's important before it's too late). I'm not sure how else to describe what I'm getting at, so hopefully all of this sort of makes sense to you.

I think it's great that you're getting a beta, since I did notice some awkward phrasing along with the technical aspects I usually mention. For example, 'Why do you hate me because of my blood?' just sounds really complex to me, like it would have been better if Amelia had simply said, 'Why does my blood matter so much?' or something.

This probably sounds really critique-heavy, but I did like this chapter, and I do feel like the pieces of the plot are starting to fall together. It's clear that Draco has a mission now, and a deadline of sorts at that, and I'm sure it will help guide you as you write more and delve deeper into Draco's relationships with his family and Amelia. Plot-wise, this is nice, and I'm still enjoying reading it.

Very good! I hope this review is helpful!

-Amanda
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Okay so I think I have finally figured out what I want to say in response to your lovely review. =)

I am happy to know that you liked the twist with the ring. I didn't think I could do justice to adding Astoria into the story so I turned to someone else that would be important in Draco's life. Yes! I got the right response for how the reader feels when Amelia tells Draco about his mom.

I am glad that you pointed those parts out to show me where I could improve on. I agree it does sound a little out there and I will be thinking about ways to change it around to make it seem less formal and omniscient. I do understand what you mean and some times it takes awhile to see it, but after taking some time and reading the chapter and your review again it makes perfect sense.

I am thankful for your honesty about this chapter. I am also really glad that you still enjoy reading it. Things do pick up and it will delve deeper. I am still navigating, for lack of a better word, as to how I write. I didn't feel that it was critique-heavy at all.

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it! =)

-SR17



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Review #14, by Moonyxluna A Dying Day

16th May 2012:
OH my god.. The chapter summary and I just know I'm going to be reading this through my fingers.

oh my god. oh no. no, you can't do this. nope.. I can't read it.. SHE CAN'T GO!

You just see these little changes happening in the way you write his mannerisms. I still like that you retained the fact that he knows what he did and what his family did, but in the way he softens up and asks, "you'll be with me..?" was very sweet. Plus Gibby was a doll, bless her heart I wanted to just squeeze her into a hug and make her stop crying.

It was such a powerful line, her next one- "until the end."- it sort of reminded me of Lily with Harry in the forest and it just put such a meaningful moment into perspective.

okay.. hands going over the eyes again.. DRACO! He's losing his mum and.. ah! When he looked up to Amelia to ask 'why?'-- It's such a 'losing his mum' moment and it brought out the innocent child in him in such a powerful way. I just want to make everything better for him! I'm not going to cry. nope. I swear. I'm not going to. Through the whole little talk with Draco I liked how you had her keep a professional tone.

I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. *peeks through covered fingers to read Draco's last words*

Seriously, are you trying to make me cry!? I hate crying! This was so emotional, and so real, and so beautifully written. Very amazing chapter. not enough words for this. Loved it. Keep it up dear, I have to know what happens next!

Author's Response: I am so glad that you liked this chapter!! I was worried about how it would be recieved.

Ah, see I am glad that you pointed out the subtle changes with his mannerisms. I am glad that you are picking up on those because it is something that I really hoped someone would. =) I loved being able to portray a different side of him as this chapter went on. He has that innocence about him because I don't think he ever really did when he was a kid so he is making up for it.

Gibby was that high anxious comic relief when she does what she does to Draco. She is such a part of the family that I needed to include her in every way that I could mention her. I wanted to show the changes with her being there because she is just as much family as anyone else.

I am glad that you liked Amelia's line. "Until the end" because I wanted her to show how dedicated she was with her job and how much she felt for Draco at the same time. Her professional manner will always come through because that is just who she is.

I hope I didn't make you cry! Thank you for all the wonderful compliments and thank you again for reading and reviewing. I always love to know what you think. I can't stop grinning now. =D

-SR17


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Review #15, by ScarletEye158 A Dying Day

16th May 2012:
This was so sad yet so beautiful. I feel bad for Draco. He has no family left and now the only person he has (hopefully) is Amelia. You captured Draco's emotions well in this chapter and I thought you did well with Amelia's too :) I would hate to be a healer who knows her patients are always going to die :/

I loved Gibby :) she is so sweet and a lot like Dobby! Could they be related? ;)

Overall, great work and I can't wait to read more!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am really happy that you enjoyed this chapter. It is sad, but it needed to happen and I am glad that you found that it was beautiful despite the sadness to it. Amelia and Draco...hm...will they or won't they? Chapter 6 will answer some question about that. ;)

I am glad that you liked the emotions of each of them. It was really difficult because I wanted to make sure that they were perfectly displayed since this chapter is the driving force of the story itself.

Gibby is awesome! I really loved that part. =) They could be related I suppose. ;)

I am so glad that you like this!

-SR17


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Review #16, by academica Purebloods and Mudbloods

16th May 2012:
Hey there! I'm here with your requested review!

I really liked getting a chance to know Amelia here. The imagery you used when you talked about the garden was really stunning, and I liked being able to explore it with her, all the way up to the dramatic conclusion. It certainly seems like there is more to Draco than meets the eye, and I anticipate that Amelia will want to discover what he's hiding.

I do have a few critiques for this chapter. I noticed several places where there was awkward phrasing, incorrect punctuation, and misspelled words. As I mentioned before, I think a beta could help you smooth those mistakes over. The other thing is that I couldn't quite understand why Draco would need Amelia's hair to help with the cabinet, so I would consider expanding a little on how she provided a good "cover" for him, just in case I'm not the only one missing the point that you're trying to make.

I like the pacing here, particularly the fact that Draco is still struggling with his prejudices and hasn't just fallen head over heels for Amelia. If anyone could change Draco's heart, I'll bet it's Narcissa, and it was nice to see her jump in briefly and show that she, at least, has changed a bit. I'll be looking forward to see how Draco and Amelia's relationship develops and how whatever will happen to Narcissa will change their interactions.

Very nice! As always, feel free to re-request, and I hope this review is helpful to you.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I greatly appreciate the time that you put into doing this.

I am glad that you enjoyed getting to know Amelia and the imagery I used to describe the garden. Amelia is very curious about what is going on with Draco. He is an awkward guy going through a lot at one time and he has all these racing thoughts.

I just came into contact with someone who is willing to help Beta this story for me. So hopefully things will be better as time goes on. Chapter 6 hasn't been sent to the queue yet so hopefully I can turn somethings around. Good point on elaborating with that. I will see what I can do to clear that up. Thanks for pointing it out.

I am glad that the pacing is working. I would love to just throw them together, but real life isn't even like that. Narcissa plays a huge part in this story. I am glad that you are looking forward to see how it all develops between Draco and Amelia.

Thanks so much again and I will definitely re-request! =)

-SR17


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Review #17, by Jchrissy A Letter Can Change Everything

14th May 2012:
Loving this story so far! next chapter please ;)!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you like the story so far. Chapter 5 is posted and Chapter 6 is ready to go. So I should have it in soon!

Thanks again! =)

-SR17


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Review #18, by academica Sitting in Silence and Coping with Reality.

12th May 2012:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review!

I think the plot here is moving along well. It was nice to get a little bit of Amelia's perspective as well as Draco's. I can already see a serious difference in them, as evidenced by Draco's isolated nature and pessimistic view and Amelia's fondness for sunlight and gentle treatment of others. I liked the little moment where Draco got offended at the 'adjoining rooms' comment and realized he had totally misunderstood; that was a nice little moment of humor.

I did notice some little technical errors, like missing commas, words that aren't capitalized but should be, and missing words. I think it's something that a beta could help you with, just so that you have a second pair of eyes to double-check your work. The other thing that threw me a little was the moment when Amelia put her hand on Draco's left arm. I understand why he flinched, but it seemed to come a little out of the blue. I'm assuming that it was her way of trying to comfort him in a trying time, but even if that's not it, I would consider going back and adding a line or two just to make it clear why she's doing that, because it seems a little bit strange for a professional to do that to a client she just met.

I did like getting to see some of Draco's thoughts here, and I hope you'll do more of that with Amelia in the future, just so we can really get to know both of them. I still like your treatment of the situation with Narcissa, and I hope we'll get more details about how she's doing with her care later as well.

Great job! I hope this is helpful for you. You can feel free to re-request for the other chapters later on if you would like :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

I am glad that the plot is moving along and that you see the differences between the both of them. I am glad that you pointed out that little moment with Draco, because I didn't originally have that in the chapter. I really want Amelia to stand out on her own, but in a firm way. I see her as a bit of a spit fire who is going to make sure he knows exactly how she feels.

Thank you for pointing those out and giving me a place where I can improve. I agree that it is sort of an akward place or odd moment that I could elaborate on. I will have to look into getting someone to help me with those areas that I need to work on.

The next chapter is more reflective and new things come about with Amelia's background. This review has been very helpful and I will definitely re-request.

Thanks again! =)

-SR17


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Review #19, by Broken Butterfly How To Break The Cycle.

4th May 2012:
Hi ScorpisRose17,
Another story that I positively Love. 10/10 simply for the fact that it brings forth many emotions in me. You do have some small grammar errors but not many, I only spotted one or two in the entire story so far. The characterization is amazing. Draco is a cold heartless person, but not in this. You show a side to him without it being cliche, and he shows remorse for the way he is and the mistakes he has made. Your OC is amazing as well. She is funny but serious, pretty, calm and reserved in her judgment and forgiving despite her tortured past from being bullied by Draco and his friends. The plot of the story itself is interesting. Its sad because Narcissa is dying and Draco is having a hard time accepting that. This is excellent work. I'm glad you re-requested another review by me and just so you know its always open for you to do so. Don't think twice about it, I love your writing. I'm going to favorite this story because I really like it.

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing.

I am SO happy that you like this story and I am SO honored that you gave it a 10/10 and your added it to your favorite list!

I am glad that you were able to get into the story and see what it is that I am trying to portray. Draco has always intrigued me and the emotions that he would experience with the family he has and the way he was brought up. I am glad that he isn't a cliche to you. I was really worried about the characterization especially with my OC since I haven't written one before. I am glad that you like her and Draco.

I wanted to show that Draco has these emotions and difficulties because he is human just like everyone else. Narcissa dying is the most essential part of the plot. I feel bad for taking her there, but she does serve a huge purpose to her son in the long run.

Again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. You have put my mind at ease with the worries I had writing this. I promise it will be updated soon and I will definitely be asking you for more reviews. (Darn those grammar mistakes...at least they weren't huge and terrible)

Thanks! =)

-SR17



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Review #20, by Moonyxluna How To Break The Cycle.

4th May 2012:
okay, so first things first I really don't know where my brain went because I thought this moved to the top of my favorites because of an edit, and then it just kind of clicked and I felt really dumb, and then I worked all day yesterday and this morning, so blah blah bad excuses I'm here now though!

Anyway. Review time!

Intense beginning! I can tell when I'm reading this I'm going to have the 'impending doom' the whole time; every time something goes wrong with her I'll be freaking out that it's 'the moment' for her. But it was well written. I liked how Amelia was in the professional mode, and Draco just kind of stood there all helpless and fidgety.

This part (I'm not going to copy & paste the whole thing but you'll get the idea): --...behind Narcissa's head and looked at Draco who was staring at her. A flush of pink rose to her pale cheeks as she quickly made to clear the mess she... --the sentences felt kind of long so I think you should switch them up a little bit if you edit. You could say something like; Once she was done she slipped her hand out gently from behind Narcissa's head and looked at Draco. When/As she realized he was staring at her she felt her cheeks flush; avoiding his glance, she rushed to clear the mess she had made of the surrounding area when she had come into the room. -- or something, I dunno if that even sounds better.. Just an idea, feel free to ignore :)

I really liked the part about when she asks him about his 'hate because of blood'; it was something that had to come up and (at least I think) that's what he's been thinking about with the ring, and the way she asked and refused an answer was neat; it sort of left him thinking instead of causing another argument. I think, the sentence before, when you say, "blah blah" He replied to her. you should add something like "she could still feel the distain in his voice, [even after he had watched her save his mother]." orr something like that. Again, just ideas :)

[okay so you know I review as I go and after reading the end I came back up to add that if he meant it in a normal tone without the 'hatred' then don't change it.. or maybe even: "he replied in a flat tone."]

Ahh, the ring. I thought it may have had something to do with Lucius. It was a really neat bit of symbolism to watch his mum tell him to take it off-- sort of, her giving him permission to move on and finally make the changes in his life that his heart wants to.

WOAH. okay.. she only has a few days!? I am not ready for this.

That was a big moment at the end with his 'ready to end speech', and I liked the way you had it. The fact that he straight out said how he wasn't using it as an excuse and he knows what needs to be changed. all in all I just love the way you write Draco.

The one little bit of advice I want to end with is don't rush Draco and Amelia (as much as I'm probably going to sit and beg and plea, don't listen to me :p).. I looove how this is going, but take your time with them. You are doing a fantastic job with that now, but keep that in mind as you write future chapters to take things at the right pace with them.

I liked the length :) and this chapter was very heart filled. Great work on this! Again, I apologize for my slowness in not reviewing sooner :p Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad that you like how the story is going so far. Yes, Draco and his standing there looking helpless is exactly spot on. Not many people can just jump into action with something like that so I wanted to make sure that I emphasised on it.

The ring was tricky. I had to re-write it a few times before I found a way for it to stand out as a symbol like it does. I figured it was the best way to go since I know it makes it more relatable to others. Everyone has an attachment to something and he is attached to his parents living or not. Everyone grows up into there own person. His mother is his driving force.

I do like the idea of spliting that sentence up. It would flow a bit better if I did. Thanks for pointing that out.

She does have a few days...left. *Gulp* I think it is the best chapter yet to come. There will be 5 more chapters following that one. Yep, that's the plan take it slow with them because I want it to evolve in a believable way. I got that idea from you actually from Knock on Wood. =)

No worries about it taking a while before you read and reviewed. I know life is crazy busy and you have your own writing going on as well. I am glad that you liked the length!

Thanks again! =)

-SR17


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Review #21, by MercyWaters A Letter Can Change Everything

30th April 2012:
I'm from the Review Tag :)

Hello, this is an interesting start to your story. The pace was good overall and you kept Draco in character, so I applaud you for that. However, there are quite a few basic things that can be improved upon in order to make this story even better.

First off, is there any other way you can think of for Malfoy to find himself in St. Mungo's, to meet this witch? I was immediately turned off a bit when I started reading this, because Malfoy's mother being sick and/or dying is a bit cliched. I've begun to get the impression that in the fan fiction world Narcissa is a very sickly woman, just because it happens SO often in fics. I'm sure there are other possibilities you could use, unless her sickness is essential to the later plotline!

Also, you need to be very careful with description. It's good for a writer to find the right balance for description in their writing. Always remember this: show, don't tell. Don't say what your character is doing, but rather show what they're doing through description. This can be anything, from using their 5 senses (touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell) or describing their feelings and their body's reactions to certain things (Ex: goosebumps, shivers, butterflies). But at the same time you have to make sure you don't go overboard. Description is wonderful, but limited description is better!

Make sure you watch out for run-on sentences. If you have an especially long sentence that is becoming overrun with commas and the like, trying splitting the clauses into separate, smaller sentences. This will make the writing much more easy to read and appear less cluttered to the writer. Commas are vital to dialogue as well, as it helps add to the natural cadence of speech. Try saying the lines you're writing out loud. If you pause between a word, insert a comma there (Ex: "Fine suit yourself" -> "Fine, suit yourself"). Also make sure your dialogue sounds natural. I noticed in some spots, the words sounded stiff and unrealistic. You seem to omit contractions a lot in your dialogue, and although this is good for something like a research paper, it sounds unnatural when it's supposed to be coming out of a person's mouth.

In the beginning, I noticed this: 'He cared for his mother and they had grown closer since the end of the war, but he hadn't felt this remorseful since Crabbe died in the Room of Requirement five years ago.'

It seems like you're trying to convey that these are Draco's thoughts. However, if these were his thoughts, wouldn't they be in the first person and thinking of what is going on, rather than describing the way he is feeling. Direct thoughts from a character should be written as if they were speaking these words. This is more like a narrative. A better way of saying this could be: 'I can't believe this is happening. What if she dies? What if she's in pain?' This shows the pain he's going through and how it's affecting him. The bit about Crabbe could be included in a narrative directly afterwards, separate from the thoughts. This is just a suggestion, though.

It took a little while for the actual plot line of this story to take effect and get into motion. I'd suggest maybe cutting out the bit between Malfoy receiving the news about his mother and actually going to the hospital, or at least shortening it considerably. You don't need to describe every little thing a character does. This can become tedious and repetitive, and will be a turn off for a reader, as they might get bored. Maybe focus more on the hospital and what's happening later? I'd suggest doing that anyways, since I found the chapter end rather confusing. It was hard to follow what was going. Maybe add more dialogue?

I found it interesting that he'd been so remorseful over Crabbe's death--is this a new side of Malfoy we're seeing? If so, I hope you expand on this more. In the books Malfoy is always portrayed as being removed from those his age, with little to no emotional attachment to Crabbe or Goyle. I'd love to see something other than this typical approach, because I've always had the opinion that there's much more below the surface when it comes to Malfoy!

Overall, I think this story has a lot of potential. I'm interested in seeing where it goes. Please don't take my CC above personally, I happen to be very picky when it comes to writing, and I tend to be a thorough reviewer! Keep writing! :)

Bri, xx

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Review #22, by ScarletEye158 How To Break The Cycle.

29th April 2012:
Noo Narcissa :( I feel bad, I don't want her to die now that she is thinking clearly about the life she lived and how much she wants to change. :/

One question, where is Lucius? Is he in Askaban or is he dead? Sorry if this was metioned in an earlier chapter, I'm just curious :)

I like how Draco is changing, it's interesting :) & I'm really curious to know what the other letter said... That was a very clever thing to put in your writing to make the readers really want to know what's going on!

I can't wait to see some Draco/Amelia romance, Draco really needs some in his life right about now ;)

Great chapter, update soon!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you like the chapter and are looking forward to what else is in store.

I am glad that you like the way Draco is changing. He is a very complex guy to write so I am happy to know that I am making it convincing.

Lucius is in Azkaban for life. So there is no way he will be busting out soon or ever.

I kind of feel horrible about Narcissa, but sometimes it takes one person's life mistakes and a tragic moment to change the eyes of another. I promise that it is for the best.

Draco/Amelia will happen soon enough he just needs to go through a couple more things first.

I will update soon!! =)

-SR17


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Review #23, by academica A Letter Can Change Everything

26th April 2012:
Hi there! Here from review tag :)

First off, I loved your characterization of Draco. It's kind of eerie, because you write him in much the same way that I would post-war. I thought your details went a long way in showing just how depressed and broken he is, and how much he's changed, how much older he seems to have gotten within only a short expanse of time. I especially liked the way things that used to amuse and satisfy him no longer did so, and how he was shocked by how much his appearance had deteriorated. Those details, like I said, really made this a realistic portrayal of a depressed man for me (and I'm a mental health professional).

One tiny tweak that I would make, if I were you -- near the beginning, where you mention that Draco thought about his mother and how things had changed since Crabbe's death, it seems a little awkward to have that thought in third person. I would either make it first person, or un-italicize it and just leave it in there as part of the background for the scene.

Your imagery was great, and I felt like I was easily able to follow Draco on his journey. I'm interested to see what will happen next with Draco and his mother. I didn't see any big problems with spelling and grammar here, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. I think you did a great job! :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi there!

Okay I am speechless. This is some serious praise for this chapter and I just want to say thank you. I tried really hard to make Draco post war as believable as I could. That is weird that I write him the same why that you would. I am glad that you are able to understand what it is that I am trying to do with him and that it comes across easily. He still has his moments and that is mostly because he's Draco being Draco, but I feel like he has lost so much that somewhere deep inside is someone who really wants to change.

Yeah...about that I never meant to put it in italics. Thanks for pointing it out though.

I am glad that you liked it and the imagery. I worked really hard on it. Yay! No big problems with spelling or grammar! I always worry about this part so now I feel more relaxed.

I am glad that you're excited to find out more. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!! =)

-SR17


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Review #24, by Ravenclaw_Charm A Letter Can Change Everything

22nd April 2012:
Tag! :D

Ooh I like this! I'm in a love-hate relationship with Draco (gahhh...), but this definitely puts him on the love side. I love your descriptions - it paints a great picture in my mind without over-doing it. Also, your writing style is easy to read, and I love it. Your take on Draco is awesome; you really get the reader to sympathize with him, despite all his mistakes in the series. I just love this :) Keep writing! I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you like this.

I usually have a difficult time with descriptions so I am glad that they were well done in the chapter without going over board.

I am glad that you like my writing style. I try to keep it as easy to read as possible. Haha Draco does make a mass amount of mistakes in the series. I am glad that I can get you to sympathize with him minus what we already know of him.

Thank you so much for the lovely review and encouragement!

-SR17


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Review #25, by LittleWelshGirl99 A Letter Can Change Everything

21st April 2012:
Tag! ;)

I've read loads of post-war Draco fics, and I have to say you've really captured a nice style for this! There are so many different ways it could be done, and this seemed to really fit. All the reactions and descriptions were just so.rich! Rich is sort of the only word I can think of and it doesn't make a shred of sense but ah well :P

This was a nice, steady starting chapter that includes a nice dose of plot and background information :) I also liked the way you combine the present with memories of the war, and Crabbe.

-LWG

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you like the post-war Draco. I wanted to try something different and I am glad to hear that it is being seen. I've been working really hard to improve the descriptions and little quirks that the canon characters have to make it feel more real.

Agian, thank you for the lovely review! I am glad that it was balanced out between plot and background information. I really think he does feel some remorse in there it's just burried so deep within himself that getting it to come through will take time.

Thanks! =)

-SR17


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