Oh my gosh why would you do this to me!? Frank&Alice are one of my otps and that was so... bittersweet. Well, I suppose any Frank&Alice and James&Lily stories are because of what happens to them but STILL.
Honestly, I loved this. It was really well written and I loved Alice's determination to keep James, Lily and unborn Harry safe.
Brilliant!Author's Response: Thank you! I love Fralice (just made up that ship name!) as well, but this was the first time I'd ever written them. I'm beginning to think that maybe I should write them as a couple a little more often! Glad you enjoyed it!
-Livi x Report Review
I thought it was an interesting topic. It's always hard to talk about torture, and keep it readable at the same time. And I'm glad you put some attention on that part of Alice's life.
Though the thoughts flow good and are easy to follow, I do think you missed a little thingy: Neville. I mean, I can imagine under the Cruciatus curse you can hardly focus on anything apart from the piercing pain and what would death be like, but I can also imagine that being that pregnant, between curses you would worry about the baby's state. And so, Voldemort could attack more than once with the curse, I don't think he'd leave for another time that easily, and that would also give you more time for Alice to think of the baby. I'm glad you smoothed the feelings of pain though.
Characterization was great in my opinion, the fact that Alice was slightly jealous (though she tried to fight that) made her more un-Mary-Sue-like and it was great how she worried about her husband so much. It was also good that she kept strong, an Frank being bossy yet caring added another nice touch.
So the flow and grammar were good, I'd just add more concern for the baby during V's attack. It was still heartbreaking as it is, knowing what's to come for them... :,(Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading this. It was immediately meant to be a bit of Frank/Alice fluff but turned into something of a torture fic, so I'm glad you thought I did that ok.
With the baby, I think Alice at that moment had just been on a big Auror check at Azkaban and her mind is pretty occupied by Voldemort. I tried to include some stuff about the baby, but I've never been pregnant so I thought I'd keep the level of detail that she worried in at the bare minimum.
Thanks for reviewing!
-Livi x Report Review
What an unusual moment to write about. What struck me first about this was the violence in it. It was chilling and scary to think of her in such a position and the way he toyed with her was disturbing. I'm confused as to why she was there in the first place and how he caught her there as well as why he would let her go but I guess that isn't something that you can necessarily fit all at once in a one shot.
There was some formatting errors in that there isn't space between the dialogue at times and doing this would make it easier for the reader.
I have to tell you that I liked that Alice was critical of James and Lily. So often are they portrayed as these beautiful martyrs for the cause and yet there was some, even within the ranks, who didn't see them in a golden light. I liked that she had a thought of telling Voldemort where they were, it made her human especially how she pushed it aside.
It was odd that Alice didn't seem that damaged from the meeting with Voldemort and I can see that you are alluding to the moment when she will go crazy from Bella's "ministrations".
This was very interesting and I'm glad I read it!
xChar Report Review
Ooh, this was very beautiful yet so sad! I really enjoyed reading this.
I think you descriptions were wonderful and the mood in this story felt so right. You managed to make it believable and something that I think that could've happened.
I love Alice, she's such a interesting character. I liked your version of her a lot, she was quite like I've always pictured her. So strong and loyal, and eager to protect her unborn child. Brilliant job there. And with Voldemort too.
Great story. It worked well as a one-shot, you made it feel very complete.
Thanks for the swap (:
~EleniaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! I was very proud of this one! I love Alice too, my favourite Marauder's character by far! Thanks to you to for the swap! Report Review
Livi! Wow, this was such a powerful story. I love the emotion, and the fact that Alice was pregnant! You should definitely write more Alice/Frank, you're really good at it.
The only thing is that the bit where she wanders back down the path to her house after being tortured is a little out of sync with the mood of the rest of the piece... But the last line was just gorgeous!
Really enjoyed it!
Annon xAuthor's Response: Yay! So glad you enjoyed it, I loved writing it more than you can imagine. That last line came so naturally, and it sounds so amazing! I'm so so proud of it! I'll fix that wandering part.
xx Report Review
Hi! I've always wanted to read a story like this, and now I finally stumbled across it, yay. I think Neville's parents are a little under-appreciated, but they were able to defy Voldemort three times! So I'm glad I found this story.
Anyway, i'm drifting off- that was an awesome start! The first sentence just pulled me in immediately, it was so intense. The way you used description was magnificent, and the characters felt so real! It was like I was actually there. You also wrote Voldemort very, very well. I always find it difficult to write him, but you did it perfectly.
My favourite part was when Alice got tortured, yes it was incredibly sad, but so wonderfully written! I could almost feel her pain. I also liked the part when Alice returned home very much. I just have one little question; what did Alice do at Azkaban all on her own? I didn't quite get that. I know she's an Auror, but she's pregnant right?
I think you did an amazing job on this first chapter, and I can't wait until you update again.
Keep it up!
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Oh, this review has made my day! Thank you so so much! You've really made me smile. I'm glad you like my description and characterisation, they are so hard to get right so I'm really pleased when I do manage it! I loved writing Voldemort, surprisingly, I just really enjoyed finding the best ways to get inside the reader's head. I'm thinking of doing something similar in another one shot. I'm glad you thought the torture was good, I was very unsure on how to write it because I wanted to convey this very raw emotion but also the physical pain, and the way Alice's mind reacts to it. I wanted to almost have you believing that the Cruciatus curse has a different effect on different people, and maybe wondering how you would feel and what you would be thinking about.
To answer your question, Alice is pregnant, but she is still at work, and that's why she is at Azkaban. I'm not entirely sure what she's been doing but she has been there because of work. At the moment, she's about five months pregnant. So you can see that she is and it is affecting the way she moves and lives, but she is not far along enough to be on maternity leave. I hope that helps you understand.
Also, just to clear things up, this is a one-shot, so there wasn't going to be any other chapters. I am thinking of doing a short story about Alice and Frank though, which would go side by side with this, so do look out for it!
Thanks again for reviewing, I'm so grateful! Report Review
That was so sad and so sweet, I always felt that there lives turned out so bad and one of the worse, as death would of been so much easier than being tortured to madness.
& Neville has always been one of my favourite characters! :D
I loved how the emotions showed from Alice, and that she thought that maybe she should of given in but didn't & I love the way she thought that she was pregnant as well and in danger but it was just the Potter's who were hiding.
Dumbledore still could of put the longbottoms into hiding as Neville was/could of been the other one in danger :}
Ahhh I'm rambling haha! Anyway it was an amazing one-shot and showed her emotions brilliantly! Well done!
~BlameItOnTheNarglesAuthor's Response: Yay! Thanks so much for reviewing! Everyone's said really positive things about this so far, and I'm absolutely delighted! I wanted to make Alice very human and easy to sympathise with so I added this element of doubt and weakness, which I think make her much more realistic. I'm really proud of the way I conveyed the emotion, because it's quite honest and raw. I'm glad you liked it as well, because I'm really proud of this particular story!!
Thank you again for reading and reveiwing! Report Review
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