Oh my freaking God that was actually
beautiful Report Review
Wow. This is the most poetic fan-fiction I have ever read. (And quite possibly the best.) It was like reading a chunk of emotion. (I know, I'm sorry, cheesy.) I don't often read fan-fictions and think that the writer should be a published author, but in your case, I do. I think this would have been a brilliant piece even without the Remus/Sirius relationship, but I really like it and you do it really well.
Hang on, I'm going to have to read it again.
Okay, I'm back. This is going to be really hard because I love it all, but I especially love:
i) 'One last Marauder, one last joker left in the game'
ii) 'You don't like smiles anymore.'
iii) 'It's unhealthy, and jackoff get lost in the smile.'
iv) 'James is honourable, too honourable.'
v) 'Harry looks at you with Lily's eyes'
vi) ' - ahem - You have my blessing'
vii) 'You are the sole survivors.'
viii) 'It is the most magnificent thing you have ever seen.'
ix) 'her mouth forming the smallest "O".'
x) 'The love lies thick in your mouth.'
xi) 'You are bathing in green.'
xiii) The entire last bit - The Battle of Hogwarts.
xiv) The whole thing.
It's actually really inspiring, it makes me want to put much more feeling into my stories. I'm now going to go and read all of your other stories.
P.S. (I hope this was a good review, it's my first ever. (!)) Report Review
This. Was. Amazing.
I'm surprised I can function well enough after reading this to write a review. You are a very talented writer, and for a first time slash pairing you know how to depict emotions very well.
I myself am not a particular fan of slash, but will read just about anything that is written well, and I must say this has captured my mind and heart.
Thank you for the great read.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! It really means a lot. I'm glad you liked it despite not reading that much slash. I'm not great at it either, but I too find that it doesn't matter, as long as it is well written. Thank you so much for your kind words. Report Review
Okay, seriously, I'm speechless.
Is this a piece of poetry originally. It reads like it. It reads like a poem and you freakishly remind me of one of my favorite poets- Richard Siken. (He won the Yale young poets awards in 2004) But that's besides the point.
So basically one of the best things I've ever read on here, and believe me, I've read a lot. And I am very picky. You're absolutely brilliant.
The last line is astonishing. And every other adjective to describe something that earth-shattering.
ten outta ten.Author's Response: ADKDLSKL. Thank you so much! I'm so flattered that you liked this and that comparison to a poet :O Thank you so much. I love poetry so it's really flattering. Thank you so much for all those kind kind words. Report Review
This is BEAUTIFUL! This is probably one of the most touching stories I've read on this site! It was so wonderfully written! You truly are a literary artist!Author's Response: djdkdkd. thank you so much. That's so sweet of you to say! Report Review
Oh gosh, I love how you've characterised Remus; as well as (obviously) his relationship with Sirius. The two of them have just been through so much together, and I think you can really feel that here. Also, nonlinear is awesome, and then James giving his blessing; asdfghjkl;
Then, there was this part:
"You knew my father?"
Harry looks at you with Lily's eyes and your hand slips, "Yes." (Murderer, failure, murderer, liar.)
There are no memories other than this.
+ the ending (!) "You are bathing in green" ; I know it's a bit gruesome, but I love this description of the killing curse.
Just. A great, great story.Author's Response: You're my sunshine, really. Thank you so much for those kind words! You're very sweet. I love when reviewers quote me. I love the part about James too, that's just very awkward and breathes sixteen, doesn't it? And yes, the ending was gruesome, sudden and out of the blue, which is how death is. Thank you so much for all those wonderful words *squee*. Report Review
Oh, my God. This fic - you've written this so beautifully and perfectly and oh, Remus. I love that you didn't really stray from canon, and I love the back-and-forth writing. His feelings for his son are really painful but plausible. Lovely, lovely work.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really wanted to remain true to the characters and most of the time that means staying canon. It also makes the story more plausible. Thank you so much for your review, I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Report Review
Oh that was so sad. Beautifully written 10/10 : )Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind review! :) Report Review
Hey, this is elephant828 from forums. Sorry it took too long to get to your review(I've been nourishing a new found love of Doctor Who...)
This is probably the most beautiful writing I have ever read on fanfiction. I can't even give any criticism, as I can't find anything to critique.
The little snippets that jumped all over the time line were wonderful and I didn't find myself confused at all. You did a very good job at your first slash fic. :)
-KristenAuthor's Response: Hi there! No worries, Doctor Who should always come first ;)
Thank you so much for your wonderful, wonderful review. *Squeee*. Thank you so much for those kind words - you have no idea how much that means to me. Report Review
This was very interesting, and I really loved it. There is a feelign of disjointed to it, which is exactly how I imagined Remus felt all the way through the wars. I loved it so much.
I am a big fan of Remus/Sirius. I think you did the emotions correct and I think that I really loved this. Great job you did with this. You gave it a wonderful feeling, and I think just overall it was greatAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your review. Seeing as you're a Remus/Sirius-shipper this makes me particularly happy that you enjoyed it. It was my first time writing it and I was really nervous about it. Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
I think this fic is written in a beautiful and soft language, almost poetic. Some parts of it would work as poetry as well.
Personally I'm not very fond of second person's view. I am not sure if this style of writing really adds anything that couldn't been accomplished in first or third person's view? But that's just because I don't like second person's view very much...
I like that you tell us about different times and different relationships of Remus's life. He is a complex character, and he had a difficult life.
Over all I think your fic is sad, but beautiful and filled with emotions. :-)Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! Yeah, second person narrator... I don't know about it either, but it was fun to write in, I think. I'm so happy you liked how I portrayed Remus - I always found him difficult to write - so complex and haunted... Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Oh, wow, that was so amazing! You write so well, and I was totally encompassed in the story the whole time. Definitely going on to my favorites. Great job, 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review :) It really made my day. Report Review
Wow. I loved this so much.. Freaking amazing.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Hi, it’s Char from the Forums here with your review! :)
I just have to say that I LOVE 2nd Person POV! It’s really such an interesting way to read a story and it’s an effective way of drawing the reader in if you do it right. I know that there are some people who are like “Ugh, 2nd Person POV” but not me! I’m all “Yeah!”
I’m loving everything so far. The snippets of a life, the bitterness and poetic soul that leaks through is wonderful to behold. Remus’ survivor guilt is evident and his longing is clear in the words.
I did get confused a little with this “Twelve years of hatred and then two of love”. Are we still talking about Remus and Sirius? There was no mention on hatred unless you are talking about when Sirius was thought to be a murderer and then Remus hating him for that time and then finding out he was OK and being happy about him. I think I just worked it out. :P
life [seeking] out of you in deep gushes of air - [seeping] would seem more the appropriate word
The moon and you are two elements merged together in a perfect union, never one without the other. - Wonderful. Loved this line. And then later how you compare Sirius to the moon and how the pull is the same for him as it is for the moon, that was a brilliant comparison to draw!
James. Awkward but good James. I loved how you portrayed him here.
OMG. The ending. The rush of words, Remus’ decision to die there and how he saw what he was doing as selfish rather than noble, it was beautifully done. How he’s affected by Tonks’ death though he wasn’t in love with her like he was with Sirius, it was just beautifully done.
I’m not a fan of slash but you did it tastefully and with real emotion playing out. I could especially connect with Remus (primarily because it’s from his POV) but I could also get a handle on Sirius’ character—he seemed not as emotionally involved but completely with Remus at the same time. He put out that aura of not needing anyone yet continued to exhibit a need in his actions.
I loved how you wrote this. Your style of writing is unique. The comparisons you draw, the descriptions and the sentence structure is interesting and held my attention throughout the whole story. You told a man’s life and love in just a short span of words and I admire that greatly.
xCharAuthor's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for your wonderful review.
I'm glad you got James, I really wanted to portray him as an awkward, slightly off character, but good-natured none the less.
Thank you so much for your wonderful words, I really wanted to show Sirius as he was: haughty, pureblood and dark. And Remus... Guilt-ridden, sad Remus. I'm so happy you understood that.
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Report Review
All I can say is WOW.
Your characterization is without a doubt perfect. You played right into Remus's insecurities and gave him an edge as well. Sirius can be a difficult character to get right, but you did it flawlessly. You gave him that air of mischief yet that shadow of a haughty pureblood status was still ever present in his voice. Like you said..."There is the hint of his usual drawl, the posh pureblood-drawl, which he has tried without success to be rid of." I thought that you characterized Tonks wonderfully too. Especially when she says..."Sometimes I just think – you - you’re difficult, Remus.”
I also really loved this line...
"One last Marauder, one last joker left in the game, yet it is no longer about foolish boyish trends that you used to think filled your lives."
It just seemed to grasp my attention right away.
The flow of your story was smooth and done amazingly well for writing it in second person. I did find one little typo(?) I believe so I wanted to point it out...
"still stand clear in you head."
I think you meant "your." I am not as good at picking up little things in second person so I maybe wrong, but again I wanted you to know about it.
Overall, I think this is top of the line slash done is a unique way. I could feel the emotions throughout the piece and it tied it all together even more.
Keep up the great writing! =)
P.s. I am going to be adding this to my favorites.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I'm pleased that you liked it, and that you picked up on the things I really wanted to portray; Sirius's haughtiness, Remus's insecurities and Tonk's confusion. Thank you for this wonderful review. I'm happy you'll be adding this to favorites as well. :) Report Review
This was really, really amazing.
I was seriously sitting here in shock afterward (tears streaming down my face) and thinking "Woah! What did I just read?"
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND SAD!
I loved it so much, because the writing was just so perfect and it caught you up in the whole world and the emotions... and... wow.
You should be so proud of writing something like this and! First slash?! *Bows down at your feet*
Adding to favourites!
Just HAD to tell you how much I loved it and how freaking amazing and talented you are.
-Kerryn xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review! Feel free to tell me what you think of my stories any time you like. Thank you so much for your review. Report Review
This was... amazing!! THANK YOU!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing. Report Review
Wow...that was good but really sad. I cried a little at the end. Remus and Sirius are my fav characters and my fav 'pair'.
Good job.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing - they are quite lovely, aren't they? Thank you. Report Review
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