Reading Reviews for The Prankster and The Prefect
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alicia and anne Black Markets and Falling In Love

15th August 2013:
I'm already shipping Hermione and George and it's only been one paragraph. :D

What is Ron hiding from her about George?

Ahh, George winked at her, he so wants to be with her, I can tell.

And now they're in the common room together, they can't hide their chemistry together!

Oh! So George is behind the black market? I should have guessed really, he is a Weasley twin.

Uh-oh a love potion has broken, this is only going to have good consequences! They both clearly fancy each other already.

YES! They kissed! This is so exciting!

Aww I like that Hermione was helping George out with the Black Market, he's already a bad influence on her. :P

I really enjoyed this, I can't wait to read more.

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Review #2, by MC_HK Black Markets and Falling In Love

13th August 2013:
Hello! Here with your review!

This is exciting! I've never read a Hermione/George before! I quite like it :) This is a great chapter. You've got some great descriptive elements, and you put plenty of emotion into your writing. I can practically feel what the characters are feeling. The last time of this is totally awesome, and I loved it!

I do think that there should be more interaction with George and Hermione before he whole kissing and everything. I think if you added in small bits of dialogue or added in a bit about how she fell into loving him, then it would aid in the flow of the story better. I kind of got the feeling that Hermione fell in love with George overnight. Just adding that little bit would make this chapter that much more better.

And I apologize in advance. My inner beta-reader got the better of me:

"he was neither was he a prefect nor was he invited" - This was probably due to a rewording during editing, and was left in (I do it all the time!) so maybe if this got reworded it would flow better.

"As the bell started to ring signalling curfew to the younger years or in Hermioneís case, the beginning of her meeting." - I think this would sound better if it was reworded to be something like, "The bell started ringing, signalling curfew to the younger years or in Hermione's case, the beginning of her meeting." Or at least something to that effect. You've started it out with an "as", so that threw me off a little.

I've noticed that you have a lot of repetitive words "although" and "however" being the bulk of them. If these could be changed, it would definitely help with the flow and ease of reading.

I spy a few run on sentences as well, so those could be broken up with either commas or periods. I've also seen some minor punctuation and spelling errors.

There are a couple areas where you mix up genders, like you use "he" instead of "she" or "his" instead of "her".

Overall, I love this! I definitely can't wait to read more, and I'm super excited for your re-request! MC_HK

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Review #3, by Lady of Tears Black Markets and Falling In Love

13th August 2013:
Hello dear! I'm here with your review!

I've seen that a quite a few other people have reviewed this chapter, so I'm going to try to highlight a few different things so you don't just get a repetition of things you already know about.

Right off the bat, Hermione and George as a couple have never crossed my mind. But now that they have, I can see how the pair of them together is quite addicting. I'm a big fan of AU stories and anything that helps us explore canon characters in a different light. So I was really glad I got to read something about the two of these together. I mean, the title says it all. Bravo for taking it on!

I enjoyed the depth of the world you brought us into. I thought there were a lot of things that were just so canon, and so naturally in the Potterverse that made me feel right at home. Examples include the prefects meeting, utilizing the setting of the castle interior, and creating a plot around the black market. I think it was a few lines in the books here and there that talked about it, and you made a whole story based on it. I thought that was brilliant.

The biggest thing that threw me off was what I would call the "sudden intensity" of the romance. I really could see how these characters could fall in love. But some of their reactions seemed so intense so fast that it removed some of the believeability.

For example, I can totally believe that Hermione and George would kiss. I could see it even being a bit passionate because George is, well, George. But, for me, it would have felt more real if it wasn't SO glamorized. Maybe Hermione jumps back, or can't breathe, and is a bit shy and embarrassed. Maybe George starts laughing because he can't believe what's happening.

Another thing that would help you with consistency was Hermione's emotional ping-ponging. While women do tend to change like light switches, I wanted Hermione to be a bit more consistent. She can question, doubt, change her mind, but it seemed she kept going from one extreme to the other.

But outside of that, I thought you really captured the essence of both Hermione and George. I thought it was quite real to see how George would loosen up Hermione like that. You paid attention to the details, and I saw everything you were describing very clearly. I actually really liked once we got inside of George's head. I thought you had a really good handling on his character and his reactions.

I hope that this helped, and you keep on going with this pairing, because I think it's really fun and different.

-Lady of Tears

Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you for getting to the review so quickly.

I like the idea of making this really in keeping with canon as I'm not a fan of things too AU so I wanted to try and have it as close to the storyline as possible incorperating real events in there too.

The sudden intensity was actually due to the Amortentia which had broken in the box. I will explain that clearer as it has been mentioned several times but the intensity is only due to this otherwise they both probably wouldn't be acting like this.

I will be putting more in to lessen the intensity. The idea about Hermione switching her mind so much is putting her in an unfamiliar situation and her not quite knowing how to deal with it.

I'm glad you liked it and I will definitely be making some changes!


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Review #4, by magnolia_magic Will you marry me?

9th August 2013:
Hi! I'm here from review tag! I've never read any of your work before, and I'm glad I picked this story as my first :) I actually really like the idea of Hermione paired with one of the twins, because I think they could complement each other really well. Just out of curiosity, what made you decide to pair her with George rather than Fred? I'd love to know your thought process behind that :)

I love the way you've interwoven this story with canon events. That can be difficult to do, but you did a great job of telling your story along with adding the details we all know and love from the books. The little mentions of Molly's wrath and the trio planning to leave are great ways to keep this unconventional pairing grounded in canon. It made for a really interesting read :)

I liked reading from Hermione's point of view, and I think you did a good job of keeping the tone of her thoughts realistic with what we know of her practical, serious side. George seemed very intense and not as jokester-y as I'm used to reading him; but then again, this is an incredibly stressful time for him, and he has a lot to think about. And I did really enjoy the moments with the twins together; you did a great job keeping the two of them lighthearted. Also, you put so much detail into each of their thought processes as the events happened, and I was so impressed with that depth!

I really enjoyed your take on this pairing! Keep up the good work!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Hey there :)

Thank you for reviewing this as it is my baby at the moment. I love the pairing of Hermione and George and I wish it was written about more often! My thought process for pairing her with George rather than Fred was because Fred is the less sensible one of the two. George was opposed to threatening Ludo Bagman where as Fred was all for it so I wanted to pair her with George as whilst they are still complete opposites they still have some matching qualities.

Canon for me is very important and I don't like writing things too OOC. i like making them believable and fit with the canon.

I have tried writing it in George's point of view but I relate a lot more to Hermione. She is leaving the man she loves in a most difficult time and the idea of maybe not seeing him again is one which I am intrigued at.

I do try to make George more jokestery but what we have to remember is that now he has moved out, has his own business and he's not the jokey person that he would have been in Hogwarts. He now has responsibilities and with all the turmoil thats going on around him, losing his brother, the girl he loved and then not knowing which members of his family are going to be alive at the end of it I really sympathise with him and didn't want to distract away with that.

I love love love writing the twins together. This is a happy time for Hermione and George and of course George is much more impulsive than Hermione so want's to share the news with his family and his twin as soon as possible.

I'm a sucker for description too so I like to include rather a lot of description to make their thought processes believable and to show that it isn't just some relationship that's been mushed together and haven't thought about. This relationship could work in the right world and I'm trying to show everyone else this world that it could work.

Thank you!


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Review #5, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Black Markets and Falling In Love

1st August 2013:
Hi! Elphaba here with your requested review. Hermione and George is definitely an unusual pairing, but I like the falling-for-her-friend's-older brother angle.

One thing you could do to improve your writing would be to use additional punctuation to break some of the longer sentences into more manageable bites. For example: "In all fairness it was common knowledge throughout Hogwarts that there was a Black Market with Firewhiskey, powdered dragon claw and anything else you could think of was readily available to anyone who asked around enough." I would put a period after "Market," and begin a new sentence with "Firewhiskey."

Also, watch out for words and phrases that you use repeatedly, such as "however." Can you think of other ways to get your point across? I sometimes make it a challenge to find alternatives to repeated words that turn up in my own writing.

To spice things up a bit, you could also replace some of the sentences that describe Hermione's thoughts and feelings with her internal monologue. For example: "She tried to brush it off as just him chatting however she was just rather curious as to where he'd disappeared too. She told herself that he was probably talking about Quidditch with Ron or Alicia, however curiosity soon took the better of her." These two sentences could be rewritten as: "'Now where has George run off to?' she wondered. She tried to shrug this thought off. 'No matter. He was probably only chatting with Ron about quidditch. Why should I care what he's up to, anyway?' Still, she couldn't quite shake her curiosity."

I do really like your description of the awakening that Hermione experiences in response to George. I can see why he would appeal to her over Ron, he thinks to hold the door for her, for one. :) Their relationship begins so sweetly, despite him being up to some illicit activities. I like the interior battle between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor potions of her mind; of course Gryffindor wins. ;)

To keep things interesting, it would be great to explore the tensions that develop as a result of their secret relationship. The story summary hints at troubles to come, which I think is a very good sign. Will they wake up in time to get back to their dormitories before anyone misses them? Will Ron notice that anything has changed? Will George be able to keep a secret from Fred?

I'll be moving on to Chapter Two to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

I do see what you mean about the long sentences. It is something I'm notorious for but maybe that's just as a result of reading so much Livy constantly! I will try to have a look and change some of the sentences to accommodate this! Also I know I overuse however and I do try to avoid it as much as I can!

For me I'm not a fan of internal monologue as its not really my style but thank you for the pointer.

Hermione does have an awakening and I think the love potion really helps towards the end as it gives her a lot of confidence!

As this is a short story collection the next scene is actually at Bill and Fleur's wedding but it will touch on a lot of the tensions that have been created through this and the problems they've faced.

Thank you so much!


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Review #6, by marauderfan Black Markets and Falling In Love

26th July 2013:
Hello! Here with your requested review.

So... Hermione and George. I have to admit I was a bit wary of this pairing at first but after reading this, I think I like this ship! ;) You've kept both of them very in character, generally, but they still make sense as a couple in the sort of opposites-attract way.

George is perfect. Yes he's a prankster but he has a soft side as well, and I've always thought he's much better than Ron is about thoughtful things like holding doors :P So I think you wrote him really well.

I like how Hermione is still really into upholding rules but at the same time sort of wants to rebel as well. Given that she started the DA, I think her fifth year was a bit more of a year of rebellion for her. And I like how you incorporated that short scene from OotP when Hermione tells the twins off for testing out their joke merchandise! One thing I'd be cautious of as you keep writing is to keep Hermione in character, because especially towards the end there it was moving kind of quickly, how they kissed and then suddenly Hermione wants to help with the black market. So the last couple of scenes weren't entirely believable to me - although it could just be the effects of the love potion why they're acting that way.

There are a couple of spelling and grammar issues throughout the chapter as well, but they're quite minor. Overall I think you did a good job on this!

Author's Response: Hello there,

Thank you for the review. I don't really know how this story came about but it was just one of them which developed as I used to love Hermione and Ron but now I love Hermione and George.

I love writing George. He is funny but loving and caring too.

Hermione is a really difficult character to write here as she is rebellious but at the same time trying not to give into her feelings too early. I must try to make it clearer that the love potion is what makes the relationship progress further so thank you for pointing that out to me!

Thank you very much!


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Review #7, by Geri Will you marry me?

8th July 2013:
I really love this its so cute
i can't wait to read more soon

Author's Response: I have a lot of ways to go with this story at the moment. I'm planning on having 5 chapters/ stories so I'm deciding on which is my next step and then I'll be back furiously writing!

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Review #8, by weasleytwinlover2011 Will you marry me?

7th July 2013:
Hey! Okay where do I start? Um... well firstly amazing banner, it's beautiful it really drew me to this story! But although it's the reason I came it's your absolutely brilliant writing I stayed for!
I mean wow! You are by far one of the most talented writers I've ever had the pleasure of reading the work of! This story has such a unique plot and it's simply fantastic! You have perfected the characters and everything about your writing just flows and keeps me interested right up to the last word! You write every moment in so much depth and it really brings it all to life and it just makes this perfect, clear image which a lot of other stories don't really do! So basically what I'm trying to say is excellent work I just felt I had to ramble on for a few lines before actually stating that so by the end of this review you will probably be wishing I would just shut up and stop talking, or typing complete nonsense!
I really do love the pairing! I think they are such a cute couple and this story has only proved to make me like them even more. The way you have written their relationship and then their individual relationships with everyone else is amazing and it really adds to the story! I also really think that it's great the way you portray Hermione and George's relationship as being so cute but you also show so much about it in a way that makes it like a real couple rather than a fairytale couple if you know what I mean!
This chapter was so sweet. I loved the flow and changing of emotions through out it and I don't think I actually blinked or breathed whilst reading! Everything from the proposal to small exchanges between them in this chapter just kept building up their relationship and for me I really think it was just greatness!
Brilliant work with the story so far! I cannot wait to read more! You are an extremely talented writer and you should be ridiculously proud of this story! Please update soon! Jenna :)

Author's Response: Thank you hun!

I adore my banner too. It suits the story perfectly with the light and fluffiness as well as some of the darker layers for the darker and sadder areas of the story so I truly think that the designed captured the essence of the story.

Thank you for saying I have talent. I'm not very secure in my writing because I always feel as if I'm rambling and as if people will hate it but its nice to have reassurance.

They are quickly becoming one of my favourite pairings. Their cuteness is completely perfect and I've had to work really hard to make sure Hermione doesn't lose character as I think its very easy to see George the romantic but I don't think its as easy to see Hermione in more of a provocative role. I do like having the reality of a relationship in the story as I think too much fairytale is hard.

I'm glad you liked it! The proposal was actually something that I added in on a whim. It wasn't planned so I like the fact it crept in!


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Review #9, by HallowsAndHorcruxes Black Markets and Falling In Love

22nd June 2012:
I like they way that you built it all up allowing things to click into place one by one and not just starting the obivious. It is indeed an interesting pairing and I think it shows a different side to both their characters which is nice to see rather than just what the books tell us. I like seeing other people's spins on the characters.

The detail is quite good letting me visualise things in the scene to get a better sense of what it happen and going on around them. Overall a good chapater so keep up the good work.

Author's Response: I love this pairing! I just think it is something interesting to explore since JKR has said it was very nearly canon!

I liked the fact you liked the detail. Detail is something which I tended to struggle with when I was a new writer so I include so much of it now! Thanks for the review


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Review #10, by Keira7794 Black Markets and Falling In Love

8th May 2012:
Hello :)

Ooh a Hermione/George! I usually ignore this pairing at all costs because although part of me thinks they'd make such a cute couple - my love for Ron is too strong! Haha - but you've really shown the positive attributes of this pairing really well.

You've really caught Hermione's strong personality with her desire to do good and follow the rules mixed with the usual teenage angst of worrying what others think of her. You've shown a different side of her and I love how when she doesn't know what to do or how she really feels, Hermione will explode with anger instead - this is very much like the Hermione from the books!

My only slight confusion was over the 'silently agreeing of not telling anyone but Ginny and Fred'. Obviously Fred and George are twins and would tell each other everything, but Ginny seems a slightly odd choice. To me, Ginny is one of Hermione's friends and they are close in the holidays due to lack of other female company but I wouldn't have seen them as confidents at this stage - but that's just me and my awkward view! :P Though perhaps some description of Ginny and Hermione's relationship would fit really well?

Your beginning is brilliant and overall your entire chapter is very believable, though after the kiss things seem to speed up very quickly. Of course, some relationships just spark from the beginning but Hermione has always seemed a little more reserved and I found her helping with the black-market a little ...stretched? But once again that's just my head canon getting in the way! :P

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and am looking forward to reading more of Hermione and George's adventures. :)

Keira :)

Author's Response: Hello!

To me they sort of are an extremely cute couple which is why I like them and it was very nearly canon according to JK but I do love Ron too!

Hermione is a hard character to write especially because of her inner conflicts. I try to make her believable but at the same time she doesn't know how to react herself about it.

The thing about telling Ginny and Fred is sort of hard to explain but it is seriously needed within the rest but I will try and go back and explain it all. Ginny is a very influential character within this story and she sort of needs to be included within this!

I'm really glad you liked it and I know it does move a little quickly but in a way I tried to make Hermione let loose a little bit and of course she will need to be a little bit stretched to make it work completely


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Review #11, by Kwan Black Markets and Falling In Love

10th April 2012:
Hi there! Tagging from the review thread.

Let me get the grammar things out of the way first. They're my least favorite part.

You frequently use however to draw contrast...however ;)...I think you used it a bit too much and it became a distraction. Commas should also be placed around however, but honestly it's just a syntactic thing more than anything. Much like how we find different words for 'said', you shouldn't use however as your main point of showing contrast.

There were also a few moments when I thought you were either missing a word or inserted a repeated word. Nothing big, more a typo than anything, but just in case you didn't see it before.

"It confused her because he was neither was he a prefect nor was he invited (well she didnít know that for sure but come on, it was George Weasley)"

I think you added an extra 'was.'

There were other areas where you didn't insert a comma after a preposition or used a comma when it wasn't necessary. The sentence structure can be confusing and I ended up reading a few of them back to me when I couldn't figure out what you were trying to say.

"Although she knew it was probably nothing there was just something that intrigued Hermione about the situation."

There should be a comma after nothing.

"In all fairness it was common knowledge throughout Hogwarts that there was a Black Market..."

There should be a comma after fairness.

"Walking back from her verbal (nearly uncalled for) attack she felt upset with herself."

There should be a comma after attack.

It's strange because you do it correctly at some points and then you omit it at other points. I think it was more the inconsistency that bothered me, but it's not something that is really a bother. Just something you should keep an eye on.

There are other areas where you rely on run-on sentences when the sentence can be restructured to look stronger. For example,

"This hadnít been taught in lessons or books, how to overcome emotions, and she didnít know how she was going to cope with it."

It would be stronger as...

"Overcoming emotions hadn't been taught in books and she didn't know how she was going to cope with it."

It's cleaner and not as unsteady as having commas all over the place.

There are other areas like that, but I think it's just something you'll improve on as you keep writing. I just thought I'd point it out in case no one else had flagged you over it.

Finallly, onto the story.

I think it's an interesting pairing and one that's always held merit in my eyes. Hermione's struck me as someone who needed an older, mature person and George, although a prankster, has certainly proved himself as a shrewd businessman.

Her internal conflict over her appearance towards other people is a believable conflict a girl like Hermione would have. Thus, turning towards George, an invariable opposite, would be a logical step for her and Hermione, if anything, is a logical person.

The interplay between the two was well written and I think the story really started to flow when she discovered him after berating him earlier. You write their brief interlude very well and I appreciate the little nods to their characters (Hermione saying she's jotting down all the names and George - I'll sort everything about tomorrow. Very guy-like).

All in all, a cute story with strong characterizations. The grammar could use some work, but it's more inconsistency than it is lack of understanding.

Author's Response: Thank you for the excessively long review! I am sort of in the middle of doing an edit for this so I will be sure to add some of your points.

My grammar is sort of a problem but I'm sending this to a beta so hopefully it won't be as bad once she sends it back :) I have a lot of problems with grammar in general so I am trying to sort my commas out!

I love the pairing of George and Hermione in general because I agree that he is a business man.

I'm glad you think it was believable and worked. I love characterising them :D

Thank you for the review


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Review #12, by AJPotter Black Markets and Falling In Love

9th April 2012:
I can't wait for the next chapter. I love this story so far. There aren't any mistakes.

Great story, Keep it up,

AJPotter

Author's Response: Hey thank you for your review!

The next chapter will be up soon!


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Review #13, by ariellem Black Markets and Falling In Love

6th April 2012:
Hello! This was very cute, I think you did both of them quite a bit of justice, I can definitively see George running the black market, however I think you may want to be a little careful when writing Hermione, just to make sure she stays enough in canon. :)

Thanks for swapping with me!

Author's Response: Hey :)

I'm glad you thought this was cute and did them justice! The idea of George running the black market was actually one from my friends but I liked it.

Hermione is a difficult character to write in this but I think I tried to keep her in canon as much as I could!


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Review #14, by Siriusly3 Black Markets and Falling In Love

3rd April 2012:
Hi, here from review swap.
Aww, I don't usually go for non-canon pairings but I thought this one was really cute :') I quite liked how you've made Hermione not so stuck-up but be careful it doesn't become OCC. Also, is the love potion still working on them both when they fall asleep?
I really liked this chapter and am looking forward to the next :) You've made George really sweet and he was always the sweeter twin. Where's Fred btw? Dead, or not working that night?
Anyway, maybe I'm just being slow! Haha, great story!

Author's Response: Hey :)

Thank you so much for your review!

I'm glad you liked this was cute! It won't become too OOC because as she gets older she wil change quite a lot and because of that then she will seem to have changed gradually and not become too OOC.

The love potion is working on them to some extent but to some other extent she doesn actually like him so I think yes, but it isn't the main reason they fall asleep together.

I'm glad you're looking forward to it! And Fred just isn't working, he isn't dead yet!


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Review #15, by SexyDoorFrames Black Markets and Falling In Love

25th March 2012:
Hey :)

I love reading about Hermione and George as I find them a sweet ship and I really liked this. I adore the characters and it's always interesting to see what people do with them. You can see that Hermione trusts George a lot. The flow was perfect, it was smooth and I couldn't pick up on any errors as I was reading this. I adored your description as well, it was great. And the characterization is really good as well.

In all, I really enjoyed this, so thanks for a wonderful review swap.

Author's Response: Hey :)

Thank you for the review. I love the Hermione/George ship too so I'm glad you liked it! I always think that Hermione would trust George a lot mainly because they've known each other for how many years and whilst George is a prankster through and through, hermione also knows he doesn't mean any harm by what he does!

I'm glad you liked the description and the characterisation!


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Review #16, by elephant828 Black Markets and Falling In Love

19th March 2012:
I review as I go along, so any comments about your story as a whole will come after I adress things like sentence flow and any stand-out grammatical errors. :)

At the beginning of the chapter, I've noticed that you're using 'however' as an aside. This flows nicely with the writing, but you should place commas around it.

"But Hermione already knew that he was lying however Professor McGonagall chose that moment to sweep into the room, officially calling the meeting to order, preventing Hermione from pursuing the matter further." This is a bit of a run-on sentence. As you said you were concerned with the length, I think it would be okay if you just got rid of the words 'officially calling the meeting to order'. I don't think any meaning would be lost without this. :)

"She went through the mental list of who she spoke to and tried to second guess what they thought about her, especially people that didnít know her that well but she felt herself lingering over George in particular." You should put a comma after 'well' in order to clarify the sentence's meaning.

"she was overcame with anger which she couldnít control" I think you mean 'overcome' :)

"The actions she took next stunned even herself, with her not believing she had actually got that amount of anger built up inside her. Storming over to George in the corner, she snatched the bag he was holding out to first years before berating him about his immaturity and irresponsibility" I think you should go into more detail here. It would be great to see some of their interaction and to see George's reaction to her verbal abuse.

"As she approached further, she noticed that he had put his hands out in an attempt to guard what was behind his back. He looked flustered and had that same Weasley blush, Ron always had when he was embarrassed or trying to hide something. George looked somewhat like a five year old whoíd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar." I like your characterization of George here. You stay very true to character, which is a difficult thing to do when you're trying to distiguish George from Fred. :D

"throwing his head into an armchair whilst holding his head in his hands, groaning loudly." This is worded oddly and is kind of confusing.

"She rolled his eyes at his lack of forward planning." I think it should be 'She rolled her eyes'

"George looked confused at her sudden change in behaviour and wondered for a moment whether she had swallowed the Essence of Insanity hidden in one of the boxes somewhere." On a side note, the bit about the Essence of Insanity made me chuckle. :) It was a very George-y statement.

"She liked his touch and the way his fingers just caressed her scalp, making her feel relaxed and comfortable around the guy that was her best friendís brother." I would change the part at the end of the sentence about George being Hermione's best friend's brother. I'd like to think that she wouldn't be thinking about Ron while kissing George. ;)

"Peeves seemed to be floating around on the astronomy tower but neither of them even wanted to imagine what he was doing. Probably leaving a trail of destruction in his path for Filch to have to tidy up and moan about in the morning." You included Peeves! You have no idea how excited that makes me. :) He's always neglected in Fanfiction.

The whole chapter was very cute. Hermione/George is always an interesting read. I liked your idea that Hermione would even give up her no-rule-breaking lifestyle for George. :)

Keep Writing!

-Kristen

Author's Response: WOW! Thank you so much for such a long review and getting to my request so quickly!

My over use of the word however... I really really need to stop using it as much! Thank you for pointing it out, at least now I know people do notice it!

Your comments will be so helpful when I have change to edit this!

Hermione's verbal outburst to George is actually canon so I couldn't expand on that without going over the three line rule which really really sucked otherwise I would have expanded more about the reaction ect.

I have a clear distinction in my mind about the characters of Fred and George and I tried to show this in here. So I'm glad you liked it!

Peeves is a star! I have got half of a story written about him so let me know if you want to read it when it's up!

I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #17, by watchoutfornargles Black Markets and Falling In Love

19th March 2012:
Hi :) I was thinking maybe you could change this line "Well thatís what McGonagallís letter said anyway. " to "Well, at least thats what McGonagall's letter made it seem like." or something like that. Also, I was thinking you should split up the sentence "But Hermione already knew that he was lying however Professor McGonagall..." into "But Hermione already knew he was lying. However, Professor McGonagall..." Okay, enough with grammar :P (I'm a grammar nazi)
Hermione's outburst was kind of completely uncalled for, almost to the point that it didn't make sense. Maybe you could have George actually do something to provoke her? I think it moved a bit quick, Hermione just started to like George, she suddenly smells him in Amortentia, then they kiss?

BUT overall good job with Hermione/George. It's a hard ship to do.

Author's Response: Hey :)

Thank you for the review.

I will be sure to get some editing done with this. Hermione's outburst is actually canon! People have been saying that to me and I'm like I know but it's canon! I may have to rewrite it a little bit.

It did move a little bit quick but at the same time I really didn't want this to be too long!


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Review #18, by HappyMollyWeasley Black Markets and Falling In Love

19th March 2012:
I haven't read much Hermione/George before, but I think I could grow to like this pairing. Both Hermione and George are characters I love.

I think that you have done a great work of letting us know the thoughts and feelings of Hermione, for example how she sometimes hides that she thinks something is funny, just because she feels that she is supposed to do so. When she doesn't know how to react she explodes with anger instead. That is very much like her.

I was a bit confused about the part when they silently agreed of not telling anyone but Ginny and Fred. I can understand why George would tell Fred, as they are twins and maybe share everything, but Ginny? Maybe you could add something about how close Hermione and Ginny are to tell each other things like that?

I think that the first part of your chapter is really believable, but after the kiss things are happening too fast. I don't believe that Hermione would accept the black market business that easy, neither that she would agree to sleep in the same bed as a boy this early in a relationship (unless, maybe, if there had been a lot of build up before, and maybe if she was older). Personally I would have wanted her to go back to her own room after the kiss, and then let them meet a few days later.

It will be interesting to see where you're taking this story from now, how they are going to interact the next day, and if this secrecy is going to work out. I would love to read the rest of this fic!

Author's Response: Hey :) Thank you so much for the review.

Hermione and George were a pairing I stumbled upon quite on accident when I thought I was reading a George and Angelina story! So I'm glad you might grow to love it because I most definitely do!

I'm glad you thought my beginning bits of showing how Hermione felt. She is a very complex character to write personally!

The silently agreeing to tell the others is vitally important in the next chapters because of the stories that are to come. I was sort of *hoping* that it wouldn't stand out too much but maybe I may need to clarify some things. But honestly there is a lot to be gained from having her tell Ginny!

After the kiss, I thought things needed to be moved on a little bit. Personally I do think by fifth year she would accept the Black Market quite readily because she's already become quite a rebel within the stories and she doesn't seem very concerned within the books about breaking the rules.

The idea of her sleeping with George just shows how much she already trusts him and is sometimes sick of the standards she feels like she has to uphold. She is letting go a little bit and nothing is happening with George then, it's harmless and all they're doing is sleeping which doesn't make it as bad.

This story will become my little baby soon as soon as I've finished one of my other WIP's so when it's up I will be sure to rerequest you!


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Review #19, by ScorpiusRose17 Black Markets and Falling In Love

19th March 2012:
I just wanted to start off with saying how impressed I am with your chapter.

The way you have them characterized is great. I think that they stay true to their characters, but give it alittle twist as well. I can definitely see Hermione breaking the rules, especially in her 5th year.

Flow of the story was smooth and kept a good pace. I don't think you lost anything with it being a longer piece. I found the length of the story more of a benefit then anything else. You were able to take your time and fully tell it. Not rush through and leave out minor details that would help the readers.

For example your description and characterization. They really made your story much more believable because we all know what George and Hermione are like and they acted the way we would expect them to, but again with a twist. The description made your story more vivid to the imagination so when you put the two things together, they complimented one another quite nicely.

I did notice one sentence at the begining that was a bit confusing to me even after I read it out loud...

"It confused her because he was neither was he a prefect nor was he invited"

I figured you might want to review that.

Overall, I really thought that this story was great and it made me have to see things outside of the box instead of the normal Ron/Hermione. So I thought that was a wonderful treat. I also think you kept the story true to the way you wanted it told.

Keep up the great work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hey thank you so much for your long review!

I'm glad you think I characterised them well. That was one of my main worries when posting it because there are so many avid Ron/Hermione shippers and sometimes I am just not one of them! Hermione to me is a little bit of a rebel in fifth year and in that over I can see her changing very quickly particularly after Voldermort returned in GOF. If you've ever seen LovlyRita's drawing of 'Black Leather Pants Hermione,' that's my Hermione!

I felt because this is going to be a short story collection that I could afford to make it a longer piece. I liked the pace I was going ad whilst at times it was a little bit gruelling to go over and edit it I really thought it was worth it so I'm glad you did too!!!

Yay I love compliments about my characterisation and my description! They are the things I most stuggle on and have been working so hard to try and make them better because I feel that I'm not doing the character justice if the piece isn't 'just right'.

That sentence is confusing isn't it... *Finds editing glasses!* I shall go and sort it out now thank you for pointing it out!



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Review #20, by starryskies55 Black Markets and Falling In Love

18th March 2012:
N'awhhh, Hermione/George is so cute :D

Your Hermione is very canon, and the scene you described was in the books, wasn't it? I'll never be able to read that bit again with out thinking 'and then George and Hermione made out'. :D

It was all very cute and fluffy, although I think George and Hermione got together very quickly.

I loved this line: 'sending shudders into the very foundations of Hogwarts'. Great!

Overall, very well-written and I really liked this!

Author's Response: Hey :)

I'm glad you like Hermione/George. It is one of my favourite pairings and just wanted to try and do it justice! The scene was in the books and I wish I could have expanded more about that scene but at the same time I didn't want to go over the three line rule!

Hermione and George got together quickly because frakly it fitted well with the story whether it was a little OOC but by fifth year I think Hermione would have been a little more daring, prepared to take risks and chances!

Thank you for the review!


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Review #21, by dracomons3ter10 Black Markets and Falling In Love

12th March 2012:
great start =]! please go on!

Author's Response: Hey :)

Thank you for the review! The next installment will be up soon! Well as soon as I've typed it up on my computer!


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