You have to finish it please! I love this story which is odd for me cause I have never liked harry/hermione before but I really like this story! Please update soon!!!Author's Response: thank you for the review. I am not sure where this story is going to be truthful, but I do hope to finish it one day. Report Review
Wow, this first chapter is so packed with imagery. You described the process of the cold slowly killing her so well that it was actually frightening. I just wanted to pick Hermione up and cuddle her into a blanket.
She maintains such a logical state of mind for most of it, and that's so Hermione. Even the end, not wanting to put those kinds of thoughts into reality just makes everything in me want to tell her that she's dying. She needs to get up, the cold's killing her.
Anyway, I think the most important thing for a first chapter is interest, whether or not it can captivate a reader. This did. It completely stole every ounce of my attention. I definitely plan on continuing when I get more time! If I don't get back her in the next few day, I'd love for you to post a request in my review thread so then I can make time to continue! If you'd rather not, just know you'll see me soon or later for chapter 2 ;)!
Thanks for the lovely read, and thank you for being a great Gryffie and reviewing for the podcast!
JamiAuthor's Response: Descriptions and imagery tend to be my strong points. Grammar, dialogue, and pacing tend to be the areas in which I have to make an effort to be aware of. I find that writing Hermione's character is very easy for me, because she is a lot like myself. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to review my story. I will be sure to request more chapters when the house cup is over. Thank you again. Report Review
Wow angel is good. Update soon please 9/10 : )Author's Response: Thank you. chapter 6 should be coming soon. Report Review
I kind of want hermione with angel 9/10 : )Author's Response: You never know, we are still quite new into the story it could happen. One just has to keep reading to find out. Report Review
This is great 9/10 : )Author's Response: Thank you
This story is so unique. 9.5/10 : )Author's Response: I do try to give the readers something new that they haven't read before. Report Review
This was a brilliant first chapter. The way you described everything was amazing 9/10 : )Author's Response: Thank you. Report Review
Woah! I never added this to my favorites. How silly of me! I can't believe this has been updated and I missed it. Good thing I'm here now.
She's beautiful, Hermione thought. I mean, I am, she corrected herself.
^ THANK YOU. I bow down to you, okay? I always have a...well, it annoys me to no end when people suddenly make Hermione this amazingly attractive person or give her a make over and they never even think about her insecurities. Does she still feel like the same Hermione? Does she look in the mirror and see herself? Does she really think she's beautiful? I'm really glad you added that thought in the story. Gave it something different that no one else does.
So, here it is...Angel is evil. He is, isn't him? I'm right, aren't I? He's a 'dark' angel or whatever they call them. He's an angel gone rouge.
I have never disliked Ginny so much in a story. How evil. I figured she was the one spreading rumors but man, she really packed a punch at the end. Dean? Poor Harry but he's really no better than her for making moves on Hermione.
I like how Susan knew and not only Angel. It shows that there are other people besides Angel that have Hermione's back. She seems to be 'all knowing.' That could help Hermione in the future, how? I don't exactly know.
Either way this was an amazing chapter. I'm really excited about what's going to happen next.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. It made my morning. Hermione is my favorite character to write because she reminds me a lot of myself. I was very much the book worm know it all in school and I will admit I still kinda am in college.
With this story I was trying to show that Hermione was always beautiful to those around her, but she just couldn't see it. The only real thing Angel did was change her hair a little bit and try some new clothes. I wanted to show it was more getting her to see it than everyone else. I just wasn't sure anyone else was able to pick up on it.
I am working on chapter 6 so it should be up in the next few weeks.Thank you again for reading. Report Review
Wow, wow, wow.
I'm taking a moment to process everything that just happened here. Angel is evil. That's my first, major, overarching reaction to everything I've read so far. Angel is evil and he's maneuvering Harry and Hermione together for nefarious purposes that will become clear as the story moves forward. Or -- and this is my dark horse theory -- Hermione is really losing her mind and her magic is getting out of her control and Angel is just a hallucination. But I'm leaning more towards my first theory.
Anyway, I really liked the way you wrote the scene in the Three Broomsticks. I thought your descriptions were great. You drew out a lot of interesting little details that made the scene very easy to visualize and connect with. I loved the way you brought in Harry, the magnificent defender of all! Or at least that's the way that Hermione sees him. Your portrayal of him is really different from what I'm used to reading. Seeing him finally act as a not-so-reluctant hero is kind of refreshing, even if it is a bit out of character.
I'm trying to place the exploding window in context with what happened in the hospital wing. In both cases, Hermione was just appreciating Harry in some way. Mostly his eyes, it seems. And then, bang, a large piece of glass breaks somewhere nearby. I'm going to file that away for future consideration.
Hey, you decided to do something neat with Susan! Bravo! You know I just can't resist Susan in a good fic. "Shut up and listen to her, kid. This one is a smart cookie." Well, at least Angel and I agree on that much. ;)
And then we come to Hermione's confrontation with Ginny. Here, I can't help but feel like Angel set Ginny up. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's exactly how it seems to me. He has certainly demonstrated the capability. Ginny's reasoning for her jealousy of Hermione felt a little thin to me. I felt like she would have been a little more concerned about whether Hermione was OK and a little less worried about whether Hermione's sudden change in appearance was an attempt to steal Harry. I'm not saying that Ginny couldn't have gotten there, it just seemed like she made the leap pretty fast. Again, maybe Angel has been planting suspicions all around.
A couple of small things that I noticed: "Grimmauld’s place" should be "Grimmauld Place". Shortly after that, "People who are good at spreading rumors can be a two-edged sword." - There's something not right about this sentence. "People" aren't really a two-edged sword, but the practice of spreading rumors certainly is.
And when Harry appears in the doorway... Wow. I just froze were I was sitting. I felt like I had been caught doing something wrong just because I was reading this. That was brilliantly done.
This was a terrific chapter. You're doing really great things with this story, and I look forward to more!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I look forward to every review that you give to one of my chapters because you really get into the story which is what I was going for. I really try to do my best to create a story in which the reader can just fall into because those are the stories that I love to read myself.
Of course I can not tell you whether or not your theories are correct or not because then I would be spoiling the rest of the story. Thank you for pointing out those grammar issues I will be sure to check into those and fix them as soon as possible.
I figure having Harry appear at the end would be a great twist, so I am glad you thought it was as well. I am already working on chapter 6 and hope to have it done soon. Report Review
YES! YES! YES! Take THAT Ginevra! (I HATE Ginny/Harry shippers, thank you for making Harry find out so awesome.) Please update soon and I hope it ends up to be a Harry/Hermione ship! 100/10 for the empty classroom scene from me ;p (the 100/10 isn't a typo by the way, it's intentional.)Author's Response: Thank you for the review, it made my day. You are just going to have to keep reading to find out whether harry and Hermione end up together. I am so glad to see that you liked the empty classroom scene I had a lot of fun writing it. Report Review
Keep it going, please. This is good reading and I'm enjoying it a lot.Author's Response: Thank you, now that college is out for the summer I hope to get more chapters written and quicker. Report Review
You did a very fantastic job, chapter five was well worth waiting for. I actually did an involuntary Oooo your in trouble sound at the end >< So embaressing lol. I look forward to chapter six.
Hope you are doing wellAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the review. Report Review
This chapter was really captivating. I loved all of your descriptions. They were so rich with detail and nuance. The near-kiss between Harry and Hermione was electrifying to read.
This chapter only made me more suspicious of Angel and his true intentions. The way that he's trying so hard to steer her towards Harry is probably the biggest tip. May I speculate wildly for a moment? Thanks! I'm suspecting that Angel is actually out to get Harry. Whether he's some sort of Death Eater or some lingering bit of Voldemort's soul, I have no idea. But he seems determined to get Hermione together with Harry, and since I don't trust him I can only assume that he's doing this to cause either or both of them harm. He's already shown that he is willing to put Hermione in danger to achieve his ends and that he's willing to manipulate her emotionally. OK, I'm done speculating. It's on the record. Can't wait to see whether I'm right or not...
So you've taken Ron completely out of the picture, at least for the time being? That certainly clears the way, and Angel seems to perhaps know something about it.
I can't say enough about the private encounter between Harry and Hermione. I've read a fair bit of your writing, and I think it's the single most engrossing thing of yours that I've read. I just felt lost in the moment. It was so easy to put myself in either of their positions, and relate to the energy and the awkwardness that they were feeling. It was really neat to hear Harry say those things to Hermione, since I don't think it could ever happen in a canon story.
And then they both comes to their senses and remember Ginny. It's nice to see that neither one of them has completely succumbed to what Angel is planning. Hermione's feelings about Angel (Hermione couldn’t push away that feeling that he was mad at her, or at least surprised, as if something unexpected had happened) only reinforce my suspicions.
So I don't know. Maybe Angel turns out to be this really great guy by the end of the story and boy, am I going to feel silly. But for now, I'm thinking there's way more than meets the eye here. Update soon!Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review. I enjoy reading each of your reviews. They remind me of the kind of reviews I leave you where I speculate on who the dark lady is and what I think will happen next. It is nice to know that I have captivated your attention so much. I am also glad that you liked the Hermione and Harry scene, I was worried that it might have moved too quickly.
I hope to have chapter 5 in the queue before the end of the weekend, so it should be up for view by next week at the latest. Report Review
I now have a very weird feeling about Angel. There was something about the way he asked her to cut her hair, then almost seemed to withhold this positive energy that Hermione seems to enjoy so much. He all but threatens her. Very uneasy feeling.
I liked the way you wrote his reappearance. The idea of him appearing in a blinding column of light fit well with the narrative you've laid out up to this point. Then he resumes his approachable if excessively hot appearance, and Hermione is once again smitten with him.
He seems to have easy access to her deepest desires. For whatever reason, I'm not readily buying the notion of him being her special guarding angel.
The most telling thing, to me, was the way he sort of artfully dodged the question of the missing child. I feel very suspicious. At the same time, I get the impression that Hermione is about to get so caught up in her new, divinely smiled-upon life that it might slip her mind for a while. Sorry, just reading ahead in my own imagination.
For 2,100 words, that read really fast. Once again, your writing was flawless. It's pretty close to bedtime, but I'll try to finish the published chapters tomorrow if time permits.Author's Response: I was a bit worried that readers wouldn't be able to pick up on those subtle strange feelings I was trying to get off Angel, but I am glad that you were able to pick up on them.
Reading ahead in your own imagination isn't a bad thing I just hope I am able to live up to your expectations. I am glad that you enjoyed the story and hope that you continue reading once I get chapter 5 up.
Thank you again for the wonderful review. Report Review
I hadn't realized that you had updated this. Fortunately, it's on the list for the Reviewing Competition, so here I am!
I liked what you did with Angel. You find the most interesting pairing for Hermione: first an ancient magical warrior trapped in an enchanted mirror and now this. Angel seems like the personification of a man that she would find mesmerizing, which fits very well with the notion of some form of divine intervention.
So it wasn't Hermione's time yet. Combine that with the mysterious, disappearing lost child and you're definitely set things up well for some sort of supernatural or insidious influence at work here. Then she tumbles back to the real world and, after guiding her to safety, he's gone. Replaced by Harry, who Hermione clearly has some unrequited attraction to. I'm very interested to see what comes of this search of the woods that the teachers are conducting...
Lastly, we have the mysterious breaking of the mirror. Hmmnn... What could be going on there?
There's not a whole lot of constructive criticism I can offer for this chapter. Everything was very nicely written. No typos or grammar problems that I could find. Let's read some more, shall we?Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I do seem to have a nack for writing unsual Hermione pairings it would seem. I just figure that with all the stories on the forum that I would try something that I haven't seen before. I am hoping to have chapter 5 finished and in the queue by this weekend, I have been distracted by Dark Mirror.
Keep the mirror in mind it is important for later, as well as the crying child.
I am glad you enjoyed the story and hope that I continue to keep your attention as the chapters progress. Report Review
Brilliant. Brilliant. Just Brilliant!
Wow. Really I'm lost for words. It felt like... watching an amazing movie, this first chapter. Right from your first line (which reminded me of The Lovely Bones)
Hermione Granger didn't meant to die that day.
fantastic line. It caught my attention immediately and you didn't let go till the last word. I don't like the thought of Hermione dying particularly but your story is so intriguing.
You know at first I was almost sure the crying was some dark creature luring her to it like a Hinkypunk or something...
It was just surreal how well you described every single detail. I could visualise everything. EVERYTHING.
Young Hermione with ice latching onto her fringe of hair and her eyelashes. *shudder* It was so real!
Amazing! Cant wait to read on. Well done!Author's Response: I am so glad that I was able to catch your interest with this story. To be truthful I have never read nor seen the lovely bones though I hear it was really good. The details of the forest creek came literally from my best friends back yard. Though I had to imagine what it would like with snow since we don't get much snow here where I live.
Thank you again for the wonderful review and I hope you continue to enjoy. Report Review
I've just read the first four chapters. It's an interesting concept and I am sure it's going to be a great story. It's now on my favourites list.
You've drawn Hermione very well especially her loyalty to Ginny.
I look forward to chapter 5.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and the support. I hope to have the next chapter written and up as soon as possible. Report Review
Again, I'm intrigued. Angel seems to be a bit overprotective or must have some deeper feelings for Hermione which i don't find strange at all because if he's her Angel then he'd have to have a connection with her.
But there's a part of me that thinks maybe Angel isn't good. But I can't explain that part of me.
The almost kiss between Hermione and Harry seemed a bit too quick for my liking. Even though he pulled away it seems like it shouldn't have happened just because she went through this magical transformation with her hair and clothing/make-up because Harry really isn't that type of guy and Hermione really isn't that type of girl that steals boyfriends.
Oh, will we learn why Ron left? Because there seems to be a story there.
Should be: Creevy
"Did the find a kid?"
^ 'the' should be 'they'Author's Response: Thank you so much for pointing out those grammar mistakes, I didn't even realize I had made them. I will be sure to get them fixed as soon as possible. You have a good point about the almost kiss, I was worried that it was a bit too soon, but at the same time I wanted to show a bit of a new connection forming between the two. I might have to go back and rethink that particular scene. There is a story behind the reason Ron left and again it is one of those back stories that will be coming up within the next few chapters. I am glad that you were able to pick up those subtle not good feelings about Angel, those will be important as the story goes. Report Review
This is such an interesting story! Angel is very amusing. He has this very easy sense of humor and is laid back but does seem to have this overall great power and presence about him that does make you want to do what he says. I find myself sitting forward whenever you start to describe him and then I get eager to hear what he has to say.
There seems to be a background story about the kid that Hermione was trying to save. I wonder if there was an actual person or if it was her imagination. Or even him trying to contact her and it didn't go all too well.
You know this reminds me a bit of a story I read once, it's the Mediator series...by the author of the Princess Diaries...I think. Well, it wasn't a guardian angel but a ghost but that doesn't really have anything to do with this. It's a good series if you're a teen!Author's Response: I am so glad that you were able to have that kind of effect from my Angel character. I wanted him to be quite trusting and magnetic in nature because that will come in handy as the story goes along. There is a story behind the kid she heard in the forest and as the story goes along you will get more pieces to that story. I never heard of the mediator series, but now that you have mentioned it I might have to go check it out.
Thank you again for the review. Report Review
Second chapter and I'm still in awe of this story. So, I'm kind of thinking Hermione wasn't supposed to die but since she chose to come back to life that maybe because she did die she might die again, sooner rather than later because she has kind of messed with the 'universe.'
Or am I off?
Just seems like she has awful luck, especially with that mirror business.
Oh! This part, I actually felt warmth, like Hermione, when I read this:
"Just call me Angel."
The description of 'Angel' was magnificent. I could really create an image in my head for me to see and I won't lie, I'll probably carry that image into my dreams tonight and maybe I won't have any nightmares. It was the way that you described him that made him sound so comforting.
By the way:
Headmistress is one word.Author's Response: Thank you for pointing out the Headmistress thing, I didn't even realize I had put a space between it. I will be sure to fix that as soon as possible. I really liked describing Angel, he is an interesting oc. No need to worry about a Final Destination type plot, for the most part she isn't going to be dying again any time soon. Keep the mirror thing in mind for later, there is something very important about the mirror. Report Review
I am in awe of this chapter. I don't know where to begin. I HAVE to mention this part:
The girl's face was delicate. Pretty bone structure, but the skin was a terrible flat white. The eyes were shut, the lashes frosty. She was just barely breathing.
CREEPY. Beyond creepy. As I read that and then when she realized it was her, I shivered. Shivered. That gave me goosebumps.
Oh! And the ending when she sees the Angel. At first I didn't think I would enjoy this because I typically don't read the stories where someone comes back to life magically and I don't like the idea of Hermione dying. Even if she is going to be brought back to life but this was just so interesting. You wrapped everything together so well. I just needed to know what was going to happen, even though I knew that she was going to die, I NEEDED to read it. You painted such a clear picture, and I'm terrified of drowning because it almost happened to me once. It gave me that feeling as I read her struggling in the creek and I just...wow. Really, an excellent first chapter.Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I usually don't like the idea of stories where Hermione dies either since she is my favorite character but when the idea popped into my head I just couldn't help but try and write it. I am also terrified of drowning, in fact I almost drowned one time when I was 7 years old and to this day I still don't like the idea of my head going under water.
I am glad that I was able to catch your attention. Report Review
I liked this chapter. Though I kept replacing Frog with toad in my head.
Angel is a fasinating character.Author's Response: Oh.. It was suppose to be a toad, I have no clue why I typed frog instead. Thank you for pointing that out I will be sure to fix that as soon as possible. I really like Angel, he is fun to create. Report Review
awww so close, so close.Author's Response: I know right... hehehe Report Review
another good chapter. I wonder what will happen at breakfast. ^-^Author's Response: Thank you, I hope to have chapter 4 finished tonight and in the queue by tomorrow. Report Review
Loved the conversation. Ready for more.Author's Response: thank you, hope to have chapter 4 up soon.
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