222 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The_Crookshanks_Saga The Informant

28th June 2015:
I hope this is ok for the swap :)

OK, usually I hate fics about the Golden Trio, but this one makes me reconsider my stance :D Definitely reading on.

I like how canon the characters are, and how Harry's different in all OC ways. Same with Ron-- and Sirius is alive?! How could you do that to my poor heart ;_;

I'm super-impressed by the flow of this, though you were moving all over the place it read like a waltz. I really enjoyed it.

The only slight problem was that there were a few discrepancies in tense. That's seriously it. Everything else about this was perfect.

Can't wait to keep reading!

-Meena

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Review #2, by Unicorn_Charm Only Blood

19th April 2015:
Hi there!

I am so sorry! I re-read the first chapter, got distracted by RL and the totally forgot about the swap for this chapter!

As weird as this may sound, I actually kind of like Geoffrey. He obviously cares for Devlin and is sharing this information with Harry, Sirius and Alex, so he can't be that bad. But then he is a Death Eater, so he can't be that good either.

Oh, speaking of Sirius, I'm thrilled you have him and apparently Remus both alive in this. :)

I felt bad for Harry and Alex here. I mean, it's great that they've found out that Devlin is still alive, but he's just so different than what they remember. He's almost kind of creepy from what we saw in Geoffrey's memories. He's incredibly powerful though, you can't deny that. Almost frighteningly so.

Really very interesting story and plot you have here. Again, I'm so sorry about that swap, I totally dropped the ball there. Thanks so much for doing it with me!! :)

xoxo Meg

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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell Midnight Routines

18th April 2015:
Wow--it's been a while since I'd read the first two chapters of this story, but most of it came back really quickly!

This was such an intense chapter. I mean, the last one was, as well, of course. I like Geoffrey. I'm glad Devlin. He really seems to care about Devlin, even to the point of risking his own life. On some level he must feel like it's better that Devlin is back with his family, right? Or he could have just walked back to the Death Eaters and never showed up at the safe house. It also makes sense, though, that after all this time Devlin would be pretty brain washed. And being brainwashed by Voldemort, of all people...

I still don't feel like I know a whole lot about Devlin, but I like how you juxtapose these images of him as a tired little kid with others of him being kind of mouthy and even a little creepy. It definitely sets up how messed up his upbringing has been, and what a challenge it will be for him to acclimate.

The idea that he would reject Harry, though, is just really heartbreaking. Hopefully he comes around. After all they've been through, they deserve to be a family!

CC:

"Now that there were no eyes to preform in front of..."
--"preform" should be "perform".

There were no eyes to see him, not even the boys.
--"boys" should be boy's


Very intense chapter. It certainly makes me curious (if a little apprehensive), but I'm holding out hope that things will be alright in the end! Thanks for the swap!

--Penny

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Review #4, by krazyboutharryginny The Informant

18th April 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!
There's a lot of stuff I really, really like about this first chapter. My favourite thing is that Sirius is still alive. I think you've done an awesome job of showing what Sirius and Harry's relationship would have been like if it had been allowed to develop further.
I also love the changes you've shown in Harry's personality since the loss of his son. The line "Harry Potter was no longer so Golden" totally captured my interest. The fact that he himself if aware of the ways in which he's changed is great. It's almost scarier, in a way? When characters are unaware of the ways in which they are changing and becoming more vicious, you get a sense that they're just out of control. When they're aware of it, like Harry is, it's more frightening because they're obviously still in control, but their minds have gone somewhere dark.
That scene with the lilies was so beautiful and touching. It's hard to get a sense of Devlin from the opening scene aside from the fact that he's very brave. That scene showed that he was a sweet and thoughtful little boy.
I'm interested to know who this Death Eater is, and whether he's really unimportant, as Harry thinks he is, or whether he's something more. I think I'm going to come back and continue reading this when I have time.
Awesome first chapter!
-Kayla

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Review #5, by Startafire The Informant

18th April 2015:
Hello there!

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you for the review swap as I got caught up in some stuff. Anyway I'm glad I took the time to read this writing because it's very well written and little Devlin had my heart souring for him. He's definitely Harry Potters son. He's brave, strong and I love he won't give into the dark lord.

From what I've read so far the bond between father and son seemed very strong. I was beginning to worry Harry had given up on him but then he finds out he's alive! I particularly enjoy your description of Voldemort, you make him just as eerie and scary as he should be, especially from a six year olds point of view.

I'm left wondering and hoping they rescue him soon, hopefully he's okay! Amazing first chapter.

- Ella

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Review #6, by Pixileanin Professor for a Day

17th April 2015:
Hi there! It's great to be back into this story!

It's also pretty creepy, the way that Devlin draws parallels between Dumbledore and Voldemort. I suppose it makes sense, because a boy would do that, and they're both supposed to be incredibly powerful wizards. But still... creepy.

Always questioning, this boy. I cringe at how his childhood must have been in order to end up this way. Gives me the shivers, in fact. And eek, all the suggestiveness with the Slytherins and what they were going to tell about him. Good lord, this poor kid.

And oh my god, the missing toe! I didn't know what to think of the whole knut/rat thing, and then wondered why Harry would go an pet the rat like that... like he cared about it... That was truly great. I saw what you did there. Not sure why or how it ties into the story, but I really liked it.

So this line had me wondering the most: "Dubhan wondered briefly if Potter knew why Lily Potter had been given the chance to step aside."

I have a feeling that you will be expanding on this little nugget, and I am very intrigued as to where you're going to take us with it. I have something (else) to ponder over now. Hmm...

I love the way that Devlin is so sure he knows what all is going on around him. He is, after all, a very perceptive and smart boy. But I love the way you turn things on their heads for him. He is still a child after all, and he won't get things as fully as he thinks. So when Harry explained his worries to Devlin, it just rang so true to me. There now, little boy. You're not as all-knowing as you think you are. And I also love the way you just cut Devlin off. He doesn't even get to retort back about anything.

Your writing is so thorough. I get so much internals and descriptives, and the action is all actiony when it needs to be. And the little things. Now you have me dying to know what the Galleon is all about...

Great chapter! So glad we swapped tonight!

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Review #7, by TreacleTart Only Blood

15th April 2015:
Hello again!

I'm here for our review swap!

This chapter was really interesting. Geoffrey provided some very unusual memories to Harry, Alex, and Sirius. It seems that he was right in saying that the young Devlin they remember is dead and gone. He is clearly moving down a very dark path quite quickly. The choice of name change really represented this well. I'm sure that must be a massive shock to them, but at least he's still alive.

I did notice that during this chapter you switched back and forth from past to present tense quite a bit. I found it a bit disconcerting and it honestly pulled me back out of the story a bit. I don't know if this was a purposeful style choice, but I think it would read better if it was all past tense or all present tense.

I also wondered how Alex knew that Harry and Sirius were at Grimmuald Place with a Death Eater. Did Ron send her there? Did someone owl her? Was a patronus sent? Forgive me if this is actually in the story and I just somehow missed it.

I will say that the pace of the story moves rather nicely. I was immediately drawn in on the first chapter and the second chapter has definitely maintained my interest. I think you have a very intriguing plot and a good set of characters. I can't wait to see what you do with it!

Thanks again for the swap!

~Kaitlin

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Review #8, by TreacleTart The Informant

14th April 2015:
Hi there!

I'm here for our review swap!

Upon reading the summary of this story, I was immediately intrigued! What if the Potters and Voldemort had lived? What if the war had continued? I just couldn't resist.

The beginning section about Devlin really pulled me in. I was immediately entranced by the brave action and thought process of this little boy. He seems so mature and collected for his age. I felt so bad for him that he was captured by Voldemort, but I feel hopeful that Harry will find and rescue him.

I noticed that you've kept Harry and Ron as Aurors, but in this case they seem to be rounding up the Death Eaters as the war is going on. The revelation that this particular Death Eater knew anything about Devlin was surprising. Since Harry thought Devlin was dead, I assumed he was as well...particularly since we see him get tortured in the beginning.

Now that Harry knows he's alive, I imagine he will stop at no ends to find his son. I wonder if he will be able to maintain the moral high ground or if he will start bending his morals a bit in order to get answers.

I have a bad feeling about this Death Eater being so forth right with information. As far as I can tell, he really has no reason to give Harry any information at all and odds are he will be tortured or killed by Voldemort for doing so. I'm almost wondering if this was a trap?

I thought this was a very unique AU. I'm always a bit skeptical when I read something that drastically changes the original plot, mainly because it's so hard to do well, but you've done a great job here! You've managed to keep the characterization of each character pretty similar to who they were in the books.

I'm really interested to see where this goes! I may have to add this to my currently reading list now!

Great work! I really enjoyed our swap!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! I should really say "Skeptical AU people: read this. It is awesome." because every skeptic ends up saying exactly what you have. LOL

Oh, the Death Eater is up to something, I'll give you that. ;-)

Thanks for the review!


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Review #9, by Dirigible_Plums The Informant

14th December 2014:
Hey, I'm here for the review you requested in the review swap :) I have to admit that I am quite excited to read this. I've seen it a few times around the site and always thought it looked interesting (unfortunately my attention span appears to be unnecessarily short which is why I didn't read this before).

Wow. This was powerful from the very beginning and already has me intrigued. I think you were very talented in your depictions, particularly of Voldemort. His deceptively calm manner, the way he had the others bend to his whim without really doing anything. I'm not sure why but the mere way he twirls his wand seems so sinister.

Naturally I'm still confused.There's no question that this is AU and a lot of questions have been unanswered as of yet. For example, I found myself wondering what year it is, why Voldemort is still undefeated, how the sequence of events turned out. Since you've clearly made the decision to keep Sirius alive how has this diverted from the books that follow?

All in all this seems to be a great story. Your writing is consistent and styled well, the concept seems amazing and that cliffhanger at the end is reason enough to read on. Aside from a few grammatical errors- simply a few missing apostrophes and the wrong 'than/then' at one point- this has shaped up to be a wonderful chapter.

Dirigible_Plums xo

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Review #10, by Veritaserum27 Midnight Routines

28th November 2014:
Hi there!

Here for our review swap! Before I continue, I wanted to start off by saying that I think you've achieved an excellent balance between making this story very dark and carefully portraying real, vivid emotions with your characters. I really enjoy the undercurrent of a much deeper, darker story and you've managed to capture that without overdoing it - as is common with most dark fanfics - and published work as well.

Harry has real emotions, and bounces back and forth between the compassion he feels as a father and the realism that he's grown to know as an Auror. His brain tells him to take it slow with Devlin and keep his emotions in check, but his heart just wants to feel his little boy in his arms again. The opposing sides are setting the tone for the rest of the story - and I must read on.

Alexandra is another captivating character. I know you wrote this before the books were all published - WAY before, but to me, she is a lot like the Ginny character - not to a tee, but has a lot of the same traits. For one, she both balances and draws strength from Harry. They have a connection that is deeper than most spouses and they know how to read each other and react to each other. I look forward to seeing the two of them take on this next challenge that they will have once Devlin is back at home and adjusting.

Hmmm... it's very interesting that Devlin has a wand. I wonder why Voldemort would allow that at all. It sounds like Devlin has some serious powers - even without the wand.

I like the way you showed how Harry knows that Devlin is afraid - both in the beginning of the chapter and then you brought it back at the end. That is really important that Harry can recognize that in his son - and sad at the same time that his fear now comes from his own father.

Another thing that intrigued me is the fact that the death eaters were so easily captured. I feel like that is going to come into play later on as well.

Great job with this - I'm really curious to find out what happens next! Thanks for doing a swap!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review, Beth!

It is so much fun reading reviews on early chapters and knowing exactly where the reader is in the much larger plot! Thank you for the compliment on my writing - it is a huge one!

That's interesting, I don't think I have ever had someone compare Alexandra to Ginny before. I will be intrigued to see if you feel the same way as the story goes on. Regardless, I think they come together as both very strong people, made stronger by each other.

I itch to answer your other ideas but will hold myself back for the sake of your reading experience.


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Review #11, by lindslo2012 The Man at the Table

10th November 2014:
Here for the review swap, and wow, what a good chapter.
I think it was very intense from the starts because now we are actually inside Devlin's head and seeing what he has been thinking. I am jealous of your talent to write great detail and surroundings because I am kind of bad at that I have noticed :)
I can see that Devlin is not in his best place right now. I mean who would be if they had been a puppet of Voldemort's for quite awhile. It's a surprise he is doing as well as he is! I can see that he remembers some kind of attachment to little Emma, but he is afraid to acknowledge it.
It's sad, the things that Voldy ingrained into his head for him to hear. I just hope that he will recover eventually, but I have a feeling there is quite a long road ahead of him.
I loved this chapter, I am glad we finally got to see inside his head.
-Lindsey

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Review #12, by Cannons The Informant

28th October 2014:
Hi, I am here with your promised review.

I thought this was an interesting start, it is always hit and miss with AU's for me so I was surprised to say that I enjoyed it. Despite the fact that there were quite a lot of things that had changed. It always takes a little while for me to get adjusted in AU but you held my attention for the full chapter and ended it with a magnificent cliff hanger!

So despite the fact that I will have to get my head around your new world, I really did enjoy this chapter.

There are so many things that I want to pick up on! I am excited by Devlin, there were two points in the chapter in which you indicated that he was powerful at such a young age. The first with Harry and then the second by refusing to scream when being tortured. Which is such a huge thing because as we know being tortured by Voldemort is no joke.

Add that to the fact that he seems to want to be able to impress Voldemort and the Death Eater mentioned that he actually managed to impress Voldemort. I am hoping that Voldemort actually takes Devlin under his wing and harness that incredible power he seems to posses. Seeing Harry come up against his own son would be so interesting. I know that sounds really crazy but it would be fascinating! Also as you mentioned he is only six, he seems well aware of his surroundings.

I am liking this Death Eater, he is not at all intimidated or shows and signs of being scared but there is something real about him. Unlike other Death Eaters he shows some emotion and regret almost where Devlin is concerned and he seems pretty paranoid about Voldemort as he wont say anything unless Harry proves himself to him. I am really intrigued to find out more about him.


The only thing I would say was the line break annoyed me, but that is pretty pedantic of me to mention I guess. :P

Anyway, this is a gripping first chapter.

:)

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Review #13, by BellaLestrange87 The Informant

25th October 2014:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap! I was going to read this story anyways and now seemed like a good time to start.

This is an amazing first chapter. The first thing I would like to say, before getting into the meat of my review, is that your writing sounds very professional and you could easily write OF. (I don't know if you do or not, but if you do, please continue. If you don't, please start.) I know this story is AU and I'm beginning to wonder how the AU-ness (I know it's not a word but it's the best I could come up with) affects the plot. I know that description was bad but mainly I was wondering who was alive, who was dead and what was changed (e.g. Battle of Hogwarts, Dumbledore's death). I'm going to guess we'll find out in later chapters.

First off, Devlin sounds very much like a 6 year old, as your author's note says he is. Just the way he describes things in his head - for example, "He hadn't known the word, but he had known what 'worth' and 'less' meant, and he had sensed when the man had put them both together he had meant something about Devlin wasn't 'good enough.'" Also, that desire to impress Voldemort, only to have it turn out wrong, horribly wrong, brilliantly written, from the POV of a 6 year old who thinks saying Voldemort's birth name will earn brownie points. I was extremely surprised when it turned out to be just a nightmare, and that he was safe, at home in his bed, with Harry. Of course, then I read down and saw that Harry was mad about someone taking his son, and realised he was not safe at all.

"The thought always proved to him, over and over again, how far he had traveled from innocence." Oh yes. Wonderful line. You can tell how exhausted Harry is from the war, and how he isn't the optimistic 11-year-old we meet in the first book.

"'My wand is against you neck,' Harry said, deadly, when the Death Eater dared to try and move away. Those blue and gold eyes, still unfocused and dazed, found his green." My wand is against your neck?

"'Tell me about that photo,' Harry commanded, his hands on either side of the chair, his body leaning forward, too close for the Death Eater to be comfortable. But uncomfortable or not, he didn't breath a word." He didn't breathe a word?

I don't think that Death Eater is any normal Death Eater. First of all, even though he is one of the ones left behind, and therefore weaker (according to Harry) he knows that Voldemort cannot love. As you noted in the story, this means he spends a lot of time with Voldemort. If he can manipulate Harry into getting a memory than he obviously is in the inner inner circle. Also, he seemed affected by the memory in a way that makes me think he isn't the psychopath most Death Eaters are portrayed as being.

"'You swear? Uncle Sirius said he was ready but then he fell down. Youíre not gonna fall down, are you?'" This made me laugh. It sounds exactly like a six year old, straightforward to the point of being funny.

It sounds like Devlin in the memory had the upbringing (up until he was kidnapped) that Harry would've had if Voldemort hadn't killed Lily and James - Uncles Sirius and Remus, happy endings.

Wow. I didn't see that revelation coming at all. Of course, I like to think that a lot of stories have happy endings, but this isn't the ending, it's the first chapter. A very good first chapter, too.

I definitely enjoyed reading this, and if you ever want to review swap again, let me know!

~Olivia

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Review #14, by Roisin Only Blood

17th October 2014:
Hello!

So I reviewed the first chapter for our last swap, and yay, reading the second!

AND OH MAN WHAT A ROLLERCOASTER OF FEELS! Brainwashed children! Parental angst! Child being turned into a weapon, maybe? I mean, that's the first thing I can think of - because Voldy must have an endgame. Plus I can totally see that being a decision he'd make.

Your universe is so tightly plotted, and I can tell a huge amount of creative thought went into this. And I love the way you conceptualize magic, too.

And just, to say it again, FEELS. You've really stretched everything to do with love and family, and introduced so many moving parts. The ruminations are all fascinating!

Thank you for the swap!
xoxo
-Roisin

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! So sorry it's taken me a bit to get back to you!

My universe is intensely plotted to the point that I often have to research my own story! LOL. It never really slows down - although we climb a couple hills and you might sometimes mistake them for a calm. :)

Hope to see you around!


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Review #15, by maraudertimes Only Blood

17th October 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

Okay, so I read the first chapter a while ago but I'm glad to be back. Devlin is such a cutie, especially with the whole 'Lord' thing.

Okay, so the start was really cool, detailing how magical Harry is, and really shows how Geoffrey (and the rest of the werewolf kind) need to adapt to survive.

The fact that Geoffrey showed Harry and Alex the memories is scary. Imagine having to watch your child in the hands of Voldemort. Imagine now being scared that your child was actually dead after learning he was alive. And then when Geoffrey said that? I would've broken down.

This was a great chapter and thanks for the swap!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Yay, glad to see you back!! Thanks for the great review!

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Review #16, by Midnight spark The Informant

12th October 2014:
Hey, review swap!

Ooh... I have no idea why I didn't read this story before, it's amazing!

My favorite part was the memory-it made me smile so much. It was like the only ray of light in this dark story. So awesome truly saying. And my, what a cliffhanger? I can't wait to see what happens next! And the fact that Devlin refused to scream under the Cruciatus Curse reminded me of Harry. Who is this Alexandra, why is this happening,how will Devlin turn out? So many questions!

Author's Response: I have no idea either! ;-) Thank you for the awesome review. I hope to continue to see you around! :)

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Review #17, by pointless_proclamations The Informant

11th October 2014:
Dear GingeredTea,

This is exhilarating! I am in awe at how well you write. There was so much excitement. I could not manage to tear my eyes from your words from the first sentence to the last.

Speaking of the last sentence, I read it over so many times, I caught one tiny, very tiny thing: a missing apostrophe [hides behind couch and says in muffled voice: I still love this story].

You have an interesting way of characterising Harry that you made complete sense out of, especially after all that has happened to him.

And that scene with Devlin and the lilies was so pure and spectacular. I can see how Harry might think it's tainted after letting the Death Eater into it, but that Death Eater, though? Who is he? Even he seems to have a sort of background story to him that I am dying to know.

This is awesome.

Cheers,
Em

Author's Response: Wow, what a compliment!

I'm terrible at apostrophes! I'll make an effort to fix it. Thank you for pointing it out!

The Death Eater does indeed have a story! Everyone has a story in my story. LOL

Thank you for the review!


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Review #18, by Pixileanin The Day After Tomorrow

10th October 2014:
Hi! I'm back for another chapter of your wonderful story!

Dubhan seems very intent on keeping Emma safe, and I wonder what he thinks is going to happen to him. Several times, he thinks about what will become of her after he's gone. He's so fixated on that, like it's the inevitable future. I don't understand it, but then there's a lot that he hasn't revealed yet. I will try to be patient. I really enjoyed seeing him use his logic to reason through the ways he could make Emma happy, all the way to the point of convincing her mother to take her to the ball. That was so cute, and shows me that he has the capacity to care. But he's also angling hard to get his wand back too. I can't decide if Dubhan's actions are selfish or altruistic. I'd love to imagine that it's a little of both, and he's growing.

And poor Harry, knowing that one of the things he has in common with his son is scars from Voldemort.

"...quite frankly he wasn't sure how to deal with someone who he couldn't deal with that way."

That's right, Dubhan, you'll figure it out eventually. I can feel him struggling with the new rules of his life over and over again. You never let us forget that every moment of this is so hard for him, and he truly doesn't know what to do, or how to be like everyone else. It feels like all he really knows is that he should be like them.

So Dubhan is going to see the man that his grandfather is rumored to be afraid of. No wonder he's so nervous. Harry is so eager for this experience, but I'm now anxious about the whole idea of taking this boy to Hogwarts. I hope everything turns out alright.

I need to be back for more soon!

Author's Response: Devlin is clearly under the impression that Voldemort will return for him.

I think Devlin isn't quite sure about the motives behind his actions, either.

Hogwarts ends up being a very...interesting...experience. :)


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Review #19, by love_is_magic_ The Informant

6th October 2014:
Duh Duh Duh!!! What a cliff-hanger!

Wow, okay! So you did a really good job of catching my attention right away. The relationship between Devlin and Harry seemed fairly clear, but I clung on in the beginning to be sure he was Harry's son, then couldn't stop reading from there.

I'm very interested in the way you chose to write this story, so far from conventional canon. It adds a unique element and I can't wait to see where you go with it.

Also, this is certainly a different side of Harry, now isn't it? I suppose it makes sense in a way, though. It's not like we haven't seen him dark before (ahem ahem.. OotP), and I think that if anything would bring out that side of him, it would be the disappearance and supposed death of his son.

I absolutely adore the touch about the lilies, lets just say that certain tears were certainly brought to my eyes.

Well, I loved this! It's so different from other things I've read on here and I can't wait to see where it goes! You've certainly caught my attention :)

Christy x

Author's Response: Thank you for this awesome review!

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Review #20, by Penelope Inkwell Only Blood

5th October 2014:
Hey there! Penny here for the review swap! Sorry it took so long. I tried to read on my phone during my rehearsal breaks, but it was just not working. So, finally, here we are:

Whew! This was an eventful chapter.

So, right away, I like how full-throttle this scene seems. They do a lot of talking amongst themselves and arguing, and it would have been easy to drop the energy ball in a scene like this, but that never happens. I was always on the edge of my seat, waiting for another bit of information. That's great!

Also, the whole idea behind your plot is really interesting, and your execution is well-done. I can totally see Voldemort making Harry believe he has lost his child, while secretly raising him himself. As some sort of weapon, perhaps? Seems like the kind of sick emotional manipulation that would be right up his alley.

I also like how you've introduced Geoffrey. We get the idea that he is very aware, and quite manipulative. He also knows when he's being outmaneuvered. Clearly he's a clever guy. And, even though he's a Death Eater, he seems to have developed some affection for Devlin, or at least pity for the boy that Devlin once was. That mix of light and dark makes him a well-rounded, compelling character, so snaps to you for that!

Wait, wait, wait. Is Voldemort...Devlin's grandfather? Am I getting that right? Because that is supah-creepy. But the HP books tend to lend themselves to just those sorts of creepy twists. This escaped convict is actually your godfather! This evil overlord is actually your grandfather! I could see it. But then maybe that's not right? Because it says that Alexandra is a Muggleborn, so it would seem to rule that out. Unless Petunia and Lily's mom had a deep, dark secret that I'd rather not contemplate. So maybe I'm totally reading that wrong. Either way, I'm curious!

I like Alex. She seems like a strong person who can balance a cool head with a very strong love for her family. I'm definitely interested to hear more about her. And I liked the way you described Devlin's magic as feeling sort of like a mix between his father's and his mother's.

It also sounds like Devlin has been pretty brain-washed. I can't imagine what it would be like, if they actually do manage to get him back. How fascinating! You've created quite a predicament here. I wonder how/if they'll be able to navigate it.

The intensity was really good in this chapter, and I remained very interested by the story. So many questions!

***
CC:
Okay, I only had a couple questions in regard to content:

(1) "Did Voldemort simply leave the broken arm as well?"
--When Alexandra says this line, it kind of threw me. Just because, if she thought her son might be dead, it seemed odd that she would ask for confirmation on whether or not he was alive after she asked if Voldemort had Devlin's arm healed. Especially since Geoffrey notes that she strikes him as a particularly logical person, the priorities here seem a bit oddly numbered.


(2) "'And what are you to him?'
'He's Devlin's 'guard',' Harry answered..."

--immediately above this, Geoffrey introduces himself as Devlin's guard, so this conversation seemed a bit odd.

--
The rest of this is all little spelling and grammar details. I just figured it's a bit vague in a chapter as long as this to say, "There were some grammar mistakes," because that means, if you were to choose to fix them, you'd spend 5 million years combing through it. So I went ahead and wrote down what I noticed. Hope this helps!

-In these two sentences, you switch suddenly from past tense to present:

(1) Geoffrey was reminded of the boys own magic when he hasn't decide if he is furious or not. Potter's voice is demanding and intimidating...

(2) But he never will, so he sighed again.
His magic had one difference from the boys.
--"boys" is possessive, so it ought to be "boy's"


"So brutally honest - even to his enemies face."
--"enemies" should be "enemy's"

"Mortal danger, how informing!"
--I think it would be more correct to say "informative" rather than "informing"

"Voldemort was either incapable or to calculated to show the emotion."
--Instead of "to" it should be "too", and "calculating" might be better than "calculated". An action or a decision might be calculated, but a person is usually described as being calculating.

"It was rare that a grown werewolf desire to bite a child.
--"desire" should probably be "desired".

"You're a werwolf?" Black asked.
--werewolf is misspelled here.

"The boy would forgive him for treating Potter however he had too...
--"too" should be "to".

-These sentences have words with unnecessary apostrophes:

"because the tent door has opened and in it's frame was a small boy."

"Her parent's are muggles..."

"Devlin was on his knee's."

***

Overall, I think you've got a good second chapter here. I am definitely intrigued. You do a great job creating tension, and giving us hints, while still leaving us with so many questions! (So. Many. Questions.) I'm so curious about what Devlin's really like now? Can he even be saved?

Nice work! Thanks for the fun read, and the swap!

--Penny

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Review #21, by Gabriella Hunter The Day After Tomorrow

5th October 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review, the swap continues once again! I am back to the first novel of course since I already left you a review for the sequel and it feels weird, like I'm going back in time. Hahahaha.

So, Devlin made a few interesting milestones today that I found really great. I know that he's still having issues with being with Harry and his mother, who seems to have her own share of secrets herself, but I liked that he was able to be kinder to Emma here. There's something that worries me though, her life might be in danger and he might actually die before the novel is over and I'm on the edge of my seat. I do wonder though, why Alexandra isn't so happy about Harry going to that ball. Is it just because there's a lot of Ministry fuddy duddies there? I do wonder but that's to worry about later. Emma and Devlin's dancing of course was the cutest thing ever and I really adore how he's so confused and fascinated by her. Emma is everything that he was never allowed to be and I hope that their relationship continues to grow.

Ah, the thing with the scars. Harry has his own share of battle wounds and it was oddly something that Devlin was able to sympathize with and understand. I liked that they were able to have that talk but I'm not sure if he's ready to really reach out to his father, no matter if he's going to always be there. Hm...

Now, the name of that potion that was going to help Snape kind of had me nervous. The bold lettering didn't help either, I have this really sick feeling in the pit of my stomach! I did like that you kept Snape's disdain for Harry there and of course Devlin noticed, he notices everything.

I'm always surprised by how smoothly your flow is and how intricately detailed each character you create is. I really love that you have this here in this story, they're nothing at all like I've ever seen! :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #22, by Veritaserum27 Only Blood

4th October 2014:
Hello!

Here for the review swap! This chapter was so loaded with emotion, I really don't know where to start. I really like Alexandra's character. She seems tough and unafraid - I'm guessing she was a Gryffindor. At the same time, she wasn't completely emotionless regarding the possibility that her son was actually alive. I think it speaks volumes about her and Harry's relationship that he didn't try to hide the news from her as soon as he found out. I could see Harry trying to be the type to protect his wife from any more pain - after *losing* Devlin, but they seem to have a mutual respect for each other, and to use each other as a support.

Clearly Geoffrey cares for Devlin, and I'm guessing that his why he allowed himself to be caught (I'm making that assumption) and is basically giving information that will lead to his rescue. Geoffrey may have other reasons as well, but his protective instincts are strong.

I'm glad that you've chosen to focus on how Devlin has been affected by the abduction. The story wouldn't have been very realistic if Devlin had stayed the same sweet, clever boy from Harry's memories. I have a feeling that is the main focus of this story - and I love it. You have a little bit of everything here: action, dark magic, guilt, deep emotions and a theme of healing.

I did notice quite a few typos sprinkled throughout both of these first two chatpers - there were enough that it was a little distracting to read. If you don't have a beta for this story, you might want to consider one. I think you can request one for just grammatical errors and typos.

However, I don't want you to think that I didn't like this. I love it. You have a brilliant flair for describing actions that just enhances the emotions as the reader is pulled along for the ride. Also, you do a fantastic job of showing rather than telling the story. That is the mark of a more advanced writer. I don't think there was a single place where you used the words "Harry felt" - instead, you give us a small gesture or response that makes us feel it instead of just spitting the words out - great job!

Oh yeah, and I love the way you chose to end the chapter. Gah - too many feels. Devlin is dead - in the sense that he is no longer innocent and has obviously been trained by dark wizards. It totally sets the reader up for a long ride, I'm so rooting for Devlin and this poor, damaged family!

♥ Beth

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Review #23, by Veritaserum27 The Informant

3rd October 2014:
Hello!

Tagging you from review tag! I posted to see if you were up for another review swap, but you went offline, so I'm reviewing this for review tag on the forums. If you want to do a swap, I'll gladly review another chapter!

Wow. I can see why this story is so popular - It's got all of the makings of an awesome read - drama, action, intrigue and mystery. It did take me a minute to work out the alternate universe in my head, but I'm all set now! :)

Yay Sirius - and Remus! This proves to be a fantastic story. I'm wondering if you'll explain whatever happened between Harry and Ginny, or do you just assume they never had a relationship?

I love your version of Harry. He is so damaged and hurting. He is walking the line of using his powers for good, but there is part of his heart that's gone cold and he seems to see the lines a bit blurred at this point. It's good he's got Ron and Hermione to keep him grounded.

Losing a child - that... ugh. I can't really go into that - but since the title has "rescue" in it - and I know there's a sequel, I think its a safe bet for me :)

The scene with the Lilies was beautiful and amazing and just so heartwarming. Oh. Wow. You brought so much emotion at showing us a warm, loving family (and friends too!) and also revealing how powerful Devlin is. Great job with that.

I'm a bit suspicious about this Death Eater. I have a feeling that he was intentionally caught because he wants to help Harry or Devlin. Maybe I'm totally off about this, but it just seems that he let out just enough information to lead Harry to the fact that Devlin might still be alive.

Great, awesome, exciting, amazing first chapter!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

Author's Response: Hiya!

Wow. I can't believe someone just thought my story was 'popular'. LOL Thank you.

Yeah, what happened between Harry and Ginny is just that I'm old (at least in Harry Potter fan fiction) and I STARTED this story (this is the 3rd rewrite) BEFORE the fifth book came out. So I didn't know Ginny and Harry would end up together (although I kinda fit hints in as we progress to make it more cannon compliant) or that Sirius would die. So yeah, boring response there. :)

If you like those things about my Harry you're bound to really enjoy this story - especially the beginning. The rescue will happen pretty rapidly, so you should be good on that note.

Thanks - everyone says it almost makes the cry. LOL

I think you're right to be a bit suspicious. ;-)

Thanks Beth! :D Can't wait to do some more swaps! I am in love with your story as well.



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Review #24, by sleepingdragons The Informant

1st October 2014:
Hello, here for the review swap!

I've never read an AU fanfic before, so this was a new experience for me really, and I have to say I enjoyed reading the first chapter :)

The start was really chilling, with Devlin's dream (or was it meant to be a memory? That was the only part I was a bit confused about)

Also, the pensive memory made me so emotional, with the lilies.. argh.

Overall, it was so well written, I'll have to keep reading now!

- sleepingdragons xx

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Review #25, by Lululuna Mind Field

1st October 2014:
Hey hey!! Wow, it has seriously been way too long since I have reviewed - I've been awful with HPFF participation lately. :( So glad to be back!

The way Legilimency was described here was really cool and vivid. I loved the use of mist and armies and parchment - it as all just so brilliant and fit well with how I would imagine the inside of Devlin's mind. Clearly he has met his match in Snape, and the conversation they had inside his head was really intriguing.

I liked how Devlin analyzed Snape and his former Death Eater position as well - how he was acutely aware of his dark magic and how it was sort of hibernating, and how Death Eaters are good at pulling out their wands quickly, and how Snape still mirrors these practices even if he is currently separate. As usual your analysis of the familiar canon characters really goes deep and rings true.

Clearly in this chapter at least Devlin is realizing the wrongs that Voldy committed against him and coming out of his blinded love for his grandfather. But then there are the contrasting images like Voldy smiling because of him and how special and important that thought is to Devlin, to the extent that he identifies that quality as part of his own identity. The moral confusion is quite effective in showing how nobody is all bad, even Voldemort, and how Devlin could still be loyal to him in parts of his mind even if he knows it is dangerous. He's such a complex, wonderful character, and I do love it.

Great job, I hope I'll be back soon!! :D

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