Hello, I just finished listening and reviewing to the podcast version of this, so I thought I might as well drop by and leave a review for this amazing story.
The title of the story is absolutely perfect for the story. When I first saw it, I thought it was going to be about people who died during the second wizarding world war, so I was absolutely thrilled when I realised that this wasn't about that. ;)
This is really wonderful. I thought that you characterised Regulus really well and even though I don't really have much to base thsi on, I do know that he and Sirius both came from the same house so I didn't think there'd be much different between them other than Sirius is more rebellious and funnier that Regulus is. (Or maybe that's just my imagination.)
The story is well-written, it's full of vivid imagery and I especially like the way you described how Regulus entered the cave, what with the cutting his hand open, the wall crumbling and all. I really liked that bit! Though my favourite would probably have to be the last two sentences! Absolutely amazing. I love how you gave the readers and Regulus this sense of peace in the end.
Really amazing story! I loved reading it! ♥
~Izzy Report Review
This story was well written. It showed a lot of emotion about the way the Regulus finally changed for the better.
I often hoped that Sirius had felt that his younger brother had changed his way of thinking and I think you put that across perfectly.
10/10 and adding to favs.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you liked it! Regulus is one of my favorite characters so I am super happy to know that I was able to pull the emotion of the situation out and show it.
Yay! Thanks for the fav! =)
-SR17 Report Review
This is a great piece, I don't think I've read a piece on what actually happened when Regulas and Kreached went to the cave together so it was an interesting read.
I love the idea of a different memory each time, you described them all so brilliantly and they created great images in my mind.
I got really into the story, your writing is superb and it flows really well, also the characterisation is great!
The ending was great and I'm glad he realised he was a hero, and I'm glad he died at peace!
Great piece 10/10 :)Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by to read and review this story! I am glad that you liked it! I am a bit obsessed with Regulus...he's one of my favorite characters because of what little he did, but the impact that it made as a whole was so much bigger.
I am glad that you could really get into this story!
-SR17 Report Review
Oh sheesh. This was awesome, especially the last lines. It gave me a bit of chills! Anyways, this was awesome and I loved how the potion made certain memories just come to Regulus' mind as he drank it! Also, it explains how he got the locket and how he died (Even though this is what I thought too :P). I love final moment stories though and this was awesome!!
Mike. Report Review
Wow, I really liked this! I can't believe I haven't read more of your stories before!
I liked your Regulus, you've done a great job with him! And all the descriptions and little details were just amazing! Well done!
And then the last paragraph! That was just - I don't have the words to describe how perfect it was.
Such an interesting one-shot. Regulus is an interesting character and I'm always keen on reading other people's views of him!
Keep up the good work!
~E Report Review
Imagery! I liked Regulus' thought connections as he was pacing and trying to figure out what Voldemort was doing through Kreacher’s mentions and through what Bellatrix had mentioned. I really liked the line where you mentioned the pleading look that he gave the desk, as well as his terrified thoughts as his realizations became reality to himself.
Kreacher took Regulus's hand, and, with a simple crack, they left Number 12's kitchen behind I loved this line, as well as the one under it about the waves. I thought the first one was a neat way to say something instead of 'dissaparating' and the second one was a very pretty thought even through the grave situation.
His heart jumped in his chest and seemed to echo throughout the cavern. -- Jumped felt like a foreign word; at first I thought the sentence after it, Suddenly, there was a rippling disturbance in the water, and a chain flew into Regulus's hand. I was going to tell you to switch them around (I thought the boat had scared him and I thought he jumped because of it)-- but I read a few more times and I think you should change it into pounded in his chest or tag on the end of the first sentence that it echoed throughout the cavern and pulsed through his ears, or something along those lines.
One thing I was thinking was to expand on Kreacher's emotions when Regulus was ordering him. You could talk about how Regulus could tell that the only reason Kreacher was agreeing was because it was in his House Elf contract, or talk about how Regulus knew he was Kreacher's favorite and knew what was going to happen to Regulus, or even, as he was feeding him the potion how he could tell Kreacher didn't want to. (I hope those make sense I know I just threw it all into one sentence!)
I really liked the memory sequence as Regulus was drinking the potion, it was such a powerful spot in this one-shot. It seemed like it would be the first time for him that he really saw and understood Sirius' point of view, even if it was- sadly enough- a little too late.
His death.. Just, wow. I really don't know why you want my advice here, that was amazing. I thought that was the best point of this piece, and I think you did a very brilliant job writing Regulus' final moments. Fantastic work!Author's Response: Okay. I am sorry that it has taken me this long to get this response back to you.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this for me. I really value your oppinion about writing and what I could do to improve.
Imagery...I am glad that it came across as I wanted it to. It was really hard to try and piece together how he could of come up with what was going on. Then I thought that maybe making it like a puzzle would help. Hench Kreacher and Bellatrix.
Thank you for pointing that out. I will try to reword it to make it flow more. You're right it wasn't effective the way I had it. Those are also some really great ideas about fleshing out Kreachers emotions and thoughts. It makes perfect sense to me.
I am glad that you liked the potion and how it affected him. Sadly yes, he realized too late. I am super glad that you like his death. It was such a moment for me because I love this character and I wanted others to see him in a different light and about his sacrifice.
Thank you so much again!!!
-SR17 Report Review
I really loved the ending, how Regulus had shown that Sirius was right, and how he had died the unknown hero. It just echoes what Dumbledore said: "It is our choices that determine who we truly are, far more than our abilities.
I really liked how you showed Regulus working out what the locket was too, how he racked his brains and strung the conclusion together from several fragments of memory. That was really good.
Anyway, I really liked this and I thought you did a great job. The only criticism I have is that the large gaps between each of the paragraphs were a little annoying and the whole thing would flow much better if there was less scrolling involved! But other than that, I have no complaints, it was great! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked the story and the way that I portrayed Regulus. I thought it was befitting for him to have the title as Unknown Hero, because he truly was. It does echo Dumbledores words.
I am also happy to know that you liked the way I had him work it out. He is in my mind just as smart as his brother Sirius so I wanted to show that but in a subtle way.
I apologize for the large gaps in the story. This was before I figured out how to space the story properly. I will be going back to correct that.
Again thank you! =)
-SR17 Report Review
Hi, I'm here for the review, sorry for the wait.
This story definitely covers an interesting sequence of action, that is often not written about. Regulus's bravery is often mentioned, but rarely described. So good for you for deciding to write about it.
I think that maybe, you could have extended this a little bit. You may not have had to tell every moment from Regulus deciding to go to his death, but could have focused with more depth on fewer moments. For example, when Dumbledore drinks the potion, he's absolutely tortured. But Regulus doesn't seem here to be that debilitated. Dumbledore, who is certainly stronger than Regulus, is begging for mercy. I think extending those moments of memory, to show more agony, would really add some emotional depth to the story.
I think that while you mention it, you might also be able to expand a little bit more on why Regulus wants to do this in the first place. I mean, you say so, but he basically knows he's going to die. There needs to be some real moral strength behind that, and I think it could be more prominent.
Just a few other little spelling/formatting things. I might put fewer lines between each paragraph, it seems to break up the story too much. Also, I noticed a typo: "at least two Horcruxs’. " Don't use an apostrophe for making something plural. It should be "Horcruxes."
Overall, not too bad a job. I think there are things you might want to fix, to make this a bit stronger, but there's not much. The ending lines, especially really pull it all together.Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing.
I do plan on extending a bit here and there to give the story a bit more depth and changing a few things around.
I have been having a lot of trouble with the formatting of stories that I have posted, but I just recently figured it out with the last one that I have posted. I will set about to change my errors and expand on this soon.
Again thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
-SR17 Report Review
I really liked this :) I've never read anything in Regulus' point of view before and I thought you did a nice job on it! Keep writing, you've got a good style and I would like to read other stories from you (:
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked my story. This has been my pride and joy. I really adore the lesser known characters and their significant moments that we really don't know a lot about.
Thank you for the compliments. I hope you enjoy my other stories. I will have some new ones coming out towards the end of the month. =)
-SR17 Report Review
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your review!
Regulus's story is one I don't often read about here on this site, and I think you do a good job of telling it. There are a lot of things about this that I really enjoyed :)
I love the vivid descriptions you give about the cave and Regulus and Kreacher's experience there. I can tell you worked hard to paint that picture for your readers, and it was easy for me to see that cave in my mind's eye. And you've got some really beautiful lines here! My favorite is "An eerie moon hung high above the sea..." That's a great description of the atmosphere.
However, I only started noticing this great description about halfway through, when they first get to the cave. I wish I'd seen more of this type of writing at the beginning! It seems a little rushed, so I'd suggest dragging the first few paragraphs out a little more. Maybe add some detail about Regulus' surroundings and especially his thoughts: I really want to know what went on in his mind as he made the decision to go to the cave. Just slow the beginning down a little, elaborate on things, and I think you'll definitely grab the reader's attention right from the start :)
I like what you do with the memories as Regulus is drinking the potion. They escalate so that the more traumatic ones come last, which is a great way to build tension and suspense.
I did have one question while reading: If Kreacher knew what would happen when he touched the water, why did he do it? Why did he not get Regulus home instead? I guess that's part of what makes this story so tragic.
One more little thing: I noticed some grammar issues as I was reading, especially with punctuation and run-on sentences. I won't point those out here, but I will suggest having a beta look over it. That will help this story flow even more smoothly.
All in all, I think this is a good take on Regulus's story. It is very sad, which is appropriate, but I love that he dies knowing he's done the right thing. I think the way you end this is perfect; you don't downplay his painful thoughts and guilt, but the story still ends with a sense of peace. It's a very satisfying, realistic end :)
Thanks so much for requesting! I hope this review is helpful to you. Happy writing! :)
--MaggieAuthor's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad to hear that I did a good job with describing the surroundings of the cave and atmosphere.
I am really glad that you liked the potion scene. It was one of my favorite parts.
Kreacher didn't take Regulus home because he was following the orders that were given to him. Do as Regulus asks, switch the lockets, go home, speak to no one and try to destroy it.
I do plan on editing this to elaborate more and I have even made contact with someone to help beta the story. I really want to make this story about Regulus as perfect as I can.
Your review has been very helpful and constructive. I like to know what I can do to improve the story and what it is that I have done well at. It helps build confidence and allows me insight on where I need to focus my editing/improving on.
Thank you so much for your help. It is greatly appreciated! =)
-SR17 Report Review
Hey there! I'm here with your review!
First, I thought this was incredibly interesting. I've never read anything about Regulus, and this was a great introduction!
I thought the characterization of Regulus was okay, and it definitely got better as the story went on. I would like to see more toward the beginning. I know it's a little difficult, but because this story is really focused more on character than plot, almost every action should go to developing the character. You've done a bit of that, but I think adding more of his thought process would add a great deal to the story. It's pretty short so you definitely have room. I'd also like to see more of the other side of Regulus. The side that agreed with Voldemort and thought he was superior because of his blood. Even if it's something like "At first Voldemort made sense but lately..." I definitely think you got his character right, you just need to expand it a little.
I think you could also expand on Kreacher. Remember how fondly he spoke of Regulus in the books? Maybe as he's giving Regulus the potion he's muttering "I'm sorry, Master, please forgive me," or something like that.
I think this story is definitely believable! I have no problem imagining that this is exactly what happened that night.
I thought the description was good too! I had a very clear picture of exactly what was happening. This sentence: "The burning pain was agony. Painful memories and thoughts fluttered through his mind," seemed a little off to me. The use of pain and then agony is a little redundant, so maybe something like "The burning was agony," or if you wanted to get fancy, "The potion burned down his throat and through his body; every inch of him was in agony," or something.
As a note: I really enjoyed your idea of what the potion did! You showed it very well!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am going to be working on an edited version of this story. Keeping most of it, but adding more to it and changing somethings around. I just cannot get this story out of my mind. It's almost as if it's screaming at me to tell it.
Thank you for pointing out to me the good parts and what I can improve on or what might be helpful/better here or there. I cannot express to you how happy it is to get a constructive review that will really help me out.
I am glad that it was believable and that my description didn't lack. I have been working hard on those aspects of writing.
The potion idea was something that I really liked. I didn't want that to physically hurt him, just drain him of his energy. I wanted the agonizing pain to come from replaying the thoughts that he had and would never be able to reflect upon again. I thought those alone would be enough to drain him of his hope or energy.
Again, thanks for such a wonderful and helpful review!
-SR17 Report Review
I would be delighted to review your story! Especially since you have taken such care to review my little baby :P Regulus and his hard decision to betray the Dark Lord is also a story that I have been wanting to read. Surprisingly, I haven’t come across any in my reviewing thread or random reviewing.
A few points of note:
The spacing is a bit wide and can be a little distracting to the reader. I’m sure you’ve already taken note of that but, keeping within the framework of my reviewing, I am just letting you know :)
Regulus stopped his pacing for a moment and thought[;] a locket. - should be a colon [:]
he suddenly turned on his [heal] - [heel]
the boat reached the island in the middle it [jutted] to a halt. - this word kind of doesn’t make sense, maybe “shuddered” or “jerked”?
Turning to look at [Kreachers] horrified face Regulus knelt down. - [Kreacher’s] and [,] should be in the second brackets.
He was seeing his [mothers] - [mother’s]
“Inferi” should be capitalized.
He struggled until his body was [waste] deep into the water. - [waist]
Anyway, I’m sure you’d catch any other points if you gave this a good look through.
I love the fact that you wrote out Regulus’ story. He was an Unknown Hero and it saddens me to think that Sirius never knew how alike he and his brother had actually been. The pacing at the beginning seemed a tad rushed with how Regulus came to the conclusion about the Horcruxes as well as his decision to betray the Dark Lord. Maybe spend some time on his conflicting emotions, how his eyes were opened up to how blind he had been.
What I am talking about is illustrated in the second half, where Regulus is at the lake, and he faces the fact that he is going to have to die to mess up Voldemort’s plans. Kreacher seemed a little oddly silent here, but I’m chalking to up to the fact that he was basically ordered to not save Regulus. The moments leading up to Regulus’ final death, with the memories swarming around him were intense to think of. The fact that in his final moments he is living the worst part of his life, this is so horrible. When the Inferi swarm up over him—that’s such a terrifying image, already overlain with what we saw in the movies and even worse because Regulus had no one to save him.
This was a great premise for a story and I’m glad that you took it on!
xCharAuthor's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it.
See this is what I wanted a review where I had someone point out to me what things needed corrected and where I could expand on.
For some reason every time I go to put a chapter or a story into the Queue my formatting ends up weird. The spacing issue isn't what I had intended on at all, but I was fighting with my computer. Any suggestions on this would be greatly appreciated! =)
I have taken notes to the grammar errors, word choices that you pointed out to me. I will make sure that those get corrected as well.
I know this story is far from perfect, but I really wanted to give Regulus his moment. I do plan on expanding this to give it more depth into Regulus' mind set. I did keep Kreacher silent through the majority of this because he was following orders. Mainly at the lake. When I go back to make changes in the begining I think I will expand more with Kreacher as well.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I really needed this. I'm glad that you liked my Story idea. I am glad that I was able to get parts of my story line across and that you could understand his emotions and fears.
-SR17 Report Review
Hi! Wow, that was very impressing! I don't even know what to say, i'm speechless! I really love Regulus, I think he's really under-appreciated, and the way you wrote him.. exactly how I imagined him to be! Honestly, I´m always looking for a good story/one-shot with Regulus as a main character, but I haven't read anything that was as good as yours, well done!
I also liked how you wrote Kreacher, very in character, almost like JK Rowling wrote it.. it was perfect! Thanks for giving me such a great read, I absolutely loved it.
x LivingfairytaleAuthor's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked it.
I really felt that Regulus needed his chance to shine. Even though it was about his death he did put in motion the events that would finally lead to Voldemorts downfall. You're right he is under appreciated and that's exactly why I did this.
Thank you for all of your wonderful commpliments. It really makes my day. =) I have never left anyone speechless before.
-SR17 Report Review
This was definitively a difficult subject to tackle. I mean not only is it someone's death, but it's Regulus's death, who betrayed the Dark Lord. I think you did quite a good job on it, I would suggest a beta and maybe some more detail in the story. but other then that I think you made a very good effort! :)Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it. I am happy to know that it was liked. I will look into making some changes. =)
-SR17 Report Review
I liked it, and it gave a lot of the backstory to why Regulus did what he did. You used a lot of imagery, which made the story move along quickly. I noticed some grammatical errors, like "Horcrux's" which should be "Horcruxes" and "Concious" which should be "Conscience", but all in all, great story :)Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked it. I am now inwardly cursing myself for my errors. Thanks for pointing them out to me. =)
-SR17 Report Review
I enjoyed this chapter a lot. I don't think that I have really ever read anything about Regulus and his last moments.
I think this was done well. I loved Kreatcher, and I think that you did this well. The memories could have been a little more fleshed out, but still I think it was great!
Good chapter!Author's Response: Thanks for the read and review. I am glad that you liked it. =) Report Review
Omr, this is just how I pictured this event:) only 10x better, really goodAuthor's Response: Thank you! I was always curious about this part of the story that we never knew about. I am glad that you liked it and thank you for leaving a review! =) Report Review
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