So, I think that the start to this story is really really interesting, and I don't believe I have seen anything like it on the archives. So right away, you're off to a good start .
One thing I would definitely recommend is breaking up your paragraphs more. It can be difficult to find a breaking point, but it really will make a world of difference. As they are now it's easy to lose track in them and it's a huge distraction. That should be a relatively simple fix.
Beyond that, I think you really do have an interesting premise! Dom's voice is interesting, not boring. Also, I like that you've brought in the mystery at the end with the unknown male character.
Good work! Keep writing!
~CassieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! The review and kind words are very much appreciated. The formatting/paragraph advice is excellent, thank you. I will remember that and hopefully have time to keep going with this story. Again, thanks for the review! Report Review
Great! Keep writing, you have a gift! :)Author's Response: Thanks! I will try my best to continue with Blue Moon Report Review
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