1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by baletgir The Definition of a Bad Breakup

9th March 2012:
Wow, a ton just happened! That was not at all what I was expecting, but that's probably my fault for not even reading your summary first. haha.

I really enjoyed this! It was really interesting. It did feel a bit rushed, but I like the plot line of this a lot! I think splitting this into two chapter could be really beneficial for the story. You could have the whole background part first. With him dating Laura and such, but then save the fact that Al is gay and his break up Laura for a second chapter. That way you'd have more time to really delve into the awkwardness of his and Laura's relationship, which could be quite interesting and humorous. It would also allow you to slow down and really describe the scene. Show us, don't tell us, as my English Professor says.

Is this just a one-shot? Or is it a short story? I can't tell if this is the end or if there is more to come. I definitely see the use of your assigned postcard from my challenge there at the end. I think this really works well with your secret!

I hope you enjoyed the challenge! The results will be posted in the Challenges Hall of Fame thread, and the winners will be PM'd on the forums! Good luck! If you have more chapters to post I'll definitely keep a look out for them and leave you reviews as soon as possible!

:)BaletGir

Author's Response: Haha, this was not what I was expecting to write when I first saw my secret, so that makes two surprised people. haha.

This is intended to be a short story: three chapters actually, though they're currently fighting with me and don't want to turn out the way I want them to (chapters 2 and 3 that is).

Yeah, I really felt like I kind of packed a lot into a relatively short chapter: I'm considering splitting it up/editing so it seems to flow a bit better. I like your idea of his awkward relationship with Laura taking a larger part in the first chapter: that could definitely be really hilarious if I could do it right!

Overall, I'm super glad you liked it, and thanks for taking the time to create the contest, read my entry, and give me such lovely constructive feedback!!


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