This was beautifully written. The emotions were right there and it was heartbreaking. It had lovely sense of reality and the ending was perfect.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review.
I'm glad you thought it was well written and had a lot of emotion within it! That's what I was aiming for!
I'm also really pleased you liked the ending Report Review
This was a lovely and cute one-shot and I loved how it was from Lily's perspective because she is one of my favourite next gen characters! I also loved the sad little twist at the end which sets this story apart. It wasn't a typical love story which is great!
I almost wanted this to be longer so that we could see more of a character development from Lysander and Lily; it sounds strange but I think this could easily become a short story!
Great story :)Author's Response: Hey thank you for the review.
I love Lily too! I write quite a bit about her although granted not when she is particularly old but still I really do love her/ I don't like the whole idea about typical love stories and really try to stray away from the cliches associated with unrequited love ect.
I think it could have become a short story too but I really did like it as a one shot because it just showed Lily and Lysander and honestly if I'd have messed with it I seriously think that I may have ruined it. Report Review
"His oblivity was almost laughable and I wouldn’t want him any other way."
This sentence made the whole fic come together for me. I think if you hadn't put it this way, I would have questioned Lily not even trying for what she had wanted in the first place. I kept thinking, "Why would she not trust someone she'd known for that long with the truth?" I like the ending, how to Lily, she has made up her mind and was willing to live with her decision, yet the action, or lack of action in the story speaks to me of the possibility that things might still change in her favor at a later date. It gives the reader hope that he won't always be as oblivious as he is in this moment. Very well written one-shot!Author's Response: Hey :) Sorry for the late response!
That sentence to me I loved writing because I agree that if that wasn't the case then Lily shouldn't have kept quiet! There is a possibility they could get together and that's really the way I wanted it! I have never thought of Lily and Lysander apart! Thank you for the review! Report Review
I love a good unrequited love/angst story! (gosh, don't I sound sympathetic? haha) Seriously, this was a really good story, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've been sitting on the fence of this era for a while now but I think your story may have just tipped me over the edge and got me liking it :D
This was a beautifully written story and I loved how freakishly un-cliche'd the ending was :) I've read way too many unrequited love stories where they get together in the end (even in one-shots) and I feel like screaming sometimes. But when I come across a well-written story like this, with the same story line, I feel happy (Gosh, I sound like a real charmer don't I? Haha)
That last time was brilliant! It just added to the angst and drama in this story and that final paragraph, "love is putting that person before yourself so that's what I did." it was pure genius! I'm always in awe of writers who can pull off a one-shot which (if been given to a different author) could have been turned into a novella. Okay, i'm going to stop rambling now and finish this review off :)
All in all, fantastic story and thanks for making me like the next-generation (I could have just said that from the start and made you not read all of that nonsense)
JazAuthor's Response: Hey thank you for the review!
I'm glad you liked the story! I hope it has converted you to next gen! I love writing next gen its actually amazing!
I'm glad you thought it was very unclique. That's the one thing I always try to avoid doing because so many people do the same thing which is why I really wanted to write about an unrequited love that didn't work out.
I'm glad you loved the last paragraph and thank you so much for all the compliments. They mean so much coming from a fab writer like you! Report Review
Here from the Gryffie common room!
That was so sad :'( But also one of the most realistic stories I've read on here. The fact that it didn't have a happy ending was so true to real life. I cried when she said 'his happiness was worth more than my love.' She must really love him.
Anyway, this was brilliant. Keep on writing!Author's Response: Hey :)
Thank you for the review!
I'm glad it was able to evoke emotion but sorry for making you cry! I tried to make it as realistic as possible without making it too forced!
I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Ahh - this was so sweet, but so sad at the same time. Sometimes love just plain sucks, huh? Poor Lily! I really felt so sorry for her! However, one thing - in your summary it says 'Lorcan' but in the story you say 'Lysander'. Which one is it really? Anyway, lovely read, I love how you portrayed everyone!Author's Response: Hey :)
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you thought it was sweet and sad. I was going for the whole idea of being about unrequited love and I must admit that love must suck!
I've changed my summary... It is Lysander I had never imagined Lily with anyone else! Report Review
It looks like you did a really good job of capturing Lily's emotions in this story, and she was instantly very sympathetic to the readers.
In most stories, the main characters always seem to end up together, so it was a nice change to see some unrequieted love, since obviously things don't always work out for people in real life.
There was a nice and easy flow to the story, and though it was short, there were a lot of feelings packed into it.Author's Response: Hey :) Thank you for the review.
I'm glad you thought I did a good job with this. Originally I wasn't going to post it because I'd missed the deadline for the challenge but I'm glad I did because of all the positive feedback that I have received.
I don't generally mind that generally the main characters get together but I wanted to give a different spin on things mainly to just add more variety within my writing styles.
I'm glad you thought there were a lot of feelings packed into it! Report Review
Oh wow. I REALLY liked that. It was really deep and somehow, stories with no happy ending are always better than those where they skip off into the sunset because everyone admitted their undying love for each other. They're the ones that feel REAL. And I love that. And I really love the ending.
Love is putting that person before yourself so that's what I did. I would help this girl fall in love with him because that made him happy. I would watch on as they got married, had children and grew old together, always waiting in the side wings to be there for him when he needed it. I would be there when he needed time out, to moan about his wife and I could deal with that...
Because in reality... fairy-tales don't exist.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this one-shot! I know I really didn't want to make it one of those really fluffy fics in which everyone gets their happy ending because in reality it's not what happens and not everyone has the confidence to tell the other person that they are in love with them.
I tried to get a lot of emotion into there so I'm glad that you thought it was real regardless of the fact that it is only a very short one shot. The ending was just a couple of sentences which I just couldn't stop myself from writing! Report Review
Awww... that was so sad. I think one of the biggest differences between the male and female perspective on romance is the concept of unrequited love. As I male, I read this story and the sense of incompleteness, the perception of something that desperately needs to be fixed, is almost overwhelming. I want to just grab Lily by the shoulders and shake her in frustration. For most women I know, there's something very poetic about the whole thing. An idealistic state where love is completely pure and unsullied by any possibility of personal fulfillment except for watching the loved one be happy. For most readers, I think this story brings that contrast out in spades.
You did a wonderful job writing this. Everything flowed very nicely. Your balance of narrative and descriptiveness was terrific and there was just the right amount of dialog to break up Lily's reflection on her life-long relationship with Lysander. I loved reading Lily's inner dialog as she struggles with her desire to declare her love for him. It all came across as so genuine and earnest.
I only saw one sentence in the whole piece that I thought read a bit awkward: "My childhood was the days where we spent every day together, each collapsing on each other on the verge of exhaustion after Nana Molly scrubbed us clean in the bath." It's grammatically correct, but there are a lot of days, eaches and ons. I think it would read a little better if you mixed up your word choice a little.
I've read a fair bit of your writing and this is probably my favorite so far. It's short, elegant, filled with poignant emotion and very clean and easy to read. Well done!Author's Response: Hey :) Thank you again for this review.
I agree that it is one of the biggest differences between male and female writing especially because the different genders have such a different perception on the idea of 'love'.
I agree with your idea of wanting to shake Lily but at the same time, if she told him, it would have make the piece more awkward and I think it was more about Lily discovering that she'd prefer him to be happy with someone else rather than loae him.
I'm really glad you think that it flowed really well! I thought it was extremely short so I actually wasn't going to post it especially because I also missed the deadline to the challenge it was for so I'm glad you liked it!
I'll have a look at that sentence, I can see there are a few words that I can get rid of! Report Review
This was written quite intensely. It's nice to see someone not willing to give their character their perfect ending because sometimes those don't happen. I think you took a very real approach with imagery and emotion, so much so that I was right there with her.
While I don't agree that she was being such a pushover that she wouldn't even SAY anything, I do get where she is coming from. Try a chance at love or lose your best friend? But she's got to know that it's going to be doubly painful when that girl falls in love with Lysander.
This was very well written and when she was thinking about the life she could live with Sandy if he felt the same way, it had such a sweet tinge to it but also that sense of hopeless longing. It was beautiful.
xCharAuthor's Response: Hey :)
I am guilty as are many fan fiction writers to giving their characters happy endings although I wrote this at a time in which me and my partner had had an argument so that's possibly why! I'm glad you liked this.
I just felt that she needed to keep her friendship with Lysander as she valued his friendship and of course she knew how she was going to feel but she just wanted him to be happy :)
Thank you for the review Report Review
Alright, I have to admit, this ship is a secret love of mine. I really liked this, because I felt it was somewhat realistic. A lot of stories, the guy always likes the girl back, so I enjoyed the realism of this, because most of the time, the guy doesn't. I really liked the way you wrote Lily, I liked that she hadn't turned properly bitter from it all, that all she wanted for him to be happy, even if it wasn't with her, it spoke volumes to me, because it showed she truly loves you. No one who loves you properly would not want to see you happy. The last line was amazing, it was a perfect ending to it all. In all, I really liked your word choice and I like your style of writing. In all, I think this was really good and I really enjoyed reading this.
xAuthor's Response: I love Lily and Lysander so much even though I know it's not technically canon!
I had never really imagined this one shot being any differently as there seems to be a lot of stories about men liking women and the women not liking it back so it was nice to give it a little twist.
Most women in this situation aren't bitter, just weary so I wanted people to see that in her. I'm glad you really liked it! Report Review
I really liked this! It was very powerful and sentimental and beautiful. I especially liked: "His oblivity was almost laughable and I wouldn't want him any other way." it is very cute and shows the love for him perfectly.
The memories of them as children is nicely contrasted with what Lily wants to happen, and the fact that she wants him to be happy above everything else is cliched but perfect.
10/10 It's brilliant! :DAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it.
I tried to put myself in her shoes and portray how I'd feel in this situation! I tried to make it as real as possible so people would be able to relate to it!
I felt including the memories of them as children really showed how things had changed from then to now and how close they were! Report Review
NO! I wanted him to fall in love with her too! WHY? WHY?
I love the way you captured her feelings in this. It feels very real. I love that she decides to help him "because to me, his happiness was worth more than my love." I love that line :)
I also really like that you included some memories of them together in their childhood. I think that really added to his feeling of friendship and her unrequited love.Author's Response: I know! Bless him he was completely oblivious to his love for her!
She just values him in her life just as a friend rather than not at all so I tried to incorperate this in with that and include how I would have felt really if I was in that situation!
I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
This is really good, you captue what she is feeling perfectly and while part of me is screaming at her to just tell him, I'm almost glad she didn't. Well done,
GirlOnTheSidelines.Author's Response: Hey thank you so much for the review!
I'm glad you enjoyed it! And all the way through I really wanted her to tell him but I knew that realistically she couldnt! Report Review
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