Reading Reviews for Flicker and Fail
  
48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by bren When Will I See You Again?

10th January 2013:
I actually chose this story on the off-chance the title was a reference to laura marling's song, she's one of my favorite artists. I also just really enjoy your stories, keep writing!

Author's Response: :D The recipient for this story was a dear friend who adores Laura Marling. I'm not her biggest fan, personally, but I do like some of her songs, including Flicker and Fail, so I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it! If you're interested, there's a sequel (incidentally, also a gift fic, this one for someone who adores Shinedown, if that's your thing?), so please do check it out and review if you liked this. Thank you for the review :)

Soraya xxx


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Review #2, by SilentConfession The Reason You Loved Me Before

17th July 2012:
Hi! I'm here for your review request from the forums! i'm sorry it's taken me so long but life has gotten so hectic lately!

So this chapter was jammed back with action and broiling emotions! You continue doing an excellent job with writing the emotions and the insecurities of your characters. Which is great to see that you can consistently bring that to your writing and it makes your writing relatable because we all wonder at some point about if the person we love loves us back or if we're just being used.

Pacing wise i think that the execution was fairly spot on with this chapter and i think you did a great job with writing from the scene in the summer to the end. However, with that said, the first scene seemed a little out of the blue. I found myself wondering if Leanne would do that with Katie considering what Katie was going through. It almost felt like she was using Katie's state to fulfill her own needs. Which i don't think was your intention at all but it's crossed my mind.

I think you also did a great job with the morning after's reaction though and how Leanne suddenly became insecure of what actually happened. It wouldn't easy to be in that situation where you wonder if you had been used or if the other person was regretting what happened. I think you approached that well and also her reaction to her mum i could see happening as well. However, there was such a change with her mum that part of me wondered if they it would have been that extreme. I could see how she may say sorry to her mum for being rude or at least trying to smooth things over.

I thought Katie's fear of the love word was legit and that she would feel that way considering her past and i think you wrote that well and it felt real rather than plotted. Great execution with that.

There were times that i wanted to know what was going on around Katie and Leanne. You did a great job at pulling in a canon event at the end but then there other moments that they seemed isolated in time, as if they were walking in white space. Like, where they in Leanne's dorm when she wanted to say i love you or Katie's or were they even in a dorm? It makes sense to an extent to have it this way since it shows how wrapped up in each other they were and this is a story that Leanne is telling someone else so it would obviously focus on the people. But there were times that i just wanted to be able to place them somewhere and see what was happening around them.

Overall i think you've done a good job at exploring these two characters though and i really enjoyed being introduced to this story! So thanks for requesting me and i hope you found this review helpful :D

Author's Response: Hiya,

Haha, I took a while to respond too, so no worries ;)

I'm glad you liked the action and the emotions -- I think this chapter out of all three chapters was probably the strongest, mostly because I could focus on individual events in a lot more detail. It's lovely to know that it's relatable :)

Eeep, I get what you mean about the first scene. It *was* meant to seem, at least to Leanne, like Leanne was just using Katie for her own needs more than anything, hence why she felt so unsure about it the morning after, especially since Katie just disappeared, too. Obviously, that wasn't the reason they slept together -- Katie was in a vulnerable state and Leanne was trying to comfort her, so it wasn't what you thought, but it did cross Leanne's mind, too, so it's interesting that you picked up on that.

At seventeen, you do kind of change in that respect, and I think, up until that point, Leanne had a good relationship with her mum. After her secret -- that she was in love with her best friend -- threatened to break out, Leanne kind of felt the need to, well, be rude to her mum even though her mum didn't deserve it. It was a bit extreme, but then remember that Leanne just made love to her best friend only for her best friend to then leave her without a word. I think it would seem strange if Leanne's relationship with her mother didn't deteriorate at least a little.

I'm glad you liked the whole aborted "I love you" attempt thing, lol. That wasn't in the original draft, but I think it's something said far too quickly in relationships, and I wanted to change that, so it's lovely to know that you thought it was realistic.

They were in the dormitory when the whole "I love you" thing happened. I did say -- "They had left early on in the feast to Leanne’s dormitory." You must have missed it, lol. But I like your interpretation of things, that they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't notice anything else. I'll definitely bear that in mind, though, in future stories, so thanks for the tip.

I'm glad you enjoyed this story despite your nitpicks. It's probably not my strongest story, but it's lovely to know you liked it (at least, to some extent, lol). Thank you for the reviews -- they did make me think a lot.

~Soraya~


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Review #3, by SilentConfession A Fickle Heart

20th June 2012:
I really liked Leanne here, I felt like she has grown into herself a lot more here and I could really connect with her a lot more than I could in the past chapter so it's good to see the character growth. I think this has something to do with that you focussed more on some specific moments that made them more tangible. This is good because we want to feel with the characters and not simply be passive observer of their lives.

I think it was nice that Leanne took the lead here and it showed her inner strength. I think she just needed a moment where she could prove that she wasn't such a pushover but had an inner urmph so to speak that shines when it needs too. It's obvious that Katie has no ability to lead at the moment and that she's just trying to get by. It's not easy to be in that situation and you can see Katie's desperation at times. I also really appreciated and liked how Katie could see that her mum was at fault for the fight with Leanne's mum. I think it spoke a lot about her character. It's little things like that that I really liked about this chapter.

With apparition, you have to be 17 and I was confused because I thought they just finished 6th year. Anyway, I may be wrong because their ages always confuses me, but I think if she was 17 in the summer she would have been in the year above. I think this added to the confusion I felt with the timing here and there were a few times I was wondering exactly if this was going in a linear fashion or were you jumping around. Just as a little note, although I did figure it out eventually, anything that makes the reader step back and try and figure they way around your story intellectually they stop simply enjoying the story and they start critically evaluating it, which isn't usually what you want from a reader.

I liked the new theme that you brought in, I think it was an interesting twist, however, I felt like it was a little fake sometimes. You handled it well in some ways and you explored some themes in it that are really sensitive and you worked well how Katie must be feeling. But i suppose I felt a little outside of it was just how the timing of this story and it felt a little fast paced for me. I also expected a little emotion from Leanne as well. However, I liked how you showed and reminded everyone that not everyone is as they seem and that some people are really going through horrible events that they cannot control, like a mother with a drug problem.

It also made sense, her crassness with Leanne at the beginning of the first chapter, that sort of rudeness. I saw a little of that at the very end here, none of it Katie's fault really, it's just the life shes been forced to live. But I felt like her nice character has changed and shes become harder with a tough and angry shell.

It's always sad to see a friendship fall apart and it's really relatable because it happens all the time. You think a friendship is going to last forever and you make promises that nothing will ever be able to penetrate it. But things change, people change and cracks begin to happen and then the cracks get picked at until there are these large gaping holes where your friendship used to be. That's the feelings I've gotten while Ive been reading this and it's made me sad but I hope they can sew those holes up again!

I hope you found my review helpful and thank you for requesting from me, Ive enjoyed being introduced to this tale and have liked reading it so far! :P

Author's Response: Hello again -- sorry for the delay in replying. Things have been busy for me (again...) but thank you for such a thorough review.

I'm glad you connected more with Leanne here -- I do agree that it was because I showed specific scenes -- so showing, rather than telling :) And it's good to know that you thought I developed both their characters more, because I think this chapter was important in showing how their characters changed.

Okay, with Apparition, yes, you do need to be seventeen to be able to Apparate. But by the end of their sixth year, both Katie and Leanne ARE seventeen -- if you remember, in HBP, Hermione and Ron took their tests before the end of their sixth year, so as long as they passed (which Leanne did), it's actually not a problem.

I do agree with you that the pacing in this story is just too fast, and I therefore may have glossed over the issue of drugs. Having said that, I'm not sure it could be described as "fake" -- just not covered enough, I suppose.

And yeah, Katie was meant to be a tough and angry character in the end -- she just can't remember it after waking up, lol. I'm glad you can relate to their friendship falling apart, though, and that you could feel Leanne's and Katie's pain, really.

Thank you for the review -- you've made me think, a lot, about this story.

~Soraya~


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Review #4, by SilentConfession When Will I See You Again?

11th June 2012:
Hey, so i'm here for your reviews! *hangs head in shame* i'm so sorry for how long this has taken and i appreciate your patience. Life is crazy sometimes, most of the time actually :D

Anyway, onto the story itself, i haven't had a lot of experience reading femmeslash but i'll do my best to evaluate it as best i can.

What i really appreciated this was that you are tackling such a unique idea. I really love the idea of what would happen if you lost your whole memory and what kind of person you'd be afterwards. It's a really interesting concept. It's really complex and it's commendable to any author who tries it.

I think you've written the emotions fairly well. i think the emotion of a piece is really important in a story and it marks a good author. I think there is a good start on that so far. we've gotten a decent look at how Leanne must feel to be in her position and it would be hard. To love someone and realize that there may never be a chance and have that longing there. I think you explored that well, how this longing seemed to take over her life and how it affected her relationship. I think something like that can only remain underneath the surface so long before it bubbles up.

I liked the lead up of the changes in their relationship. It seemed to make sense in that there was no choppiness to it and that i wasn't left wondering how the changes occurred. There was also some nice subtle hints that Leanne's feelings were different than Katie's feelings. However, did feel at times that the changes in their relationship were told passively and i felt like i was being told as a reader rather than being able to experience the changes myself. Show not tell.

I liked the struggle that Leanne had because it can't be easy to realize that you like your best mate more than just a friend. I think you portrayed that well and realistically.

One of the things that i was sort of looking for was for more description. Description can really add to a stories emotions and make them more poignant and stand out. It's how one describes something sometimes that can not only add to the emotion but also add to the characterization of the characters and make who they are come across more strongly and in more of a subtle way. Along with that, i oftentimes didn't really know what was going on around your characters and had a hard time really imaging the scenes.

Talking about characterization, although i think you did a good job at making them their own person's i felt again, sort of like i was being told who they were and that there was more of this passive voice that didn't let me experience them. For instance, the parts where Leanne was told as being more quietly studious and Katie was becoming a loudmouth Gryffindor. Although that part really showed their changing relationship, i felt like i'd rather have seen it. I hope that makes sense. For me, i think that there was this passive feeling that ran throughout this chapter that stopped me from feeling as if i was really with Leanne at times, not all the time as there were some really great moments in here that made me get a great glimpse of Leanne's emotions.

The confrontation between the parents really confused me and it took me a few times to read through it to realize what was happening and i felt like i needed something more to understand why Mary overreacted so much. Is that something she normally did?

Another point that i was a little uneasy about was at the beginning. I felt like Katie's reactions a little off and she almost seemed irritated and hurtful towards Leanne. I'd see that she'd be more confused and scared that she can't remember anything. However, i may be confused, did Katie just wake up, has she been awake for a while?

With all that said, i think you have an interesting story and it's a unique take on what is happening outside of the trio's little circle. I really love underloved characters so i enjoyed this fresh take on life at Hogwarts. I hope you found this review helpful, i'm a little out of practice with leaving them but i hope that there was something in there you can find useful! Thanks for requesting me and i'll be reading your 2nd chapter soon :D

Author's Response: Hiya! Sorry it's taken me a while to respond to this -- I've been busy trying to find a summer job, lol.

Anyway, onto your review. I’m really flattered you think the idea is unique -- I thought it was a bit samey, with the whole amnesia romance novel cliche, but I’m glad you think otherwise. And I'm glad you liked the emotions and how I explored Leanne’s feelings and everything -- I agree that things would have eventually cropped up, as I don't think Leanne could have held in how she felt for very long.

YAY to no choppiness! I was really worried about that. And I completely get what you mean about the telling -- my beta mentioned it quite a bit, and I’ve been working to curb that, as I can see it’s a pretty major issue in my writing. Eeep. I will definitely bear that in mind in the next things I write, although, if I do say so myself, I do think that it becomes a lot less telling and more showing in the next two chapters.

Description is also something I’m working on, as it been mentioned quite a bit, so yeah, I totally get why you would like more of it, especially with the fact that the narrative is rather passive.

Mary was being a byotch. I think I needed to explore her character more in order to make her reaction a bit more... plausible. Katie, though, the reason she was being the way she was acting was because she *had* been awake for a while -- for about a day. She remembered her parents, but not Leanne, hence why she wasn’t as scared.

Despite your criticisms, I’m glad you enjoyed it :) I’m a big fan of underloved and minor characters, particularly in trio era, so I'm glad you thought the same. This review was very helpful, so thank you very much, and once again, apologies about responding so late! D:

~Soraya~


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Review #5, by DracoFerret11 The Reason You Loved Me Before

9th May 2012:
Hello there! It's DarkRose for the final time, here to review your wonderful story. :]

Characterization: I loved this chapter. Leanne's love for Katie is just so genuine. And the way you fit Katie's canon lines into the story was great. I love that both girls realized they have feelings for each other and acted on them. Very well done.

Descriptions: I loved the descriptions of Katie and Leanne's relationship. They're very sweet together and I like that a lot. Slash-haters bother me. This relationship was just as loving and real as any non-slash relationship. Bam.

Emotions: Beautiful! The scene where they first get together is so sweet. It really helped me to see where they were coming from and the foundation they were building their love on. And Leanne's hurt feelings after Katie disappeared were very raw and realistic. All the emotions were beautiful. When the story went back to St. Mungo's and Leanne was crying, I was so touched. Very, very well done.

Plot: Wonderful. You treated "sexual" scenes in a classy way and made things seem romantic. Very impressive. It's always a disappointment when a "love scene" is so trashy that it turns readers off. You avoided that perfectly. And you did a great job explaining Katie's absence from Leanne's life during the summer. You didn't gloss over anything. Well done.

Interactions: Katie and Leanne are so sweet! I loved all their moments together. The very end of the story was just beautiful. So sweet. :]

Pacing: You held your pacing steady and delivered a touching story in a concise way. Very well done.

Flow: The story switched flawlessly back to present-day. I loved that you pulled that off.

Overall, you did a magnificent job here. This was really quite great. Thanks for visiting my review thread! Feel free to return in the future.

--Emily

Author's Response: Yay, third review :) I'm so glad you thought Leanne's love for Katie is genuine. It is very real, and I hope I put that across. And I'm really flattered you think they're sweet as a couple.

This chapter is probably the most emotional, so I'm pleased you enjoyed it. And I'm just giggling at your comment about the sex scenes :P This is the first time I wrote anything more than kind of "they fell into bed and made love" so it's nice to know it came across okay. And wow, you thought it was classy? That's a very high compliment which I totally don't deserve, but thank you so much.

I liked the ending myself. As in, the whole story was quite dark, so a happy ending was kind of in the cards if you know what I mean. And I'm really glad you thought the pacing was good, because I was a bit concerned the jump back to present would be a bit abrupt.

I'm pleased you liked it! Thank you for such wonderful reviews :)

~Soraya~


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Review #6, by DracoFerret11 A Fickle Heart

9th May 2012:
Hey, it's DarkRose again.

Another good chapter!

Characterization: I really loved Leanne in this chapter. She really stood up when she needed to and I like that a lot. I'm so disappointed in how Katie's turning out though...so sad. But you're doing a wonderful job of showing who she now is and how she's ended up that way. Both Katie and Leanne are very believable characters and you're writing them magnificently.

Descriptions: I loved this chapter's descriptions. It was so dark, but you really brought it to life. Things were rough and you showed how they were in a realistic way, even if it was sad and violent to write about. Really great job.

Emotions: I think I really felt Katie's frustration here, but I was surprised that I didn't see much of Leanne's disappointment or sadness about Katie's situation. I really expected her to feel worse for Katie, and I didn't see that.

Plot: This chapter was so very different than the last one. I was surprised how dark things got, but I think you really pulled it off. I'm interested to see how this story progresses in the next chapter.

Interactions: I think there were some really good moments in this chapter. I loved the scene where Leanne saves Katie's life. The interaction between Katie and her mother was tragically realistic. And I really felt that Katie's outbursts were characteristic of her situation. I was surprised they fell so easily into their friendship after so long, but I'm glad they're getting along again, all the same.

Style: Really well done here. I thought this was very poignant. It's difficult to write about such weighted topics, but you definitely pulled it off.

Pacing: This is solid. The story isn't linear, but it's not hurting your style, flow, or pacing.

Great chapter. Keep up the good work! I'll read the next one ASAP!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hi again! I'm responding to these in between revision, so apologies for the lateness D:

Anyway, I'm so glad you liked Leanne. Yes, Katie is in a bad place at the moment, but it's not really her fault. YAY to you thinking I wrote them believably! That means a lot :)

And it's nice to know you liked the descriptions. In terms of Leanne's emotions, I think Leanne was a bit apathetic because she hasn't really seen Katie much lately. And yeah, it got dark, lol.

I'm so glad you liked the interactions, pacing and style! Thanks for reviewing :)

~Soraya~


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Review #7, by DracoFerret11 When Will I See You Again?

8th May 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you! Sorry for the long wait! :D So, let's go over things:

Characterization: I actually really enjoyed how you characterized both Katie and Leanne. Leanne is trying so hard for something that doesn't exist, and Katie is just a schoolgirl who gets her heart broken, without realizing she's breaking someone else's heart at the same time. They were brilliantly written and their fluctuating friendship really touched me.

Descriptions: I think there could have been more about the physical descriptions (how they react to certain things, where they are, etc.), but it didn't detract from the story.

Emotions: THESE were portrayed well. I felt so bad for Leanne after she was going through so much pain and she couldn't even do anything to change it. How terrible. :/

Plot: Really good job! I feel bad about Katie not remembering Leanne. The story that Leanne is telling is really well-written. I like that you are showing in a concise way such a complex relationship. I wonder where the main story will go outside of the memories. We'll see. :]

Interactions: Ahh, I felt so bad for Leanne when her friendship with Katie fell apart. Their friendship before that was so sweet and lovely. I truly feel bad about how things are going at this point. I hope they get better...I like how you show the two very different personalities in the same story.

Style: I actually really like that this story is non-linear. I think you're treating a difficult style very well. It's not easy to do, but you're pulling it off so far. :]

Pacing: We're skipping around quite a bit, but I think you're on-track, pacing-wise. Things aren't moving too quickly.

Flow: Things actually aren't difficult to follow. This was quite a long chapter, but I didn't get lost. Good job!

Well done for an opening chapter! I'll read more ASAP! Again, I'm sorry for the delay.

--Emily

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for such thorough reviews :)

I'm glad you liked the characterisation, and their friendship. I had to cut away bits and add bits to make it work, and I'm really flattered that it touched you.

I know what you mean about descriptions -- I think it's something that has been commented on before, so I will definitely bear that in mind.

YAY to you liking the emotions! Some parts were rather painful to write, so it means a lot to me that you thought these were written well. And you think the style was concise? Yayyy. I'm glad you liked that, and their relationship, which is rather complex, yes.

Yeah, they were meant to have different personalities -- if I had them too similar, it would have been a bit... repetitive, you know?

The person I was writing this for has a (lovely) habit of making stories non-linear and dark and angsty, so I'm pleased you liked the style of this. It is a very difficult style; you're right about that, lol. And I know what you mean about skipping around a bit, so it's nice that you think I'm on-track in that respect, and that it's not too difficult to follow.

Thanks again :)

~Soraya~


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Review #8, by Beeezie When Will I See You Again?

2nd May 2012:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review! (Which has taken forever. Please forgive me - there's been a Gryffie CR activity that's taken up most of my attention.)

I'm going to address your writing style first, because style is important to me. I always nitpick about it, because I really think it can make or break a story (and, of course, you did ask specifically about it! :P). And I have to say, I think you did a great job. I usually really dislike present tense, but here it works well. I think it gave the story a more personal feel, which can sometimes be lacking in a third-person perspective. The way you wrote this pulled me into Leanne's frame of mind, and made me empathise with her.

I also liked the transitions you made between scenes. You covered a lot of important ground in a very elegant way. The scene changes didn't feel forced to me - they felt like they flowed from one to the next naturally. That was true right from the start: moving into the flashback right after Leanne says, "Then they went to Hogwarts" was absolutely perfect. The scenes themselves had a similar quality - you summarised where you should have to keep the scene from dragging, included enough dialogue for me, at least, to feel a connection with the two of them, and spent an appropriate amount of time on each scene.

My only issue with your writing itself was that I felt like sometimes your description could have used a little work. I don't think that very detailed descriptions always work, but for the pace and flow of this story, I think a little more detail would help enhance the story. While you did a good job overall at getting across how Leanne was feeling, I wished that you'd included a little more of a reaction early on to some of the things Katie said, especially since some of them came across (to me, at least) as being a little hurtful.

I also didn't always have a clear picture of what was going on around her. Early on, when Katie first wakes up, the story was basically just their dialogue and Leanne's inner monologue. I wanted to know more about what the scene physically looked like. Leanne thinking about Katie's eyes a lot - what colour are they? How does she feel about the environment? What is Katie doing? Leanne is clearly uncomfortable at the beginning - what does she look at when she looks away from Katie? How is she reacting to that discomfort?

Does that make sense? I just wanted a little more detail and description than you had, to really ground the scene in something tangible. Otherwise, it's a really nice job. :)

As far as characterisation goes, I think that so far you've done a good job. Both Leanne and Katie have very strong, distinctive characters, and I really liked them both. I felt like you portrayed a very complicated relationship very well - as the story progressed, I definitely got the distinct impression that not only did Leanne develop feelings about Katie that Katie didn't return, but she was also more attached in general to Katie than Katie was to her. That's not uncommon, especially in childhood friends, but it can be difficult to portray, especially without someone coming off as the bad guy.

But you managed it, and managed it beautifully. I felt for both of them. This friendship is awkward and messy. I'm still not quite sure where Katie's mind was at or what she did or didn't notice, and I like that, too. I'm definitely left wanting to read on and find out what happens in their sixth year and after Katie gets cursed. You took a minor character and a character who barely got a name and made them something unique and creative - and really enjoyable to read about.

All of that said, I do have a few little pieces of crit.

In the first section, just after Katie wakes up, there were a few little bits in the dialogue that didn't work for me. Part of the problem was just Katie's recollections, which didn't always make sense to me - how could she remember her mother and that Leanne hadn't come to visit her, but not Dumbledore or the school? I'm not questioning that she can't remember Leanne - just the fact that her memory for information seems a bit inconsistent. The other issue I had with that section was that I felt that Katie's dialogue showed someone that was far too calm, being able to remember almost nothing. I wanted a bit more description of her emotional state or why she didn't have one.

I also thought that some of their dialogue and interactions when they were kids first heading off to Hogwarts didn't quite fit eleven year olds. Leanne's glancing at her watch to time how many times her mother had told her to write every day was in the last twenty-two minutes (that came off convoluted, but you know what I'm talking about) seemed like something a teenager or young adult would do, not something that an eleven year old would do. Similarly, Leanne's use of the word "Perhaps" during her Sorting seemed a bit odd - "Maybe" would have fit better to me. (Minor, but I do that. :P)

The only other issue I had was that I wanted a tiny bit more background or detail on the broken friendship between Leanne's mother and Katie's. As it was, it seemed like a bit of an overreaction on Katie's mother's part, and I didn't really understand why neither woman seemed to be very emotionally affected. (All right, I wouldn't necessarily know about Katie's mother, but Leanne's didn't seem all that upset.) It just felt a little strange to me.

Other than that, though, this was a really lovely story. I great enjoyed it, and please feel free to rerequest when I have slots free. :)

Author's Response: Eeeep, I've completely forgotten about this review! My apologies for responding so late -- exams have been horrible lately >.<

I see what you mean about the impersonal-ness of third person, but I'm glad present tense worked for you :) And yay to you getting into Leanne's mindset, as well as you liking the transitions between scenes. It was kind of tough doing that, so I'm really glad you thought I did that well.

I see what you mean about the lack of description. I think it's been commented on before, and I have been working to curb that. I will definitely bear that in mind for other writing, so thank you for that :)

Hahaha, yes, their relationship is certainly awkward and messy, lol. That is a perfect way to put it. It gets more interesting later on, I think.

I think the dialogue was stilted for a reason, but the fact that Katie remembered her mother and not Leanne is scientifically more accurate than her not remembering anything at *all*. A friend of mine had a car accident a few years back, and when she woke up, she could remember a few of her friends, but not her parents, interestingly. So that was me trying to be accurate, lol. Also, Katie has been awake for a while -- as in, she first woke up the day before, and then Leanne went over to see her, so Katie had a bit of time to digest what had happened.

Leanne checking her watch etc was her being nerdy (it was meant to show that she's studious/a bit of a stickler for detail). Maybe it was a bit much for an eleven-year-old, but I think Leanne was quite mature for an eleven-year-old, more mature than Katie, that is, hence why she comes across as such.

The thing with Katie's and Leanne's mothers' problems is that it's not the major plot strand of the story, and this mushroomed from a one-shot to a three-shot as it is, so I kind of felt like I had to skim over it a bit. You have a point, and I wish I could go and expand this story further -- but it's just given me so much hell as it is that I'd much rather just leave it for the moment.

I'm really glad you liked it anyway! Thanks for reviewing, and once again, apologies for not responding sooner.

~Soraya~


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Review #9, by Remus The Reason You Loved Me Before

29th April 2012:
Hey! Here's your second review!! So sorry it has taken me weeks...I've been sick.. :S Allergies are horrible. Anyway, I'll be reading this and reviewing as I go along.

Talk about an explosive first part. I was NOT expecting that. And poor Leanne, being confused as to what Katie felt for her. You managed to capture that confusion just great that leaves the readers confused as well along with Leanne. However, it felt like her personality did a 180...more cold towards her mother...but I suppose that's from what happened the night before and her mother is being over-bearing.

Leanne and Katie...I've never seen done it, in fact, I wouldve never come up with it. You, however, now brought it up to my attention and I'm going to start shipping them. Hahaha! You definitely write their coupling beautifully. Katie's last paragraph was fantastic! I loved every word it in.

This was a great read!!! :D I think it's complete, right? Maybe you should add a chapter here and there when you get an inspiration about these two. Their worry of the war, the future...XD Nicely done.

Thanks for the read! Feel free to add anything else you want me to read to my queue once I'm open again!

--Perelandra

Author's Response: Hiya! No worries about taking a while -- I sympathise with the whole allergy thing :S

Hahaha, I think the scene at the beginning is one of the only scenes that was largely unchanged from the original version. I know, it's kind of unexpected, but Leanne did deserve a good shag, hehehehe.

Yay, you're a Katie/Leanne shipper now? I'm so glad. This is one of my favourite rarepairs at the moment, and I'm really glad you thought I wrote them well :) I especially liked writing Katie's last paragraph.

Yes, it's complete. I *might* write a follow-up, from Katie's POV, but it all depends, really. Right now, I'm concentrating more on OF (there are elements of this story in my novel), though I might still write it. Definitely the worry about the war and everything is a big thing, and something I would like to write about, so you never know :)

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this! Thank you very much for the review.

~Soraya~


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Review #10, by AnnaKay The Reason You Loved Me Before

26th April 2012:
This was a really great ending to the story. I think that it tied up a bunch of pieces and gave it that final feeling that it needed. Great, great job. I think that it moved along in just the right pace.

I like also how it was like a story she was telling. It had the right feeling and the right movement. I think you did really well, and I loved reading it!

Author's Response: Hiya, thanks again! I'm so glad you thought the story had a sense of closure to it -- that was definitely my intention. And yeah, I'm pleased you liked the fact that Leanne was basically telling Katie about herself and that kind of turned into the story.

Thanks :)

~Soraya~


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Review #11, by AnnaKay A Fickle Heart

26th April 2012:
I liked this chapter. I feel like I could really see and feel how their friendship is falling apart. I think you did that nicely. Even though they tried as hard as they could to keep it together, everything kind of just fell apart. It can be hard some times for things to go like that, and I think that you were able to catch the emotions and thing like that really well.

Who knew that it's what Katie would have to do all of that. I think you did a good job showing what would happen to her, and how she acts. She is harder, but at the same time I think she is sad. Very sad. I love the fact that there are two emotions, not just one strong one.

Author's Response: Hiya ;) Thanks for the review.

I'm glad you liked how I portrayed their deteriorating friendship. Part of my problem, as my beta said, was that I was doing too much telling, so I hope I rectified that okay.

To be honest, anyone could have what Katie had happen to her, so I'm glad you thought I did a good job in that respect, in terms of characterisation.

Thanks for the review!

~Soraya~


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Review #12, by HappyMollyWeasley The Reason You Loved Me Before

22nd April 2012:
I'm so glad that the girls finally got together, and that you gave this story a happy ending.

You have kept the same beautiful tone through all three chapters.

I love the part when Angela wants to come into Leanne's room in the morning. It's never easy to be a teenager, I suppose...

And the ending... It is so beautiful that I almost cried.

Over all I'm glad that you asked me to read this. I have never read femmeslash before, and I guess that I was a bit prejudiced... But I'm happy that I found this beautiful love story. :-)

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much!

Haha, I had to give them a happy ending. They had all this angsting to begin with -- they deserved to be happy together at the end. I'm so glad you thought there was a beautiful tone; my style at the beginning has been (rightly) criticised, so it's nice to know you liked it :)

LOL, it was rather amusing writing that part, when Angela came into Leanne's room. The irony is that Angela probably wouldn't have said anything/disapproved (Angela did get pregnant with Leanne from a young age, after all), but it was just the whole thing of Angela kind of invading Leanne's personal space that made Leanne annoyed.

Aww, I'm sorry it made you cry, but I am really happy you thought it was beautiful. I won't lie; I did shed a couple of tears writing the ending, lol. And I'm so, so glad you didn't hate this. It's not one of my best-written stories, but it is rather dear to my heart because of how quickly I wrote it, and also the pairing, which has grown on me a lot since I wrote it. I'm a big fan of same-sex pairings mostly because of their realism -- I tend to find that same-sex pairings are generally more realistic and better-written than het pairings, although there are, of course, many exceptions to this. You're not prejudiced, though; you had never read femmeslash before, so it's not a surprise you were a bit reluctant to *start* reading it.

You don't know how flattered I am that you called it a beautiful love story. I'm not the most romantic of people, so that means a lot. Thank you for the equally beautiful review. I really appreciate it.

~Soraya~


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Review #13, by SeverusSnape15 The Reason You Loved Me Before

16th April 2012:
Bravo, my dear, BRAVO! I teared up at this ending, I really did. And I was very happy with it as well.

You still have some run-ons, but that's all right! It's a wonderful story. The flow was great, in all honesty. I wanted to get to the end so badly because it was so good. The one thing I don't really understand is how Katie came to love Leanne. I'd really love to know that, like, maybe another story...showing it from Katie's Point of View.

You can tell this story was very well planned out. I really love the fact that this is supposed to be their story, so that Katie can remember Leanne. I thought it was the sweetest thing in the world. I love happy endings, I must say that. They distress me so much. This story is very good, and I'd love to read more of your stories, so please, feel free to rerequest anytime :) I can't say that there's much wrong with this, so sorry if I'm not of much help!

~Cierra.

Author's Response: Yay, you liked the ending! It's cruel to say, but I am kind of glad you sort of tore up, lol. Though I do think they deserved a happy ending, even if it was a bit sappy, hehehehe.

Okay, well, Katie did love Leanne all along, but she was just too scared to say it (and understandably so, given their age and everything). It was only after nearly dying that she realised that she should have said it to Leanne from the start.

Anyway, I'm really glad you liked it, and I'm even more pleased with the general reception this story's got. I will definitely let you know if I have any new stories up :) Thank you for the review, and you were of much help reviewing this!

~Soraya~


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Review #14, by charlottetrips The Reason You Loved Me Before

13th April 2012:
Hello dear.

Your writing, first of all, is superb in this last chapter. Your descriptions and the way you bring out the emotions in Leanne as well as what Katie seems to be feeling was well done and made it real for me that this is what they would be experiencing. The scene between the two was tastefully done and spoke of more than just hormones at work there which is a nice touch. Leannes broiling emotions the morning after also make sense in the way that she wanted to blame herself but also just realized that Katie herself couldve said no and hadnt needed to participate.

I also felt like that the story moved along well in terms of pacing and such. The time jumps didnt seem too wide and I didnt feel like I was missing anything in particular given the fact that the story is about Leanne and Katie, not Leannes everyday life.

Perhaps you'd like to continue this lovers tiff in detention, Miss Starr, Miss Bell, said Snape coldly. - Ah, he was always more perceptive than we all liked :P

The whole argument and make up between Katie and Leanne was nicely done. Their words were words I could see people saying to each other, including all the hesitations, the sometimes hard time each had in finding the words to say. I guess thats what I like most about this story is how natural it seems. It isnt affected and there isnt any attempt to make it ornate and flowery. Its just a story of two people in love which is always nice to read.

Sometimes when the two girls interact, I can get a little confused as to who is saying/doing what to whom because theyre both she or her. Mainly the part where they slept together (unless you meant for it to become muddled and confusing due to the riotous feelings) and then the scene on the bed when Katie is telling Leanne why she is with her.

Oh, I got chills reading the scene with Katie and the necklace. Even though it was so short, the terseness of the moment, Leannes own inability to process the moment was packed with feeling.

As Ive said above, this was written very well and I really feel like this chapter really capped the story off. The emotion was there and the way that Leanne helped Katie back to her and Katies own words in the end really made their love real for me. If you re-wrote your first draft and came up with this, then Im glad for it because it was a nicely told story!

xChar

Author's Response: Hello again :) Thank you for such a wonderful review. I'm so glad you liked this chapter -- I seriously was not sure about the kind-of smut, lol, so it's nice to know it was tasteful, which was exactly what I was going for. I'm not the kind of person to go for explicit/graphic stuff anyway, and the most explicit I'd ever write is only a little more than this, so yeah.

Hahaha, yeah, I just had to have snarky!Snape in this :P And he *is* perceptive, far more perceptive than I thought at first.

The scene on the bed after they've had sex and Leanne is trying to tell her she loves Katie was one of the few entirely new scenes that I decided to write after the first draft was written. As I said, this story was written in a rush for a swap, and I kind of couldn't include everything I wanted because I had to get it written -- fast, lol. So this was one of the additional scenes which I really wanted in it, and I'm quite pleased with it -- it's good to know it's natural, lol, as I've never been in a situation like that, nor in any kind of relationship :P

Ah, the pains of writing third person SSP. I know exactly what you mean, and I completely agree, but it is kind of difficult not to mix them up. I think, if I ever write SSP again, I will use second or first person (I did this for my Rowena/Helga -- I used second person, because it just worked so much better like that).

The scene when Katie was cursed was very difficult to write, and even more hard to get right, because we had already seen this part in canon.

I'm really happy you enjoyed reading this -- a lot of thought has been put into this, and I think it's gone from being crap to being passable, so I'm glad you liked it. I didn't really rewrite the story, as such, but I did add things/take things away to make the story better, generally, with the help of my second beta.

Anyway, thanks again :)

~Soraya~


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Review #15, by SeverusSnape15 A Fickle Heart

12th April 2012:
Hey! Here for your second chapter's review:

So, the spacing is MUCH better on this chapter. It's easier to read, for me at least. You still have some run-ons, but that's all right. It's a very nice chapter, and I don't have too much to say about it. You just have those run-ons that are the problem, nothing else, really.

There is one thing...I don't understand when Katie says "you have six more OWLS than me." That makes no sense. They get grades on OWLS...it doesn't matter how many they get? I'm not sure what you meant by that, honestly. Well, good chapter. It was a very good length, all in all. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

~Cierra.

Author's Response: Hiya :) I'm glad the spacing, um, sorted itself out, lol. I will definitely bear the run-on sentences in mind for future stories.

Okay, remember in HBP when Harry, Ron and Hermione got their OWL results? Harry and Ron got seven OWLs -- that means that they passed (i.e. got an Acceptable or above) in seven subjects. Leanne got six more passes than Katie did, hence why Katie said Leanne has six more OWLs than her. I hope that made sense.

I hope you enjoy the last chapter! It's vaguely smutty, lol. :)

~Soraya~


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Review #16, by Maelody The Reason You Loved Me Before

12th April 2012:
Sorry it is so late, but here I am at last! I finished it, and to be honest, I think this chapter was my favorite. Your word selection, the memories, the slight sexual scenes without going over, were all wonderful. I got goosebumps multiple times reading through the chapter, especially at the very end. The flow went so nicely that I didn't even notice this chapter was twice as long as your last. I sort of wish I could know more about this couple now, and how their lives outside of Hogwarts go. You did a wonderful job with this story, and about the last chapter, don't worry about if it looked defensive or not, lol, it was polite and I would do the same thing (point out what this and that is). :)

Quick question though, and this is going to sound incredibly bad on my part, but is inanely a word? In my mind I want to say insanely, but it also looks somewhat familiar. Oh well, I'll go look it up! :)

I give this chapter (and the story if I could) a 10/10! :) Good job!

Author's Response: Hiya :)

Firstly, no worries about being late. The fact that you came back to this story means a lot. I'm so glad you liked this chapter enough to call it your favourite!

Hahahahaha, my smut is tame, trust me. I have, um, another story that's a bit smuttier, but it's not up yet, and HPFF won't allow it because of the pairing, so yeah. I'm glad you liked the kind-of smut anyway, as it was my first time writing anything vaguely sexual :P

I do have plans for Katie and Leanne, and I'd like to say I want to write a sequel, but I don't know. I'm a bit stuck in the rut with fanfiction, to be honest with you, and I'm not sure, but rest assured that if I do decide on a sequel and you're still around, I'll let you know :)

Okay, inanely is definitely a word -- it means idiotic, or frivolous. I certainly didn't mean insanely, lol.

Thanks, and I'm really pleased you liked it :)

~Soraya~


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Review #17, by SeverusSnape15 When Will I See You Again?

11th April 2012:
Hey! Cierra(SS15) here with your review. I apologize for the long wait, but it's taken me a while to really read this thoroughly.

I have to say, this is a very good story, with a very good ending! I didn't want it to end, I wanted them to kiss, and be together. But, you went canon and didn't let it happen. I love that about this story, how you don't give into what the reader wants.

One thing that's a big problem, though, is your spacing. It looks like you pressed enter twice between paragraphs. While it spaces it out more, it tends to make the story seem longer than it is. You should probably fix that up a bit, but it's not hard at all.

Your weak point is sentence structure, I think. You tend write many run-on sentences. Try either shortening them up, or getting a beta(or both?) Either one will work out. Betas tend to go through your work thoroughly and tell you everything that's wrong with them.

The flow of your story is very good. I didn't get the feeling that it needed to be in different chapters, because it was pretty good, and it was good enough to be in one chapter, even though it was pretty long. I love the details that you give of their friendship, but I wish you'd have put more detail in their surroundings. We tend to do this when people already know what things look like, since many people have read the books/watched the movies before they read fanfiction. Sometimes that's true, but we still need description to make a good story.

I really enjoyed this! It was very good, other than a few simple errors! Some part I had to read over again, though, to figure out what was happening. For instance, the scene with Edward. I didn't really get it the first time. Maybe it's just me, but I'd wished you'd put a bit more background with him, so I really knew whom he was better.

All in all, though, it was very interesting. I want to know more...I'll review your other chapters tomorrow, love. Thank you for the oppertunity! Feel free to request again!

~Cierra.

Author's Response: Hiya! No worries about this being a bit late -- the fact that you still read and reviewed the story means a lot.

Oh, the spacing is a bit of a problem, isn't it? Eep. I honestly can't be bothered to change it for this story, but I will definitely bear it in mind for future stories.

Hmm, I did have two betas for this story, but I can see what you mean about the sentences. As a beta myself, I know about how important sentence structure is, but I think it's just the fact that it's my own work that I can't see it with fresh eyes.

Yay to the flow being good! And I would have loved for the story to be read all in one go, but the word limit on HPFF is 10k per chapter, I think, so that wouldn't have been possible.

Anyway I'm glad you liked it :)

~Soraya~


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Review #18, by ewsoucf7 The Reason You Loved Me Before

11th April 2012:
Firstly, I loved your author's note! Cracked me up!

I loved this chapter. The pace of the story was much better, as much less was focused on, yet it was focused in much more detail. I think it was very enjoyable to read, and the happy ending made it much better. I would have actually cried had it been a sad ending.

I like how at the end we get to know that it was Leanne who was telling Katie about the past, and that why we get the memories. I think this was a good addition to the plot, and it seemed a very fitting ending.

I think the characters throughout have been subliminal. Katie appears to be the tough one, but is not. Leanne appears to be the loner who wants Katie to like her, yet she is the tougher of the two. I think JK would be proud of how you've developed the characters and I think you should be too.

I still have the issue with how mature Leanne was when she guessed her mother should have covered for her, but I suppose you had your own reasons for including it.

Overall it was a really great story, I don't know why you were so worried. You treated the dark issues with the care that was needed. It was a sad story with a very happy ending. Very enjoyable to read. Until next time. =]

Author's Response: Hahahaha, I am quite (in)famous for my, um, creative author's notes :P

Yay, I'm glad you liked this chapter! I think they deserved a happy ending at the very least, so it's good to know you thought so too. After such a sad and angsty beginning, I think it needed something to brighten it up.

I'm so glad you liked the characterisation, and I'm incredibly flattered by your comment about JKR. Wow, just wow, and thank you so much!

Thank you for the reviews, and I'm really pleased you liked it!

~Soraya~


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Review #19, by ewsoucf7 A Fickle Heart

11th April 2012:
I preferred the pace of this chapter. Even though it was fast-moving, you seemed to focus on the incidents a lot more than the last chapter, and it therefore seemed to flow nicer. I think if you continued to write like this, the flow would be great, and the drama that's unfolding would be much more readable.

Once again you've dealt with the touch issues very sensitively. You've explained the facts in a way which is completely unbiased, which I think is difficult to do. I think you've made the drugs issue very believable, and I know I for one can definitely imagine how Katie must be feeling.

Again, I think your characterization is brilliant. Katie is very different from the character that she was in the previous chapter, yet I think you've given a really good reason for the shift and you've made it realistic. It's not like she is suddenly OOC, which is something I commend you for.
I think Leanne is, as Katie said, tougher, but in a good way. I think she realizes that she needs to be the leader now, in order to protect Katie.

Final note, I really hope they become friends again! I'd be so sad if there wasn't a happy ending. I am generally enjoying this. It's not something I would have chosen to read, yet I think it's brilliant. I thank you for posting in the review thread and introducing me to your wonderful writing.

Next chapter! =]

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter ;) Yeah, I know what you mean about it being a bit slower-paced here.

And yay to dealing with issues sensitively! That was a really big concern of mine, as the most important thing for me was to handle touchy issues tactfully.

I'm glad you liked the characterisation. I think some people commented on how Katie was a somewhat shady character to begin with, so yeah, it's good to know her shift in character wasn't unexpected.

You've already found out what happens next, lol. Anyway, I'm pleased you're enjoying it, especialy because it's not something you would normally read.

~Soraya~


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Review #20, by ewsoucf7 When Will I See You Again?

11th April 2012:
Hi there!

I found the chapter to be very fast moving, and I think perhaps that can be a little off-putting. It seemed as soon as one thing ended, another began. I think perhaps if you were to slow it down a little, it may flow a bit better. I think right now it appears to be a little broken.

However.

I think you dealt with the death of Cedric wonderfully. I think you were very respectful, and tactful when dealing with the issue. Your characters were very good at being sensitive about it, which was brilliant.

I think your characterization is good too. I think because Leanne and Katie are minor characters in canon, it allows you to do whatever you like with them, so I don't think your characterization could be wrong anyway.

The only thing I had an issue with was Katie's mum and Leanne's mum when they argued. I was unsure of how old Katie and Leanne were at that point, it wasn't clear, so it made me wonder whether Leanne had acted a little too mature? As in, would she really have understood what was going on? I think perhaps if her age had been clear it wouldn't have been an issue.

Overall, your characterization and your plot are very good. They seem to be developing nicely. The only thing I would say is perhaps slow the pace of the story down as it is very fast-moving, and can sometimes be a little stop-start for the reader.

I hope you found some of this useful, and not just mean. =]

Author's Response: Hi there :)

Thanks for the reviews. Yeah, I know, the chapter was very fast-moving -- that's the problem with trying to cover a large amount of time in a relatively small amount of words. I will definitely bear that in mind for next time.

I won't lie; Cedric's death was when I was the most wibbly while reading the books, so it's nice to know I dealt with his death tactfully. That was entirely my intention -- because no matter how jealous Leanne was of him, even she could see that he was a good person.

Katie and Leanne are quite minor characters, though Leanne more so than Katie. I liked that I could basically do what I wanted with them too :)

The thing is, Leanne was at this point twelve, so she wasn't that young. I suppose her reaction was quite... mature, but at the same time, considering how much she had gone through, especially with a single mother, that would have probably instilled a maturity in her that was probably a bit *too* premature.

Anyway, I know what you mean about how it's quite fast-paced to begin with, but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless. Thanks for reviewing!

~Soraya~


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Review #21, by javct The Reason You Loved Me Before

8th April 2012:
Back!

That was a sweet ending. I really liked it :D Overall, this story was really cute. You wrote the tension perfectly and you had just the right amount of emotion in the story; it all balanced each other out :)

You've got me curious about these two characters; I think I'll try and have a look at some fan fics based around them (be they romantically involved or not haha)

Overall great story and it was incredibly believable :) *hug*

Jas

Author's Response: Yay, you liked the ending :D I'm not sure the story could be described as cute, but I shall take that as a compliment, lol, and hope that you meant that for the romancey bits, hehehehe.

I don't think I've ever come across a fanfic with Leanne in it, but there are a fair few Katie stories, so I'm sure you'll find lots there. Thanks again, and I'm really, really pleased you liked it!

~Soraya~


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Review #22, by javct A Fickle Heart

8th April 2012:
Back again!

Wow. Just wow. This chapter was very impactful; you've managed to squeeze so much emotion into one chapter :D

I like how you've kept the characterisation pretty consistent throughout the story, I'm warming up to Leanne quite quickly. Though, one thing that is bothering me a little is the time difference. I'm not sure if it's just me but at the start of the story it was when Katie was in the Hospital Wing and now we're in London. Are we watching how they fell in love? I think you need some kind of indication towards that if that's what you're doing :)

Once again, flawless grammar and spelling :D Yay! *Does the Doctor's weird Giraffe dance*
Jas

Author's Response: I'm so pleased you liked this chapter! Yeah, it was quite emotional, lol.

I'm really glad you thought the characterisation was consistent -- I think, with rarepairs, characterisation is really important, especially the main character, Leanne.

About the timings -- yes, basically, at the beginning of the story, Leanne goes to visit Katie in the hospital wing, and Katie can't remember Leanne, so Leanne tells her about how they became friends and so on and eventually fell in love. I was thinking of doing a tiny interlude at the beginning of the chapter just to remind the reader as to what was going on, but I didn't, for some reason :-/ I'll definitely bear that in mind next time, as I said.

Thanks for the review!

~Soraya~


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Review #23, by javct When Will I See You Again?

8th April 2012:
Javct45 here with your review.

First off, sorry about the wait I was away on holiday for three days and I couldn't get ahold of any interent :/ but I'm here now!

I really enjoyed this :) I applaud you for choosing a more "unloved" character (so to speak) and also for choosing a rare shipping - I actually don't think that I've ever come across a shipping like this before.

Although, I did feel as though the story was a tad bit jumpy and I had to do a double-take on occasion; it was usually when you changed the scene. Just a suggestion maybe you could add dates (or even just the years) when you change the time :)

I couldn't pick up any grammatical and/or spelling mistakes which made me very happy :D Onto the next chapter!

Jas

Author's Response: Hi! Don't worry about being a little late -- it's fine :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed this. I really wanted to choose a rarepair for this story, using a really minor character like Leanne with Katie. I love rarepairs, and this was my attempt at trying to recreate some of the wonderful rarepairs I've read before (some of my favourites include Blaise/Lavender and Dean/Hestia).

I know what you mean about the jumpiness. I did try to indicate the change of scene and time with line breaks, but I will definitely bear that in mind if I ever try to do this kind of narrative again, in a non-linear style.

It's good to know there aren't any grammar/spelling mistakes :) Thanks for the review (and the others)!

~Soraya~


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Review #24, by Maelody A Fickle Heart

7th April 2012:
The chapter was good. I read through it and found the stars you mentioned for the lyrics. I guess I just don't know any of the songs lol. Otherwise, I liked the chapter, but I personally felt like the flow and the way you were able to continue the story fell from the first chapter. The description was wonderful and the theme of the chapter was fine, but it was extremely heavy and didn't seem to move on for me. The beginning started off with excitement, then the middle had wonderful, but continuous description, and then the end sort of wrapped everything up.

I think that the drug theme here was a little overused, and maybe for the purpose of trying a new theme, but this story, and the character, just doesn't seem like it was incredibly important. I couldn't tell if maybe Katie was using the drugs, too by the way you described her, or just starving.

All in all, it was a good chapter, with a wonderful, rich amount of detail,NAND a sad result. Maybe too much description of the drugs with little to show for it in my taste, but very good none the less. I give it a 8/10.

Author's Response: Hi there,

Lol, I kind of guessed that you didn't know the songs :P No worries, though. Don't You Remember is more well-known as it's by Adele than Flicker and Fail, which is by Laura Marling.

Hmm, I'm not quite sure about the flow of it. I think my main problem was that the original one-shot became a two-shot when it went over 10 words, and then it became a three-shot because it was too long to be two chapters, so I had to find a place to break them up into three. Perhaps I didn't select the right place. Oops.

The sensitive topic of drugs was something I was really concerned about, but it wasn't used as a plot device or anything -- more because I wanted emphasise just how depressed Katie's mother, Mary, had become after all the problems she was having with her husband and her family generally.

Katie wasn't using the drugs -- the reason why she was skinny and so on is because the Bell family were slowly becoming broke as a result of Katie's mother's addiction, and Katie's main aim was therefore to earn money to buy more drugs, rather than worry about how thin she was getting.

I'm glad you thought there was a lot of detail in this -- I spent ages researching drugs and the symptoms of addictions and the reasons why people turn to drugs. I wasn't sure HPFF would approve of a graphic depiction of drug-taking, hence why I didn't want to show too much of it, though I did show Katie's mum lighting up.

I hope none of that sounded defensive, lol. It's not meant to be, of course -- I just wanted to explain what my intentions as the author were. I'm happy that you still seemed to enjoy this chapter, and I hope you like the last one. Thanks for the review.

~Soraya~


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Review #25, by Remus A Fickle Heart

6th April 2012:
Perelandra here once again to review! :D

Glad you came back...I thought I had been a bit harsh...hahaha I tend to scare my requests away by being that way.

Immediately I can see the improvement when it comes to narrative. Great job! In fact, I got so engrossed with it that I've totally forgotten to review as I read along, as I usually do with all fics/chapters. You've definitely improved from one chapter to another. A lot more descriptive which is great. I feel so bad for Katie for being in that sort of situation.

Timeline wise...when is this happening? Leanne and Katie were in their 7th year when Katie got attacked with the necklace, right? I have to keep in mind that they're a year ahead of Harry so it seemed that you went forward when you mentioned about the whole Department of Mysteries (end of Katie's 6th year) and then backwards for the summer of their 6th year. Am I correct? Or did I read that wrong?

And what an abrupt ending. Sorta. Hahaha I guess I just wanted more. XD Lucky for me, there's another chapter.

You were fantastic at Katie's anger and bitterness. I felt bad, just as Leanne, towards Katie's predicament.

Overall, a fantastic improvement from chapter one to second. XD

Time for chapter 3!

Author's Response: Hahaha, no worries. You weren't harsh at all! Just honest :)

And I know, it began rather shakily, so it's nice to know it got better in terms of narrative.

Okay, basically, this is happening AFTER Katie and Leanne's sixth year (hence the summer of their sixth year is after the year's over, get it?). Sorry, that was kind of confusing, lol.

And I know, it was kind of an abrupt ending, but you'll find out what happens in the next chapter. (On that note, will I need to re-request for the final chapter, or will you just review it? If I do have to re-request, could you PM me about it? I'd appreciate it :)) If it makes you feel any better, the next chapter is a little smutty, lol.

Thanks so much for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it!

~Soraya~


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