Reading Reviews for Let's Play a Love Game
  
54 Reviews Found

Review #1, by hedwigs_theme Chapter One: Blood in the Water

16th June 2012:
Hahaha! Love the ending :) I do not agree that this chapter is dull! It was very well written and it makes the reader want to keep reading (if that makes any sense)! Just letting you know (it might of been a typo) but you spelt Madam Malkin's wrong!

A very enjoyable read!

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Review #2, by dobbys_socks Chapter Seven: Tilt

11th May 2012:
Haha, I love the "furry little problem". But why did he get so worked up about it? What did Greg say to him? Ooh, I hate suspense!

I am absolutely loving this story! It's awesome!

One thing: at the beginning, the sentence "How dare he use my words against me." should have a question mark instead of a full stop. But that's it.

I'm really looking forward to what happens in the next chapter.

dobby
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: I hate suspense too :P I'll try to have a new chapter up soon! (Grrr, RL...) But all questions will be answered in due time ;)

I'm so glad you're loving this! You get an Internet cookie as a thank you. :D

Ah, derp, that should be a question mark. I'll fix it :P

Thank you so, so, SO much for the awesome reviews! I'll try to update soon!


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Review #3, by dobbys_socks Chapter Six: The Big Blind

11th May 2012:
Ooh, that's interesting!

Now I've got about a dozen conclusions running through my mind about how pear-shaped this could turn out. Man I love fanfics.

Does Sirius have a crush on Angie or does Remus? I have no idea. This story is really getting me worked up. That's never happened before.

Wanna keep reading...

dobby
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Hey, sorry for taking a while to respond! (Stupid RL taking up my time... D:)

I'm so glad you find this interesting and you're enjoying it :D

*mumble,mumble* has a crush on *mumble,mumble* Sorry, gotta keep reading! But ah it's absolutely flattering to know this is getting you "worked up" haha ;)

Thank you so much for the lovely reviews!


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Review #4, by dobbys_socks Chapter Five: Let the Games Begin!

11th May 2012:
When I saw Let the Games Begin, I immediately thought, she knows Starkid, she knows Starkid! But then didn't find any other reference to them in the story. Ah, well.

This was heaps good! But poor Reina... I really like that name. And yes, Greg is SUCH a sweetheart! i bet you had fun writing him. Now whenever I see James, I see Sebastian hitting on Blaine. That's a bit creepy given this is completely different circumstances. I think I'm going crazy.

Awesome work!

dobby
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: I actually do know Starkid! I LOVE Starkid! My friends and I quote it constantly! ;) Derp...I would put Starkid references, but it's kind of written and stuff... Sigh :P

I'm so glad you're enjoying it! :) I like the name Reina, too, haha. Greg is adorbs :)

Oh, NO! No, no, no. Do NOT think of Sebastian. James is the opposite of Sebastian! Nope. Nope. Nope. I think we're all a bit crazy, hon ;)

I'm happy you're enjoying LPALG! :) Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #5, by dobbys_socks Chapter Four: Hello

11th May 2012:
Two of the things I love about your chapter images are that you made them yourself and that Matt Bomer and Sebastian from Glee are characters! Awesome!

This was heaps cute! Love James cooing over Lily and her reactions. Again, they remind me of those two guys... oh well. Looking forward to reading HEAPS more!!

dobby
recenseo 2012

Author's Response: I'm glad you like my chapter images! :D OH MY GLEE, I LOVE Grant Gustin and Matt Bomer. I purposely chose them because I'm obsessed ;P (I should go get a life...)

Haha, I love writing cutesy things :) Glad you enjoyed it! Gah, that's so weird that they're like those two guys! o.O

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #6, by dobbys_socks Chapter Three: Goodbye

11th May 2012:
"Sorry, boys," he says. "I had me fun and so have you. Time to get serious."
"I'm already Sirius," Sirius says proudly.

I was rolling around on the floor laughing! Angie must be crazy not to have laughed even a little bit.

That last bit when she hugged her dad; I nearly cried. Poor thing. Now I'm trying to imagine my mum dying and dad taking care of me. He can't drop me to school on time let alone take over my life. I could NOT live through that happening.

Great work again!

~dobby~
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Hahaha, I'm glad you enjoy my humor ;) There's just so many "Sirius - serious" jokes you can make. His name is really ironic.

Angie's so stubborn that she won't even laugh at Sirius's jokes. She dislikes him that much, haha.

I can't believe I got someone to almost cry! I shouldn't be happy about this, but it's kind of awesome... Haha, I think that goes for all dads. But, I'm glad that it made you think and that this seems realistic :)

Thank you!!


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Review #7, by dobbys_socks Chapter Two: A Twist in the Story

11th May 2012:
The last line... nice.

Same thing about the last chapter I think, though I think this was better. Love the 'Karma' ruining the sweet moment. And the owl called Bess. I thought it was a cow at first. Yeah, laugh if you want. I'm not very clever :)

Awesome job again. Going to read more now...

~dobby~
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Hahaha, I like the last line too ;)

Glad my chapters are getting better, haha. I really need to do edits, though :P Haha, karma ruins everything, I tell you! I totally understand why you would think Bess was a cow, hahaha. I was thinking of Queen Elizabeth I when I wrote this (don't ask me why), so I just named the bird Bess.

Thanks so much for the sweet review! :)


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Review #8, by dobbys_socks Chapter One: Blood in the Water

11th May 2012:
Haha cute!

Oh my gosh, James and Sirius remind me of these two guys who are in all my classes... especially the "Angie and I shared a very intimate moment"...freaky. Anyway:

You could work on the grammar at bit more; maybe just go back and edit it. I loved the "bloody hell!"s and the dream really got me interested. And curious.

Great job! 4 more reviews to go! Actually, I'l probably do this whole story if that's alright: I want to keep reading!

~dobby~
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Ah, I'm thrilled that you R&R-ed all 7 chapters! Thank you so much!

I've been trying to do edits for WEEKS. I just can't find the determination to sit there and edit :P Grr...

Whoa, that's freaky that James and Sirius remind you of people in RL o.O I kind of just made them up in my head... Weird.

Anyway, I'm so happy you're enjoying this! Thanks for reviewing! :)


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Review #9, by MercyWaters Chapter Four: Hello

5th May 2012:
Here from the Review Battle! :)

Oh my, James is getting into trouble already! Haha he sure needs to watch himself. I'm still really liking how you portray the Marauders. All their personalities seem perfect, especially Sirius'! I think it's really sweet that she likes Remus though, he's always been my favorite Marauder :)

I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling mistakes, so bravo on that! The story draws me in more and more with every chapter, I can't wait to see where the Sirius/OC and Remus/OC bits listed in the description take us!

Lovely writing, keep it up!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: James is such a troublemaker! Why waste time being obedient when there is so much ruckus to be caused? ;)

I'm so happy you like my portrayal of the Marauders, and I'm ecstatic that you think it's perfect, especially Sirius's :) Remus is the most tame of the Marauders, which is why Angie likes him so much, haha. Remus is my favorite Marauder, too ;D

I'm glad to hear that you didn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes! In addition, it's great hearing that I'm doing a good job.

Thanks so much for a lovely review (as usual ;])! xxx


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Review #10, by RosieQueen Chapter One: Blood in the Water

4th May 2012:
It's ROsie from the blue vs bronze review battle! :)

I really enjoyed this! Spelling, grammar, and punctuation was amazing, and I really enjoyed the characterization.

Sirius' characterization was just as I'd imagined if he was at this age. And I also really enjoyed the humor.

So all in all, a wonderful first chapter! :D

~Rosie

Author's Response: Thanks so much for a lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed this! I'm so happy you enjoyed Sirius's characterization :)

Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #11, by MercyWaters Chapter Three: Goodbye

3rd May 2012:
Here from the Review Battle! :)

This was such a sweet, sentimental little chapter. I liked the goofiness of James and Sirius and how you could tell they were all excited to go back. I loved Sirius' line "I'm already Sirius", haha! You can never make too many puns about his name :)

The bit at the end with her and her father was sweet as well. It's nice to see how attached to him she is. Not many children have that kind of relationship with their parents. It was moving!

This was well written, if a bit short, and I hope to read more very soon! It's becoming more and more intriguing, I want to know how it progresses!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry it's taken me a while to reply :P

Haha, I like to balance the funny and the serious in my chapters, so I'm glad you picked up on that! Hahaha, there's so much with you can do with Sirius, and one of those things is his name - it's great!

I'm glad you thought the end was very moving! I love writing sweet family scenes like that. Don't ask me why, haha.

I'm flattered to know you found this intriguing! Thanks for the lovely review! :D


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Review #12, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter One: Blood in the Water

23rd April 2012:
I'm here from the review swap! :D

I really liked the beginning of the chapter. You really pulled me in and I would like to have seen more elements of that in the chapter because the description was really good, as was the imagery.

Having her as James's cousin is better than his sister, at first I groaned and was like 'tell me she's not his sister!' Because those stories are always the same, I'm glad you took a different route!

I would say though to make sure how you write her interactions with Sirius, she seems to go from one minute hating him to the next feeling bad for him, to being mean to him again if they have a love-hate relationship, okay, but make sure you really balance the two out or focus on that one aspect the 'love' or the 'hate' so we can really get a grip on their relationship.

Author's Response: Thanks for R&R-ing! :D

I'm so happy you like the imagery! I'm going to sit down this weekend and do some major revisions (not TOO major, haha), keeping in mind everyone's feedback so I'm definitely doing more imagery :)

Nope, not his sister. If JKR says James doesn't have siblings, that's the way it's going to be, haha. I'm glad I took a different route too lol.

Yeah, I've been told about the contradictions in that one specific interaction :P Okay, thanks for the advice! I'll keep that in mind :)

Again, thanks so much for reviewing! You've been very helpful :D


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Review #13, by NaidatheRavenclaw Chapter One: Blood in the Water

22nd April 2012:
Hello! Thanks for swapping!

The imagery at the start of this was beautiful. That was undoubtedly my favorite part of this chapter. I think it set up the story so nicely, and I hope you'll continue to bring elements of that throughout the story. And then, of course, you transitioned nicely into the humor aspects of the rest of the story. I like that she's James's cousin, and not his sister. It takes away the cliche there. If I had any crit for you, it's that at times, Angie seemed to contradict herself. She went from loathing Sirius to feeling sorry for him in a sentence. I think that even though she felt bad for Sirius, if she really dislikes him, it might just be a twinge of sympathy or something like that ;)

It was a good start to a story though! Definitely captured my attention!

-Naida

Author's Response: Hi! You're welcome :) Thanks for reviewing!

Aww, thanks so much! The imagery thing was a little out there for me, so your comment means a lot to me :)

Yeah, I'm not a very serious person, so there just HAS to be some humor - especially if James and Sirius are around, haha ;) I'm glad that the transitioning worked!

I've actually never heard that before about Angie contradicting herself. But now that you mention it, I totally see what you're saying. I'll go back and fix that - thanks! :D

I'm so flattered that this captured your attention :) Thanks so much for a lovely review!


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Review #14, by MercyWaters Chapter Two: A Twist in the Story

22nd April 2012:
I must say, I'm really starting to love this story. :) I love the way that you write, you make everything flow so well and there's hardly a flaw I can see! Your grammar and spelling is excellent, and you don't overdo it on commas and description (which has always been one of my pet peeves). You keep it light and funny, which keeps the reader engaged and wanting to go on. :)

I particularly liked the way you characterized Lily. Although we haven't actually met her yet, you could tell a bit about her character and her voice through the letter and I think you did a nice job with that. I also know I pointed out in my review of Chapter One that James seemed a bit one-dimensional, but I think you're starting to come out of that a bit. I like how he's forming as a character, and I must admit I laughed at his line: "I don't want her. I need her."

Lovely job! I'm looking forward to reading more. :)

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Ah, thank you! This review made my day :D I'm so glad you're enjoying my story so far! :)

Oh, gosh, I hate being bombarded with descriptions too :P Ugh...

Yay, light and funny is totally what I'm going for, haha ;)

I'm so happy you like my characterizations. I think that's one of my lower points, so it's great to hear I'm pulling it off :) The "I don't want her. I need her" line just fell right out of my brain and onto my keyboard, and I was like, "Oh, YES. That's great. Probably not very James-like but great." So I'm glad that quote's working! :D

Thanks so much for a lovely review! I appreciate it :D xxx


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Review #15, by Anonymous Chapter Five: Let the Games Begin!

18th April 2012:
Let The Games Begin?- Totally Hunger Games!:):):):):):):):)

Author's Response: Hahaha, I'm a big Hunger Games fan, too! But this isn't quite as intense, haha ;) But I hope you're enjoying the story so far!

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Review #16, by MercyWaters Chapter One: Blood in the Water

18th April 2012:
Hey there, I'm here from the Review Battle!

I really liked this chapter. :) I've always been very iffy on OC characters, but you seem to be pulling this off well. I especially liked the beginning dream scene--it was mysterious and intriguing. The description was excellent, and you got her desperation and fear across to the reader wonderfully. It was a very good way of pulling us into the story. I also enjoyed the interaction between Angie (?) and Sirius. I like how you portray him :) Their dialogue was clever and nice to read. The ending was lovely as well, seeing James all love-struck over Lily and his friends' reactions to it made me smile!

The only complaint I would have is James' characterization. Obviously I haven't read any more than just this chapter, but from just this it seems like his character is very one-dimensional. You're portraying him as the funny jokester which is all well and good, but it seems overly done. You want to add more sides and depth to a character. I understand this is just the first chapter and he wasn't focused on very much, but it's something you could keep in mind for the future.

Also, one little typo. Madam Maulkin should be Madam Malkin. :)

Overall, this was a very good start. You have me wanting to read more. I'm sucked in!

Bri xx

Author's Response: Thanks so much for such a thorough review :D

Oh, I love writing dialogues between Angie and Sirius! It's so hilarious because they just "hate" each other so much, haha.

The dream scene was my first shot at something metaphorical, so I'm glad you liked it :)

I'll go back and fix the Madam Malkin's name and try to make James more dimensional.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter :) Thanks for R&R-ing!


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Review #17, by NymphadoraLupin Chapter Seven: Tilt

16th April 2012:
I love it! Please hurry and update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! :D I'm working on putting chapter 8 together, but I'll try to have it up soon! xxx

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Review #18, by lizmusic45 Chapter One: Blood in the Water

15th April 2012:
I think this is good, you have a start of a story going for you, and it's really cute and funny, you're really quite good, and I like your style of writing.

Keep up the good work :)

Lizzie

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! :D

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Review #19, by Kwan Chapter Seven: Tilt

14th April 2012:
I like your title. I feel like titles go so under appreciated sometimes.

I have mixed feelings about this one and it's mostly centered around Angie. There's just something very off putting about her. This might just be a personal thing and not really an indictment about your writing, but I didn't like her as much in this chapter. Whereas before, she was sarcastically humorous, she seemed to gush at everything in this one whether it's Remus or Greg's caring for Lily. It came off as rather more tilting than funny. That's not to say you didn't write her poorly, but I suppose her girlishness is just getting to me a bit?

The rest of the chapter progressed nicely with James poorly overreacting and Sirius obsessed with the money. Your other characters are well done though I think James was a bit over the top. The character that's best written is Remus I believe. He has the right amount of sensibility mixed with a little mischievousness.

Keep on writing and re-request from me anytime you want!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like my title! :D

I read your comment about Angie, and I went back and perused my chapter. I noticed I really played up girly Angie here, so I'll tone it down in future chapters. I like sarcastic Angie better too haha.

I'm really happy that you think Remus is the best written! I thought I was going a bit out there when he got really aggressive :P

Thanks so much for a great review! You've been very helpful. I'll keep your advice in mind, and I'll definitely re-request :)


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Review #20, by Moonyxluna Chapter Seven: Tilt

13th April 2012:
Wait, no! I just went for the next chapter button and there wasn't one! I need another chapter! Oh please tell me it'll be posted soon? This story is lovely. I can't wait to see how James (hopefully) convinces Angie to help in the plan.

I really liked how you showed Remus' loyalty to his friends with his agression towards Greg. Greg is a year older than the marauders, Lily, and Angie then?

What house is Angie in? It may just be because it's late here but I don't remember.. is it Ravenclaw or Gryffindor?

Really fantastic work on this story so far. I'm looking forward to reading more!

Author's Response: I'm working on Chapter 8 right now. I have bits written on my iPod that I just need to put together haha ;)

Yup, Greg is in his Seventh Year. I thought Remus's aggression was a little much, but I'm glad you really liked it! It was kind of fun to write haha.

Angie's in Ravenclaw, though she does spend a lot of time with the Gryffindors (Lily, Greg, and the Marauders).

I'm so happy you really like it and that you've favorited it! Thanks for reviewing! :D


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Review #21, by Moonyxluna Chapter Six: The Big Blind

13th April 2012:
I LOVE this story! I'm sorry I haven't reviewed before now, but I really just wanted to keep reading! You've got me stumped. I really love how you're writing Angie's crush on Remus (okay.. I love Remus a little too...) but the bickering between Sirius and Angie is just way too fun to ignore!

This seems to be where things really get started, so I think you've done a fantastic job bringing this story up to this point.

oh! you said you wanted anyone to point out stuff about the Texas Hold'em. I play with my family all the time, and I did notice a few things. These could just be the things I've grown up with, but I noticed:
Big blind, small blind-- you got that right, but if someone raises more than what the amount of the blind is (if the small blind is one, I'm assuming the big blind is two, so James would have raised eight with bet of ten) Angie would have still had to put in eight galleons to stay in on the round.
checking-- when you 'check' that just means you don't place a bet, you just go through sort of a free round, unless one of the other players makes a bet. When Peter tells James he could have just checked (to bet the same, in order to stay in on the play) he could have said "call"-- to 'call' means you would bet the same amount of money as the previous bet. Same with Angie, she would 'call', not 'check' if she wants to stay in on the round.
And then in the last round, Angie would have had to call (not check) the bet in order to stay in on the hand, so she should have owed the same amount of money to James as Sirius did.

Of course, this is all just me nit-picking through it, like I said, I play a lot of poker on holidays with my family :p

I really like that you've given Lily a boyfriend. It's just going to make it all that more difficult for James. Usually I read how James has these floozy girlfriends that Lily despises, but won't say why, so this is a nice change of pace.

I'm going to have to cut this off, because I really want to keep reading! Fantastic work on this so far :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Unexpected reviews like this always make me happy :)

Oh, I absolutely love Remus, too! He's one of my favorite HP characters! (RIP Remus John Lupin)

I'm so happy you're enjoying my story so far! :D

Thanks a ton for your Texas Hold 'Em help! I appreciate it :D I'll definitely go back and fix it. I wanted them to change up the rules, but I think it would be more intense if they were playing for real - so thanks for the help :)

I originally wasn't going to give Lily a boyfriend, but the idea hit me one day and a bunch of little bits and pieces of future chapters just started coming to me - I just had to write it! :)

I'm so happy you're really enjoying my story! :D


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Review #22, by Onyx96 Chapter Seven: Tilt

12th April 2012:
Hiya!

I just read your story (obviously xD) and I thought it was really good! Some people tell me that my chapters are too short, but I prefer short chapters to long ones!

Looking forward to reading more!

Krystal x

P.S. Just about to click "Add to Favourites"! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you liked it so much to favorite it :D Thanks for such a sweet review! :)

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Review #23, by SunshineDaisies Chapter Three: Goodbye

11th April 2012:
Finally, here with your review! Sorry it took so long!

So, I don't really have any new feedback to give you, as this chapter didn't do a lot to advance the plot or the characters. I stand by what I said in my last review. I think making the chapters a bit longer will make them more effective. I also think more description will help as well.

I wish I had more feedback for you! Hopefully I will on the next few chapters. :)

Author's Response: That's okay. I really appreciate your reviews! You've been very helpful :) I really need to go back and revise, but I've been so busy -.- Ah, well...
Thanks again!


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Review #24, by javct Chapter Three: Goodbye

9th April 2012:
Back again!

What year are they in? (You may have mentioned this in the previous chapter and I just missed it haha) Just thought I'd check :P

This chapter was better. You captured Angie's emotions well (especially when she has to say goodbye to her dad) and you made me curious about what happens next (in a good way!)

There were a few grammatical errors (No spelling mistakes, so that's something! :D) Once again, it was mainly sentence structure; I would point these out and help you but I'm not the best at sentence structure :P

I think you've written Angie really well; she's a really developed OC, and (so far) she isn't a Mary Sue (which is always a relief haha)

Feel free to request!
Jas

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! I'm so happy this chapter is better too, haha.

They're all in their sixth year. Ugh, I need be clearer, don't I? Haha.

Just poor sentence structure? Ah, that's actually not too difficult for me to fix. I'll go back and look at it.

I'm so glad Angie's not a Mary Sue! (Phew!)

Thanks for a great review! :D I'll definitely re-request!


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Review #25, by javct Chapter Two: A Twist in the Story

9th April 2012:
Back again!

Okay, so ignore my last few questions; Angie is James's cousin? (is that right?) Why is she living the Potters if she has a dad then?

Just a suggestion, maybe you could add some more imagery and thoughts on Angie's side? It's just an idea but it would defiantly help the story along (A bit of imagery never hurts!)

There were a few small grammatical errors, may I suggest getting a beta? Being a beta and having my stories beta'd I can safely say that beta's are amazing!

Onto the next chapter!
Jas

Author's Response: Thanks for the advice! I'll consider getting a beta.

Yeah, I've been told my descriptions are lacking. I was going to revise over spring break, but I've been so busy and the queue is so long! -.- But I'll definitely get on that.

I don't think I made the Potters' situation very clear, so I'll fix that when I revise. Thanks for pointing that out; I never realized!

Thanks for a great review!


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