Reading Reviews for Rowan and Phoenix
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by theblacksisters The Department of Mysteries

19th December 2013:
Loving this!!! Please, please, please get another chapter up soon!

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Review #2, by Renfair The Department of Mysteries

10th September 2012:
Hi hi! Again, it's been a shamefully long time since I've reviewed this story. I knew there was only one chapter that was posted left, so I put it off so I wouldn't be at the end of it. Then...I forgot I still had a chapter! And then.what? This chapter only has one other review so far? That's absolutely scandalous in my book, especially since your chapters just keep getting better and better.

I always especially enjoy your Severus-centric chapters. You're so amazing at writing him, especially from his own point of view, that it's always such a pleasure to read what you come up with. Even though the story is AU, I always find the way you have Severus react to these new situations to be so canon and fitting, especially when you think about how he's only in his early 20's in your stories.

I really loved the opening scene at the Department of Mysteries. It's like watching Severus go through the Five Stages of Trying to Gain Access to Something He Shouldn't. First there's business-like superiority, then bribery, then lying, then self-deprecation followed by acceptance of needing to try a different avenue. I also enjoyed the dialogue between Severus and Madam Pince. I never thought about those two ever interacting (since I kind of never thought of Madam Pince interacting with anyone, just hiding in the back of her library kissing her books or something like that). But I think they get along well, in a grudgingly tolerant sort of way.

I see that I was right with my own guesses that Melora turned into sort of a new horcrux like Harry did in canon, but in a much more serious sense, almost like how Voldemort possessed Quirrell. Poor Melora. It looks like she doesn't have a whole lot of time left.

This was such an interesting chapter. I hope you're able to update soon, but I know I have no ground to stand on with that request since I'm horrible at updating my own stories. Life's been kicking our butts this summer, huh? But maybe now that it's fall we'll be able to reboot and churn out some new, awesome stuff! I can't wait to see where you're taking this story! ~Renny

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Review #3, by Renfair Snowdonia

22nd July 2012:
Mary Mary Mary! There's no review challenge posted yet, I'm banging my head off of my desk thinking about my own two stories, and I'm not ready to forfeit myself to the couch and TV, so I had a light bulb moment of realizing it's been a VERY long time since I caught up with Severus and Lily :) I think I was sort of subconsciously avoiding this story for a little while because I knew I was getting close to the end of what you posted, and I didn't want to have to wait for more. But no pressure. I know I'm having a hard time myself dealing with the pressure of knowing there are actually a few people out there right now waiting for me to write. *sigh*

I've never read that one-shot by Georgia, but now I want to :) That was a wonderfully creepy dream with how it changed from something Lily desperately wanted to hold onto into a nightmare she couldn't escape.

"Severus stepped out of bed, partly wrapped in the sheet, which fell to the ground as he walked forward. The rowan wand trembled in his right hand. To Lily, he was achingly vulnerable and beautiful and wanted." -- *melting* Especially the last sentence. Wonderful! (and smacking myself for assuming he had no clothes on. Bad Renny! Bad!)

"With two running strides across the bedroom floor, she was in his arms." --Oh thank goodness. I was worried for a moment it was going to turn into one of those big misunderstanding things where no one seems to be able to just SAY what they truly mean and everyone ends up hurt. Yeah, those have their place, but I'm glad Lily didn't let Severus suffer and think she didn't want to be with him.

Ah, anti-falling and anti-choking charms. You know exactly what a mother of a magical toddler would do :) Gotta love smearing kids! At least it was bananas and not tomato sauce.

Ugh, at the end already?! Sometimes I wish your chapters were longer because I could just read and read, but you always end them well and for a good reason, so I can't complain too much. One chapter left! You better be writing! Oh, but no pressure, remember? Great chapter, as is only to be expected from you!
~Renny

Author's Response: Thanks Renny! I know, I wish I could get these chapters to come out longer, too. It's something I'm working on. Definitely take a look at Georgia's story, it's lovely. :)

I hope people aren't feeling jerked around by Severus and Lily's difficulties at this point. I'm trying to make their reactions as realistic as I can, considering the very short time between James's murder and this chapter. We will continue to hope for the best for these two. I so appreciate your comments as always :)


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Review #4, by tangledconstellations The Department of Mysteries

19th July 2012:
Argh!

Yay, you updated, and this chapter was a killer! I seriously cannot wait for more now! You always leave these chapters on such a good note, I can't NOT read more!

I really liked that there was like, all sorts of variety with this chapter. Snape's memory(/evil dark magic scroll-induced memory)...:( his past is so interesting and I think it makes him so misunderstood. You expressed his subdued anguish about their drinking problems so well, by likening it something eleven-year-old Sev found familiar. It was nice, too, that despite him not getting on with Petunia he feels almost loyal to her, not liking it when his mother badmouths her. I suppose it is true though - it's okay moaning or disliking something or someone, but as soon as someone else agrees with you or says it it suddenly doesn't feel right anymore. His relationship with his father is also really subtly expressed here too. It's almost as though his father is afraid of him for doing magic. Severus' past is something that makes him so unique and it is quite rarely that it's really taken into account in fics.

As for his feelings about Lily - oh, I don't know what to think! I don't think he does either. His indecisiveness is kind of welcomed here, though. I respect him for sticking to his staying away, because time apart probably is what is best. No, the italics are fine! I actually really liked them :D to me, they don't confuse things later on in the chapter at all, so don't worry :) nor was this chapter confusing - it felt very well timed and as always well written. I adore the fact that you threw Madam Pince into the equation - "That's called hubris, Professor." hahah! It makes me think of Snape less of a loner and more of like...a team. Or something. It's nice that they're looking out for each other, however badly I explain it.

And, oh! The last bit! Wow, you've totally taken Voldemort's narrative on! It's something I aspire to do but am too scared to :P this last part was just super intense and super effective! The way he is just observing it all, like an animal waiting to pounce on its prey. It makes me think of those times in canon and in OoTP when Voldemort just lets himself into Harry's mind as and when, planning this elaborate lie about Sirius. He is crafty, and this is another thoroughly convincing example of it. And the last line, "This body was failing." BODY?! She is a girl, not a...thing!! Very Voldemort ;) but also, very epic!! I really can't wait for more, now that this horrible possessed connection has been made. I'm worrying about Lily one thousand times more! Darn, I wish she wasn't so caring sometimes! This could very easily end with disaster :(

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thank you for setting my mind at ease about the chapter not making any sense XD I was worried there lol. I'm really glad you liked it and epically sorry about the cliffhanger; I'm trying to finish the next chapter and have it online before too long.

Voldemort is not an easy character to write for but it's fun in a demented way - :D Maybe I need my head examined but that's part of the fun of fiction writing!

Lily has really dug herself quite a hole here... :( We shall see what happens! Thanks again Laura!


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Review #5, by tangledconstellations Snowdonia

2nd July 2012:
If ever I was to have a nightmare like that, I think I would be too scared to go to sleep ever again!

I mean, they say that dreams are reflective of emotional stress you're going under, so I just feel for Lily a million times more. She is going under the epitome of mental catastrophe, and it would be impossible for it not to strain on her at all. But, oh, she is so strong, too. I love that even though Lily is struggling she places everything on hold for Harry, no matter how annoying and naughty he is being. She is the perfect mum, the mum she never was in canon. I'm glad you haven't neglected her motherly duties, because they are most important of all. She even pushes back her own emotions for Harry. Gosh, she is so strong.

It is really sad to see Melora getting weaker and weaker, because it's not fair on Lily or any of them, and the fact their so helpless makes me as a reader feel helpless too. It's such a difficult position to be in. Emotionally too that has got to be so draining, because all the effort Lily has put in is eventually going to be forgotten. It will be nice for Dumbledore to put in a celebrity appearance though ;) I always think of him as the answer-giver. I hope he will be able to shed light on Melora in this instance, but at the same time there is this overwhelming sense of panic about it all too. Get here, NOW Dumbles! Fix this!!

As for Snape leaving - I don't know how I feel about it. I feel as though he is a little wrong. It's not all or nothing, it's...I don't know. There's got to be a middle ground, or he's got to be patient, or...I just don't know. I feel just like Lily. I hope maybe he'll know when to see her though, and will know when everything is right. He isn't there to be just used, he should know that. Oh, Sev. I wish you would stop with the self-loathing, just for once, and understand that Lily needs you too.

The dynamics of everything in this fic so far are crazy awesome perfect. Each chapter is so incredible at manipulating and fixing me where you want me to be. And, as for the next one...I don't think it can come soon enough!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thank you, I am thinking very carefully about what Snape's next action might be. I do think that this more immature and untested version of Snape might well storm out in this way when he feels used. Thanks especially for your comments on Lily as a mother :) She does have that lioness bit going for her... who knows how long she can keep it up, especially if she were to push Severus away by force? Hmm. I'm thinking aloud here. Thanks again!!

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Review #6, by tangledconstellations North Wales

2nd July 2012:
Oof, is it hot in here?!

This chapter was so needed, I didn't even realise until I'd finished it. It was honestly the perfect Lily/Sev moment ever in history ever. She is so hurt, and so lonely, but at the same time, I don't think she should regret this as much as undoubtedly she will. It's not the same as a rebound one night stand with someone you've met once - and, I don't know, maybe that makes it a little more serious and more confusing. But the fact that it happened speaks ounces, and Sev...! He didn't know what to do, and it was all so perfect and, oh. No, I have NO screaming issues with this fic right now. I am not hating on Lily or on Sev...so I think you've written this perfectly!

There really is something so completely mesmerising about your writing style. In fact, it really honestly makes me so envious, because every chapter is crafted so well and with so much care. You can tell you have waited four years for that scene, because there was not one thing wrong with it. You're really quite inspiring, Mary, because you are so in love with this story and it is something I would love to feel about my own. I adore the fact that everything about this is rather simple - you don't douse anything in too much information or description. It is what it is; two lonely souls interacting and seeking comfort. And as ever your dialogue is convincing, and I think is one of the things that really makes your whole piece. These characters are just people - they aren't unrealistic vessels or chess pieces or anything else. They are just like you or me, and you capture their humanity so wonderfully.

So, this chapter was a little racy and a little fun, but at the same time, it was heartwrentching and I know the effects of this are gonna really exist throughout the rest of this fic. Eek, on to the next one!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thank you so much. It was difficult to walk the line between showing too much and not giving the moment enough weight. I've been debating when the most realistic time would be for ages -- Lily threw her caution right out the window, but whether she'll regret it remains to be seen. I am glowing from your compliments, thanks again!

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Review #7, by tangledconstellations Hogwarts and Snowdonia

2nd July 2012:
Hey again, Mary!

Finally, a free afternoon to sink into this fic! I have been super excited about this. At this point, the Lily/Sev relationship is actually working really well. In the shadow of James' death I kind of feel as though it's allowed to work. I like to pretend I'm quite a stubborn 'shipper but actually stories like this make me think the contrary :) Severus is so careful with everything he does around Lily, and she does so obviously care for him. It's not as though they are two randoms after all - they do have a past, and that really resonates through in this chapter.

And, oh, the beginning section! Aunt Minnie! Cutest. Ever! It actually feels quite liberating to not have Severus shrouded in like, a constant distrust by everyone. He is still the same though, still introverted and careful and a little mean - like when he was telling off the students! I actually really like that he's not a completely new man - it makes this whole chapter that much more realistic and enjoyable. Sometimes with AU fics you reach a point where you remember that, oh, actually, none of this happens, and you allow yourself to detach from what is going on with the story, but, as with the last story too, no way has that happened so far. Everything is totally...right. I don't know how else to put it. I just wonder WHY this didn't actually happen because it works one hundred million percent. I think the fact that you have so much faith with your story and that you can write and write and write these wonderful chapters shows the confidence you have and so it allows everything to just...work. :)

Melora is getting more and more serious, isn't she? Sev's theory is interesting to say the least, but it's kinda scary too. I just want Lily and Harry to be okay, and get out of these awful situations. But, Lily is just too headstrong and lovely to show that she's being worn down by it, too. It is going to be really interesting to see where you are going with this particular story line - as well as your Lily/Sev plotline, too. The two entwined kind of bring it all back down to earth. It's very easy to escape into fluff with their growing relationship but it's even nicer to have something serious for them to react around.

Can't wait for more! :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm sorry it took me a while to respond :) I'm glad you liked my characterization of Severus, it's very hard to resist the temptation to make him too nice. He's still as unpleasant as ever and one of the special things about Lily as that she ignores his poses and / or calls him out.

I wish I had more faith in this story... but it does seem to come in spurts and one morning I will wake up and know exactly where it's going, I just hope this story doesn't take four years to finish like the other one - ha ha!

Thanks so much Laura!


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Review #8, by tangledconstellations The North Sea

22nd June 2012:
Ahh I love a cliffhanger! ;)

So far I am mesmerised by the way you alternate between characters. It's really effective, and heightens this sense that everyone is intertwined within the course of this story. Dorcas' nightmare made me really feel for her but from her narrative I get the impression she is being so remarkably brave. You captured the creepy horrors of Azkaban really well. I remember reading the Chamber of Secrets and not fully understanding why Hagrid feared it so much. But this really reminded me what a spooky, isolating place JK intended for it to be.

Bellatrix really interested me in this chapter too. She has such an evil, frightening exterior but you've suggested and wonderfully so that there's a part inside her that's actually human. Her squeezin Draco's shoulder a little too hard was a really effective image. I doubt very much she has much of a maternal instinct, but that doesn't mean not one at all.

Love this, Mary, and I can't wait to read more!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thank you! This chapter was very hard to write but luckily I had Dorcas's dream in one piece to work from. (lucky me, I had that dream myself several months ago! sometimes being a writer is a great way to get rid of these things!) Azkaban is the dark side of the wizarding establishment, the flip side of the chocolate frogs and pet owls. And it's a dark side which has always been there -- independent of any one evil character.

It'll be interesting to see how Bellatrix copes with surrogate parenthood while trying to plot revenge. She's so self-centered, but the two people who can pull her out of her own interests are Narcissa and Voldemort. (and Draco, by extension of Narcissa) I can't say more and spoiler-ify my own review response!

Thanks so much for your reviews, I am beginning to break through the problem with Chapter 6 and hopefully will finish it soon :)


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Review #9, by tangledconstellations Godric's Hollow

22nd June 2012:
Oh Hagrid! :( Oh Sirius! :( oh Dorcas! :(

This was another really brilliant chapter, efficiently reminding the reader what has passed but also bringing new emotional elements in too. I wish Lily was doing what was right for Harry. But then, maybe she is. I just feel as though there would be a better way for all of this. I also really sympathise with Sirius, for being slightly repulsed by Lily's fondness for Sev. Of course much of it is understandable but then there's also the sense of loyalty the two best friends would feel for one another, intermingled with the sense of loss Sirius would feel too.

Again, this is another really brilliant chapter. I know great things will come of this fic!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thanks. You're totally right that perhaps Lily is not doing the right thing for Harry, and Sirius, being a good godfather, is standing up for Harry's interests. He just barely trusts Snape to be in the same room with Lily and Harry, and seeing the two old friends grow close again is painful. Thanks for your insightful review!

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Review #10, by tangledconstellations Prologue: Hogwarts, January 1982

22nd June 2012:
Mary! When I was told you had a sequel to Unwritten, I totally dived on it! Wooo!

This first chapter is just so super, and it acts as a brilliant introduction and reminder to what has happened previously. It breaks my heart that Lily is still so hurt and grieving but I can't stress enough how wonderful it is that she finally has a voice. Sev too I know will bring so much more to this story, judging by his subtle act of kindness to Lily there at the end.

I'm really excited about reading on, too. I love the way you write, and the story idea is so original and captivating. Get writing, you!

Laura :) xxx

Author's Response: Thanks, Laura! So glad you are back for the sequel. :) I'm glad you liked the quick review of the events at the end of Unwritten -- it's always hard to give a little back story without stalling the story. Thanks for your kind review :)

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Review #11, by Renfair North Wales

21st June 2012:
It's so exciting you get to use this chapter after having written it so long ago. I know exactly how that feels!

"He would gladly give himself up; he was like a starving man grasping for breadcrumbs on the pavement and shoving them greedily into his mouth." --Wow, that's a really great image. Obviously very sad, but powerful.

So that was super hot, but also incredibly tasteful. Thanks so much for that. Not that I expected you to, but I'm so glad it didn't turn into some kind of smut scene. Severus and Lily are both private people, and I'm glad you allowed them their privacy. Just knowing "it" happened is enough :)

I think you did a great job writing Lily's conflicting emotions. She's half on the rebound, needing comfort from anyone she cares about who will give it, but she also half wants Severus just for himself. Oh, and I also REALLY appreciated the stretch marks thing :) Not only was it obviously realistic, but also the way you had Severus think of it as a physical scar of James "possessing" Lily was great.

I'm so relieved Severus is going to stay. Lily's whole single mom to a toddler thing just strikes too close to home. It's definitely great to have an extra set of hands, and those hands being hot and male are a wonderful bonus! Come Severus, time to step up to the Daddy plate. Harry isn't even going to remember James, but he'll remember you!

This was definitely a 10/10 chapter for pure Snily fan service :D

Author's Response: Aw, thanks for your kind words. I am glad Lily's reactions were believable -- I worried about that. I had never thought of stretch marks as belonging to anyone but the mother herself, but I thought Severus (in his usual possessive way) would view them as a mark of James's history with Lily. I think Lily might smack him if he verbalized this.

I didn't want to go into too much detail but to focus on the emotional repercussions of the event in this chapter -- things will never be the same and Lily has a lot to sort through.

So glad you enjoyed it!


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Review #12, by Renfair Hogwarts and Snowdonia

21st June 2012:
I'm FINALLY back! Sorry it took me so long. You know obviously how busy I've been the past few weeks, but I felt bad not catching up with this story since I only had a few chapters to go.

I always enjoy Severus and Minerva banter. They have a very interesting relationship since she was once his teacher and now they're equals. I would think once in a great while Minerva would struggle with that, like when Severus gets all smug about Slytherin kicking butt in Quidditch and she'd be just dying to dock points from him for being an annoying little git :)

"It would hardly do for the students to see him looking cheerful; they might think they could get away with something." --Oh no no no, that wouldn't do at all. Severus must NEVER look happy around students! It would be like the fifth horsemen of the apocalypse or something.

Hehehe, "Aunt Minnie?" Yes, I can totally picture Severus repeating that message word for word to Lily and the expression that would be on his face.

"When Professor Snape laughed, it was generally an extremely bad sign." --Uh oh, forget the apocalypse. Severus laughing is practically Ragnarok. Better go prepare your Einherjar for battle.

"...even with Potter's cranky, drooling boy-child stuck to her like a thistle." --Hahaha, I can't stop laughing at your descriptions in this chapter, and my husband keeps asking what's so funny. Oh nothing, just my good friend Siri inadvertently describing our own toddler so expertly.

So yeah, this chapter was a little shorter than your others, but you always pack so much into them that I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't put the note at the beginning pointing it out. The twist of Melora being possessed is interesting and something I didn't think of myself, surprisingly. So maybe instead of getting a small shatter of Voldemort's soul in her like Harry did in canon, she got everything he had left when he was "killed?" That's really creepy.

I loved how Lily just sat there and vented at Severus forever. That's exactly what a mother stuck alone with a toddler and an unstable teenager would do. Too bad she had to drag up James (hint hint, NOT what Severus wants to listen to, Lily!) It's been five months! Get over him already!

Lovely chapter! I'm going to read another since I'm behind, and I have a free evening :)

Author's Response: Hmmm. regarding Melora's possession... I can't say whether you are onto something but I love reading your speculations about the magical mechanics behind the scenes.

I really enjoyed writing Severus and Minerva as peers. I'd love to write one of those Quidditch rivalry scenes sometime :D That would be fun! Imagining her having to teach Severus to play when he became Head of House is hysterical.

I laughed writing Lily's vent and Severus's reaction (which was to keep eating). I want their relationship to be less idealized and more realistic as the sequel goes along, for better and for worse.

Thanks again Renny!


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Review #13, by Renfair The North Sea

17th May 2012:
I don't know about you, but I really struggle with the entire concept of Azkaban. It really seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me, especially because innocent people have been sent there (and without trials! What the heck, wizarding judicial system??) I'm sure most people just focus on the happy, quaint things in the books like chocolate frogs and owl post, but there are some very sinister things lurking in the background there, many of which were already in place long before Voldemort got into the Ministry and started 1984/Nazi-fying the place. I've probably said this before, but the idea that there are no wizard universities terrifies me! So if you fail your classes at Hogwarts, you work for the Knight Bus the rest of your life??? But back to the topic here, you write Azkaban very well and it just underlines these horrific implications of the wizard penal code. They have different terms you serve in Azkaban, obviously, but don't you think there should be something in place to make different levels of torture?? The idea that if you break into a door in the Ministry, you have the same amount of dementors feasting on you as a mass-murderer is incredibly disturbing.

I love the concept you came up with of Dorcas being able to do wandless magic as a child then losing most of the ability in adulthood. This is really just so powerful for me, because I've always grieved the loss of the magic of childhood and how I only seem to have a tiny sliver of the creativity and imagination I had before hitting puberty. (Is it any wonder my two favorite movies of all time are children's movies from the 80's?) So the thought that children would be able to perform any magic they could think of before going to school where they were forced to learn how to do things "the correct way" is very believable, but also very sad. Bravo!

"Harry's all right. Lily's all right. Nothing else matters." --Wow, that is incredibly freaky since that's obviously the title of my new story, and for that exact same reason. When you're protecting innocent people, especially people you love, you will do whatever it takes, no matter what the consequences.

Bringing in the Knights of Walpurgis reference is very cool, making them an actual group the preceded the Death Eaters as opposed to just another name JKR was considering for them. I'm constantly stunned by your ability to take very obvious things and use them in a completely original way (much like JKR herself!)

I don't know if I'm glad or not that Bellatrix seems to care so much about Draco. I think this is mainly because I'm guessing she "cares" about him as a sort of possession since he's a direct link to her own blood. It's also kind of creepy to think of Bellatrix telling baby Draco all sorts of bedtime stories about Uncle Voldy and how much he loves you, Draco.

I just noticed that you have a Sirius/OC ship on here, so I'm curious who that will be. This ended up being a really long review. I'd say sorry, but I'm not really sorry because long reviews are always great to receive :) Great chapter, and I'm going to try really hard not to cry thinking of Draco calling for his mommy :( Oh my God, can you even IMAGINE the torment Narcissa must be going through in Azkaban, worrying about her baby? That really IS cruel and unusual.

Author's Response: I am glad the Azkaban scene's horror was effective. Writing this scene made me very jumpy. I'm kind of avoiding writing Narcissa's perspective on Azkaban... it cuts so close to the bone. She did commit the crimes that put her in Azkaban but she did them for a good reason, in my opinion anyway -- to protect her son. The moral gray area pretty much encompasses everybody in this story except perhaps Voldy and if I can put him in there, I will be doing awesome. Writing Bellatrix as a guardian has been quite disturbing to me... it puts me in a terrible mood, I can only write for her when no one else is around or I roar at the kids when they open the office door!

Oops, the Sirius/OC in the story summary was an abandoned idea and I have removed it, thanks for the heads up. You'll see what replaces it later on :)


Thanks so much for your wonderfully detailed review! So glad you are continuing to enjoy it.


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Review #14, by Renfair Godric's Hollow

16th May 2012:
Oh man, if I had known there were cookies waiting for me here, I would have totally stopped in to snack all the way back to "Unwritten" before finishing it. Can I at least lick the mixing bowl?

"...and the process of planting an idea in her head was both risky and intricate." Ah, sounds like Lily is in need of some Inception! I still have such a hard time following that movie. It makes my brain hurt. But really, Sirius, don't you think maybe Lily might not want to move back into the house that a) she was trapped in for months while Voldemort was hunting her down b) her husband was lured from to be murdered by your best friend and c) Voldemort BLEW UP when she and Harry were nearly murdered as well... but Sirius hasn't ever seemed like one who thinks of complex psychological stuff like that. He doesn't have much sense of how events change people and always wants things to go back instantly to the way things were.

I would totally crack up if my toddler was running around saying "Bloody git! Bloody git!" Maybe it wouldn't be so funny if I was British, though.

"before they took off on their own like a skinny, underfed Dementor." --That was a great little simile there, and strangely cute in a way.

Aw, a puppy! Little puppy Fang!! I feel horrible that I didn't notice that he wasn't at Hagrid's hut in "Unwritten." What is it with me and ignoring the existance of animals in fan fiction? I wrote about 40,000 words of my new story before realizing I had completely forgotten about Avrille's cat.

Poor Hagrid... the simple incomprehensible logistics of a physical relationship with Dorcas still baffles me, but I think it's wonderful that you're writing someone into his life. Hagrid would make such a great husband and dad! Not that I think Dorcas would ever put up with something as inconvenient to her work like being pregnant... and maybe she's even too old. But it's nice that they both will have that companionship if she ever gets out of the slammer. Maybe it will make her not so married to the job (assuming she even has one, even if she's cleared).

Ugh, I'm still waiting for some real honest to goodness Snily in here, Siri! Please don't make me wait MUCH longer!!

Author's Response: You are right on target about Sirius not thinking of the complex issues behind Lily not wanting to move back to Godric's Hollow. Sirius just wants to fix things; I don't know whether he has really absorbed that their lives will never be the same again. He still wants to come over and hang out while Lily's cooking. And the idea of Severus being around is galling at best. (Sirius and Petunia ought to have something to bond over if they can stand to be in the same room with one another!)

Hagrid and Dorcas -- the odd couple of the Unwrittenverse -- if we can get her out of Azkaban in one piece and mentally stable, we'll see whether there's any hope for them (no spoilers here!)

Here's your mixing bowl! :) thanks for the thoughtful review!


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Review #15, by Renfair Prologue: Hogwarts, January 1982

15th May 2012:
Yay! My fan fiction "obligations" with deadlines are done, so now I can get back to reading! I can't believe this story has so few reviews. Yeah, I know it's harder to keep up an audience with a sequel, but the first part was SO GOOD! I can't wait to see where you're going to go with this now that we're really way off on an AU tangent.

I imagine pumpkin juice would actually be really nasty. I don't blame Lily for not wanting to drink it, but then still doing it because she's so thirsty. But I just feel like it would taste like the way a raw pumpkin smells. At least hot pumpkin in pie is good, but the drink is cold...so it's just GROSS sounding!

The little paragraph about Harry never knowing his father except as an illustrated story through photographs is just so sad. If I wasn't so tired, I bet it would have made me cry. Blame it on having a toddler separated from his own dad at the moment, even though our situation is temporary.

"She was a faithless wretch to feel this way for anyone with her husband barely three months in the grave." No, you're not. Severus is hot. Just give into it, already! I mean, three months is PLENTY of time to get over the death of your husband and father of your son who you knew since you were 11!

This was a very nice prologue, setting up several interesting branches of plot with surprisingly few words. I think it's really nice that Severus doesn't believe Myra is dead. I don't think he's in denial, just that he probably felt so close to her that he's kind of just know if she was *really* dead. Or at least, he feels like he should know. I wonder if she's kind of tied directly to Voldemort now where if Severus tries to bring back his old teacher, he'll inadvertently bring back Voldemort as well.

Lovely lovely chapter! It's kind of disappointing that there are only 6 up so far when I was spoiled being able to read "Unwritten" all the way through. I guess we both just need to get writing! Go go go!

Author's Response: Yikes! I'm sorry it took so long to respond, Renny. My phone won't let me and if I actually get to sit down at the keyboard it is an exceptional day ;)

I'm glad you enjoyed the opener -- it's always my worry that the 'catch-up' portion will bore readers who just finished the previous volume. Ah ha ha, I loved your speculations on where the plot may go... I maintain silence on whether your speculations are in line with my plans :D


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Review #16, by justonemorefic Snowdonia

30th April 2012:
Oh, the dream. I adored how you handled the transition from the forest into the cottage room, by the way, and so gorgeous and haunting as James' stag turned skeletal. I can see how this vision of James isn't really him as much as Lily's guilt; it's herself holding herself back, understandably though.

Angsty angst tearing at my soul ;A; But indeed “Lily, you can’t have it both ways.” you have to make a decision woman! Just to stop the pushing and pulling. Oh oh oh but the end to that scene :3 EEE so cute. His smirk and her I'll miss you and their KISS my oh my, maybe this will be all right after all.

Ahh, Melora D: deary me, I hope Dumbledore will bring answers.

♥ another great chapter :3 flew by so fast!

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it Gina! I just couldn't see Lily moving forward with a clear conscience just yet; poor girl.

I had a creepy time writing the dream sequence; I suppose I'll get some interesting reactions from actual J/L shippers who may get this far in the two stories! You're entirely correct that the dream is merely Lily's guilt talking, nothing prophetic, though who knows whether she might be suspicious after the multiple universe thing in volume 1.

I enjoyed writing Lily's reactions to Severus's drawing back in upon himself -- knowing she had to do it, but wishing she didn't have to. Boy, Lily is mostly a pragmatist but she can give Severus a run for his money in the liver-chewing department here! Heh.

Thanks so much Gina, I always get a squee when I see your reviews! I hope it's not too long before I have the next chapter completed.


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Review #17, by academica Prologue: Hogwarts, January 1982

26th April 2012:
Hey Mary! Here from the TGS Review Exchange :)

So I'll admit, this was a little tough for me to follow not having read 'Unwritten' yet, but I did the best I could. As a result, I'll be commenting primarily on the things I could follow best.

First off -- ahh, the Snily. I loved it. I could really see the fine details of the tension between them, and it was like they weren't in love, they didn't hate one another, but they had this awkward, reawakened relationship that neither of them yet fully understood. I love your businesslike, restrained Severus, and the tenderness of your Lily, caring for the human parts of the situation. They're very much as I would imagine them to be in a situation like this one.

Your details even beyond the Snily were fantastic, in terms of description. I especially loved the part where Lily put her fists to her eyes and created a visual effect behind her eyelids. It made this whole chapter feel very real, and I appreciate the attention you paid to every breath, every sensation.

All in all, I'm very intrigued. You did a wonderful job of setting up a beginning that drew me in (and made me wish I'd already read Unwritten) and then ending with... not quite a cliffhanger, but something that left me wanting more. The pace of the chapter went smoothly and quickly, probably because I was so interested from start to finish. I imagine I'll be going back to Unwritten and then returning to read more of this piece, given my Snily love (and hopefully more time once the semester has concluded and finals are ceased).

Excellent work, and a pleasure exchanging with you! :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much Amanda! I really waffled on what to put in the exchange; Unwritten has been done for a while but I know it's still on a lot of people's reading lists. I hope you do enjoy volume one when you get to it :)

Thanks especially for your comments on Severus' and Lily's character portrayal -- they are close friends and growing closer and both exhausted and stressed, and snapping at each other because it feels safe to do so.

Thanks again! :)


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Review #18, by Kira Snowdonia

25th April 2012:
Wow, just really, really wow. Your writing astounds me, and I'm being as honest as I know how to be. It is so powerful and so graceful. Each sentence seems to be written with care, and it feels like your sentences turn out the way you want them to. Personally, I feel as though mine rarely do. The dream sequence was chilling and sad and really demonstrated the guilt Lily is dealing with, and I love the conflict between still loving James but seeking comfort in someone who is still alive. You really have the ability to create mood and atmosphere and, though I've said it before, it is the way you portray the characters that is what keeps pulling me in. You do such a nice job of actually making them people with thoughts and emotions that people actually have. Their reactions and movements are so natural and you do a really magnificent job of describing them. You say a lot without overdoing it, which is something I could take lessons on. I collected a few phrases and paragraphs that were my favorite just to share what really stuck in my mind.

Severus stepped out of bed, partly wrapped in the sheet, which fell to the ground as he walked forward. The rowan wand trembled in his right hand. To Lily, he was achingly vulnerable and beautiful and wanted. She released the skeletal stag and stood between Severus and the specter.

“You chose him over me,” said the apparition in James’s disbelieving voice. Before she could say or do anything, the stag’s mouth opened and its curved fangs dripped with sticky white saliva. Bare cloven hooves drove toward her chest.

Severus exhaled a short puff of air through his nose, and even though she refused to look up, Lily knew the expression on his face – a sideways little smile of self-deprecation

The finality in his voice tore a jagged hole in Lily’s heart.

Oh, how it hurt her to see the hieratic masks of sarcasm and detachment drop over his features once more. For just a few hours, she had held the real Severus in her arms, the one she knew when they were young: before James, before Hogwarts, before the artificial divisions of Slytherin and Gryffindor.

And now, by force, Lily was pushing him back into hiding. Why? Because it would be wrong to go on the way she had begun; she couldn’t take advantage of him that way. As much as she already longed to relive the night, the sun crept steadily skyward and time was passing.

Your writing is beautiful and this story really taps into my own emotions as well. Its wonderful, really. Well done, and I wait with anticipation for more.

Author's Response: You are going to make this writer cry! Seriously! Thank you so, so much. I hope to have another chapter up before too long.

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Review #19, by Kira North Wales

4th April 2012:
This story is amazing! I've said it before, but the way you capture Severus' character is just perfect. He's my favorite character, but I always run into problems when I try to write him. I like him to much so I forget that he does have issues and thoughts that aren't necessarily good. I want everybody so bad to see the good in him, that I force it too much. You, on the other hand, handle the character in the way he's meant to be, very maturely I might add. We know he's a good person, but its done in a more subtle way. I don't know if this makes any sense to you, but it really is a high compliment. He's a complex character to write, and I know I struggle with it. I think this is just fabulous. You have real writing talent.

Author's Response: I'm so flattered by your review, seriously, you made my day. I like to keep Severus complex, he's not a saint (neither is Lily) and he is less mature than the character we know in canon. I'm very pleased you think the way I have painted him is in line with the 'real' Snape.

I hope you continue to enjoy the story!


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Review #20, by justonemorefic North Wales

24th March 2012:
Hee Myra's rules of magic. I love the touches of domesticity. And cake. Always cake.

Mm Lily's lullaby. I love how all the little pieces make the world seem so fragile. From her off key voice to the shattered glass in the last chapter, to still absent protective charms.

Oh well now. Flirty and handsy and kissing and oh dear, do I have to cover my eyes? Oh my. Oh myyy, Sev your gentlemanly resolve is being tested! Well, about time!

You know, I get really really shy about these sorts of things xD not because I'm uncomfortable about the subject, but because I always feel like I'm intruding on a really private moment I shouldn't be watching. But this was too sweet. Snape's 'I love you' and Lily's slip of a 'darling' and that he KNOWS it's 'too soon' but he's all right with that. "I'm yours… Do with me as you please." asdfghjk

♥ I've never actually read Snape/Lily romance romance before as much as I love the ship (I love their relationship, but I stick to unrequited), but I think in an AU setting, I'd adore it, and I definitely adore it here :3

Author's Response: I'm glad this came off not too, well, you know. I dislike writing overly woo-woo scenes in fanfic (not only my RL spouse, but also my mom, are reading this offline!) and this is really the only one I've done thus far that's been posted. I figured after ~28 chapters these two deserved some happiness, even if they are going to tear their hair out about it afterward. (well, Lily will)

Imagining what Petunia and Sirius are going to say when/if they find out is giving me the giggles right now, that is going to be fun to write. I look forward to getting into the consequences of these two getting together before Lily was really ready to move on... but she was the driving force. Sometimes, looking for comfort, people move faster than they're ready for.

Lily's lullaby is "I Will" from the Beatles' White Album. :)


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Review #21, by justonemorefic Hogwarts and Snowdonia

24th March 2012:
Truth be told, Severus would rather be clucked at than shunned; he was relieved that his colleague had surmounted the awkwardness that ensued... Baww, I love this little thought of his. I think it shines a good light on what sort of position he's in, and how tenuous it all is.

Hee, McGonagall called Harry a poppet! And is already training him to be the greatest seeker ever, I see. You write them with such an effortless voice ♥ eternally jealous.

;_; Oh noes Melora. She's being swung around like she's, well, possessed. I wonder if her foot will need to be patched. It would be so Lily to try to take care of everything on her own, and then Snape to blame it on himself that he isn't trying harder to do the same. Why must you both try to carry such burdens on your shoulders ;A; (this is my WHY WAR, WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO GOOD PEOPLE anguish)

Cake! Ickle Harry to save the day with cuteness eheheh. And their bit of lingering at the floor ♥

Squee, I saw you posted another chappie today! :3 off I go!

Author's Response: Gina reviews, what a treat! Yay.

I forgot about fixing Melora's foot... whoops. I suppose Lily did it when she put the poor possessed thing to bed.

It's kind of fun to imagine what Harry will be like with a secure relationship with a loving mom and no Boy who Lived stuff to deal with. Probably he'll turn out quite differently than in canon!

I've always thought Severus & Minerva were quite good friends as teachers -- certainly his seeming betrayal in book 6 really hit Minerva hard, and she had a terrible time after his death (Snif!) when she realized she had misjudged him. She had the position of Dumbledore's right hand for the public eye while Severus was doing much of the dirty work behind the scenes. I think my Minerva kicks back against Dumbledore a lot more than she would in canon... that's my frustration talking ;)

Thanks again dearie!


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Review #22, by justonemorefic The North Sea

2nd March 2012:
Baww Dorcas ;_; I hear what really drives people crazy in prison is the uncertainty of time. Unsure of when they'll be free, if ever. I love how she comforts herself with the memories of her friends and the people she's saved - it's all she can do really. I wonder if that really is Hagrid out there; I wouldn't doubt it. OTPPP.

Eww Bellatrix D: Go away. Ickle Draco nooo don't fall under the sway of your aunt. OH NO OH NO, SHE IS PLOTTING. Well of course she would be, but OH NO. Uuugh why are you so vindictive and evil and obsessed, Bella, haven't the protagonists suffered enough? -fears for everyone's life-

♥ can't wait to see what the rest of the story holds, even if I am peeking between my fingers.

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad the prison scene was successful. It was difficult to write and had me jumping when people opened the door behind me.

Dorcas is made of tough stuff. Her outsized ego actually comes in handy here. I think as far as ego-tripping Aurors (ex-Aurors?) go, she can go toe to toe with Moody. I can't wait to get those two back together again for a good old fashioned throwdown.

I had a lot of fun writing the inn scene even though I was nervous about taking on Bellatrix's POV for the first time. I thought it would be in character for her to completely disregard her husband (Rodolphus) in favor of her sister's baby, and her search for her true love (Voldy).

So glad you are along for the ride! :)


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Review #23, by justonemorefic Godric's Hollow

2nd March 2012:
Hee, Sirius. I love how he cares about Lily's cat. Makes me remember all the little things she's left behind. Also aha before he even mentioned it, I was totally imagining what would happen to a cat in Sirius and Remus' presence.


LOL JAMES' ADVICE. He is such a James. I love that whole bit so much from his phrasing to Lily smacking his head.

also lolol little Harry. I love Sirius so much. His narration is fun. Brings out all the playfulness in the characters. Dumbledore and Moody would so bet on him, with custard creams no less.

Baww Dorcas ;_; teehe, Hagrid trying to send her a birthday present. His offense when it got returned! THIS IS SO MY OTP.

:3 another loffly chap ♥

Author's Response: OK, that's one more reason why I love that you are back for the sequel: nobody else's OTP is Hagrid/Dorcas ;) I could so clearly imagine Hagrid complaining about trying to get a birthday present to Azkaban and that had to be in the story!

Yep, poor little Stanley is lucky he didn't become a Moony/Padfoot snack!

I'm glad you enjoy Sirius's narration. Sometimes I think without him I'd have to call this an Angst/Tragedy but with Sirius around, even the sad and sorrowful parts can have some humor injected into them. He's mourning James in his own way but on some level I don't think he's accepted it yet, he's still hearing James's possible comments on everything in the back of his mind. :(

Thanks Gina!



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Review #24, by justonemorefic Prologue: Hogwarts, January 1982

2nd March 2012:
Ahhh! The story continues :3 Do I get to be your first review?

We jump straight into the mystery, I love it. You've spun a whole world on your own, and whenever I read this universe, I'm always so willing to accept the elements that have deviated from JKR's world.

How I miss your writing on these two. I can feel the stress getting to them, in the details. Lily bristled at Severus's professorial tone. Next, he'd be asking where she'd left her laboratory report. They're both weary and there's no time to do anything but worry. And I remember how short of a time it's been! It's only been months since the betrayal :( it still looms over Lily.

This intro was so lovely, especially for people like me with a spotty memory. I get little tidbits of all the loose threads in Unwritten and already I feel its setting taking root in my mind again.



Author's Response: Yay Gina! Thanks for coming by! I'm glad you are along for the ride. I hope it doesn't drive you bananas having to read each chapter as it comes out this time instead of after it's done!

I love bickering Severus and Lily, they are both exhausted as you said and acting like old friends in nasty moods. (or an old married couple...) I see a couple of boo-boos in this chapter that I must remind myself to fix! word overuse and such.

Thank you for being my first reviewer!!


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