Ok so this story is one of my favorites out of what I have read for my challenge. It was in the POV of the dying person (Which was rare) and was about Peter! I love it when people focus on Peter! Just because he's usually over shadowed. But this was really well written and I loved it! :D Great job and thanks for entering my challenge!Author's Response: I definitely think we should be best buds, because it's so hard to find other people that appreciate minor characters! Thank you so so so much for your review! I'm looking forward to the results of your challenge. Report Review
This story is just beyond words... I love this story particularly because it's about one of the underloved character and also one of the characters in which a lot of people forget about and in his final moments it also gives us a hint about his remorse.
I really really liked the flashbacks to the past where ou showed us about Peter's untroduction to the marauders and how he always felt like he was unnoticed! It gives us just a flavour of maybe why he did what he did but then he realises that he is cowardly and that he should have let Lily and James live!
I love this!Author's Response: Thank you so, so much! This is probably my favorite fic that I have written, and nothing makes me happier than knowing that by reading my story, people can see Peter in a different light. Like you've said, I think he's really unappreciated and all the evil, nasty characters have great potential for emotional fics! Thank you very much for taking the time to review! Report Review
oh my gosh this was beautiful...the emotions were so raw! It was like a piece of art in writing! Although this does not change my biased view of Peter, it still gave me a different perspective of him. Please continue writing your writing style is amazing!!
~RosieAuthor's Response: Haha I completely understand the whole Peter thing, but I'm so glad that you liked this! Report Review
Congratulations on 1st place in the "In the Moment of Death" challenge! You deserved it! This story is amazing! I love how Peter is regretful of his actions and how he thinks of James and his first time meeting him. Lovely story!Author's Response: Thank you very much! (: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Wow. This is so well written, I feel so emotional reading it. You've gave me goosebumps and everything! This is definitely one of the best portrayals of Peter that I've ever seen, you don't see a lot of them either. So happy I got to read this, I loved it. 10/10 :)Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! It means a lot! Report Review
this was really well written! it was such an in-depth, personal view on a character whose rotten actions often get him overlooked. i think you got right into his mind and characterized him perfectly. 10/10 :)Author's Response: Thank you very much for the awesome review! Report Review
I am reviewing for the 'In the Moment of DEath Challange.' I absoloutely loved your story. Surprisingly, this is the first entry that has included a flashback, in my opinion, one of the best ways to express regret. Peter's regrets were expressed clearly and in a rather dramatic way that I enjoyed. I was amazed at how you were able to prolong those few sseconds so long without making the story drag. This is a fine work of fiction, and I think it is a shoe in for placement. THanks for your entry! Results will become available after the deadline of March 3, 2012. Thanks again!
P.S.- Please read my fictions.Author's Response: Of course I'll take some time to read your work. And thank you very much for the kind review, it means a lot! Report Review
Wow, just wow! When you said you wrote a fic about Wormtail, I knew I had to check it out; not because you read my fic, but because I like reading stuff by characters some people don't think are worth writing about. I really loved this. You held the reader in this epic balance of both hating Peter and pitying him; that's such a difficult thing to do, but you made it seem effortless. Your writing style is brilliant, flows so well. You had some seriously cool sentences in there writing wise!!! Great stuff!!! I really loved how you blended memory and reality and how you captured Peter's relationship with both James and Voldemort, it was so interesting and seemed so real too. I really liked who you had Peter see Harry too, that was great; how he was like James, but different too. I loved how he hated dying while Harry once again was trying to save him because he knows he does not deserve such kindness!!
Anyway brilliant chapter - I see you've written this for a challenge, you'd have my vote anyway, hope you win now ;-) well done again on a BRILLIANT story, I loved it :-) 10/10
Ps. I just noticed a little typo: "ike James, no handsome figure and smooth charm like Sirius, no gentle voice or brains like Sirius" should that second Sirius but Remus???Author's Response: Oh my goodness! This is probably the most flattering review I've ever gotten! I love you!
And thanks for pointing out the error, I'll hop to it! Report Review
Hello! I’m over here for your requested review. As you must’ve read in my first post, I do a Running Review. Thus sometimes, my first comment sometimes ends up being some cc.
A story summary and banner is an important part to have just right. These two things gear me up for what to expect in a story. So, if there are typos and the like, it can kind of give a disappointing feeling to some readers (mostly the ones who are nit-picky like me). So in light of that whole explanation that I just gave, there was a typo in the summary: Peter Pettigrew has always been one thing, and one [a] thing only: a coward. - take out the extra [a]. Other than that, I liked your summary. It set me up to read a rare Peter Pettigrew story that explores his feelings. I like feelings. :)
I adore imagery and the way you used it here in this first paragraph. It helps me picture what is happening and almost feel it, too. This was such a profound sentence to me: It was much easier to be bad when you were never reminded of the good, - wise words truly.
he would have tried to overthrow[n] James - I don’t think that the extra “n” is needed.
virtuous as people made him see. - missing “m”
I had attention on the fact that Peter is quite free with using Voldemort’s name. You describe him here as someone who is controlled by fear, yet he doesn’t fear using his master’s name. It would seem to me that he’d be more the “Dark Lord” and “Master” type of guy, even in his thoughts. It would add to the sense that Peter was completely fearful.
I feel that you handled the point of Peter’s capitulation to his memories very well. The moments leading up to him facing them were dipped in desperation and regret and it was clearly seen in how he fought his own body’s betrayal. I like how you segued into the flashback. It gave me a sense of the inevitable, like he couldn’t stop it.
Your James and Sirius were canon enough to be familiar but fleshed out more to actually be real people to me. Of course it’d be James and Sirius who’d approach Peter to make friends. I did like Peter’s assessment of them and how you introduced his past to us.
However, the point where Peter join in on their laughter felt a bit stilted, like it didn’t quite flow or make sense. Maybe something more from James or Sirius to indicate kindness or inclusion of Peter in the fun? Because up to that point, they seemed antagonistic. The bit afterwards, showing how they start becoming friends was realistic and I got back into the story.
no gentle voice or brains like [Sirius] - did you mean Remus? Because Sirius is described twice here.
Lily waving her [bouqet] in the air - [bouquet]
I don’t know how you managed it but you made that wedding scene both sweet and bitter all at once. The joy and love that Lily and James felt was wonderfully written, offset by Peter’s own dark and lonely thoughts. I could totally see James wanting a special dance done with the groomsmen and bridesmaids, only to have Peter not have anyone to dance with.
Wow. That was just…wow. I know I had things I was picking at above, but overall, the amount of thought and care you put into making Peter Pettigrew clear to the reader was done very well. You took us from Peter realizing that his life had been ruled by fear to him realizing that what he had needed was love and the chance to do that. In Harry, he saw his salvation and the comparison he drew between Harry and his father were so apt. I literally had goosebumps reading the last bit before his death, the fear and regret were so clearly written.
You are a writer I would love to continue reading, mainly because you can handle imagery and flow well. There are a few points you could tighten up on in this story (as above) that might add more but don’t let what I said darken your mood on what you wrote. It was well done and I am happy to have read it!
xCharAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so surprised by the length of this review. It was great to read and don't worry, I can handle criticism and you make valid points. I didn't even notice the errors and I'm glad you pointed out the Dark Lord thing, that's one of those details I always forget about. I'm so glad you liked it and I'm so happy that you took the time to read it! Thank you very much! Report Review
Wow. This is incredible, even better than I expected, becoming one of the best portrayals of Peter I've ever found. You give him significant depth even as you describe how insignificant he has felt throughout his life. The scene at the wedding party when Peter found himself alone was particularly moving, and I can imagine that happening, entirely by accident, but something that leads him to break from his friends in the end - they neglect his presence, and he lacks the strength to assert his own presence.His pain was very real, bleeding through the words with great power - you found just the right way of making him sympathetic, demonstrating to readers the circumstances of his life without using it as an excuse. He tried to be something, only to become less than something, in the end.
Your overall portrayal of the Marauders is exceptional - not in the least cliched, but still very canon, which is a pleasing combination to see. It was interesting to see that James's parents would die in a car crash, as they were purebloods, but it did make an interesting connection with the death Petunia ascribed to Lily and James - it seems like the euphemism for violent death in Rowling's world. I also liked how you portrayed the Marauders as children - they sounded and acted like eleven year olds - especially James, who was extremely canon, that terrible mix of arrogant toe rag and charming Marauder. :P The very fact that you remembered to include his negative traits demonstrates a firmer grasp of the canon than the majority of Marauder-era authors.
My only critique is in regard to your paragraph divisions - at the moment, they too-much remind me of Dickens with their length and breadth. The paragraphs containing dialogue especially need to be divided so that each line of dialogue and its accompanying description are in separate paragraphs. It makes things much easier to read on a computer screen and also can make the story more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Some artful short paragraphs could also be used to emphasize certain lines and ideas, should you want to go that far.
If you keep writing stories like this, you'll fast find yourself on my favourite authors list - I love stories like this one, of high quality, careful characterization, and a solid grasp of language and flow. I look forward to reading more from you. :)Author's Response: Oh. My. Goodness. First of all when I saw the length of this I was SO excited, it's quite rare when people leave such nice reviews! Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments, it means a lot considering that I've stalked your work and it's much better than mine (particularly graphics wise... :p) I think I'm going to get a beta reader for this. And I just wanted to clarify that PETER's parents died, not James's. I guess that could be confusing, especially with the way I worded it. (: Thank you so much for the kind review. It's awesome. Really. Report Review
I'm not logged in so I just put my name up there :) I loved this one-shot it truly deserves more reviews. I loved how you included flashbacks to show us a bit of young Peter. I truly felt sorry for him something that never happened to me with the books. Heck I identified myself with certain aspects of Peter! This is the best one-shot I've read about Pete.
Though you might want to re-red because there was a part where you probably want to say James's gaze and instead said Harry (for a mo that threw me off)
P.S: I'm happy I got to read this one-shot :) 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! You're too kind. I'll get to your story ASAP. And oops, thanks for pointing that out! Although I think to Peter Harry and James are all the same since they look so similar. ;) Thanks for the help and the review! Report Review
This was very well written. I loved it. =)Author's Response: Thank you! It means a lot! Report Review
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