This one-shot is gorgeous. Your diction and descriptions have me writhing in envy! This had such a light, atmospheric feel to it, a mirror into Cho's heart; I don't think I've ever read a better representation of Cho/Cedric. Her sadness is so tangible, reaching for a person who is dead now, loving someone who can no longer love her back.
A few of my favorite parts:
The present was merely transitory for him, a respite before he ascended to his destiny. The future rose before him, stairs that he could climb forever
- That's exactly how I see Cedric, as well - not spending time in the present while he still had it because he was so focused on the future.
She would have given him her soul. For months, she had been shedding bits of it like tears
- love that so much. You have a wonderful way with words.
Every moment of joy now had a twin of discontent.
- I know exactly what this feeling is, and have never given it thought enough to articulate it into language. You took something that's somewhat unconscious and brought it to light, and I really admire that.
The end is so eerie and chilling with his frozen eyes and lack of warmth, and the green in his eyes - that made me shiver. The green in them is 'Avada Kedavra', right? That whole paragraph made me visualize that spell and the way it would look reflected in his eyes, and it was creepy and gorgeous at the same time - fantastic imagery. A figment of the past, a memory - I feel like Cho is starting to lose hold of the dead boy she's attached herself to for so long, and might be letting go now. You ended it perfectly, with her coming back to reality and back to spring, and the birds crying freedom. I think Cho will find freedom, too.
Beautiful one-shot! 10/10.Author's Response: Sarah! Hi!
You are too kind! Seriously. It took me a while to even be able to respond to this coherently.
But I'll try to now xD. First, speaking of envy, let's say I'm very jealous of your plotting skills with Run. And thus we are even. Or something.
I'm so glad you liked it though. I really enjoy writing one shots in this sort of style. It's totally different from how I write anything longer than a one-shot, and it's a very different process, to try to capture emotion and description more than plot. It definitely tends towards more imagery and metaphor, especially in this piece. So I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it.
Yes, the green in the reflection of the Killing Curse. I'm glad you picked up on it, cause it is a bit subtle. And it's great to hear that you got so much out of that one line! That's what I love about imagery in general.
You've definitely gotten the right idea about how Cho feels at the end. There's a turning point, for her, where she realizes that he isn't coming back. And that it's alright to let him go. And that is the sort of freedom that she will come to feel.
Anyways, thanks again so much for the review! All these lovely things coming from you mean a lot to me! ♥
I guess I should apologize if I was totally rambling throughout this. But that's what tends to happen in review replies, at least to me xD
--Haley Report Review
Wow... Haley, I can't believe I haven't read this yet, or read more of Vital ever since I reviewed it last year when it was still in its early stages. Hopefully I will soon! And I'm sad I haven't talked to you in ages.. how're you? :P
Anyway, to review this..
Wow.. honestly, this was so beautiful, and your writing is truly fantastic. Everything is just so amazing. I don't even know how to describe it, but it's just so powerful, you convey so much of Cho's thoughts and emotions, and I just get such a good sense of her. You make me feel so sorry for Cho here, and I loved how you mentioned the Triwizard Tournament and when Cho was in the lake.. What really made this piece just something to go 'wow' at is: your words, your sentences.. each one is just so well crafted. I hope you know that your writing is something special :) Really well written.
- Charlotte :)Author's Response: Hi Charlotte!
It's great to hear from you! Seeing this review was a wonderful surprise :) And yes, Vital has definitely moved along--it has 20 chapters now! And I know, it's been way too long. I've sent you a PM over on TDA, by the way. :)
Anyways, thank you for this lovely review! You're so kind! When writing this, I wanted to put a lot of emphasis on description and metaphor and use the words to convey what Cho is feeling, so I'm so glad to hear that you picked up on that.
♥ Haley Report Review
I was scrolling through your page, looking for something to review for the review tag, but I'll admit I didn't scroll very far -- as soon as I saw the word 'Cedric' my brain screeched to a halt. I don't think it's a very well-kept secret, my appreciation for him and those who write him. And I'm very glad I picked this to read!
Your style was, in one word, lovely. :) The way that you described things was so lush and rich, in the best of ways, and I love it when authors can use that flowery sense of description to their advantage. Sometimes it can feel a bit smothered, but such was far from the case here. I loved how you incorporated the natural world -- the rebirth of the earth, essentially -- into telling your story.
And I loved the metaphorical future, too -- how it was what Cedric yearned for, and what Cho yearns for now. I still get a small ache in the pit of my stomach when I think of how young Cedric was when he died, how innocent he was. I'm still feeling a bit emotional now, to be honest. :D But you could feel Cho's love for him, even as she talked about how she grieved for him -- his smile, the feeling of his arms around her. I'm not a Cedric/Cho shipper but you still got that pull out of me, and that's awesome.
I'm so glad I picked this to read! Beautiful job, Aderyn -- you are a very talented writer. :) I've seen Vital about quite a bit, too, and who knows? I may just have to pop over and give it a read someday! Great work!Author's Response: Hello!
Thanks for the lovely review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this piece. I have admit I haven't written much about Cedric, but hopefully I did him justice. :) I definitely wrote this piece for all the metaphors and descriptions. And I'm glad that you never thought it was too heavy with abstraction.
Writing this piece, I felt much the same way. Cedric and Cho were both so young. And Cedric had so much potential, before his early death. It's a huge compliment to hear that you felt that sort of emotion after reading this piece, though.
Really, thank you so, so much for this lovely review! It made me very happy to read it :D And you've seen Vital around? That's nice to hear as well, that people actually know about my stories, haha. I'd love it if you read it, though it's not in the same style as this piece--not so descriptive and much more suspenseful.
â¥ Report Review
I liked this a lot! I felt the description was absolutely beautiful in this and i could really feel her emotions for the loss of the boy she loved. I know this was for the repetition challenge but i really wanted to say how i enjoyed your use of repetition as it flowed really well. I liked the characterization of cho as well and think u did a great job tackling her emotions and thoughts during the third task as she waits for cedric to come back. The flow in general for this story was great as well and found it to be a wonderful read. Also i like how the ending mentioned of her future a bit! Great job!
~slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thank you!
I appreciate the review! I definitely wanted to focus in on the emotions that Cho feels, based on the descriptions. And yes, I wanted to incorporate repetition in anyways--I didn't just write this for that challenge. I think it adds maybe some unity to this piece, which can get a bit nebulous.
Again, thank you for leaving me a review on this! :D Report Review
Wow I generally don't read Cho/Cedric stories/one-shots but this was very good and well-written.
The way you wrote gave the one-shot a nice flow and it made the story very poetic.
I enjoyed the mood of the story too. Not too dark but not too light either. I think that you wrote Cho perfectly. :) The ending line was so powerful. :)
Well done!Author's Response: Hi! thanks for the review.
I'm glad that you enjoyed this, even though it's not what you normally read. (To be honest, I don't normally write Cho/Cedric).
Again, thanks for finding this story and taking the time to read and leave a review :) Report Review
Oo! I loved this! It was amazing and the imagery you used was brilliant. THe angst in this story was amazing (I love reading and writing angst stories) I think you captured Cho's feelings perfectly :) Also, congratulations on writing a ship taht doesn't normally get much credit in fan fiction land (that i've seen)
JazAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this piece. :)
I definitely think Cho/Cedric is a ship that has a lot of room for exploring. Even though Cedric dies, Cho has to be upset over it. And this story was predicated on the idea that she finds it hard to forget about him.
Thanks! Report Review
Coming up with a proper, decent review for this story is difficult. It's absolutely breath-taking in its magnificence.
I don't think I've ever read a Cho/Cedric story before, and maybe part of that is my dislike for the Cho that we see through Harry's POV, all blubbery and childish. Yet, here, sometimes we still see some of that child-like behavior but it's interesting to see how she's grown and matured in light of Cedric's death.
I love the repetition in this of pasts, presents, and futures. You've done such a fantastic job with this, describing Cedric the way you have - the golden boy with that bright, brilliant future so quickly extinguished. The metaphors and just everything, all the words you've chosen, everything just seems...other worldly, almost.
I don't know how else to describe how this story has pulled at my heartstrings, has placed me in Cho's shoes and I felt like I was floating through the motions, watching her and Cedric's relationship unfold.
Just, I'm so insanely jealous of your beautiful writing talent. I love the idea of Cedric only looking towards the future and it's so heartbreaking because that's the one thing that's stolen from him. And your description of Cho in the lake with the merpeople, when she realized she loved him, it's so abstract in the way it's written, and perfect.
I can't stop gushing about this story, if you hadn't noticed, haha. I honestly get over how wonderful this is. I love it! Report Review
He reached for her, arms gliding over hers, sheltering her from what was new and unknowable. He loves you, the wind whispered in her ear, soothing the pain separation had brought her.
This is so beautiful! Not just the sentence that I posted above but the whole thing was just so heartfelt and lovely. You really did such an awesome job with Cho's emotions. 10/10. :)Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for the kind review. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Report Review
This was so beautiful! I absolutely loved this new take on Cedric/Cho and cannot believe it's not more recognised.
Your description was just breath-taking. I really felt more alive as Cho than as myself, because you put me in her place so entirely with how she fell in and out of love. It was the most beautiful take on how she coped with Cedric's death - favourite lines were possibly At night, she had thrown the fragments of her faith up as an offering to the stars. Yet the stars had shied away from the shards and let them tear at the fabric of the heavens. and Instead, it was her faith that had been shattered like false jewels. although to be honest, the entire piece was so rich in the most wonderful metaphors and description!
I love how your similies and metaphors interwove with the story of Cedric and Cho's relationship; how nothing was as it seemed. It added an element of the surreal that contrasted so well with your ending... it painted such a vivid picture of Cho now that there aren't even words for! (Except yours, obviously).
Absolute 10/10! :D
~TGKAuthor's Response: Thank you -blush - this review is lovely!
I was definitely trying to make the story a bit nebulous at times with the metaphors. But at the same time I think they give the story structure and patterns.
Seriously, I hardly know to respond to this. Its so complimentary. I'm sitting at my computer, grinning as I read it. It really made my day :D.
Thank you! Report Review
That was beautiful. It's nice to see a proper one-shot featured around Cho and not just a blubbering girl we see in the books and movies. This had some really great and detailed imagination filled into this short yet amazingly written one-shot.
I have never read a proper one-shot about Cho, actually I have never read a proper story about Cho so this was a first for me. You did a very good job in writing this and I wish you all the best in your future wriing career because you diserve it :)
Ravenclaw xAuthor's Response: Hi. Thanks for the kind review!
I'm glad that you liked your first Cho one-shot :D I do think that Cho is blubbering in the books, but she's also very young at the time. This piece is about reflection, when Cho is slightly older and more mature. Besides, it wouldn't be very exciting to read about Cho whining, would it?
Thanks again! Report Review
I really enjoyed reading this portrayal of Cho. So often in fanfiction, she is just the annoying, weepy girl we see in OotP, so it's really nice to see a more mature version of her. You really captured a unique view of the depth of her relationship with Cedric.
You have a wonderful way of language. Something about this story just seemed very dream-like and ethereal to me. It was really quite beautiful. I really liked the bit at the beginning about how Cedric's eyes spoke of the future, but his smile was the present.
Despite all of your beautiful language, the line that stood out to me the most was "And they never lived in the past." Very simple and straightforward, but it's also very striking.
This is a very well-written piece. I'm glad I had the chance to read it.
~SingularityAuthor's Response: Hello!
When writing this piece, I was trying to show that Cho could grow up, and be more mature about her relationship with Cedric. While she is portrayed as a weepy girl in most fanfiction, I think that there has to be a reason behind that. She wouldn't be so upset if Cedric hadn't meant something to her.
Thank you :) I was trying to make the story dreamy, so I'm glad to hear you recognized that quality was well.
The line you picked out is definitely a turning point in the story. I wanted it to show Cho's sudden switch from reminiscing to actually figuring out how to move on from Cedric.
Thank you so much for the review! It's great to hear that you enjoyed it. Report Review
So I'm finally here with your review, as promised in my challenge. :)
One of the things I liked about this story was how you delved into the two characters and their love. When Cho said that Cedric had made her her a better person, I felt how much that meant to her and what it spoke of their relationship. But she also admitted that she was not perfect, that she did not know everything, when she said that she wished she could have said she knew their perfect love would die. To me, that was a pretty good display of maturity, even if the Cho we know is always crying.
Even if you didn't mention at the end that this was for the "Find Your Style" challenge, I still would have seen that that was what you were going for. In many cases, I think it worked. You had some beautiful lines in here, and they wove plenty of images. My favorites were these: "The serpent of her uneasiness wormed its way through the throng, leaving its seeds of doubt behind to take root in their minds" and "their love had been forged in fire, set in cool waters."
However, there were still moments when it seemed, to me, that you were trying a bit too hard. For instance, some of the words felt more out of a thesaurus than anything else, and a little out of place. This is only how it came across to me, remember. These are a few of the places I'm thinking of: "The present was merely transitory for him, a respite before he ascended to his destiny," and "her life was not yet ossified." The difference between these and the ones above, which I liked better, is unnecessarily large words. My favorite images were conjured up with simple words in complex arrangements, not complex words in simple sentences. This may be a personal preference, but it's worth mentioning.
But the repetition, the main reason I'm here, was spot on. I think one of the reasons I put up the challenge was because I love that moment in a story when everything clicks, when what's already been said in bits and pieces lines up and the story falls into place. I don't think I'm alone in that, and thus the challenge was born. Here, my aha moment was in this line: "And they never lived in the past." It all made sense from there, even though you'd been saying the same thing all along. It turned it from a sad story of a boy with potential to a hopeful story of girl who will continue the boy's practice of looking ahead instead back. It's comforting to see that by remembering Cedric, Cho can both respect him and move on at the same time. The repetition really turned the story around, which was great.
So, overall, well done. It was an enjoyable story to read, and about as happy as a story about death can get (unless you're into comedy, I suppose :P) Good luck in "finding your style," and thanks for joining my challenge!Author's Response: Hello!
Thanks for the review-sorry it took me so long to respond.
Definitely, this Cho is more mature than the girl in the books. This was intentional, partly because I think this is set when she's older, but also because I feel like Cho really was upset at Cedric's death and needed to come to terms with it.
I'm glad you liked the language, for the most part. You make a good point about simple words in complex sentences being more affective. While I didn't use a thesaurus when writing this, ossified maybe is too clunky for this story. I think I see your point about it sounding out of place.
The line you mentioned was what I had intended for the turning point in the story to be. :D I think you've got it just right: it does go from memories to looking to the future at that moment. I really found it fun to try to put repetition into your challenge, because, while it is something I do naturally, here I tried to think about where it would be most effective.
Thanks for posting such a wonderful challenge! And I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. Report Review
That was so beautifully rendered. As I read through this, my mind literally savored each word you wrote, the way you strung your sentences together. I can't even choose one particular line to say is my favorite or what stuck out to me the most. The poetry wove itself in and out of the entire writing and I just had to read and let the words run through me.
This moment of, maybe not healing, but being able to move on is quite poignant to write about. I don't think about Cho and Cedric because it was soon overshadowed by Harry, but the life you breathed into their love, the way you described it as growing made it that much more special.
It didn't look like a fleeting thing though it was so short, but something that would last a lifetime. I love that you left it on a hopeful note.
xCharAuthor's Response: Hello!
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I really wrote it to focus on the language, more than the plot itself. For some reason, whenever I write oneshots, I tend to make them less plot-focused, and more like a snapshot of a moment. That way I can work on description and emotion, rather than dialogue and plot.
I've always found Cedric/Cho to be an interesting ship to write. They are marginalized in the books, but I think they're quite a tragic couple.
I've definitely taken liberties with the depth of their relationship, but honestly, if I had been in Cho's place, I wouldn't have forgotten about Cedric easily either. It's not something that can just go away.
Anyways, I loved writing this piece, so it makes me happy to hear that you enjoyed it as well.
Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
Your imagery at the beginning is so pretty :3 I love that kind of combination of life and death in imagery. And then the imagery you have that follows with the sort of... ghost-like mist. I can see the scene like the one in your banner. Cho walking through a mist, and then water, and them warmth. It's so dreamy. I think it sets up such an interesting dichotomy toward the end, as she starts describing the day of his death. Every moment of joy now had a twin of discontent.
It's a little bit confusing at times - I think that's just the occasional too-dreaminess. I think maybe focusing on the strongest of your descriptions and cutting out some of the rest might help, as well as adding a little bit more concreteness to the middle section. You've got a lot of good stuff, but too much at once I think makes me lose my footing on where I'm supposed to be focusing.
I love how you tie it all together in the end, how she feels very vulnerable, but she yearns for the future and how Cedric ties in, in his way, to her future still (He always spoke of the future, perhaps because it was all he had.). I think it's such a great anchor point.
♥ heee more people need to read your so-not-weird oneshots.Author's Response: Gina! Thanks for the review â¥
Ooh, you picked up on the ghost/mist imagery? That's what I was going for. And I also made the banner to try to match that dreaminess.
Hopefully there are a lot of contrasts in this piece. You pointed out life/death, joy/discontent. Also past/present/future. I guess I added those to show how Cho has changed.
I understand your point about it being confusing. The metaphors sort of compound in the middle, and I probably didn't put enough concrete-ness in at that point. I shall try to fix this. I'm glad, at least, that it ties together at the end. I'll try to reign in the middle though.
Haha. Well, thank you for that :D And I appreciate your help with this story!
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection