Oh wow, this was such an emotional story. It was very hard to read it, because you made his feelings so real. But then again I couldn’t have stopped reading either because it was written beautifully and captured me immediately. So brilliant work.
I think you did a good job with your OC. Such a thoughtful boy, I liked the depth you've managed to put in his character and the darkness you've created, it all felt so real and believable.
The part about his letter to his mum was so sad, and I actually felt like I might cry at that point. Judging by your author's note, I guess that was one of the points of this story, so I'd say you did an excellent job on that. I'm not one who cries when reading stories, unless I've created a strong emotional connection to a character, so for me to feel even that after reading a one-shot about an OC is really, really rare!
Loved all the descriptions in this, they only added the realness in this and helped to paint the big picture.
All in all, a brilliant one-shot, especially when it came from an empty mind (x I can't even think how good your other stories are then!
Take care! And good luck with that challenge!
~EleniaAuthor's Response: Thank you ever so much, Elenia!
I wanted everything to be as simple as possible in this one-shot; I didn't want to overload it with description of settings and places and what was around him, because it was simply his thoughts.
If his thoughts couldn't be powerful or moving then I didn't want to write it, because with the theme that the story focused on, that's all there is to it - there aren't any beautiful, flowing descriptions when you're contemplating that kind of thing, there's just you and the choice you decide to make.
I'm glad you enjoyed it so much; it's a thrill to get this kind of response, and I'm sorry that I made you feel sad! Though I am... pleased in odd way that it moved you to that extent.
Thank you ever so much, Elenia. xxx
Hi! hplover_987 from the forums here for our review swap.
I found this really interesting. A diary of a depressed teenager. The only thing is when I was reading this it felt like the thoughts and feelings of a female not a male. Just the way the thoughts are written it feels female. You wrote the depression well though and it really made you think what people are going through and this was a very depressing issue - suicide. But I think that's the point, to make people aware of the issue but you're not really promoting it either. My best friend suffers with depression and copes with her thoughts and feelings through self harm. I really have a lot of knowledge of things such as this because of her and I think you could of shown the stages that depressed people go through before resulting to suicide as my friend went through each stage. Maybe add some stuff about his home life as well and past.
I really liked it though. Hope you do well with the challenge :) xAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review hplover.
I've suffered from bouts of depression over the past two years, so I guess that's why it seemed like it was from the POV of a female - because some of the thoughts were what I've been thinking.
I was far from being in the same state of his mind, of course, but I wanted to convey how one would feel by having gotten to that point - thanks for the pointer about writing about the stages; I probably should have gone into detail about that, as well as his home life, but again - it's only a diary, so it would be out of character for him to explain everything about his life - he already knows all about it, and if the diary's for him he's not really going to spend time writing things he knows.
It's like writing in 1st person and describing your bedroom in detail; you know what it looks like already, you've lived in it for years, so why would you describe it?
Thank you very much for the compliments & the pointers - they've been taken into due consideration. If I ever re-write/revise this I'll be sure to mention what I've said above.
PS. Getting to your review now! Report Review
Very dark, but very good.Author's Response: Thank you very much, Kestral.
I wanted to think of something dark, but something that evoked emotion as well. I tried to use a simple voice, too, so that I didn't overload it with description, but rather simple thoughts - something I thought would be more effective given his state of mind and age, etc.
Thanks very much. x Report Review
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