Reading Reviews for Heartbeat
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by chasm Stupid

2nd February 2014:
"His heartbeat is rapidly increasing."

Somewhere off behind a computer screen, there is a teenage girl swooning at the Remus/Sirius you have snuck into this.


AHEM. I love this and it seems sooo, interesting! I really love playing with the concept of multiple points of view, especially to shed insight on a particular scene, so I will definitely be popping around and stalking the other chapters! (Linking me to chapter two, smh, such a tease! ;D Just kidding. Kind of.)

Also I swear I probably think it a million times and not say it nearly enough but your writing is just fantabulous, okay? It's so awesome that it needs a ridiculous not-quite-word to define it. :'3

--Chasm ^___^

Author's Response: YOU. :"DD

There's barely /any/, you silly thing, most people skip right over it. Then again, I guess I can't really call you silly because this was such a sweet review ajkhkjsdf you didn't have to, you. Don't even start with the multiple points of view -- I went mad trying to make sure nothing sounded too repetetive D;

You can't say I'm a tease because one, you wanted to, and two, ~technically~ it's the same story from a different view so there ;D Seriously though, you're a sweetie-pie and I adore you and just ahh. This made my day even more brilliant than it already is. And just so you know, fantabulous is a /smashing/ word and you're just smashing in general :33


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 Force

1st January 2014:
Hello! I have come to review your story for Day Six of the Twelve Days of Reviewing at the forums. :)

Snape IS a particularly difficult character to write! I think that you pulled it off very well, however. I love that this story begins with the aftermath of Sirius' little prank on Snape--it's not something that I see a lot in fanfiction, and I love unique things!

As always, your writing is refreshing to read. I love how you've developed your characters through the eyes of Snape--the viewpoint is biased, but that gives the personalities of Sirius and Remus a whole new perspective. I especially loved Snape's dreams at the beginning--hahaha, yes, he would LOVE it if his dreams came true. ;)

Amazing first chapter! 10/10!

Happy New Year!


Author's Response: I remember first writing this story and feeling SO nervous about it because it was my first time writing Snape and even now, when I read over it, sometimes I get so worried about it so I'm seriously glad you still thought this was good! I'm not too good with action-y stuff, and the prank itself would have a lot of it, so I did the aftermath itself so I'm glad you liked it.

I'm honestly so pleased you really liked this, and thank you for all of the compliments! You really are sweet and I appreciated the review :D Happy New Year!


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Review #3, by patronus_charm Force

1st January 2014:
Hi, here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge on the forums!

I thought you chose a really interesting part of the Marauders era to explore and handled it really well. Even though in youíre A/N you said that writing Snape was hard for you, I couldnít tell that at all in your writing and I thought it was a really smooth piece of work and fitted into his mind-set really well.

You caught the main fixations of his life at that moment really well with loving Lily and wanting the best for her, the loathing he has for the Marauders and then proving that Remus was a werewolf, and the way the chapter seemed to revolve around those themes was really great and allowed a great insight into his mind which was handled really well in my opinion.

I also found that Remus and Siriusí dialogue was really great too with perfect levels of tension between the two of them over who was right and who was wrong, and it really depicted their relationship well too. It was funny to see that Sirius was forced to take the submissive and apologetic role in this story and Remus being the dominant one of the two, but because of the situation it fitted really well and didnít feel out of place.

I liked how you used foreshadowing towards the end with Snape wondering how this revelation will affect everything later on which was really great as it was a pivotal moment for them all.

Great chapter!


Author's Response: Hi, Kiana!

Wow, thank you so much for such a sweet review -- it was just a really nice thing to read since it's the holidays and all. Even though I've done it so many times, I still get nervous writing a canon character, so I'm glad you thought Snape was portrayed well, as well as Remus and Sirius -- the two of them are some of my favourite characters from HP, ever, so I'm just really happy to hear that.

I'm glad you thought the dialogue was great as well -- dialogue is one of the few things I know I'm good at writing, but I'm still relieved to hear you thought it was written well, especially since so many people have different views about the Marauders era and the characters, so thank you again for the compliments and the review!


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Review #4, by Shortie Force

27th July 2012:
" it's not Snivellus was grateful" you missed the "like" there.

That's the only mistake I found. I love the marauders and this is living up to the expectation :D I love the way you've started it. You've forced us to read the rest of the story through the amazing plot twist. Not exactly twist but you know what I mean.

Characterization is really good. You really know these guys. I mean, Sev is exactly what he is so yay you :D

All in all, I love this and I intend to read the rest as soon as I get time :D


Author's Response: What?!? I could've sworn I fixed that thing! Ah well, thanks for pointing it out anyway. Severus was actually easier to write than I had first originally thought, so to me it just shows that anyone can do it if they try hard enough :) You really don't have to read the rest, but I'm not complaining :P *hugs back*


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Review #5, by LillyRoseanne Dizzy

10th June 2012:
Absolutely effing amazing... Love it :D

Author's Response: Thank you! It's lovely to get a review on this again :)

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Review #6, by LilyShadowHaze Dizzy

27th March 2012:
I like it so far! It must've been quite difficult to write the same scene four times, for four different characters. I love how you did Severus's especially.

Author's Response: Really? Oh, thanks! It really was difficult writing this story, as I had to try very hard to make sure I didn't end up repeating myself when I was writing what each of the characters thought. Thank you for reviewing, and I liked how Severus' turned out, too.

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Review #7, by AC_rules Dizzy

23rd March 2012:
Omgosh. This actually exceeded all my expectations. I'd thought that you'd included Sirius being clumsy in the dark just because you thought it would make an amusing touch, but ahhh that was just such an incredible connection that I hadn't made before. I feel pretty stupid, but really that was perfect.

This story was like everything I wanted from this challenge and I'm really glad you've written it. You've done fabulously and I can't get over how clever everything was - although I think you should remove the pov bits of the chapter titles so that nobody gets things spoiled for them, and ahha haha aha ahah ahh. This was wonderful.

I loved it :)

Thanks for an amazing story, and I'll be posting the results for the challenge later today! :)


Author's Response: Your reviews exceeded my expectations as well, ha. That was perfect? Really? I just needed a reason for her to follow him to the Hospital Wing, honestly. I think I'll go and remove the POV bits right now, so no one else will know. Thanks a million, billion, TRILLION for giving such lovely reviews on this story, and for saying you loved it! Can't wait to see who won! I don't mind if I win, because writing this was so much fun that it was worth it!

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Review #8, by AC_rules Instinct

23rd March 2012:
HE WAS DREAMING ABOUT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Okay, so that was really clever. Ah! I wanted lots of clever things for this challenge and you haven't let me down, my friend!

Poor Remus, I think you could almost have done more with his emotions and the feeling of revulsion towards himself in this one... but you did do pretty well on that front, so I'm not going to complain too much.

I'm really excited about the next chapter. I won't lie to you, having accidentally read the chapter summaries I knew from the beginning of chapter one that Lily could here the whole thing, but I thought the gradual reveal of more information was really good. So, I'm going to go ahead and read the next chapter now :)


Author's Response: Oh, the joy of dreams! I actually had a realy crazy one last night, and I almost laughed when I remembered Remus had a dream in this one, too. Hmm, yes, I could have done better with the emotions in this one? He's a lot more sensitive with his, unlike Sirius and Snape, and that's probably why. I was excited about the next chapter too, and the chapter summaries kind of spoil it a bit, hmm? Might do something about that..

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Review #9, by AC_rules Stupid

23rd March 2012:
Ah ahahahahaha. At first, I thought you'd sort of wondered off the challenge idea and I was really glad when this came back into focus, and I really loved what you did with Sirius POV. You definitely added to the last scene through this one, which is exactly what I was hoping for.

I liked Sirius's slightly goofiness, I thought that was really lovely with the whole 'alliteration!' bits, they really made me smile and... well, in the last scene I'd thought that Remus had already known about the whole thing before this, and Sirius was just coming back to grovel some more. This my seem like a slightly random question, but do you ship Remus/Sirius? Because, usually I don't, but this chapter really made me want them to be together forever, lol. I don't think it was anything you like... did particularly, just the way they were... ah.

Anyway, this was an excellent second chapter and a brilliant fit for the challenge! I'm really enjoying this :)


Author's Response: Ah, I loved writing Sirius in this one. His goofiness was so sweet and such a nice change from all the others' seriousness. And, well, I couldn't help it! Whenever I write Remus and Sirius in a scene together, I just suddenly think - "Hmm, would anyone notice if I just..?" They are the only slash I ship, though. Glad to hear you are seriously enjoying this!

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Review #10, by AC_rules Force

23rd March 2012:
Hey there! It's AC here to review your challenge entries and I must say I'm really impressed that you've gotten six chapters up! Sorry for taking such a long time to get here, you probably thought that I'd given up and was flaking out on my challenge... but no, I'm here at last.

I actually thought you did a pretty good job and getting into Snape's mind (rather you than me) and I liked the conversation between Remus and Sirius... I half expected Remus to get angrier, but I liked this all the time. Also, this is a fab interpretation of a Sickbed. I don't know what I was expecting, but this is wonderful.

I can't wait to read the next couple of chapters, so... I guess I'll see you there in a minute! :)

Author's Response: Hi AC! I knew you weren't going to give up because well.. I kinda stalked you and your blog for a while. (cough) Writing Snape was a bit of a difficulty, but everyone likes him, so all's well that ends well! To be honest, I expected Remus to be angrier as well, and not forgive Sirius so easily - but meh. I'm not going to question the plunnies if this story suddenly gets ten reviews.

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Review #11, by charlottetrips Stupid

14th March 2012:
I like how we're taking the same thing from different points of view. It certainly adds depth to the story and gives me more time to think about what they're going over.

Your Sirius is a little like a dumb jock to be honest. There's the bit of loyalty leaking out but mainly he's selfish and just a little stupid. But that is how he's described in the books and we do get a glimpse of that in the adult Sirius as well.

I love how you've put Remus though. The thoughtful and smart one and how Sirius thinks of him as that and thinks of it as a good thing rather than a bad thing.


Author's Response: Oh, thank you! That was actually the point of the challenge, showing the same thing from different points of view, so I'm glad it showed in the story.

And Sirius is just a little bit more dumber than I thought he would end up, but at least he realises his mistakes eventually! (And hopefully learns from them, too)

And thanks for the bit about Remus! He's actually my favourite of the Marauders, because to me we seem the most alike, so I'm quite glad he turned out well.
Thanks for the review, by the way!

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Review #12, by Aderyn Force

10th March 2012:
Hi! Review tag :D

I think you picked a very interesting scene to write about. There was a lot of action, I'm sure, in the part where Snape is actually rescued, but the aftermath leaves more room for emotions, which I think vary more from person to person than what they saw happening.

Snape is, for the most part, true to character. His thoughts are, for sure. I think some of his language is too modern. For example "Duh!" That's really not something a British boy would use, especially not in the 70s.

Remus and Sirius's reactions were interesting too. I definitely see why Remus was upset about the whole incident. I think it will be interesting to see the scene from his POV and then, I'm guessing, Sirius's.

Overall, a pretty good job. I bet the whole story will be more powerful though, when all the POVs have been read.

Author's Response: I had a bit of trouble choosing a scene for this - I needed someone in sickbed, and I was in the mood for the Marauders so ta da! This fic was born, and I'm surprised people liked my interpretation of Snape, I wasn't sure how he'd turn out, so I'm glad he came out well. As for the language bit - oops! Snape would be the old-fashioned type, wouldn't he? Lastly, thanks a bunch for reviewing this - it truly means the world to me.

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Review #13, by Cassius Alcinder Force

10th March 2012:
Review tag!

So I definetetly agree that Snape with all his complexities is one of the most difficult characters to write, but I think you did a convincing job of it. You really captured his pride as well as his strong bitterness and resentment and his loneliness, so pat yourself on the back because that's hard to do.

Remus and Sirius seemed perfectly in character as well, Sirius was a bit reckless and didn't think his actions all the way through, and Remus the way he was concerned for others and always felt guilty about the dangers of his condition.

Though the chapter was short, it flowed easily and was a good introduction to the story.

Author's Response: Really? Aww, thank you so much! I had to work hard to keep them in character, since I haven't written the Marauders or Snape before, so I'm glad they turned out well. To be honest, this was one of my favourite stories to write, so I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing, you just made my day!

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Review #14, by LilyFire Force

1st March 2012:
I love the feeling and emotion you've put into this, it's really wonderful. I think you did a great job in showing the characters and Snape's views of everyone quite well. I wrote a Snape one-shot once, and I know the effort that goes into writing him well, so well done :)

Author's Response: You have no idea how nice it is to come back from an exhausting, dramatic day of school to two brand new reviews! Thank you so much for reviewing, it really means the world to me, especially on this story, because out of the ones I have right now, it's my favourite :p Once more, thank you!

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Review #15, by Moonyxluna Force

1st March 2012:
Review Tag!

I agree with you, Snape is a difficult character to grasp his personallity. I think you did well with showing the way Severus would feel about the marauders after that incident. His thoughts were always, even though not directly, on the way Lily would feel; it was sweet :)

I noticed a few things grammer wise, so forgive me if you are already aware. you have part of a sentance that says "He wouldn't not be able to go out there and test it" I would think about rephrasing that and taking out the double negative (wouldn't not), so it's easier to understand.
Also, just a little advice :) The first sentance is such an important part of any story, and I think with a little rewording it could really make it instantly draw the reader in. I really liked the idea of what you have with Severus dreaming about Lily and being woken up by the reality of The Marauders still existing :p but I think the parenthesies take away from what could be a brilliant idea. Try rewording it to say something like "Severus is brought out of his dreams of Lily; the usual marriage, house, babies, no Potter."

Of course feel free to ignore the above suggestions :) Just letting you know of some things I noticed :)

Overall I thought this was a very wonderful start to what looks like an intersting story. I know personally I could never even think of wirting the general emotion involved with pulling off writing Snape, and I think you did a fantastic job with his feelings. Great work!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you very much for reviewing this story - and yeah, Snape was fun, but difficult to write. Thanks for pointing out the grammar stuff, I think I have most of the spelling correct, it's just grammar that fails me :p Now that I read it over again, you're right, the double negatives sound a little confusing, or heh, maybe it's just us? ;) Though I probably will end up fixing it. Lastly, thanks for all the advice - I'll work on that when I have time, and once again, thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #16, by charlottetrips Force

23rd February 2012:
Hi! Over here from the ĎClaw Tag! Good to see you around! :)

I loved how you inserted Sevís dream into his awakening with this: HimLilyMarraigeHouseBabiesNoMarauders - it sums up Severus pre-Lilyís death and to me it added that rushed feeling of desperateness that Iím sure Sev experienced at times.

How strange to have Severus finding some sort of rapport with Remus. Maybe itís only the fact that Remus is scolding Sirius that he thinks kindly of him. And as I read on, never mind, that slight affinity was easily crumbled by a few of Remusí words.

By the way, Sev using the last names is a great touch. It shows the distance and lack of friendly feelings he has towards these fellows.

LOL, Severus of teenage years is already projecting his Severus of Professor of Potions in Harryís time (with him tutoring Gryffindor on Potions).

mini snakes! ♥

it's not [] Snivellus was grateful to him for saving his life - we missing the word ďlikeĒ?

Iím confused, and maybe because itís a bit late for me, but it doesnít look like Snape actually knows that Remus is a werewolf. I would think that would figure more prominently in his thoughts if this was so, yeah?

Your Snape was a fine Severus Snape. You certainly conveyed his disdain for the Marauders and kept that thread of love he always has for Lily within his thoughts.


Author's Response: Hiya! Thank you so, so much for reviewing - I'm actually pretty proud of Severus. Oh, and thanks for pointing out the mistake, I've edited it in, and fixed in a few more references about Remus being a werewolf along the way, but that's still in the queue. Once again, thanks so much for reviewing, it means the world to me!

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