Reading Reviews for Kingdom Come
  
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Empress Kingdom Come

18th January 2014:
Well, that was perfectly awful. :)
I loved how you used the italics to weave the tragedy in with the rest of the story. Very clever and very interesting. It kept me on the edge of my seat.
Very, very well written. As always! I liked this piece. Poignant and sad and put tears in my eyes.
Great story.
xoxo
Shiloh

Author's Response: Shiloh!!! Oh my god I am so excited to see you again! Thank you so much for the lovely review!

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Review #2, by Nora Kingdom Come

17th August 2013:
This was amazing...wow. The fact that there were 4 (?) different stories in here, and you still made it work is incredible. Excellent job, awesome writing :)

Ps:

Author's Response: Thanks so much! This is one of my favourite stories that I've written. Thank you for reviewing! :) Marina

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Review #3, by teh tarik Kingdom Come

18th December 2012:
Hello there! I'm from the Holiday Review Swap :)

Aaahhh, this is such an amazing story. It's very layered and complex with its treatment of time; I love how you separate the present from the past through differences in tenses, as well as how the other storyline is set apart with the italics. One of my favourite things was how the italicised flashback/parallel story was broken up mid-sentence and interspersed throughout the main body of the narrative. It gave a really fractured sense to the memory, and an insight into Teddy's mind, which is shattered by shock and grief and anger. Also, there was such wonderful contrasts with the moods of both the main narrative and the italicised bits!

Your descriptions were lovely as well, and added such realistic detail to Teddy's life. I think you write his changing voice very well...from an insecure child attending Hogwarts for the first time to the older family member to whom all the Weasley children look up, and finally as an adult in a relationship wtih Victoire. You really conveyed Teddy's sense of responsibility toward the other younger Weasley children very well. His blaming himself is very realistic and is really painful to read. What's especially tragic is the complete lack of closure for him. And I think you did a fantastic job of tying in his parents' death together with Fred's accident. It was a wonderful touch to the story, and just added so much emotional depth to it.

And arggghhh...FRED. What about George? I just...can't...imagine poor George. This line hit me so hard: The name on the gravestone is cursed. a scar healed and then torn open by his failure. It's an amazing line and it very subtly alluded to George (I think). This is just too depressing :(

Anyway, fantastic writing! I'm really glad I found this story :D It's been a thoroughly enjoyable read and your style is wonderful. Happy hols :D

-teh

Author's Response: I think this has to be my favourite story I've written. Everything is there for a reason, and you've pretty much picked up on everything. We see Teddy grow, flicking between various contrasts in time as we build up a picture of him. It was very important to me that there was no obvious closure for Teddy at the end - I do believe some kinds of grief never really get the closure you search for and for Teddy the Fred thing was just the last straw after never really finding closure over his parents' deaths.

He always felt this need to protect and nurture the Weasleys, partly because he lacked an extended family of his own and wanted a link with them, but also because he wants to protect them from the harm he feels. As the oldest, he feels a responsibility towards them that is very powerful. They all look up to him, just as Fred did when he came to Teddy about his engagement. To blame himself for something that was not directly his fault is cruel, because he finds it easy to blame himself and because Fred's death has a certain after effect that the other cousin's don't have. George has to go through his grief again. Teddy knows how that feels and that's why he feels guilty.

The main problem, I think, is that Teddy almost believes things would be easier and better if his parents were there. Chances are, things wouldn't be that different, but it stops him from moving on.

Although what happens next isn't written here, in my head I always felt that eventually Teddy would accept the loss of Fred and forgive himself, but that would take a long time.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm very glad you enjoyed it :)


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Review #4, by Harrypotterbookworm Kingdom Come

11th December 2012:
Oh Marina. How you slay me so. You just .. maybe I shouldn't have read this when I was in such an emotional mood. Maybe that wasn't a good idea.

*deep breath*

You are very sly, you know. You know, you can tell that something is coming from the word go. At first I was confused, initially I thought he had cheated. But no, that wasn't it. I vaguely wish that it was. XP You know, and then death occurred to me, but then Fred didn't die, but then he did! Talk about false sense of security. That was so trippy. Just, props to that. *squee over*

The way that you address multiple issues in this story astounds me. The many types of grief, from his parents to his cousin and how that affected his many relationships. By showing how it affected Teddy thus affecting many other people, it gave the piece a much more rounded feel and made it .. better, to be blunt. Exploring the many different relationships provided perspective to the reader of how ... huge grief can be, and how it affects different people and such. You wrote it so well Marina, showing the differences between age and the different ways it affected people. Amazing.

I lovvveee how you slip the other story in through in italics, it was such an original way to do it and made it so mysterious. Also made me think, I had to flick back up for the last word of every excerpt to link them together I admit, I did get confused with the bits in between, flicking around so much. The scenes added to the story of course, but it took me a while to get used to it. I was in for more thinking then I originally thought for this story.

You describe things so beautifully m'dear. This is really a work of art. XD Oh and did I mention that Teddy is characterized so wonderfully human without seeming annoying? How you do it I just don't know.

Snuggles and love, Nikki.

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Review #5, by Remus Kingdom Come

19th September 2012:
Heya!! Perelandra here with your review!! :D Ugh, just by the summary, I have a feeling that I might cry! Should I get a box of tissues ready?

Just so you know I have two windows up, one with your story, the other with the review box. And as I'm reading along, I'm dreading where this is going. You manage to paint the picture through imagery and words that suck me and I find myself scrolling down to read more when I should pause and review. Haha!

Teddy's angst feels so real and like I said...I'm afraid of where this is going to go.

I love this part right here: "He was their leader, their guide, their king and he blossomed in his role. He led their gang with pride and spirit and they doted on him. When they were pirates, he was their captain..."

Also, I like how you're sort of having a flashback without labeling it "flashback". It feels like its a story within a story, you know. Sometimes, however, it became a bit difficult to tell where in Teddy's timeline we're on. Perhaps if you were to add a bit more detail such as description, it will take care of the problem.

Aaand I'm crying. For some odd reason, any story that has Teddy going to visit Remus and Tonks' grave site makes me cry.

OH NO FRED!! That is so sad!!!

I can't even imagine what would be going through George's mind at this point, you know. He lost his brother, named his son after him and then lost him as well. Baaahhh!!! :'( X 1000

Overall this was a fantastic read. Sad, very sad indeed but a great read!!

Thanks for posting/requesting this piece!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for a great review! I'm glad the angst feels real, I really poured my heart into it so that means so much to me :)

I know what you mean with the flashbacks. I hope it wasn't too distracting. There are 3 aspects to the story - the flashback in italics, the present tense denoting current events after the accident and then any paragraphs in past tense are chronological flashbacks in the past.

Thank you so much :)


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Review #6, by Indigo Seas Kingdom Come

6th September 2012:
Marina, you're brilliant.

The end.

Author's Response: No Rin, you are! ♥

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Review #7, by Phoenix_Flames Kingdom Come

3rd July 2012:
Okay. How had I not read this piece until now?!

This was SO good! Marina, what a beautiful one-shot. It was so painfully moving, but I loved it. And I love how you wove it together with the larger parts of the story going along with Teddy, and then it all comes together with the italicized story that progresses through and through. You are able to begin piecing things together as you get closer to the end there, and I started to panic. And then the truth came and I was just left in shock.

Ah, Marina. What a good and moving piece. And so sad. And beautifully written.

So good, hun! I'm so glad that I read this. FAVORITED!! :)

Author's Response: You're so lovely, Drue! I absolutely loved writing this. I literally didn't move from start to finish, and it took me a long time :P Hunger and sleep can wait, right?

Love ♥


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Review #8, by Mihali1432 Kingdom Come

25th June 2012:
... Um. That was the... Most interesting story I've read on HPFF for a while. It was really really really good! It was so interesting how you wrote this and how incredibly striking it was! I really have no idea what to say but that was incredible...

Sorry for taking so long to read and review and thanks for entering my challenge!
Mike.

Author's Response: I took a bit of the risk with the style but I'm so thrilled it seems to have paid off :) Your challenge was something I couldn't resist - pretty much in every fic I have there's a death so it was perfect for me! Thanks for the challenge and thanks for the review :D

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Review #9, by WeasleyTwins Kingdom Come

23rd May 2012:
Hi Marina, I'm here to review as requested!

After almost a year, I can definitely see the progression in your writing. Your prose has a distinctive stately quality that is not only very natural, it is almost calming and makes for an easy read.

The setup and non-linear nature of this piece is brilliant, Marina. I enjoyed the very contrasting natures of the two sections, per se, and the way that you ended up giving them a cohesive feel made the mood of the piece stand out nicely. I like the fact that it's very disjointed and irregular. Your experimentation with this piece highlights your wonderful prose and lovely style as an author.

I did notice a particular piece of dialogue that jilted me out of the story a bit. "You're a rock." - I see the subtle bit of foreshadowing you employ with your diction, but it sounded odd. Perhaps if you said, "You're my rock," it would have flowed much better. With the piece of dialogue you've got there, for a moment, I pictured Teddy looking like a bodybuilder or something. That sounds a bit ridiculous, I know. Anyway, I just personally think it sounded unnatural for that scene.

Oh, I'd also like to comment on something else. "He will not succumb to the monster inside." - This sentence ends a paragraph in one of the scenes. I was kind of wishing for more with it. You give us such a definitive, powerful statement, but just let it hang. I understand the positive effect that can have on the mood of the story, but I wanted more. With the rest of the piece, you really make sure everything is well-rounded, but I was hoping for more after that sentence. I personally think it needs another sentence or two to solidify the powerful imagery it represents.

I enjoyed the seeming multiple stories that you've got going on here. They're all related, but in an abstract sort of manner. It's all very intriguing, really, the things you've chosen to include. It's very postmodern, which I immensely enjoy.

Marina, I honestly think you've got a masterpiece on your hands. It's the emotions, dialogue, description, the mood, the stories, the foreshadowing - it all blends into this great piece that, I believe, is the perfect representation of you as a writer. Absolutely lovely.

I hope I wasn't too nitpicky. I hope it made a bit of sense, anyway! Oh, last thing - LOVE the title. I do love my quirky, interesting titles and yours really suits the piece!

Shelby

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Review #10, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Kingdom Come

1st May 2012:
Not Fred! Not again! Oh, no, no, no. :( I'm so sad now, keep sniffling. I saw it coming though when he said he was going to propose and then the rocks. I just know when there are rocks and water by that bad things happen and I just knew but I was hopeful and thought, 'Well, maybe it won't be Fred.' But then it would have had to be Teddy and that's still not what I wanted either. Either way the outcome wouldn't have had made me happy.

This was really something else. Everything you write just amazes me.

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Review #11, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Kingdom Come

14th April 2012:
Hey, SamMalfoy93 here.

I had different assumptions to who it could have been - when i read the summary I thought Teddy, but that disappeared quickly, then I thought Andromeda, but then she showed up, then i wondered if someone close to him, like the loss of a child, but no. Then I went to family member, but I did not think Fred. Maybe I should have, because of the bit where Fred talks to Ted about proposing...

I really loved that; that I didn't know until the end. And the little story of that day in itallics throughout the one-shot was brilliant.

It really brought me to tears, not many stories have done that to me; I don't cry often. It was just so sad, Teddy blaming himself. And poor Fred. My first thought was another Fred Weasley is gone... Poor George. :(

Excellent story.

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi Sam! I really didn't want to make it too obvious who it was who died, just to force me to tell the story in more subtle ways than a direct telling. I wanted to build up the tragedy as the story progressed so I'm glad you had different assumptions. Reading it back myself, I don't think it was very obvious who it was, which is sort of what I was hoping for so that last line would deliver a punch. I'm so happy you liked that :)

*hugs* I really went all out on being mean to these poor characters. One of the main reasons I chose Fred was because it made it worse on the whole family, losing another Fred, George losing the child named after his lost brother, and that makes Teddy feel all the more worse that Fred's gone. That's why the summary is the way it is - it's not just Fred that's gone, but Teddy too, because the loss has destroyed everything he is.

Thanks so much for the review!

Marina


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Review #12, by starryskies55 Kingdom Come

5th April 2012:
That was amazing, but horrible- the way Teddy agonised over Fred's death and blames himself was so brilliantly written- it was awful.
I felt like I was Teddy, and I felt like I was one of the family trying to help him as well, and as it got to the ending... wow. I especially liked the disjointed memory of the accident, placed through the memories.

*wipes tears*

Well done. Amazing piece. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much :) The memory layout was a bit of a gamble, but I'm so glad you liked it and thought it worked well. Poor Teddy!

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Review #13, by forsakenphoenix Kingdom Come

18th March 2012:
This was beautifully written. Weaving between past and present all the while telling us the story of Fred's death...it was perfect, and heartbreaking. The moments of Teddy's youth, where we see him so light-hearted and the leader of their little group contrasted to the broken man, who feels nothing but guilt and shame eating away at him. I adored it.

The last bits were the most heartbreaking. Just seeing Teddy struggle to get out of bed, to hear other people tell him it wasn't his fault when all he can do is blame himself...I just want to hug him. Then at the funeral, where he feels he doesn't belong and he should just leave...he's lost so much already and I hate that he thinks that this family isn't his own and gah, I don't even know.

I think my favorite line was about the name on the stone, how it's cursed - how George named his son after his fallen brother as means to remember him and then Teddy feels at fault for letting him die - a scar healed and then torn open.

I think you did an excellent job with Teddy's grief and blame. We really got a sense of how much he was adored by the younger Weasleys and so of course he feels at fault, because he was supposed to protect them and he failed. He failed and now Fred's dead.

I don't even have any other words for this, except that it's gorgeous and heartbreaking and I think one of the best written one-shots I've read in a long time. Well done.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much Missy! I am so proud of this story, mostly because so much of my heart is poured into it, and I'm so glad I managed to get across so many of the feelings I was trying to portray.

The transformation is significant, which is why I wanted to show how he became the broken man in stages. For me, it's more that the small part inside of him that grieves for his parents overwhelms him eventually, the first thing that started it all off. It's why he becomes so attached to the Weasleys, the closest thing he has to a family apart from his grandmother, and his need to protect them is built on the loss he felt. He wants to protect them so they never hurt as he has. So when he fails to do that, it's devastating.

It's exactly that - a reopened scar, for everyone. Not just Teddy's parents, but Fred I too. They have to bury another Fred Weasley and that is so hard for them.

Thank you so much for the stunning review!

Marina


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Review #14, by tydemans Kingdom Come

13th March 2012:
This reads just as I would imagine Legilimency to be like, weaving through Tedddy's head.

Nice!
~Ty

Author's Response: Thanks so much Ty :D

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Review #15, by Tonks1247 Kingdom Come

29th February 2012:
Hello! Nymphie Tonks here with your requested review.

Just going to throw this out here real quick before my review: Sorry it has taken me so long to get this review up! I was planning on doing a ton of reviewing last week and then real life decided it did not like that idea. It was a pile up of homework and tests and projects and it was just horrible. But I am here and reviewing now :)

So. My goodness...I'm not sure I even know where to start. This was a very dark, angsty piece and it was LOADED with emotion. There were so many different things thrown in here that it was almost overwhelming. Yet I loved every single word of it.

I love how you were flipping between 3 different things within the plot. I was a bit confused as to how it was working at the beginning, but once I caught on, I was amazed. You not only have what's happening real time, but you have memories and the horrible incident all going on at once. It really seemed like an onslaught of what was going on in Teddy's mind. There was the real world stuff he was trying to forget, the memories that kept intruding that with the actual incident intertwined in both of those things. And it just really seemed like his mind was battling with itself as to where it wanted to be and what it wanted to be. It really was fantastic.

And I don't think the flashback in italics made the flow choppy at all. It seemed to fit in nicely, though I do have one thing that sort of bugged me and that would be the stopping in the middle of sentences. Don't get me wrong, I love how they work in and I get why you put them in the way you did. But I did find myself having to go back and check the previous italicized part before reading the next because in the time between those parts, I would forget it left on in mid-sentence. But I'm not necessarily saying that you should change it. Maybe just editing some of the sentences as to where the break off is? Because there were some italicized sentences that were split by sections of other description or memories and I knew exactly where I was picking up from, while others I had to go back and check.

The other thing I will touch base on, which I don't think I did, would be Teddy's characterization, which I think is fantastic. He doesn't seem to at all be a confusing character. He seems straight up and it's easy to relate to him. Within the different memories, you really do build up his character and help me as a reader to understand him. Some of the most powerful additions you had to his character would be when he's talking to Harry and when he's visiting his parents' grave.

When he's talking to Harry and Harry says 'nobody blames you,' Teddy's response is exactly what it should be. 'I do.' It just...It really hit home how upset Teddy is and it defines his character. It shows the pain and the hurt and it makes him all the more lifelike. And that, in addition to that last scene, with Teddy at his parents graves telling them he needs them and he needs them now...it really does bring power to his character. It makes his character stand out and it is really fantastic.

So overall, this was just...wow. It was so descriptive and creative and just...I'm in awe. This really was a fantastic story. Great job! [also, let me know if any part of that didn't make sense xD]

~Grimmerz

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Review #16, by apocalypse Kingdom Come

25th February 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!

Flow: The flow of this story is I think, the strongest point of it! The fact that you managed to write down three different times together; one the present, two the original event, and three the memories; that's amazing! You've written it all down perfectly and I think that it was a marvelous job done! =)

If we go into more detail for the flow, I think that there were some points that could be improved. Firstly, I think that the memories you've given for Teddy should be in chronological order. For instance, the day he leaves for Hogwarts should be first and then the others should follow in the order of their occurence. That way your readers would know that this really is a memory they're reading and when it happened. It's not really a huge thing but when written combined with the present, it got slightly confusing at times whether it was the present or the past despite the change in tenses. I hope you know what I mean =) These are merely suggestions; if you don't like them, feel free to ignore =)

Characterisation: You've done a pretty good job with the characterisation too. I really liked the way you've written Teddy and how you've made him the 'leader of the gang' and the awesome friend who has a piece of advise for his friends whenever they need it. He's sweet and nice and I liked that a lot. The best part of him, however, was his guilty conscious. Most people might not like it but I personally loved that side of his. The fact that he blames himself for Fred's death even when it's not much of his fault really shows how selfless he is and how his character promotes humanity. =) Good job with that!

Even though I really like you idea of making Ted grieve Fred's death the way he did; I still think that there should more of a reason for him to drown in sadness apart from the guilt only. I mean, sure, he's guilty that he caused Fred's death but there should be something more, especially in the memories. The effect of Ted's emotions is excellent overall but what I think would have a greater impact would be if there were more memorable moments of Teddy and Fred included in the story. That would give Teddy another stronger reason to miss his friend and to grieve his death so strongly. I hope I made sense there =)

Description/depiction of emotion: Your description and emotions are excellent! The way you balanced the dialogue, the description and the overall feelings as excellent. For such a angst filled story, one would think that it would excessive emotion and a sadness overload but yours had the right amount of feelings that were described which made the balance of emotions stand out even more. I really liked the way you wrote his feelings and everything =) Keep it up!

That's it from me at the moment! This is a great story and I loved reading it! I'm really glad that you took a different take on the next gen and came up something as awesome as this! =) I hope that this review helps and that I was able to address your concerns; in case I didn't, feel free to PM me with anything you might need my comments on! =D Until next time, Good Luck and Happy Writing!

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Review #17, by Roots in Water Kingdom Come

24th February 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This is beautiful, simply beautiful. I love the way you wrote it, interspersing the past and the present, the backstory and the main- it created a very powerful effect that would not have been achieved if you had written it in a linear fashion.

Though at times I found it the abrupt changes between the past and the present a little confusing, within a few sentences the time period would become evident. Otherwise I felt that the flow between parts worked well with the mood of the story. In particular, I loved the way the "flashbacks"/backstories intersected with the italicized text- it definitely didn't seem as though you chose those moments at random. The Tale of the Three Brothers, Fred's "marriage moment", his talk with Harry- they all added to the story, making the relationships richer and making the conclusion of the story that much more heartwrenching.

I found no problems with your characterization- I think that you wrote everyone very well. Though the next-generation characters have no set personality, I feel that you made them real, more than just names and blank faces. You gave them histories and, especially in the case of Victoire and Teddy, gave depth to their relationships. As for Harry and Andromeda, I think that you did an excellent job with their interaction with Teddy. You wrote Harry very well- you made it seem as though Harry had gone through the same thing and was phrasing his comments in accordance with these experiences without expressly stating this.

As I mentioned before, I loved the way you interspersed the "main" story inbetween rich details. I had originally thought that Teddy would be the one to die and was waiting for something bad to happen to him... I was surprised when the story started to focus on Fred. However I think that you wrote the moments leading up to Fred's death very well- I was very tense, waiting for catastrophe to strike. The way you gave Fred a "second chance" was particularly devasting because I wasn't expecting the disaster that occurred just moments later. Poor Teddy.

Poor everyone.

Teddy's reaction to the event was very realistic and very emotional, both in the immediate aftermath and in the days/weeks (months?) that followed. I think that you showed his guilt in a very effective manner and the ending you wrote was very powerful- "Fred Weasley was dead.". It was the ending we were expecting, a solid, unmovable finale, and it fit perfectly with the rest of the story.

All in all I think that you did a great job with this story in characterization, plot and delivery. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

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Review #18, by ewsoucf7 Kingdom Come

21st February 2012:
That was a truly powerful story. I found it very moving.

I must admit at the start I was very confused about what was going on. But the more I read the more it made sense. The build up and anticipation was brilliant! I think the layout, though a little confusing, works very well within the story to create the suspense. I also think it could have gone drastically wrong, so all credit to you for managing to make it work.

This is the first next gen I have ever read (didn't really appeal to me) though you have made me want to read more. I would love to read more of your work in the future too. Kepp an eye out for more reviews from me. Until then =]

Author's Response: I was a bit unsure on the formatting, but I thought it was worth taking the risk if it payed off :)

It saddens me you're not a fan of Next Gen! It's my favourite era because there's so much room for originality, but then again I tend to shy away from writing main characters in case I do it wrong. So yeah, that's why this appeals to me.

I'm glad you liked it! Thank you!


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Review #19, by EverDiggory Kingdom Come

21st February 2012:
How sad): the was you wrote this was beautifully hypnotic. It was haunting,it was everything that it needed to be and so much more. I loved how you would tell the story and add in memories,as well as present life. I've never seen a story quite like so.

Your description was just truly beyond words. I don't have any adjectives that seem fitting enough to label your descriptions as. Let's just put it as they were out of this world. Your descriptions really made my stomach clench,made my chest ache,and put a lump in my throat. Good job! Excellent,actually!

One thing that really loomed in my mind was Arthur's absence. The whole time I was wondering if he had passed before Molly,or if he was just MIA at the moment. I didn't really want to go to deep into why he wasn't in this,seeing as how I was already on the verge of tears.

You describe death painfully,which is great. Someone who has never lost anyone close could read this and still capture the intense emotion of the passing of a loved one. That is the most a writer can hope for when writing such an emotional piece.

Altogether,your descriptions were fantastic yet haunting(which I assume was the desired effect) and they way you told the story was unique and hypnotic. This story was so emotionally captivating, and truly did bring years to my eyes. And I'm not one of those people who cry at the drop of a hat,it takes a lot to get the waterworks outta me. You have done a wonderful job,there was no way anyone could have asked more of you.

10/10 (if I could give a 100/10,I would!)

xoxo

Ever

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Review #20, by AC_rules Kingdom Come

21st February 2012:
Oh my...pants.

That was actually the most horrible brutal thing I've read for a really long time. Honestly, when it started off was sort of thinking 'I'll start this review by talking about the lovely way the Marina always writes things' but then I got pulled and and then swept up and now I don't want to talk about that because this wasn't lovely at all.

Flitting between all the different scenes was horrifically powerful though: with the present and then all those bits from the past. And the really sudden way you flittered through them was really jarring and just like /ah/ the sort of think that makes you catch your breath. Especially /the/ bit (which I'm going to call the middle bit) oh godness, that was just the worst thing because I could feel it building and building and you knew something was goign to happen.

I loved the ways you sometimes cut it off in the middle of the sentence, that was so clever and brutal and sharp. It was like all of these thoughts running through Teddy's mind all at once and I could just, ahhadojopadjopaj.

This was really cruel. Like, really, it was amazingly well written and stuff but it was horrible. I'm guessing you've got your angst hat back on though and I did love it, in a horrid sort of way.

You're so talented. Blajdija.

AC

Author's Response: Haha! "Horrible" "brutal" "cruel" ... I suppose that's sort of what I was going for! I gave a lot of thought over who and what and when, both for the main character and for the one who dies. I felt like Teddy had more of a story to tell in terms of grief, because he's been there before and so this new, fresh death affects him severely. And I chose Fred because it's more cruel on George. I'm horrible, I know haha.

The cut-offs are there for that exact reason - to throw you off onto a different thought, very much how I think Teddy would be thinking. He's all over the place, he probably can't concentrate on much for long, so the intermittent memory serves as him recalling yet fighting the memory at the same time.

Haha! I don't have a hat for angst. It's always there, but sometimes I stick on a comedy beret. :P

Thanks so much for the review! You're the best ♥


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Review #21, by academica Kingdom Come

20th February 2012:
Hey! Thanks for the swap :)

Your imagery is absolutely stunning. It's amazing how you can weave these intricate, delicate little bits of description that seem fragile enough to crack into pieces in my hands and yet speak volumes about horrific, grand moments in Teddy's life. I love the morbid juxtaposition of the joyful and the tragic, even as it reminds me that, in this life, we can so easily fall from the innocent summer of childhood into the uncertain bleakness of adulthood without even realizing we've slipped. It's so powerful and so bold, and I must applaud you for it.

Your characterization is lovely. You imagine Teddy just as I imagine him: outwardly, a normal teenage boy having the same pleasant experiences as others in his peer group, but just under the veneer, there's a young man waiting to crumble, struggling silently under the weight of his past. What a pity that he had to fall into the place he did with Fred's death, as I can't imagine he'll be able to sustain himself now.

Flow was wonderful, a smooth ride all the way through even with the knowledge that something awful was approaching in the most frighteningly humdrum manner possible, the same way nearly every unfathomable tragedy comes to pass. There were no technical errors that I saw, but knowing something of the caliber of your work, I hardly expected to.

Captivating through and through. Well done!

Amanda

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the imagery, it's so important that I set the atmosphere right with a delicate theme like this. The moments are horrific in many ways, they're the best and worst moments that really stick in his mind. I wanted to write this as though they were flashing through his mind.

Thank you so much, Amanda, to hear such praise from you is wonderful indeed :)

Marina


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Review #22, by Millarz Kingdom Come

20th February 2012:
I really loved how you had a story within a story. I originally thought that the paragraph between the sentence was a mistake, but after a while, I realized what you were doing :P That is so cool! I also liked how it went from light and progressively got darker and darker as you read along. I liked how you wrote it like Teddy lost himself. This story is inventive and really good! I liked it!

Author's Response: Thank you! I added the main memory (in italics) at the very end - it was the last thing I wrote and then I split it up and added it in where I had previously had asterisks to separate the memories. I just felt like it was so important that it sort of never left Teddy's mind.

Thanks so much :D


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Review #23, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Kingdom Come

20th February 2012:
I love this/you/life/everyone but Phil ♥

You are my angst queen. I knew what was coming but it still took me by surprise because for a second I thought he might be okay and you may have changed your mind and life might be good.

Then it wasn't :(

I don't know when you decided to structure it like this but I thought it was beautiful and I just adore it.

You're so clever and lovely and wonderful.

xx

Author's Response: I love you! Angst queen sounds a bit... iffy. I'll accept Angst Empress, in future.

I was writing the main flashback-y bit and originally I was going to have the first dive as his death, but then I felt it didn't quite have the same impact that I was hoping. So he gets a tiny second chance and then it's all over. Cruel. :P

THIS was what I was trying to explain to you but failing. The interweaving flashback thing. Well, you can see it now, at least :D

Love,

your favourite woodlouse ♥


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Review #24, by LilyFire Kingdom Come

20th February 2012:
I loved it. The entire thing. The flashbacks are great, I think. Like I said, the very first one and the one following confused me a bit, but once I figured out they were all connected and such, it wasn't a bit deal.

The others were great too. I like how you showed different parts of Teddy's life, just different things about him, and Victoire, Fred, and the others :) The one's with him in front of his mom and dad's grave were really good (and if that was before Fred died, maybe a little foreshadowing of what happened?)

I love how you did this story though, with the 'main' story being in the flashbacks, but I wouldn't mess with a single word. It's a brilliantly written piece and...You've done and amazing job.

~Lily

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, I really am. I'm glad the confusion didn't last, I think it's to be expected at first.

(I know I already explained this, but there was one flashback before Fred died, probably a few years before that, and then one after. The sections in present tense are chronological, so it runs on from after the funeral.)

Thank you so much :)


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Review #25, by RavenclawWayToBe Kingdom Come

20th February 2012:
This was beautifully written. I think you left a bit of a mystery as to what was going on with Teddy, and i think you did the story line justice. I adored how you seperated the memories by flashbacks and all i can say is that maybe you should have made them sentences and not split the sentences half way through. Other than that i have no critiques. I think you captured the emotion of pain and resentment and guilt within Teddy incredibly well. I loved that your story was full of description and emotion. This was beautifully done. Keep writing! You are a talented author
-RavenclawWayToBe

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for such a lovely review! I split the main flashback into sections with incomplete sentences so that it became clear that each bit was linked, rather than just a random flashback. I sort of wanted it to read a bit unnaturally, so that it was like a thought in Teddy's head, interrupted by his life.

Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Marina


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