Cute, very cute. I enjoyed it a lot. Very good writing.
9/10Author's Response: Thank ya mam :) Report Review
Hey! The two of them couldn't have gotten anymore cute. =) The whole idea of the snow dance seemed pretty random but you executed it in a pretty decent and successful way. Good job! I really liked the whole atmosphere; it was very romantic. =) And I'm glad how you didn't make the snow fall that very second; it would've been too cliche. The whole chapter seemed as a fairytale to me for some reason. I was
smiling the entire time. =p Great Job! =)
~Recenseo '12Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Awww, so fluffy and cute! I love me some fluff! You got James down to a tee. He was so playful in this and I thought it was so cute Lily played along and her hesitance and worry she would ruin the friendship they'd built is very Lily. And who doesn't love snow? Enjoyed reading this :)Author's Response: Gotta love fluff :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
This one-shot came to my attention by way of a recommendation from moonyxluna -- I was searching for fluffy stories, and you delivered! This was so cute! How like James, to entice Lily into something as simple as a snow dance. Almost childlike, and that's one of the great things about him, his love for the kid inside him. Or, at least, what I perceive to be the kid inside him. And, of course, I love your interpretation of their first kiss. :) Adorable!
“I promise that’s the only item of clothing that I’m going to tell you to take off!” -- This line made me smile, it's so James. It's a boyish thing to say, period, and it was a very nice touch, I thought. :D
I enjoyed this highly! Short and sweet and just an overall great piece. You really did a very nice job here, and I am glad someone let me know it was here! Great work! ♥Author's Response: AH! I haven't been on this website in way too long, and it was really nice to see that I had a review left for me. Thanks so much! Report Review
I always love reading authors I haven’t read before! Just to introduce you to how I review, if you didn’t happen to read my first post in my Review Thread, I do a Running Review which means I comment on things as I go along.
I like the little details you put with their breath coming out in little clouds and the thin ice over the Black Lake. It’s those little bits that really help pull a story together. There’s this lovely part in the beginning which is done nicely and then describing of the scene kind of gets phased out in favor of dialogue as you move further into the story. Maybe, if you look at it, you could see how that could be added in.
Lily asked [skeptically], - I don’t think that “skeptically” was quite the word you were going for as it doesn’t quite fit in with nothing to be “skeptical” about particularly delineated.
LOL, Lily thinking James was going to be asking for more than the cloak.
purposes[.]” Lily said - generally it’s a comma [,] within the quotation marks.
he had [one] this argument. - won
(I know I haven’t commented on all the cuteness that’s abounding right now but I’m saving up all my gooey comments so that I can do any cc and have my review end with all the gushing I’m going to do. Do not fear!)
James blanched. - Usually “blanch” means “to grow pale from shock, fear, or a similar emotion” which I know isn’t the case here (in terms of a negative emotion). Perhaps “James felt the blood leave his face in astonishment”? Something to relate how he’s like “OMG she’s going to kiss me!”
OK, so I can see the point of Lily acting awkwardly in the middle. You have such a wonderful set up with this adorable scene of James getting Lily to do a snow dance and then there’s this total tension of a kiss that could possibly be played out more with his thoughts (as you already did) and then add some of her own “OMG I’m seriously doing this” about the kiss. You write about James’ reaction in terms of his thoughts ( It was the best kiss James had ever had.) but don’t really put anything of Lily’s except that she blushed. And then, the point of “it isn’t snowing” can sink in and add in more perspective of Lily’s side of realizing what she’s just done and describe the feelings surrounding that. Then this could segue into Lily wanting to get back inside instead of putting those thoughts after her comment. I know that the varied perspectives can be a bit confusing, but you were doing fine in the beginning and with some care, you would do fine (or better) with this point! :)
And now I’m done reading! THAT WAS TOO FRIGGIN’ ADORABLE! I loved the whole idea of James getting slightly stiff Lily to have some fun with him and loosen up and then totally taking advantage of it (for both of them). And the whole disappointment with it not snowing and then it did snow and just proved how meant to be they were! You have brought a smile to my face with this one! XD
xCharAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review! Your criticism was very helpful. :) I'm editing right now and I hope to update my story based on what you said tomorrow.
And I'm glad I was able to put a smile on your face. :P Report Review
Aw, that was absolutely adorable! So cute.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. :) Report Review
This was... seriously the most adorable thing I've ever read. I love fluff, and this was like a big fluffy bunny!! Or maybe fluffy snow, to be more in-tune with the story.
I just have this huge grin that won't go away, I loved this so much! I think you captured James and Lily's personallities so wonderfully, especially for the small amount of words.
I loved how Lily asked if James had learned the dance from Sirius, that was brilliant; and I think it goes back to how great you captured Lily's firey spirit. James' over-confidence in telling Lily to kiss him was wonderful as well :) This whole thing was just.. way too adorable. I loved it so much, this just brightened up my day reading this :) thanks so much for the swap!
p.s. Did you get your snow day? :pAuthor's Response: Sadly, I didn't get my snow day. :( It has been a very snow-less Winter for me. Thanks for the review! It's probably the fluffiest thing I have ever written and it was a lot of fun. :D Report Review
oh this is cute! good job!Author's Response: Thanks! That means a lot! :) Report Review
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