Holy apple sauce this is so awesome,
You need to update SOON
you guys Favorited me which is like so flabbertastic
JJAuthor's Response: Okay hi so sorry for the late response, but thankyou so much for reading the story! Ummm at the moment life is hard so I'm not too sure when we'll update :(
Thanks again though :) Report Review
Such a good story! I love it! I really enjoy the friendships and how it's not just the Wotter's! I really enjoyed this being a longer chapter, but I always want it to go longer! Please update soon!
xAuthor's Response: Wow thankyou so much :) We always try to make our chapters longer and find we struggle. This chapter however just kind of came from nowhere, but we think it worked out well. Thanks again!
~ Maysie & Jenny Report Review
This is bloody brilliant!! I could not stop smiling for the life of me!!! You're an awesome writer! Keep it coming!! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so very much!! This just made my day :) Keep an eye out for a new chapter within the next week or so! Report Review
amazing story please update soon lo0ve it!Author's Response: We're aiming to get the next chapter up in the next week or two! Thank you for reading and for the sweet review :)
~ Jenny Report Review
please update, i love this story so much and can't wait to read more about what happensAuthor's Response: Oh thank-you so much :) and a new chapter is on the way :)
~ Maysie Report Review
its great when is there moreAuthor's Response: Well thank-you, and at the moment it looks like a week or two until another chapter is up sorry :( Report Review
I read these chapters and I'm loving this story so far! :D I laughed in every chapter due to the craziness of all the characters and I can't wait to read the next chapter! great job on this story so far!^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Oh wow thank-you :) We are thrilled that you enjoy the story and its humor.
To be honest we have not wrote in a while seeing as Jenny (fellow author) is away on vacation. I however will make it my duty to write several chapters, filled with wondrous content and lots of laughs whilst she's gone.With this being said, expect a chapter soon!
Thank-you once again for taking your time to read and of course coment, it really made my day :)
~ Maysie Report Review
Im back, and reviewing your latest (not really) chapter! I've been so busy, and didn't want to read it and not review, so i waited until i was free and did both.
This chapter was brilliant.
yes, this chapter was brilliant, and i can tell that you that it is the best out of the five that you have up so far.
Rina's character and personality really shines through this chapter, and frankly i think that she is amazing. She is just so cool and chill, and I love her.
James is awesome as well, and Fred is just plain CUTE.
You definitely expanded more in this chapter, and that is what i like to see.
Honestly, there is no more advice I can give you.
Just keep writing the way that you are!!
Thats all I can say.
WHY is it that people read something and don't review it??!!?? Or why do people not read a story because it only has a few chapters??!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND, AND IT MAKES ME SO SAD.
Your'e story is amazing, and if more people gave it a chance, or reviewed it, you would feel valued and happy. I know the feeling.
I just uploaded my first story (PLEASE R&R IT PLEASE??!!) and lots of people have read it but no one has reviewed!! It makes me really sad, and i feel like not continuing it. But I know I have to, for me. But it still makes me sad.
It's only got 1 chapter, and doesn't have a banner (which is coming) but i really put so much effort into it, and man, is it long! Its like 4,300 words!! FOR A FIRST CHAPTER!! AND PEOPLE AREN'T TELLING ME IF THEY LIKE IT OR NOT!!
Im so sorry to leave this in a review, i just needed to get it out.
I honestly can't wait until your next chapter, UPDATE SOON!
imacullenpottergirlAuthor's Response: Thank-you so much for your review, as always! We took all your advice and tried to expand as much as possible, and we're so glad that it's noticeable :)
We didn't get to finish reviewing your chapter; our review got cut off unfortunately :( But we DEFINITELY agree on the whole being best friends thing! We were thinking the exact same thing actually!
As for YOUR story, here is the rest of our review:
"3) We've noticed that when there is dialogue, you tend to put "blahblahblah", Notice the comma AFTER the quotations? Probably just typos, but we'll say it anyway: make sure commas are inside the quotations :)
4) We love your humour. No advice/suggestions/criticism there. It's already excellent.
5) You have lots of characters in your first chapter, and we're really excited to get to know them all and watch how they grow. Your main character is looking' good so far. We really enjoy how she's so carefree and free-spirited. What we're interested in however is her back story, after that whole scene in Scrivenshaftâs and with her brother in The Three Broomsticks!
6) Your chapter is undoubtedly and awesome-ly (we don't even know if that's a word but whatever, yolo) long, but we think some expanding here and there wouldn't hurt! Such as, the part where Nala gets kicked off her brother's bed. Expand on why she got kicked off in the first place, why her brother ALWAYS does this, and how she feels about it. Otherwise, the reader kind of feels like they're left hanging, and they're all like, "Oh! Something just happened! But wait, what? We're already moving on to something else? Wait wait wait, but what about the thing that just happened?? Wait! :("
That's about all we have to say, and we hope this helps you a tad bit!! Again, please don't take any of this the wrong way, as this story is most DEFINITELY off to a good start and we don't want you to discontinue writing because we're really really REALLY looking forward to reading more!"
We know it's hard to get people to read AND review, but hang in there! Trust us, once you get that banner up, you're gonna get LOADS of feedback! So keep doing what you're doing because WE love your story and we can't wait to read more :) Don't give up.
Maysie & Jenny Report Review
ok guys, I'm REALLY really sOrrY but i couldn't stop to review every chapter.
It was just so intriguing!!! I needed more!!
First off, whatever you have up is absolutely BRILLIANT!! It is such a great base for the story line.
I have to say, the chapters are quite short, but its just the beginning right??!! Im sure that as you develop more personality in your characters and introduce everyone thoroughly, they will become longer.
Im feeling in the mood for analysis today, so expect more constructive thoughts!!
Ok, so basically there are a few things that as a fellow reader and reviewer, i would like to point out that can possibly help you make your story that tad bit better, and hopefully get it read more, consequently.
1. I really really liked it. And i favourited it. So be PROUD!! Honestly, the start of the story is very sentimental and it provides so much backstory and depth to the character's personalities' that we know of so far. But i feel that yes the chapters were short, and that maybe instead of writing more scenes, maybe you could expand on the ones that you already have?
Maybe you could add more dialog, or introduce the other characters more, maybe give them their own paragraph describing what they're doing??
e.g Kings cross station scene, maybe give other characters such as Lily and Ginny their own intro? maybe they might be arguing over something? or maybe Ginny is fussing over Lily?
try to introduce new conversations/situations into the ones that you already have otherwise the story might sound a bit plain and simple. Great stories usually have a lot going on at the same time, but not too much. This enables the writer to write more (more words!!) and it also provides a kind of background atmosphere, in other words it sets the mood of the scene.
2. Try NOT to move on to another thing too quickly. It seems that the story is quite rushed/or it is because you are not describing the scenes/feelings enough? Definitely the later.
The story is NOT rushed. But i would advise you to maybe elaborate on Rina's feelings. e.g when she has been locked out of the compartment, maybe expand about how she felt pissed/betrayed by/at James, write about what she feels. what she is THINKING.
Although, yes you do write Rina's thoughts in some areas, that needs to be present throughout the WHOLE story. Not just some bits. Otherwise, as mentioned before, the story feels kind of empty. (It also adds to the word count).
3. The reason that I'm mentioning the word count a lot is because, although many people look at how many chapters and reviews a story has before reading it, they also look at its word count.
e.g lets say a story is 5 chapters long, but only contains 3000 words. divide 3000 by 5, you get 600. 600 Words for a chapter, isn't quite long in hpff terms, it is not enough. So if a reader looks at that, they may decide that the story isn't descriptive enough, therefore it isn't a good one. Conclusion = they won't read it. They will just scroll down and read another.
Ok, so I know I sound like a total know-it-all, and I know that im giving you a lot of advice, that you can either take positively or negatively, but I'm really just trying to help.
I myself am currently working on my own James2/OC story, and i admit, it is quite hard to write a story that will get read.
I have read A LOT of hp fan fiction while I've been here, and heaps more before i actually decided to join and become a member, and let me tell you that it is hard. IT IS HARD PEOPLE!! It IS hard to get your story read and appreciated, and the only way that it can become successful and appreciated is with advice, and help.
I KNOW THAT THIS IS YOUR FIRST STORY!!! AND I KNOW THAT YOUR PROBABLY THINKING< HOW DARE SHE CRITICISE ME!!> BUT IM REALLY JUST TRYING TO HELP!!!
I know that when I post my first chapter, i will definitely want as much feedback as I can POSSIBLY get, simply because i want to improve my story and make it better.
I think I've given you enough to think about, but to end id like to say that i have A LOT of hope in this story. I believe that you can go far, if you just push yourself.
Great story, a bit to work on, but SO FAR SO GOOD!!!
P.S I will be reviewing every chapter from now on, not as harsh as this, because i really love this story.
Lots of love from,
imacullenpottergirlAuthor's Response: HI. YOU ARE AMAZING. First of all, thank you for favouritng AND reviewing! Secondly, no, we are not offended in any way by your criticism. On the contrary, we are SO GRATEFUL! We are taking ALL of your advice and applying it to our works.
Yes, our chapters are short, but like you said, it's because it's just the beginning. As the story goes on, they will get longer, we promise! As for dialogue, we realize now that we could have and should have added dialogue for Rose, Ginny, etc. Again though, as the story goes on, you'll be seeing more of them and therefore there will be dialogue, and lots of it! On rushing, our plot actually starts a bit late in the story. So without realizing it, we rushed the first few chapters because we're just so excited to get to it. All in all, we will definitely add more of Rina's thoughts and feelings, more dialogue, and more length!
And no, you do not sound like a know-it-all. You sound like you KNOW what you're talking about. You sound like an actual writer. And we can't thank you enough for giving us all these tips and suggestions! We hope that you do not give up on us, this story, or our future works. It would mean the world to us if you would please continue to review and help!
Furthermore, sorry about this late response; we were just mind-blown by your fantastic review. We struggled with writing a suitable and good enough response to such a wonderful review. Fanfiction is all about improving your writing skills. By giving us this feedback, you allow us to do just that. So once more, thank you TONNS! :) Report Review
I really liked the way that this story started. Even though the chapter is short you do get a grasp of the characters. I really loved the description that you put into the story. It was subtle, but powerful enough to provide a very vivid picture in my mind.
The flow and pace of the story are well balanced together. I don't have any constructive criticism to give because well frankly I don't see the need to. I am looking forward to reading what comes next.
Keep up the awesome writing both of you! =)
Adding this story to my favorites!Author's Response: Wow, if "I don't have any constructive criticism to give because well frankly I don't see the need to" isn't the highest praise, then I don't know what is! We love description so we try to incorporate a lot of it into the things we write :) Thank you so much for your lovely review!
~ Jenny Report Review
I loved this chapter and personally I didn't find the amount of new characters confusing.perhaps that's because I read a lot of NextGen fics and therefore I am well acquainted with the Weasley Cousins but either way it was really good. Also I really like Rina's friendship with Fred. I know you are busy but another update soonish would be good :)Author's Response: Okay yes my best friend thought all the characters would be confussing so she wrote that just in case, but I am glad you had no trouble keeping up :)
Also we have been writing like crazy so expect about 3 new chapters soon-ish :) Thankyou for reviewing twice it made our day :)
~ Maysie Report Review
This story is sooo cute I love James and Rina.they better get together eventually :PAuthor's Response: Yay! I'm so glad you love james/rina :)
~ Maysie Report Review
Why do I feel like I've read this before? Aha, that's really weird...Author's Response: I don't blame ya, there are a lot of James II/OC fanfics out there! And they all tend to have the same typical kind of plot so readers are usually able to guess what's about to happen next. But if ours has a lot of similarities to another fanfic out there, it's completely coincidental, and we're sorry for that. We're happy to say that we have a few twists up our sleeves though to make this fanfic a bit more original (and to throw off our readers)! Thank you for reading and reviewing :)
-Jenny Report Review
I LOVE IT!!! i also love james and Rina;s relationship! are you by any chance on ff rather than just hpffAuthor's Response: Really thanks :) and no we're not, just harrypotterfanfiction for us :) Thankyou for reviewing it means alot :) Hope you keep following the story! Report Review
I can't wait to see what happens in this story! All the characters seem interesting, and your humor is great. I'm excited to see how this will develop. :)Author's Response: Oh wow, thank-you so much! We are so glad you think that!
Also thank-you for commenting on our humor! We try hard to be funny because most times we just arn't.. at all.. but once again thanks :)
We are planning to add a few chapters in a couple of weeks, so we hope you keep an eye out for them! Report Review
Amazing! When I first came across this story I wasnt expecting it to be too good no offense but I was wrong. I love it! Its very well written and i cant wait for the rest of the chapters. I love Rina! She's just so carefree and out there, a little mental with the perfect amount of cuteness! Awesome job you two! Keep writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much! That's how we hoped our readers would interpret her & we're glad you like her! Hope you keep following the story :) Report Review
This is really cool :D I really like it. ^^ Update soon!
-StephenieAuthor's Response: Thankyou so much for reviewing and reading! More chapters to come very soon, hope you keep following the story :)
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