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Review #1, by Lululuna The silence

31st December 2013:
Hello! I'm here from Day 5 of the 12 Days of Reviewing Challenge on the forums. :)

This was a really sweet story, and so sad! I can't imagine what it would be like for a parent to discover that their child had cancer and how sad it would be for both of them. I thought Morgan not knowing her father and not getting to see him during her time of need was so sad as well, so I liked the hint of hope at the end that perhaps the mother misses him and is going to bring him back to help support her daughter.

Speaking of the mother, I think that she was Hermione? I like the mysterious build up of the story and who the characters are until the end, though it was a little confusing since Morgan is an unfamiliar name and it's confusing just who is speaking. One way to address this could be to add little hints about the parents throughout the story even if you didn't introduce Hermione outright: you could say something near the beginning about the narrator's bushy hair, or her two best male friends from school, how she learns more about cancer by reading dozens of books about it, or how she and the father had hated one another at school or something to give the characters a little more identity. You could also add the details about Morgan's appearance earlier in the story to hint that her father was Draco. Just some suggestions here. :)

Another thing I would have liked to see more of would be mentions of magic throughout the story. Since the characters are witches and wizards, what are their specific reactions? Maybe Morgan, if she's been raised as a witch and not a Muggle, is confused by the beeping of the computer at the doctor's office. Or maybe they went to St. Mungo's, not a Muggle doctor, and saw a man who had sprouted two heads in the elevator. Or maybe Hermione is sad because if her daughter dies she won't ever be able to go buy her first wand and see Hogwarts for the first time across the lake in the night. Some details to ground the story in the wizarding world would be great additions, in my opinion. :)

I hope you find this review helpful! This was a very interesting and tragic story, and I did enjoy reading it! :)

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