Hey *taps on glass* Did you know seamus is ACTUALLY trapped in a bottle? Didn't see that one coming! I really didn't.
I do adore that you're writing a Seamus, i would imagine he's a bit of a harder character and you automatically get kudos points for writing this!
EverAuthor's Response: Nawww I love writing Seamus , I don't find him that hard to write - just the history of the Irish normally gets me :/
Thank you so much for your review hun. (: Report Review
I really liked your story so far. I haven't ever read anything where Seamus is a main character before and it looked interesting so I thought I would give it a read.
I really liked that you chose to write about Seamus. He is always been an interesting character. The way that you have him characterized here is wonderfully done. I also really enjoyed the plot line and the descriptions. It was flawless at painting a vivid picture.
Oh no! He's stuck in a bottle! He should have followed his instinct and not his curiousity this time.
Keep up the awesome writing! =)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Hey!
Oh really? I always look for stories with Seamus as the main character, as he is my favourite Character :)
Yeah he is stuck in a bottle O.o Poor fella. But I promise He will get out :D
Thank you so much for the lovely review.
~Karni. Report Review
So I am horribly unfamilliar with your work (I don't read nearly enough), so I was perusing your author's page, when to my ELATION I see a seamus fic at the top of your page. You probably don't, but do you have any idea how often I've looked for a seamus-centric fic to read? REALLY OFTEN. I love him so much and am thrilled you see an author tackling a story about him.
I won't comment on grammatical or spelling errors here, since it says you're still looking for a beta. I really like the premise you've set up for this story. A lawsuit! that's really clever. I'm sure Zonko's would never be thrilled about WWW... Annd the bottle eeep. I'm very excited to see where that goes. Also, it's intriguing to see that Fred's alive in this story. Is there more to this or are we just discounting canon? Either way, I can happily turn a blind eye because it's seamus and a jokeshop law suit and ahh! This is fab and I'm favoriting it. :)
-Melissa Report Review
OH MY! HE'S LITERALLY TRAPPED IN A BOTTLE! I thought that was supposed to be an expression when I read the summary. Like he had a drinking problem or something. How very intriguing! That was a nice surprise.
I won't mention any grammar/spelling issues because I saw you're waiting to get this beta'd.
I really didn't know where you were going with this and I'm interested to know why Seamus is a lawyer because I've never read anything where he was a lawyer...than again I never read anything with Seamus in the story to begin with but I know he's your favorite character.
I loved the description too by the way. I kind of felt like I was getting sucked into WWW and into the bottle myself and now I feel a little queasy. Report Review
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!
First of all, I'd just like to tell you that the story idea, I think, I awesome. It's so very unique and you don't see such unique ideas being executed everyday, so I'd like you to congratulate you on that. =) Good job.
You've told me that the story hasn't been beta'd so I think that I'll just pass over the grammatical errors. I don't really comment on them anyway, so you don't have to worry about that. =) The rest of the story is great!
Plot: The plot is one of the strongest points of the story so far. I had never thought that Fred and George could have financial problems or could even get involved in a lawsuit, so that is something that I really like being mentioned in this story. I really liked how introduced the idea into the story through Seamus. It's even more interesting that he's their lawyer; I'd never thought him being a professional in his life. =P So that's a good thing for him too.
Ah, the Bottle. I already know what it's made since I read your thread on the forums; speaking of, I'm very happy to see the name The Soul Bearer being used! =) I loved it! =D I think that the Bottle is, for sure, the strongest point of the story. It's idea is very attractive and the fact that it's different from Genie in a Bottle makes it all the more intriguing. Wonderful job with the plot! =)
Flow/Pace: I don't think that I should comment on the flow much since the story wasn't beta'd so I'll just go with talking about the pace. If you look at it overall, the pace was fine. But if you look at it while considering the fact that Seamus went inside the bottle, I think it was a bit too fast? It should've happened in the first chapter as it did, yes but I think that you could've given more details and could've slowed it down a bit, maybe allowed him to talk to the twins about the case before he opened the bottle? Or not. I don't think it's necessary because if you do it, on one hand, it would adjust the pace but on the other you would lose the abruptness of the scene when he goes into the bottle.
Characterization: The characters of the twins were well written. Their dialogue and their description was well done, so I'm happy with those. But with Seamus, I don't think I can comment on his character that much as I don't know him that well from Canon. I suppose that that's your advantage. There's so little canon stuff on Seamus that it allows authors to mould his character almost the way they want. So far, you're doing a good job with him. The fact that he knows that he attracts trouble was funny. =P He does indeed tend to do that a lot. Hence, the Bottle. =D
The description of the story was very good too! I really enjoyed the imagery and the way you described the Bottle, that was something I particularly loved. I suppose that the Bottle is one of the things that I really love now. Seriously, the idea of it is really awesome and I can't wait to see what happens next! Plus, you did a wonderful job with the words when he opened the Bottle! That was a very well-written part! =) Keep it up!
I think that's it from me here. I hope you like this review and that it helps you in any way it can. =) Feel free to re-request and PM me with anything that you might wanna say or ask. Until next time, Good Luck and Happy Writing! =D
~Recenseo '12 Report Review
I think that the story is good. I like the flow of the story, the description that you use the way you explain a little about why the lawsuit is occurring. I can't really review on characterization because i'm not all that familiar with Seamus as a main character. Fred and George seem true to their characters. It made me laugh when he got sucked into the bottle. Curiosity killed the cat you know? I like how you expand the chapter length to fit what the chapter needs to fit, with just enough description so as to not make it boring for lack of information or boring for over load of information. However the chapter does seem to start off without really telling a story, you change that in the middle but it begins with more of a description to what is going on. In my opinion at least. That does take a little bit away from your story and when you edit this I would consider that (I can't make you any suggestions as to how) I know it is hard and I struggle with the same issue in my own stories. I like the emotions that your story makes me feel, happy, curious, and interested. I like how you incorporate both humour without being over dramatic with it and also a sense of just a dramatic element. From reading this chapter I wouldn't classify the story as humorous although there are parts that have an aspect of humor. Which I think is great. I'm not a reader who reads comedies, and too much humor in a story takes my interest away from the story, but on the other hand a story with out humour is dull. Humor is an important element for a story and you blend it in very well. You are able to tell a story and I can see that from reading further into this chapter aside from the describing beginning, (those darn beginnings are so hard to write well.) I really did enjoy this chapter and I compliment your writing skills.
Broken Butterfly Report Review
Okay, you want a good strong hook to pull readers in, and your first paragraph needs some work. This is what I recommend you changing it to: "The first thing that Seamus Finnigan heard when he stepped out of his office and into the cool winter air was the sound of the late night bustle and people yelling across the street at one another -saying that something was amiss or they had dropped something on their way out of the store." Also, make sure you stay in the same tense throughout the story. There are a lot more grammatical errors, but you said you were getting this beta'd so that's good. I think you have a good plot going, and you left at a good cliffhanger moment. You might want to let us more into Seamus' life though: what has he been doing since Hogwarts? what is his life like? etc. But overall, great job :)Author's Response: Hi! :)
Thank you so much for you lovely, and honest review. I never used to like CC cause I was a little younger than I am now, but now I enjoy it as you guys help me get to a better level or writing :)
I will definitely take your review into consideration and am revising this chapter as we speak.
Thank you so much for a lovely review :)
~Karni. Report Review
A nice mysterious start to your story. It kind of reminds me of the Genie in a bottle stories I've read in the past. And in a way that plot seems apt for this story, since Genies are magical beings.
I wonder what will happen next? 9/10 and adding to favs and please update soon.Author's Response: Ah ;) No Genie in a bottle, just Seamus :P
Oh thank you soo much, for the fav and the review :D x Report Review
Oh wow, this is a brilliant start to the story!
I love that Zonkos and Fred and George are in a legal battle, I never thought about anything like that before, in my head Zonkos just sold up shop but this makes perfect sense.
I can't wait to see how Seamus gets out of the bottle, or if he ever will? Or if someone else gets trapped in there with him.
Can't wait to see what the inside of the bottle looks like either :-D
A great first chapter, I can't wait to read more :-DAuthor's Response: Nawww, thank you for your compliment. :P
I've always believed that they would of hit a legal battle at some stage, for selling products that were similar.
I guess you'll have to wait and see if he gets out or not ;) lol
The inside of the bottle is very large lol.
Thank you for your review :D x Report Review
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