Hi there! I love a good mystery!
I can't believe how different this Victoire is than usual. It's so awesome to have her as a kick butt kind of personality, and I loved that you were able to use the Rookie to smoothly give us an idea of Victiore's appearance and show us what being a woman in the Auror office took.
I couldn't imagine anyone that followed in Harry and Ron's footsteps really had it easy. Family's loyal, but on the job family is just another worker. And not only that, but it seem Victiore had to go the extra mile to prove herself even more capable than the boys. Or equally as capable.
The kind of speech you've given her... clipped words made for no nonsense, was my favorite part of this chapter. Although I found myself want to see her get all dolled up for a date or something along those lines :P
And she died her natural blonde hair?! It fits what you've shows us of her character so far, but I'm not happy about it. If you've been blessed with that natural gorgeous color of hair, you should be thankful for it. (Coming from a jealous girl who can't get her hair anything lighter than not quite black :P)
I loved the introduction to Teddy and the competition you've created between them. I'm excited to find out what's behind all this!
This was a really awesome first chapter, I look forward to continuing!! Report Review
This is absolutely fantastic!! I know it may be a long shot, but is there any way you may continue this? I'm in love with the tone, your style, absolutely everything.
It's refreshing, and fun, and just, PLEASE finish this? (That was not desperation, tch, why would you think it?) Report Review
AH SUCH AN AWESOME CHAPTER!
I feel so guilty for not keeping up with this :( Sorry! But, this is an amazing story. I love how Victoire is agonising over all the little things- like Teddy calling her 'Vic' and how she does know him still. I also love the way that when she's thinking of him in a work-related way, he's 'Lupin' and when she's not, it's 'Teddy'. The scene with the lady in the house with the doilies, is great, and I love love love Victoire attempting to switch on her own charm. She does right to pull in her friends, and I hope she sorts stuff out with Teddy soon! :( Lover's tiffs on a case should be hilarious! Also, she is on fire today- not one, but two epiphanies! Brilliant. You're such a fantastic writer, Julia!
Teddy is on great form as well, with the naive flirting and the hair turning darker with stress- it's a fantastic touch. Plus, he's so adorable, I fully agree with Victoire!
Your description is flawless, everything from the 'kitchen' and the whistling kettle to the doilies in Maddison's house- you paint such a detailed picture with your words! I particularly loved the description of the interrogation as well, the analysing of the body language and Victoire trying to get Teddy in the questioning as well (in addition to the great little remark of 'lazy git'), the fantastic detail really goes in-depth, as opposed to skimming the surface and just doing Q&A.
This is another superb chapter of a great story, and, thank you for all your work in the House Cup!
Ten hundred thousand out of ten :) Report Review
Ahh She sacrifice love for career and regrets it some where deep down Report Review
A bad breakup...interesting and refreshing Report Review
Honestly there exist a sane writer who writes Teddy/Vic fic without getting Dom pregant.
Brilliant Plot. Superb. Report Review
Alright, so OMG Cliffhanger! You warned me it was a cliffhanger, and I DID believe you but What! Haha what a great ending. I absolutely adore reading your explorations inside Victoire's head. I really like how it was her that ended things, and despite their history he can still be civil to her and drive her absolutely insane.
Once again you have absolutely captivated me with the character, the way you explore her mind. It's just so easy to read, I feel like it's my own thoughts that I'm thinking, you know? You write it with such ease, and it's funny and sad and tragic and interesting. One of my favorite parts of the whole chapter is when he makes her coffee and her reaction to it. You can tell that she is still so unwound by him, but at the same time has this internal battle with herself. Like she's still almost proud of what she's done, living for herself and making a name for herself, but at the same time, just one small gesture from him is her undoing, and she's questioning everything again.
Gah it's brilliant, I love it so much! Excellent job! I can't wait for your update, which you MUST do faster now that you have given us a cliff hanger!!!
Ash Report Review
Oooh I liked it!
Again Teddy is such a multidimensional character, good at hiding his feelings. And Victoire is ever professional, or at least she is certainly trying to be!
I really liked the scene with the interrogations, definitely something fishy going on there with that lady. I also like the descriptions of the case work and the preparations and the questioning and such. It gives such a realistic edge to this, like you as the author have been doing such questioning tactics your whole life!
And you know what I'm really looking forward to is finding out what really happened between Teddy and Victoire, because I know he went away and such but clearly she still has an attraction to him, so whatever it was it can't have been THAT bad. Can it?
Also I really liked the beginning when Victoire realized it wasn't a cold case anymore. That was pretty cool. I feel like I am connecting so well with your characters, that this could very well be the voice inside MY head talking, and i think that's obviously kind of a gift, like I've told you before. You've done such a great job with this and I'm definitely looking forward to what you have in store next!! :) Report Review
Oh so I really like this!
I like the way that you have painted the wizarding world following the war. I feel like everyone always makes it nice and tidy, the trio goes back to hogwarts for their 7th year, Draco and hermione inevitably end up together...er...i mean...ANYWAY...
I'm glad you share my thoughts that not everything was picture perfect following Voldemort's death. It was a WAR for crying out loud. Post traumatic stress, people rebuilding, etc. So I thought that was very well done. And then I also really liked the fact that you turned Knockturn Alley into a reasonably respectable place.
And finally there is Teddy, who seems to have so many facets to him. I really am so hooked on knowing more about him and what he's been up to. I, like Victoire, would like to know if he is going home to anyone. You made me care that much lol. Once again you have drawn me completely in to this story and made me want to keep reading! And so I shall. :) Report Review
Ok so, here i am, reviewing as promised.
first of all, I so envy your ability to write in first person. You make these characters that I feel like I can identify with easily. and I just love it! Victoire is so funny, and she's strong, and it's awesome.
You know my aversion to next gen, especially anything outside of the trio's children, so reading the summary I was like...do I or don't I? I AM SO HAPPY I DID!! I love it! Teddy is someone that I don't read about a lot but I think you've done a great job with him here. I love the animosity between the two of them. And can I just say that I got so excited when they decided to consult Harry! You know this is one of my favorite things to read about- when the trio is grown up, and even when their own children are grown, so I absolutely loved it! and I love that Harry got all "boss" on them. was really well done!
I'm intrigued about the case you've got going here but I shall stay quiiet about that until I read more. Seriously, you've got a great vibe going on here, it really reminds me of some of the great first person books I've read by like Jennifer Weiner. I need some first person lessons from you please!!
Can't wait to read on! :) Report Review
i like this story and the way Teddy and Vic are getting to know each other all over again... So sweet :) Report Review
i really like this story. The teddy/victoire pairing is my favorite!
i feel like this story could on for anoter 25 chapters, cuz of the 2 story lines you could focus on, 1 the case, and 2 the romance
Keep Writing! Report Review
Poor Victoire (again). Working Saturdays now.
I love the contrast with the things Vic knew about Teddy, like the not being able to sit still and the brought out sides she didn't know she had, and the stuff she doesn't know, like who he goes home to or that he's being serious about paperwork.
SO MANY MYSTERIES!
Why does Teddy work on cold cases? Why don't they like each other? Who killed the guy? You had best update please :D
*adding to favourites*
I LOVE THIS. Immensely. Your writing is fantastic, emotions come through amazingly and I love the way your characterizing Vic, and the way we're completely in the dark about some stuff! Awesome.
10/10, over and out- SHPFFO Report Review
Poor Victoire. Don't date the Hector bloke, he'll turn out to be the murderer or something :(
SO THERE IS HISTORY BETWEEN VICTOIRE AND TEDDY! Ooh. The way you did her confusion and THIS LINE: "'Vic'. One syllable, three letters" Eeeiii, I loved it. Also, just worked out that Victoire reminds me of Lindsay Boxer, James Patterson's DI in the Women's Murder Club series.
What is Harry trying to do on this case? Kill one of them off? I don't know why they fell out, but it must have been MASSIVE. Can't wait for the next chapter :D
Once again, superb.
Over and out- SHPFFO Report Review
Oh Good Lord. A Victoire/Teddy with no Victoire/Teddy? (yet) This looks amazing.
I love spy-y, Auror sneaky sneaky action stuff, and this is a fantastic first chapter! WOW. What's up between Vic and Ted? What's up with the murdered guy? What's up with Uncle Harry? Wha-?
Muchly intrigued, and your dialogue is funny, your descriptions immense and Vic's slant on everything is superb :D 'We had no need for frills, jewellery or pink.' I already love this Vic, and she's so different to all the other ff's Victoires!
Over and out, SHPFFO :D Report Review
I love your story, and I'm guessing the whole anger thing between Teddy & Victoire is because of some relationship they had when they were younger, and it ended badly, or something like that.
Anyways, Keep up the good work!!
padmoonyfoot7: over and out!!Author's Response: You might be right with that guess (remember what happened in the epilogue of DH? That could be a clue ;) ) Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
I love this story and your characters!! This story is so original!! I can't wait to see what happens next!!
PLease update when you can!! Author's Response: Thank you! This is my first try at something like this (a mystery fic), so I'm really glad you liked it! I've wanted to try this genre for years, I've just never worked up the courage. Report Review
This chapter was great too!!
Please update soon!!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
Wow, I love this start! It is quite different from other fanfic stories, but that's a good thing!! I like how Victoire and Teddy haven't spoken for awhile because you normally find that they are in love and stuff.
This is great, 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
I'm not quite sure why you don't have any reviews on this yet, as it's really quite brilliant. An interesting characterization of Victoire, one that I personally haven't seen before, and different from the normal 'Teddy and Vic get married/engaged in the first two chapters' fic, so well done on that one.
I'm interested to see where this plot goes and will pop back to read the next chapter when I have a chance.
The one thing I'd really encourage you to do, is check out the forums. (Writers Resources -> Grammar Guidelines -> Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Dialogue) Your dialogue its self is great, which is a lovely change from the forced dialogue you see in most first chapters of stories (as Authors haven't developed their characters enough to work out their own 'voice' yet) but with work on your dialogue tags, this would read even better; a smoother flow to the chapter. I'm not even going to try and explain it as the forums do a much better job ^_^
Anyway, in short, this is really good and such a lovely change from most fics, so well done. I hope the lack of reviews doesn't discourage you as they will come with time. Keep up the writing, because you show real promise,
- Adele :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I really did want to create a different sort of Victoire from what we usually see, especially since there's no canon evidence that says she ended up as a model, as most people seem to portray her ;)
Dialogue tags are actually something I've worked on before, there's generally two competing ideas with them, two 'schools', if you will. At the moment, I'm slightly stuck between the two (one is to only ever use 'said', there's a few well published literary author's who only ever do that, as they believe that the dialogue should speak for itself (i.e you don't need to say 'muttered', the dialogue itself and the physical description of the person and the scene should say that for you) and the other, obviously, is to use the wider range). There's also the idea of not using them at all - can be confusing, but does sometimes take away from the excessive description that you can get with dialogue tags.
Anyway, I actually do know that area of the forums, as I'm almost always over at the HPFF forums ;)
Thank you so much for the review. And don't worry, nothing will discourage me from writing this. I've been here long enough to know better than to expect reviews!
Thank you :) Report Review
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