I think this is really good! You have some obvious grammer mistakes that can be fixed up right away with a good beta. But also, I think you need to work on a definitive plot. You're writing's good, but it doesn't seem like you're going anywhere with this. You need to grab the reader's attention right away with a big event. I know the ferris wheel classifies as a big event, but it seemed kind of random. Also, you could make the characters more emotional.
For example, you wrote:
Teddy stands up from his seat. Everyone is watching him. He takes Victoire's hand and bends down on one knee. The whole table gasps.
as opposed to:
Teddy stands up from his seat. He looks a bit nervous, but I think I know what's coming. I glance around the table, and everyone is watching him. He takes Victoire's hand and goes down on one knee. He looks up into her face, and I can see his expression is filled with love for her. The whole table gasps, finally clueing in on what's going on.
It just makes it more discriptive, and it makes the readers feel what you're writing a little more. Just a suggestion :)
And also, you could maybe keep Rose's emotions on a more human scale. Why would Teddy proposing to Victoire be the happiest moment of Rose's life?
Overall, it was pretty good. Just some things to think about.
~Lizzie Report Review
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