I'm always extremely envious of people who can pull of humor, because it's always been the hardest style of writing for me. You, my dear, have done a brilliant job with this piece. I love how ridiculous the whole thing is, and I honestly cannot decide what I found funniest. I liked how James used the word 'bro' and how Sasha actually said 'omg' and Lucy's love for/weird obsession with Lysander and how shaving razors are apparently dangerous weapons and the line, "On the other hand, it didnít really matter what happened to Jamesí face anymore; his half-shaved leg was enough to send anyone screaming from the room, Hogwarts and Scotland". You definitely made me laugh here, mostly out of sheer disbelief at how random this is haha.
Your character choice here was extremely refreshing. I liked how, out of all the Weasleys, you picked Lucy and, instead of confining her to a stuffy, boring characterization, you made her just a wee bit insane (in the best way possible). I also like how, instead of going with some random OC like most Next-Gen authors seem to do whenever James is concerned, you picked Lorcan. I think this might be the first time I've seen Lorcan written as a female, too, so that was definitely a breath of fresh air. And your James wasn't too shabby either - it was nice to see him not portrayed as a typical arrogant prat. He seemed much more childish and fallible in this, and that's a side of him that I don't think many authors have considered but that definitely needs to be explored more, in my opinion.
I don't really have anything to criticize you about. I didn't catch any typos and I thought this was pretty well-written. There was a perfect balance of dialogue and description (something that's difficult to do, so congratulate yourself on that) and I really enjoyed how you managed to build the humor up. At first, it was just Lorcan taking a bath with some ducks and toys. Then she's shaving her legs and then somehow James is shaving her legs. And then all of a sudden the bathroom's flooding and Sasha's screaming and the hilarity just keeps on increasing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you managed to keep my interest throughout this piece by progressively upping the funniness (:
I can't really think of anything else to say. This was really brilliant and I'm definitely curious as to what your serious pieces look like if your humorous pieces are this well-written. Excellent work!
Cherry BearAuthor's Response: Hehe thank you so much! I do love to try humour, but because I've sometimes got a bit of a weird sense of it, not much of my humour writing actually gets posted. I'm so happy that you found my ridiculous writing funny! I completely loved writing these characters, because they're all so random and I just enjoyed writing them so much :D Hehe that line is prett random, but I fugured that if I threw in all these mean/weird/silly/awesome characters together, it was gonna turn out a little random ;)
I LOVE Lucy whenever she's written as an original MC because she's real, and other than that, she's always confined to the just-like-Percy stereotype! I had so much fun making her come out the box and defy a load of the stereotypes as well as keeping some in place, and the same with Lorcan too - she's a girl, but not completely loopy like her mum was. I've only ever seen her as a girl once, but it was really nice to explore! And I was just so sick of the arrogant prat James that I wanted to create someone who fitted in with my head-canon of him and was a new brand of idiot :P I'm really glad that you want to read more about him - that means I've done SOMETHING right :D
Ooh yay for flow and lack of typos! That's pretty rare because I'm not that great at editing my own work haha. And I'm so pleased that the balance between description and dialogue was okay; it's something I constantly struggle with, and I found it difficult in this piece especially. I'm so glad you enjoyed the build-up and that it didn't get plain weird with the ridiculousness, and I'm so glad it was attention-keeping (if that makes sense!) :D
Hehe thank you so much for this lovely review! :D Report Review
Ha! That was clever. I had been part of this challenge but because of time I never finished my one-shot or posted it (whoops!) A razor, you would think he would know that having legs on his hair is fine.or that he would know what a razor is (not a killing device) because men doshave.
Ah, those Potter's aren't exactly smart, are they?
I really want to take a bath now with rubber duckies! :D Heehee, excellent story!Author's Response: Hehe thankyou! Oh dear, I was so surprised I managed to get this in on time :P Yep, James is just /that/ silly... since his razor is all fancy and does it for him, he just doesn't know how dangerous these muggle 'weapons' are! And he just wants to impress that girl ;)
Hehe I couldn't resist filling Lorcan's bath with rubber ducks! And thankyou so much :D Report Review
Lol this was funny,I liked it.
It made me wanna have a bath?
I love to bath.
Bathing is so tastyAuthor's Response: Haha thankyou! I'm really glad you liked it :D Ah well baths are awesome, that's why I wrote about them ;) Though I don't tend to find mine tasty? :P Report Review
Haha, this was great! I loved the bathroom humor and the whole fight. Although, I am curious as to why James would want Extra-Oomph Shampoo; it doesn't seem likely that a boy would want to use that, but oh well. This was a hilarious story and a whole lot of fun to read. And good luck in the challenge!
~green with envy 2012~Author's Response: Hehe thankyou so much! I'm really glad you liked it - and no, that shampoo doesn't seem like something a boy would normally want, but I wanted to make James Potter II a little bit different and funny when it comes to looks ;) Yay, I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! It was fun to write too, so I'm happy it came across :D And thanks!
~TGK Report Review
Oh my gosh, this was so hilarious that I actually laughed out loud. I've never read a female Lorcan before except once, and yours was absolutely brilliant. I loved everything and everyone, and you most definitely deserved a place in that challenge. A funny, enjoyable read that I seriously adored. So going into my favourites!Author's Response: Haha thankyou so much! I've never read any female-Lorcan stories either, so I really wanted to try it - thankyou so much! Hehe I'm so glad you liked it - ahh thanks! :D Report Review
This one-shot needed some love :)
YAY FOR RUBBER DUCK BATHS! As soon as I read that, I knew Iíd lurve this story! You know recently I did this massive bath bomb bath with all the bath bombs I get for my birthday just cos no-one knows what else to get me. It was very fizzy xD *gives bath bomb bucket for birthday* That was a lot of alliteration there!
Anyway. Wow, I ramble.
Oh my gosh, the scene with James and Lorcan is so adorable and funny! James is so cute imma eat him up! :P I just loved the razor thing. Funny :)
It was completely greatloveditfunnylovelycute!
Annon xxAuthor's Response: Yay for rubber duck baths indeed! I'm so glad you liked it, it's a pretty random one-shot. But I have to say... that sounds like a pretty intensely fizzy bath XD *accepts birthday bath bomb bucket with squees*
Hehe I lurve rambley reviews ;)
Yay I'm so glad you liked them! I love James, and though the razor thing was hard to fit in at first, it seems to have worked :D
Hehe thankyou!!! Report Review
sorry, but, isn't Lorcan supposed to be a guy?Author's Response: well yeah :) but I wanted to try Lorcan as a girl! Report Review
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