Reading Reviews for Snake Bites
110 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ollivander_s Daughter Peter Locke

26th March 2017:
I really loved both the original Greg Bennett and seeing him develop into his older self. It was a wonderfully written and thought out plot and I love the way Albus etc were portrayed. My only concern with this fanfic, for future reference in your writing, is the lack of female presence. I agree that the boy comraderie in Slytherin is lovely to see but few female characters are mentioned throughout and those that have a speaking role are next to none always portrayed as horrid people e.g. Rose, Miranda, Hermione, Holly (in previous one). I agree that as a young boy Greg may not have spent time with girls but as an adult he surely would have matured into having female friends / companions? I just think it's hard for girls like me to imagine themselves in Greg Bennett's universe because of the female characters. Nonetheless, great fanfictions and thoroughly enjoyed!

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Review #2, by Kc Peter Locke

10th May 2014:
I loved this series, it was awesome.
Maybe you are not insane but gifted?

Author's Response: I think there's a very fine line between genius and insanity. Not sure it's possible to tiptoe along without stumbling off onto both sides along the way.

Glad you liked it - would love to hear who your favourite characters are, or any particular bits you enjoyed most.



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Review #3, by BKL8008 Peter Locke

8th November 2013:
Locke is an agent for Castel Film Studios. Is that the ref? All in all, a great read with actual 'boys' as characters. I liked the climax, in how Kevin was trying to turn everyone against everyone else so subtly. Your use of Louis' Veela powers at the end was marvelous! I see plenty of scraps here for a continuation - how Stephanie got involved, that stray feather, and other things. You've got a great universe of your own going here, and I hope to see more of it. Thanks.

Author's Response: Thanks :)

Lots left open to play with... but I'm not sure I feel like a direct sequel any time soon. One-shots are the most likely!

Not there with the reference. Demosthenes might help...

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Review #4, by BKL8008 Stephanie

20th September 2013:
Always worth the wait, and I love where it's gone! Can't wait to see the rest!

Author's Response: Thanks very much - Ch29 is in the queue tonight...

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Review #5, by BKL8008 House of Cards

28th August 2013:
Love the characters, the plot, and the ending of this one! I knew that b***h would be back, and I'll be she knows something! And Charlie's weak magical imprint?! Gotta figure that one out.
Excellent read, as always, and always worth the wait.

Author's Response: I've got to figure it that imprint, too, I think. I know pretty much why it's happened, but need to tighten a few reveals up first. More on that later, however, as Greg's got another day out to worry about.

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Review #6, by Voldy Needs a Hug Floo Powder

10th August 2013:
It's Voldy Needs a Hug here with your (very late) review.

Upon learning that this was a sequel, I was a bit wary about reading it. However, you did an excellent job of reintroducing the characters for those of us who have not read the prequel. I particularly enjoyed your characterization of Greg. You managed to convey quite a few aspects of his personality in a single chapter, which is impressive.

I would have liked to see a bit more description in this chapter. I realize that a description-heavy chapter can be difficult to read, but you should include some sort of description of his surroundings, which brings the story to life for readers. Replacing some of the action with a sentence or two describing the scene or the characters would certainly improve this chapter.

There was one last thing that I noticed. You used a single quotation mark (') to distinguish the dialogue from the rest of the chapter. Unless a character is verbally conveying the story to another person, double quotations (") should be used around dialogue.

Overall, this chapter was a bit slow, which is characteristic of most first chapters. You began introducing an interesting, original plot in this chapter, but it did move very slowly. Therefore, I found myself becoming easily distracted while I was reading. Perhaps a shorter chapter would have held my attention a bit longer.

Nice job!

Author's Response: Thanks very much for your thoughts - not sure what's taken longer, your review or my response!

You're not the first person to notice that I'm often pretty average when it comes to describing the setting around the character, and that's something I've definitely tried to take on board with later chapters and one-shots.

As for the 'single quotes', it's that long ago that I started the first part of the first story that I can't remember why I used them instead of "double quotes", but I do know that I'm not editing 65 chapters of them!

Thanks again


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Review #7, by DancingMooncalf The Dorset Derby

2nd May 2013:
This was really a great chapter. I got all excited reading it. I was a little disappointed at the disruption, because I wanted to know more about the genetics of Louis.

But then again the thing that happened in Dorset is part of the plot and I want to know what happened there as well.

And what happened to Louis?

All those unanswered questions make me want to read on. You're building the tension up high!

I liked that the Ravenclaws were allowed to visit their friends in the Slytherin dormitories, and it's nice to see shy little Scorpius bloom up. He needs a few friend to break out of his shell.

I hope you're not frustrated with my very very late review... I'll try and make them a little more frequent from now on, but I can't promise anything.


Author's Response: All in good time, my friend, all in good time.

I can promise you will start to get a few answers... or at least some recurring hints... before too long.

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Review #8, by DancingMooncalf Coincidences and Consequences

19th April 2013:
Another great chapter! The plot thickens and I'm really very sorry I have so little time to read now. I hope you don't mind my tardiness, I have a lot to finish before next weekend.

Oh, I'm so excited that Scorpius is finally part of the group, I was really waiting for that because I knew he's a good kid. He's a bit shy, isn't he? I like that. It makes him very cute and likable.

Miranda's got her own problems and things going on. I wonder if she will turn out just like her mom or find her own way. She could really be something, I suppose.

This will be it for today. Hopefully I'll find a minute or two for you tomorrow.


Author's Response: You need a character like Miranda. It gets a bit boring if everyone's agreeing with one another all of the time. Explosive rivalry's much more fun to write...

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Review #9, by iLuna17 VYY

18th April 2013:
Another brilliant chapter. I'm not sure if I'm reading too far into this, but I had a small internal sob when Teddy knocked over the umbrellas. Tonks...

But to focus on the majority of the chapter... this was a really fascinating one. I love how you incorporated genetics, and when he introduced the superman syndrome with Louis my brain went 'of course'. It was a really good blend of Muggle and magic, and I thought the idea in itself was brilliant.

You also got me with the Kevin plot twist. My draw just about hit the keyboard, because well, just wow. Your plots always amaze me... they're so complicated and intricately woven throughout all these eras and characters and the plot twists just keep coming.

Also, an official *hug* for all of them. I may do a lot of physical damage to my characters, but your mental is making me very sad for them. (shocking, yes, I do have feelings for characters :D)

Thanks for another great chapter. I would write more, but the loveliness of school beckons.


Author's Response: Yeah, you got the umbrella reference. Can't remember the last time I read that, but it stuck in the memory when it came to writing that little vignette.

I've enjoyed the way that these two plots (Kevin and DNA) have been rumbling in the background for much of this story - Kevin very subtly so, and the DNA more significantly, to appear as reasonably natural progressions rather than forced plot twists. I figure that it was pretty much the perfect time to do the Kevin reveal.

You'll be pleased (/saddened) to know that the next chapter is going to be a lot more exploration of Albus/Harry's relationship, and Louis trying to come to terms with VYY. No more major plot twists (I think), but it may be a couple of weeks before anything gets published: I too am now back to school with a vengeance.

PS Don't be ridiculous; of course this doesn't make RTS "look like crap"!

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Review #10, by BKL8008 VYY

17th April 2013:
As my friend in Liverpool would say, "Smashing!" (He says other things too, but I won't repeat that here.)
I LOVE this chapter! The plot is ripening into quite the apple! Louis, the bit with Kevin, all of it. I can't say how much I loved the summary, too! You're probably right, there. Just adored the bit about genetics, too. The old XYY Superman Syndrome, or V in this case, was perfect for Louis. The Weasley Y gene will NOT be stopped, Veelas or no. I'm sure that's it, you know. Now, about this 18th chromosome mutation??? :)

Author's Response: Is "Calm down, calm down, calm down" one of them (Harry Enfield reference)...?

I do google-search the whole HPFF archive to check that my claim was accurate; it was. I hope I've not overcomplicated the genetics thus far... I know I have more to clear up in my mind before the climax. Need to take a step back for the moment: this afternoon I spent two hours writing maths questions, and I've plenty more left to do!

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Review #11, by BKL8008 Muggle Studies

14th April 2013:
Interesting, as always. Can't wait to see where this DNA testing business goes. Sort of on the edge of the seat now, wondering what's up with the magical signature, and what'll happen to Connor. Great stuff!

Author's Response: Well Ch26 is in the queue and can't be too far away; afraid we're back to school now so the denouement may be rather slow in coming along, particularly keeping all of the plots clear in my head, and giving them viable, relevant resolutions into the bargain...

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Review #12, by iLuna17 Muggle Studies

13th April 2013:
As always, you leave me waiting eagerly for the next chapter, especially in a chapter that advances the plot as much as this. Gah, so much happened that I don't know what to say.

I noticed in Keith's review that he mentioned the fact that Charlie has a magical signature, and I was wondering what would happen in this chapter, and I'm still curious as to what Michael and Philip will turn up. My best guess is that he's descended from a Squib or something of the sort, but I'm also almost positive that that's wrong.

I absolutely smiled when I read Albus talking about his father. I love all of the exploration into their relationship, and how Albus is realizing some of his father's faults. I wonder if a possible confrontation will come on that front, or if Albus will let it all build inside of himself. I don't think he'd ever forgive himself or Harry if something happened to Connor or Charlie.

Ooh, Connor. I just want to give him such a huge hug. For what happened in his Muggle life and for now, because I really can't see him Obliviated. That would be horrible, and the boys...

I also feel really bad for Louis right now. I feel like the fact that he's part Veela is really hurting him; he can't help his friend by contributing to research, he's being picked apart by the papers, and just... gah. I just wonder how much more he can take. How much more they can all take.

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter,

Author's Response: Well, Ch26 has just gone into the queue so you don't have long to wait... and I promise I'm now answering more questions than asking new ones. Except for the whole Albus/Harry subplot that you have made my brain generate, creating extra scenes and making 30 chapters look increasingly possible.

Have to say I'm worried that you want to hug Connor. Given what your track record is in terms of what first-years have to endure, I must be being really harsh on him...

Thanks as always for reviewing


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Review #13, by DancingMooncalf Covered Memories

13th April 2013:
I see what you mean about the many plot lines that all seem to go their own way. How many are weaving togehter now, 3 or 4? Maybe they will all come together in the end?

I think it's nice because it really makes me want to read on, but I don't think there should be more story lines, it would get a little complicated that way.

You asked if Nathan was to flawless, I don't think he is. He didn't have an easy start in the story, very scared and still a bit timid. You could try and keep that bit in, since it is really what makes him so adorable.

I can say all this, but since you already wrote the next 10 chapters it won't make much of a difference...
It's great that Connor and Charlie met each other, so they don't have to be sad and friendless all the time. I'm guessing there is more to that story, though.

Does the van have something to do with the muggles that were in Diagon Alley?

I realise that this review is a little bit all over the place, forgive me since it is already 00:20 over here. I'm just a little bit tired.


Author's Response: I promise there are no more plotlines. Connor and Charlie's story is the last of the new ones!

I managed to scare myself yesterday when I wasn't paying attention properly walking down that very road, when a white van went past... funny how the human brain works.

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Review #14, by DancingMooncalf Secrets and Lies

13th April 2013:
This is the chapter I read last before I desided it wasn't fair to not leave you any reviews, even though I liked the story so much that it was impossible to stop reading. After this my reviews will be without a knowlegde of what is coming.

I like the bits you wrote about the other boys, the muggle boys. It must be hard to 'lose' your friend and not knowing where they are and how to reach them.
I didn't really have friends when I was younger but I can imagine it to be difficult.

It's great that they wrote back, I think Nathan is an awesome kid. He forgave Charlie just like that. Not many children that age would be able to do so. I think I migh have, but I was very forgiving child.

Daniel wrote a very small letter to his best friend. I quess it's not easy to write and say nothing of impotance (because that would reveal way to much)

Want me pay attention to certain things in the next chapter(s)?


Author's Response: Do you think Nathan's "too nice" at the minute? I know he's had a lot of challenges so far, and he's a character I like a lot, so I'm a little wary that he's not flawed enough.

I hope the sections about the muggle boys seemed like they fitted the rest of the storyline and didn't feel tacked on / incongruous.

Thanks again for all reviews :-)

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Review #15, by DancingMooncalf False Prophets

13th April 2013:
Yeah, they really are friends now. That's what they deserve to be.

You put in a bit af a mystery here. What happened in the Leaky Cauldron, Muggles? Very exciting. It immediatly got my attention and now I have to know what is going on. You wouldn't write it if it weren't somehow important to the story...

Miranda really is her mothers daughter, I saw it in the last chapter and here you see it again. Trying to look important be putting others down. That's really Rita's style, she inheritate that alright.

I liked the bit with Theo and Greg, it's shows how much Greg is involved with his students. I think he's a great teacher and a very good head of house.


Author's Response: You'll get used to the Daily Prophet and its unique brand of journalistic integrity. That's all I'm saying for now... whilst Miranda is of course an absolute delight to be around. She is quite fun to write, though, it's boring writing characters who are all friends all the time. Not that I usually have that problem.

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Review #16, by DancingMooncalf Slytherins Stick Together

13th April 2013:
This was a great chapter. It was great to see the Slytherin boys finally let go of their strange vendeta and got friends. It was amazing to see that Nathan has indeed got more up his sleeve than you'd think when you first see him. He's actually quite brave and very forgiving.

Greg must be very pleased that the boys are finally a team. That will bring some peace and quiet to his study, or once.

You make those little boy wheep quite often, which really is something they do a lot at that age, I've noticed. That makes it very realistic for me. I guess some people might think that it's weird for eleven year olds to cry that much (those who don't see them daily) but they are still really young. I think most of them are quite a bit homesick as well.
I suppose it must be really hard to be away from your parents when you're still so small.

I think you're doing a great job with this story.


Author's Response: You'd want Nathan on your side in a crisis, wouldn't you? He'd not stop trying until he couldn't physically do any more. Think you could probably hear Greg's sigh of relief in Glasgow.

Homesickness is something that I don't think gets tackled sufficiently in HP or many of the fanfics - it hits young kids hard, and they get tired, and emotional, and they snap. Particularly when you ask them awkward questions.

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Review #17, by DancingMooncalf Eagle Eyes

13th April 2013:
First think I thought when I read this was poor, poor Louis. He's a nice kid and still everyone is trying to distroy that. First his cousin, than the other Ravenclaws then his other cousin and the other boy from his own house. It's really unfair, what has he ever done?

I alway get worked up when kids are bullying each other, when I'm teaching and it happens in my class it makes me rather sad. It's so hard to stop it, because the bully usually doesn't listen to anyone. The kid that is being bullied won't come to you for help and the rest of the class in either on the team of the bully or to scared to do something about it. I find it really hard to break that. I still have a whole year to learn how to do that (luckily!).

Back to your story though: I loved that Alexander and Toby desided to try and stand up for their friend even if they couldn't really stop it. That's a big desision to make but it makes a lot of difference.

Albus is really just trying to be as horrible as he can, now is he? To both his cousins.

I love how Sam is trying to make Louis and Nathan feel welcome and wanted in the house. It's obvious he had to suffer through the prejudice of being in Slythering when he was growing up. He's a good kid too, I think.


Author's Response: Bullying. A word that always makes you wince as an educator... put simply, there's no easy way to stop it particularly as teachers' influence tends to have absolutely no impact on something like this... a point I think Greg touches on later in proceedings.

There really is only one fail-safe way to cut this out, and it's to have a class/school culture where the social leaders / most popular kids make it clear that they're not interested in bullying others, whether that's by standing up for victims or other means. However, the alpha characters are often such as they are because others do what they want to do, with the exclusion that follows if they don't...

If there was a magic wand someone would have found it by now.

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Review #18, by DancingMooncalf Lesson Plans

13th April 2013:
What a start for a first lesson. Way to get those first years interested in the class and show them how much fun it's going to be. I liked it, a lot!

If Rose had me worried before she really got me now. What's wrong with her? Is it dissapointment that she's not with them in the same house, or just purely the fact that no-one can tell her off anymore and she doesn't have to look like a perfect princess all the time? I'm sure she will learn her lesson later on in the story (I did not read it yet but still)

Poor Louis, now not only Al is picking on him but Rose as well. He's got it tough and he's really a nice boy. They all are under the surface.


Author's Response: Certainly more interesting than my first lessons usually start off. You can't really throw things at children in maths lessons, though. Compasses hurt. I tend to give them unanswerable questions and blow their minds that way.

Afraid it's going to get even worse for Louis before it gets better...

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Review #19, by DancingMooncalf 1692

13th April 2013:
Oh, I really like Neal. He sounds like a very good teacher to me. I wish my history teacher had made the subject this interesting. I like history, but the way she told i it was just a bunch of dates and names, which is really a shame, because it's very interesting what happened in the past, and why :)

Rose's attitude towards her cousins is really bothering me. That girl has to get a good lecture on tolerance. I mean, her mother is the one pleading for equal treatment of both magical beings and wizards. Where does her intolerance come from?
Maybe her mother kept her down too much when she was younger.

The bullying of Albus bothers me too. (I know it will be okay later but still...) It's getting worst. I think I know where it's coming from. He's an insecure boy that for the first time isn't overshadowed by his big brother, the freedom has gotten the better of him.. I guess.

I liked how Louis tried to make Nathan fly and how he eventually did, without realizing it.
I've got a soft spot for those boys at the moment.


Author's Response: I strongly believe that you can make anything interesting if you teach it in the right way... and anything boring if you teach it badly. Quite frightening how much of an influence we have really, and makes you think about those days you've taught awful lessons because you've been in a bad mood. Anyway...

I think what we're seeing with Rose is a reaction against being Little Miss Perfect as a child, and also a great deal of her father's stubborn streak.

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Review #20, by DancingMooncalf Hats and Houses

13th April 2013:
Ow, the tension, who's going to be in which house? It really had me going and I wasn't surprised that Al and Dan were in Slythering. Lious didn't surprise me either after Nathan was placed there. It's was Nathan that surprised me the most.

I think it was a clever idea of prof. Bennet to go down to the dorms and talk to the boys on their first night there. I mean, we're dealing with very nervous eleven year old boys here. It only makes sense to see if they are okay.

It's good that Nathan and Louis were friends again. If Louis had to suffer through the next chapters all alone he would have been very misserable. I like Nathan, he's obviously scared of almost anything to do with magic or people or anything really, but still he sees he was worng to leave Louis on his own. It shows that he's got character. He's really a lot braver than he thinks he is.


Author's Response: It's not actually the first night that's usually the hardest, cause adrenaline gets them through that, but the second... or the first Monday... that triggers the homesickness. Unless of course there's been a reason for the child to feel alone and isolated.

Nathan has more about him than he realises, but there are a few reasons why his self-esteem is shot to pieces right now.

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Review #21, by DancingMooncalf Boys Alone

13th April 2013:
As I said earlier I aready read ahead, too impatient to leave a review, but no worries, I leav them now.

In this chapter I really enjoyed that Greg teased the kids a bit with that walking through the wall thing. It made me laugh, it is an absurd thing to do when you think of it, who walks through a wall?

It worried me a bit when Albus started to be so mean to his cousin. It was the first time I though he might become a bully, and I really don't wish for him to become that. It's not unheard of with children that are really insecure. They do either sit back and try to be invisible or try to make people look at others.

Since I read the next chapters I now know what's coming, but when I was reading this I was really a bit shocked. I mean, those boys are family, shouldn't they be nicer to each other? What's gotten into that shy boy we met back in the second chapter?

that's it for now.

Author's Response: Nail on head with Albus, I think. Very insecure and unsure if himself and looking to escape that fact by picking on someone else who's even less self-confident. "Him or me" isn't a difficult question for a little kid to answer.

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Review #22, by DancingMooncalf A New Start?

11th April 2013:
I'm really sorry for our little Daniel. It can't be easy for him to lose so many reasurance in so little time. I wouldn't pull through that very easy at that age. But I have the feeling he has been through a lot already. You kind of get the feeling his mother didn't really want him. Which is incredibly sad.

I like Theo, he's really a cool guy. I can see why Greg is friends with him.

I'm still not satisfied in my curiousity, every chapter answers a few questions but raises ten times as many. That means you really get me into the story, making me wanting to know more and more still. It keeps up the suspence too. Really, you're doing e great job.


Author's Response: I think you've probably hit the nail on the head with that one. I don't think that Dan was ever on his mum's to-do lost. Greg and Theo have been friends since the first evening of their first year.

Afraid we have several more chapters of questions before we get any answers... although they do get Sorted in Chapter 7!

Thanks again


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Review #23, by DancingMooncalf Diagon Alley

11th April 2013:
Hay, I didn't have the patience to wait for you to request the next chapter.

Aaw poor Daniel. That's not something an eleven year old should have to suffer through. What's his mother afraid of?

I think it good that Albus stood up to his cousin. It shows that he has got the nerves, he's just really insecure somethimes. It makes him very adorable.

Ow and Nathan, he's got a lot of magic in him, doesn't he. We can expact great things from him, when he learns how to control it.

What I really like about your story is that every chapter you see something new in the characters that enriches them. They are growing. That's really something.
I'd love to teach those boys, though they would be a handful. It would be a lot of fun to get to know them and find out their strength and teach them to use that. I think they are going ot make a very interesting first year.

I'll read an review the next chapter as well. I'm kind of hooked on this story now. I want to find out what houses the boys will be in, what Rose did, what's going to happen to Daniel now. That's all very interesting and you created the kind of cliff hanger that make me want to stop typing now and just read on. So that's what I'm going to do now.


Author's Response: Ha! Clearly it's not too slow to draw readers in to the next chapters...! I get the feeling it's the gradual reveal of information that might be doing that? Be warned, there's more to learn about these boys; lots more: and indeed, more for them to learn about themselves.

Let me know if I need to re-request at any point. I am very much enjoying reading your reviews and getting a fresh perspective on the boys' personalities as I wind up to write the final few chapters.

Thanks again

Sheriff :)

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Review #24, by DancingMooncalf Shields and Secrets

11th April 2013:
Nice to see that Greg has learned from his first experience and did not spring the information all at once this time.

I was surprised by how good Louis was, since he had been difficult all morning. Maybe all the adult around him just don't expect him to be nice anymore and so he just lives up to their expectations.
The reaction of Nathan was predictable, If he had already had problems with it he wouldn't be one to admit he was abnormal.

I really like this chapter. It showed both more of Greg and of his students. The talk with Arthur in the end was enlightening. It showed a lot of the characters of the children. I feel like we got to know them a little better because of it.

It's nice to see the children do behave as children, a little insecure and willing to do as the grown ups tell them, if they have to.

I think you've created some really storng characters and I'm very curious how the story wil develop from here.


Author's Response: Thanks :-)

My biggest worry with this is that things don't happen quickly enough at the beginning to draw readers along, but it seems like it's working okay as the main characters join the scene.

Great call about children living up (or down) to expectations, and well worth remembering when you go into teaching... they can even pick up on the subconscious fear that they might muck around. Not that I'm trying to scare you off the job...


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Review #25, by BKL8008 Ministry Protocol

9th April 2013:
Another update so soon, and good stuff it is! You and "RTS" in one day! What a morning.

I love how the plot is coming together, although I still can't figure it out.

Albus blowing up at his dad was great, and so was Harry's analysis of it. Very good.

Still wondering why our Muggle boy has a magical signature, though. Odd that Louis' outburst woke Nathan up too, or am I reading too much into that, there?

I can't say enough about how well you capture the reality of boys this age.

Can't wait to see more, and hoping you don't get too busy to do just that!

Author's Response: Amazing what you can do when you're not working 8am-8pm every day. I've finished C25 (in the queue) and C26 (which brings several plot strands forwards) - and as far as I can tell, there will be three more afterwards. Which probably means four. Might even wrap it up before term time... unlikely, however, as I need to do real work tomorrow.

As for why Charlie has a signature, well, that would be telling. Suffice to say, the process of working out the answer to that one is the method by which the next two chapters advance the plot...

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