Hey there again.
Once again, I'm just going to reiterate that you should apply for a beta. I think it would be completely worth it, and it would improve the flow of your story so much too. It would also be great if as you could ask for ideas or help with particular plot areas.
I don't think Draco was very OOC in this. I think we all expect him to be a big meany, but we don't often see him with his friends, so we don't actually know what he is like away from the trio. I think it is plausible after the war that he did change, and I think we have creative license to do that, so overall I don't think he is OOC at all.
I do however, think that Rose is OOC. Though she has Hermione's intelligence, I do not think that an eleven year old would have the ability to understand the severity of the situation, especially the sensitive themes that appeared in this chapter. I think you should definitely consider whether someone of that age would truly understand what was being said to them.
I also think you should consider whether Hermione would have actually told Rose about the cheating and the miscarriage. I doubt that a parent would be willing to discuss that with their child while they were that young.
I think the plot is developing nicely and I cannot wait to see what will happen next, though I do think you should consider applying for a beta. I also think you should consider whether your characters know too much or are growing up too quickly.
Feel free to request again from my thread. Until next time, =]Author's Response: Hello again.
You spotted my difficulty! Rose is a tough character to write, especially with something as sensitive as this. But I think it could be possible and not very OOC at all- maybe just a bit. I'll think about it deeper. Though, eleven years old isn't too young in my opinion, though maybe I should have lessen the elaboration on Hermione's part to Rose. I'll look to it again.
Thank you for the review again. xD Till next time. ^_^ Report Review
Hi there, sorry it took so long. I've been a little busy.
I won't comment on the grammar as requested, though I would suggest you ask someone to beta it for you as it will make it much easier to read and less people will comment on spelling and grammar.
So far I'm really enjoying the plot. It is very original and works well with the summary and the challenge that you entered. I think you've done well with the summary you were given, and you've made it into a great plot.
I wonder whether Hermione is really with Draco? The characterization seems to be good so far, though I did have a few issues in some parts.
Firstly, I don't think Ron would have mentioned the custody in an absent minded way. I think he would have battled harder for his children and would have been riled that he couldn't see them any longer.
Secondly, Though I understand that Harry was meant to be all calm and stuff, especially now that he is an auror, I don't think he would have reacted that calmly to finding Ron in bed with Lavender. I genuinely think he would have been angrier and definitely highly annoyed with Ron after the article.
That said, I think that Ginny and Lavender are absolutely perfect. I think you've made them very realistic and I cannot wait for more interaction between the two as they both seem fired up. I love the battle between Ginny's feisty side and Lavender's bitchy side.
So far so good, but I definitely suggest that you get a beta to improve spelling and grammar, if that's improved the story should flow much better too. =]Author's Response: Hello, better late than never eh?
First of all, thank you so much for reviewing my story. I'm glad you think that it is really original. I try to keep it as unique as possible while still trying to stay true to the characters.
I'll be finding a beta soon, hopefully once I get onto few thing I need to arrange in RL, but anyway, I'm not a native speaker of English so that's to be expected. I hope it isn't much of a trouble.
Ron and Harry are characters I'm not sure about writing. I'm not really good with writing male characters, but hopefully when I got a beta, I could go over it again. xD But I'll keep what you said about it all in my mind. Maybe I could somehow find a loophole in it and stick it around somewhere in the story. :)
Your review is a great help. Report Review
I really liked this story. Although it does have an element to next gen about it it doesn't focus on that so it was fine. Characterization was very well done. Lavender is a sneaky and obnoxious as ever, Ronald is disgusting and insensitive as always, Ginny is fierce and unforgiving and defensive of her friends as we all know she is when it counts, Hermione is as loving and forgiving and caring as she has always been but I like how you make her stand up for herself. That was a little OOC but in a really good way. You do have some grammar errors but that is easy to do and it isn't really east to spot. I'm giving you a 10 because I fully believe that you are staying true to the characters and describing the situations they are in to a "t". Now for plot and flow, Its Superb. The plot is unique and original, the flow between dialogue, characters, word choice and over all fluency of your writing is just excellent. I believe that because of the hard work and excellent writing that you have proved in this story so far that it deserves nothing less than a 10. I hope that this review inspires you to keep writing and answers any questions you have about the story.
Broken ButterflyAuthor's Response: Hello!
I'm really happy about your review, and getting a 10! Thank you so much. This just made my day, I'll be happy to follow through what I started and be able to continue this story. Thank you so much for your review.
-elaine Report Review
REally good story! A fantastic story and this is the only one i have liked so far from the whole websiteAuthor's Response: I am very very honored for that! Thank you so much for liking my story. I'm still plotting a few things before getting on forward, I hope you stay tuned in. Report Review
Hey! Here I am with your challenge review!
I really liked how you wrote this from the summary, well done! There were lots of good pieces of description! I noticed a few spelling error's and you used 'mom' instead of 'mum' but apart from that it was great!
Emma xAuthor's Response: Thank you! It isn't beta-ed yet actually, and I'm not too good in spelling. But anyway, thank you so much for reviewing. I'm glad you've enjoyed it. :)
-elaine Report Review
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