Wow... that poor cat. And I'm in agreement with the look on Bellatrix face, enjoying dark magic, etc... It is interesting that she witnessed this (and many other bad things) and still felt the deep connection of being her sister, which outweighed the bad.
There is power in grieving and missing someone so much and obviously drove Narcissa to cross the line into 'her sister's magic,' which I loved your words to describe it. Very good.
And I enjoyed your timeline and how it flowed backward. It really added to your story and made it interesting. It begged for questions on how and why and you revealed all to your readers in an interesting way.
Great job on this short story. It had few words, but it didn't need more, as what was said was potent and to the point and packed with plenty of emotions.
Dark Whisper Report Review
Well, this is certainly different than anything I've read. Narcissa taking out Molly? Oh, my. I can see it happening though... revenge for her sister.
And you wrote Molly as if she expected it, always uneasy and haunted, really.
It was tragic, but understandable, you know? Very interesting storyline.
I like how you incorporated the Weasley clock. Great detail there.
Dark Whisper Report Review
I thought I'd check you out on the Archive today. :) And when I saw a completed Narcissa fic, I just had to check it out.
Well, I must say, it seems heartbreaking that she would die in prison, but I'm really glad that it didn't happen on June 5th, because that is Draco's birthday. ;(
I think you did a really good job at describing what she looked like and her thoughts of Lucius and Draco in the end. Very sad, indeed.
Dark Whisper Report Review
Hi, I'm here from the review battle!
I read all three chapters straight through because I found the plot so intriguing. You do a great job of jumping forward and back through the time in the story. I didn't have any trouble following the action, and the jumps really ramped up the suspense.
Your writing has very clean grammar, punctuation and spelling overall. I did spot a couple of little things: this repetition of the word "pet" -- "Narcissa remembered the pet cat that she had as a pet..." ( I would just remove the first "pet"). And here: "In spite of all of this- Narcissa loved her," I would replace the "-" with a comma.
I had never considered Narcissa capable of revenge like this, but your motive for her is convincing. If you decide to update again, I'd love to see what her trial is like, and peek into her mind as she waits for sentencing. :)Author's Response: Hey, Elphaba!
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this! Jumping about in the timeline of the story was a worry of mine, especially as the story has to move backwards chronologically.
Thanks for pointing that out that repetition of "pet"- that's something that I can address.
Thanks again for such a kind review,
acciohpff Report Review
This is brilliant! Such vivid imagery makes everything so clear in my mind! I've often wondered how Narcissa would feel about Molly killing her sister so this was great to read. I really like how Percy was the one to have come home and found her as well. He didn't really do much worthy of heroism in the battle so this gives him something to contribute, even if it was at the cost of his mother. Love it!! Report Review
Huh. Well, I think I finally see what you're doing here... going backwards in time with your writing. It's definitely different but also intriguing and I'm curious to see how you'll continue it.
I liked how in the beginning you said "Everything was Black," as if you're not just referring to the darkness or bleakness of the story, but also to her maiden name Black. It made me smile a little.
I feel a little more understanding of where you're going with this story and Narcissa's reasons for killing Molly. I can see a little bit better why Narcissa would go after Molly, especially considering how much Bellatrix haunts her. I think this is really what's made her insane before she was even locked up. But I can't seem to understand what's caused it. Something still doesn't sit right with me. But maybe that's just me, maybe my perception of Narcissa is just different from yours. I do want to continue reading though so I hope you do continue to update.
I feel bad that all my comments couldn't be happy and fluffy, but your writing has definitely struck me into some serious thinking so that must count for something, right?
Anyways, again, I hope you have a Merry Christmas and that you enjoyed the reviews. You are an amazing writer.
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
This was a different sort of chapter. It was well written, I may have only seen one or two minor mistakes. But I don't know how to feel about it.
I can't really see Narcissa killing Molly. I know Molly killed her sister, but it was to defend her own child, which is something I think Narcissa would understand as it is something I think she'd do as well if she could. Also, considering Harry and Ron did save Draco from dying in the Room of Requirement, she wouldn't go after one of her son's savoirs' mothers. It just doesn't make sense to me. I also don't see Narcissa as a killer, I think that what she did is more along the lines of what Bellatrix would have done if their roles had been switched. She just seems like a different Narcissa here, like she's already gone mad. But that's just my opinion.
Other than that, I do really like this story. And I was glad it was Percy who arrived first and found Narcissa, and how he knew something was wrong the moment he entered the house.
And I'm really just flabbergasted that Molly could be dead. I mean, she is the matriarch of the Weasley family, the glue that keeps them together, and I can't imagine someone as strong and amazing as her dying.
It's time to read on though.
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
Wow. This was a very powerful beginning. I started reading and it just sucked me in until the end. I really liked how you began this with the little snippet about death following her around and the short sentences made it sound so much more serious. The way you talk about Death also reminded me a lot of the story of the three brothers and Death from HP.
I also like how your Narcissa thought her husband weak after his escape from Azkaban. I think that's pretty accurate. Narcissa always seemed like the only thing she cared about was Draco and his safety and I think she probably started thinking Lucius was weak the second she found out he failed to deliver the prophecy and put her son in danger in the first place.
But I can also see how she likely wouldn't fare so well either being locked up in Azkaban. Especially because she's been taken away from her son and can no longer care for him.
Although I am curious as to what she did to be locked up, and what spell she used. Considering she lied for Harry, you'd think she wouldn't end up in Azkaban so she must have done something serious but I can't think of what sort of revenge she would be after. I hope to find out in the next chapters though.
I like how the guard wizards didn't pay any attention to her to notice she was sick and dying, I think that fell right into the criteria necessary for guards and the mentality they fall into being in charge of prisoners.
I'm really curious to see where this story leads. This was a really great intro. I think you've done a great job so far.
Again, Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays if you don't actually celebrate Christmas.
xxEnigmaticEyes16 Report Review
Ho Ho Ho! Binkles again and for the last time. I am sorry to say that this is the last time we will meet as after reviewing this chapter I will have to leave to spread more of Santa's love and celebrations to other lovely authors such as yourself. So this is out farewell.
Oh Narcissa. I knew it. I knew that it was love that made you raise your wand to Molly. I knew it was love for your sister, cruel as might have been, that twisted your mind and played with your senses making you take harsh and rash decisions. You had a family still. You had for whom to live. You had a duty to them and you failed them. You failed them :(
Ok this has gotten way too emotional. It doesn't happen often but you've managed to touch my softer side and make me feel for poor Narcissa and poor Molly who were both victims of Voldemort. His reign hasn't ended even after this long since he died. His actions and the people he surrounded himself with and their actions still plague the Wizardry World as we've seen here with Narcissa.
I don't know if you still plan on updating this story but let me know when you do, if you do because I'd be happy to come all the way from the North Pole just for you :)
Merry Christmas! Report Review
Ho Ho Ho! It's Binkles again. You didn't think I'd leave without reviewing the whole story did you?
Oh Narcissa. Of all the things I thought you'd do to get locked up in Azkaban this was the last of them. And I don't even know why because if you stop to wonder this is the most obvious of all. Of course she would seek revenge! Of course, of course!
I don't even know what to feel to be honest. On one side I can feel Narcissa's need to avenge Bellatrix. I've always had the impression they were the closest of the three sisters so it must have struck her very hard to find out that she died by the hands of none other than Molly Weasley. But on the other hand Molly was only defending her own children. Bellatrix had had her wand aimed at Ginny, more than prepared to kill her so Molly acted. As a mother. I wonder if Narcissa knew of this. Maybe if she knew her thirst for vengeance would ebb away a little. Oh Molly...
I especially loved the fact that it was Percy who found Molly and discovered Narcissa. After all they've been through during the time that Percy was as obnoxious and stubborn as a mule it felt only fitting that he was the one to find his mother. I wonder what he felt when he saw her on the floor, limp and lifeless. I can't even begin to imagine how horrifying it must be. Report Review
Ho Ho Ho! It's not your secret Santa this time but me, his most trustworthy assistant Binkles. Who I am you ask? You mean you don't know me? Why I'm the little dwarf, Santa's right hand man. Still nothing? Oh well, I guess this is the price you have to pay for being second in command.
In any case, Santa shipped me off to your account this even because he told me you still had some stories floating around that needed attention. He said that I'd enjoy your stories very much and that reviewing them wouldn't feel like my job anymore, rather like a hobby or a game or a play. And he was right!
You are brave to tackle the realm of the Malfoy's. You are a Gryffindor are you not? Only Gryffindors would have the courage to write about Lady Narcissa's death. It was a very enjoyable start indeed. Heart-warming since we are given the chance to get to know her better, more profoundly during Deathly Hallows and see that she is not an evil woman. She is just a mother and a wife that wants the best for her family in dire times. And who is to blame her for that?
What I'm intrigued about is why she wound up in prison in the first place. I had the impression that she had it all right after the war ended and yet we see her here, buried beneath mountains of ancient stone that absorb the life from her. There was a certain passage that I must admit upset me "Thoughts of her son, Draco, resentful of her sacrifice, alone and suffering". We learn two possible things from this paragraph: first it sounds like Draco hasn't grown much after his close experience with war and second, Narcissa went to prison due to her sacrifice for something or someone. We can only guess what happened but this particular words give her more depth than the whole piece put together: she loved enough or had honour enough to die for something she believed in or someone she loved. It might have been her son, thus explaining why he would resent her for sacrificing herself, it might have been an ideal (maybe her family as a whole). We can only wonder... Report Review
Scott! That was awesome! Ahh! I'm only reading the first chapter for now but I think I will definitely be coming back to read more! It was a really interesting start! And it'll be cool to read this. Thanks for entering my challenge!
Mike.Author's Response: MIKE!
Thanks for stopping by to review! I'm really pleased that you liked it and found it interesting!
Thanks again! :D Report Review
'Everything was Black.' AHHA I LOVE WHAT YOU DID THERE. Haha -rofl- :) Right, sorry. I know this is meant to be a sad/tragic story but that just made me laugh. In a good way- as in, a complimentary way not a.
Oh never mind xD
Scott you are too talented! You're actually making me, /me/, feel sorry about Bellatrix's death! :O The relationship between the two sisters is so raw and fresh when you write about it, and I actually felt so sad- for both of them! I mean, yes they did horrible things. But everyone makes mistakes...
Oh, wait, Bellatrix killed Sirius. That's unforgivable (he's too hot to die :P)!
ENJOYED THIS SO MUCH!
Annon :)Author's Response: Haha :P I couldn't resist putting that little pun in there... Maybe it doesn't fit that well with the general mood of the story though, so I don't really blame you if you didn't agree with its placing. :P
Thank you! I'm really glad that I got you to think about it all, because I think people's natural reaction is to take the view that Bellatrix was evil and deserved it. Maybe that's not untrue, but it's still interesting :)
Thanks again! :D I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
You write so smoothly! I was devouring up every word :) Loved the whole thing! And wow, WHAT a plot twist!! Definitely the most original idea /ever/. Narcissa getting revenge for her sister's death...of course! Genius :P Of all the things I was consideirng that were the cause of Narcissa's prison sentence, this was definitely not one of them.
I absolutely love what you've done with this Scott!! Can't wiat to read chapter three.
Annon :)Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing!
I write smoothly? Thanks, I'm glad that you liked it!
The plot was something that I just imagined one day and spent time thinking "is this possible?" In the end, I just decided to write it down :P
Thanks Annon :) You're reviews really make me happy :) Report Review
*freakout moment commences*
OMYGOSH HOW HAVE I NEVER READ ANY OF YOUR THINGS BEFORE? WHY? NOO IT IS A CRIME! I HSOULD BE LOCKED AWAY IN AZKABAN FOR EVER AND EVER.
*freakout moment ends*
That was probably the shortest, most chilling, most amazing piece of writing I've read in...a while. I'm serious. The way you wrote it, as if you were some kind of indifferent reporter- so blunt and plain and unadorned (fanciest word I've written all week :P) was just so clever.
It's a perfect balance of drama and intrigue- I haven't read many Narcissa fics, but this one is so, so good. Very good.
-Annon :)Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for reviewing! This review really made me smile! I'm so pleased that you liked it, even if it is rather short. :P
Thanks again! I really can't stop smiling at this review :D Report Review
So, I really like this so far. You have managed to creep me out and make me want to keep reading. *goes to keep reading* Please excuse this poor excuse for a review :D
~MaggieAuthor's Response: Thanks Maggie! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Not Molly! Oh that was brilliant - I really wasn't expecting Narcissa to have killed Molly, but then I had the sudden realisation that it was Molly who killed Bellatrix.And even in the books it's clear that they love each other. Brilliant!
I've always thought that Molly died after the BoH - afterall, all the other grankids are named after deceased wizards or witches (well most of them)... except Molly. Though I usually think it was due to an unnoticed spell by Bellatrix - but I love this way!! It fits brilliantly!
I just think that this is brilliant! Well done on another great chapter! :)
Keira :)Author's Response: Hi!
I'm glad that you didn't expect it to be Molly, because I was worried about that at first. I think that Narcissa would want revenge, because ultimately, she did love Bellatrix.
I think a lot of people write that Molly is still alive when the next-gens are grown up, but I don't really know...
Thanks again Report Review
That's such a dramatic yet intriguing beginning! How can I not read on after that?
Who did she torture? Oh, this was a brilliant beginning! I really liked how you immediately told us that Narcissa died - as if getting rid of any hope that she might survive. I immediately want to know why she's in Azkaban and what is playing on her mind.
I also liked how you kept some of her 'Black arrogance' which is sometimes misplaced with Narcissa - she thought that Lucius was weak. Just a single detail like that shows so much about her character.
I don't really know what else to say except well done and I'm going to go read the rest now! :)
Keira xDAuthor's Response: Thank you!
I'm so glad that you liked this! You'll find out about what she did and why she's in Azkaban in the next chapter! :D
Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
I like how it went backwards rather than forwards; seeing it start are where Narcissa ended up, then going to what she did, and ending with why really made the story-telling more powerful, I think. I loved it. :D
Sam.Author's Response: Thanks Sam! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it! I really like the back-to-front in this, because I feel that it's a story that WORKS being told in reverse. Thanks again! Report Review
Just as a quick note before I start, you have some odd formatting here and there. Watch the spaces between your paragraphs ;)
Other than that, this chapter was my favorite yet. The dream/flashback thing of Bellatrix was so appropriately creepy. I can just picture a young version of her torturing that poor cat, and I think it showed the contrast in her and Narcissa when Narcissa tried to soothe her. Not sure if you meant to do this or not (if you did, you're a genius, if you didn't, pretend you did and take credit for it anyways :P), but the cat was sort of a symbol for Draco for me. Because Bella didn't torture him physcially, at least not that we know of, but by trying to use him as a tool, she tortured him that way. And Narcissa's love for him was meant to be soothing.
I also loved the end bit, with the whole "she's awful but I love her". I wrote a Black sisters one shot a while back, and I tried to convey this same emotion (you did it a lot better, of course :P) It really isn't black and white. Narcissa can know that Bella deserved to die, but she can still want vengeance for it. It was a good lead in to the previous chapter (okay, that makes no sense) and I'm starting to feel for Cissa a bit. Okay, not really, she still killed Molly and no one kills Molly and gets away with it >:(
Another great chapter! You really are an excellent writer-I need to stalk your page more often :P
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Thanks for the heads up about the spacing! :)
This was your favourite? Wow, thanks Naida! I'm glad you liked the flashback, although I can't claim the credit for thinking of the foreshadowing. I think that's a really interesting thing you spotted there though!
I really aimed to get across the whole 'nothing is black and white' idea, and I'm so glad that you picked up on that! I must be doing something right!
Thanks again! Report Review
Oh my...oh wow, I was not expecting that. Out of all the things I thought Narcissa may have done to land herself in prison, killing Molly Weasley was not one of them. That's so devesatingly sad. And again, the writing is so raw and minimal that there's nothing to mask the cruelty of her actions. Sometimes, when things get overly descriptive and flowery, the impact of murder and death can be dulled, but this had the full blow.
I love/hate (it works so well in the story, but it gives me the chills) how this happened right after everything felt safe. Molly seemed, well, relatively happy in the first part, but as soon as you hit the imagery in the second part, you know something is wrong. And the image at the end of the broken Weasley clock was so eerie and creepy! I felt bad for Narcissa last chapter, but in this, just no. Poor Molly :( Poor Weasleys! They don't deserve this!
Another stunning chapter :D Can't wait to read the third.
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Thanks Naida!
Unexpected? I was originally concerned about giving too much away :P
I'm glad that you think that this dealt "the full blow", although I think description is always good too. :)
I'm also really pleased that I managed to change your mind with this, regarding feeling sorry for Narcissa. I think it's interesting how people felt sorry for her in chapter one (which is a consequence of chapter two), yet not feel sorry for her after this.
Thanks Naida! Report Review
Hi Scott! It only took me, what, 5 hours to get to this review :P
So this was really beautiful. I loved how raw the writing is. You didn't try to make it really flowery or fluffy, but you instead just gave the facts straight up. It made it worse, in several ways, to see this bare minimum, because there was nothing to mask how awful the conditions of Azkaban are. I love that you emphasized that even without the dementors, Azkaban is not a fun place, nor will it ever be.
I also love the idea of this going back to front. It'll be interesting to read the rest of this (which I fully intend to do) with knowing how Narcissa dies. I'm wondering if we'll find out why she's in Azkaban. Ooh, maybe that has something to do with the title?
Lovely first chapter, and I can't wait to keep reading! :D
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Naida!
Thank you! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it, and your thoughts on the chapter are really interesting! I definitely feel like the Dementors would leave a mark there for a long time.
Back to front? It's definitely something that interested me a lot too initially, and I think it would be something really fun to experiment with.
Thanks again! Report Review
Oh, the puns. I do love the puns. Everything was Black.
This chapter is my favorite of all three. I think you did a really good job portraying the complexity of the relationship between Narcissa and Bellatrix -- how even though Narcissa loved Bellatrix enough to avenge her death, she was still horrified by many of Bellatrix's actions. Really beautiful!
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this one- I really enjoyed writing about Narcissa and Bellatrix's relationship, even if the chapter was a little short :P Report Review
In spite of my disagreeing with your characterization of Narcissa, this was really enjoyable to read. The entire scenario is not something I ever would have imagined happening, and it's definitely not what I was expecting (yay plot twist!)
I kind of feel like Molly wouldn't be quite so cowering when Narcissa came, though. I feel like she would be really strong, even if she had been kind of paranoid about it for a long time.
I really like how you switched to Molly's point of view for a while, though. It really added depth to the story and the murder. Well done!
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad that you weren't expecting something like this, because originally that was a concern of mine :P
I imagine Molly to be damaged a lot by the war, and so I think she wouldn't be so alert perhaps. I think she's dwelling on the past, and not thinking about the future much at all.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Very interesting beginning! It's quite dramatic and really grabs the attention so kudos on that!
Normally I'm a fan an introspective point of view in writing, but I think the fact that it's so... factual and blunt gives this a very realistic feel to it. Kind of like a newspaper story.
Green with Envy 2012!Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews!
I'm really pleased that you liked this, and the way that it was written. I was really unsure when I first posted this, but I'm glad that you liked it!
Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
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