Reading Reviews for Purgatory
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NaidatheRavenclaw Purgatory

18th March 2012:
Tag!

I haven't read a lot of Founders era pieces, so I don't really have much to compare this to, but I found it gorgeous. It really made sense, that Rowena would keep Helena locked up like this. The last sentence made that point really prominent. Rowena, though she is the Founder of my own House, has always striken me as the kind of women who will get her way and who stays true to her word. You really portrayed that here, as well as the differences between Rowena and Helena. Lovely job.

My one small piece of constructive crit is that the time period wasn't really there for me. The language and such that you used was fairly modern (though you did manage to stay away from super modern expressions, so good job with that!) However, as this piece was more about the emotion, I think the language didn't do anything much, if at all, to detract from that :)

Great job!

-Naida

Author's Response: I never really read a lot of founders story before this easier which was why it was so fun (and hard) to write. Thank you so much! I portrayed the relationship between Rowena&Helena the way i thought it would be.

Yeah, I think I'm going to get a beta for this story. I haven't read any period drama stories in a while so my language defiantly isn't there. I did try.

Thank you for this amazing review!
Jaz


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Review #2, by kestral14 Purgatory

21st February 2012:
Wow, good story, interesting idea :)

Author's Response: Thank you!
Jaz


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Review #3, by hp481516 Purgatory

20th February 2012:
Great job! I have always been interested in the Ravenclaw family and I loved your take on Helena and Rowena's relationship. I really liked the addition of Thomas in the story.

Author's Response: Thank you! I've had a small fascination with the founders in general (because we hear so little about them) Thanks! I had the include some romance angst and Thomas was just that! haha
Jaz


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Review #4, by charlottetrips Purgatory

14th February 2012:
Great moment to tackle and you've done it rather well.

you do not [] what it feels like to loose someone you love! - missing [know]?

I was a bit confused with the ending. Helena's already a ghost? Immediately after her death? Or did Rowena's spell do that?

And Lucifer Tate! Is that really his name? I was thinking when I was reading this "Where is the Bloody Baron" and then I realized that he wasn't the "Bloody Baron" until after he killed Helena and died. Also, how'd you come up with Lucifer?

The only thing I could ask of you is to WRITE MORE! With what you wrote here, it did flow and I was drawn into the story, into Helena's rebelliousness and Rowena's anger. I would've wanted to know more about Thomas but from the snippets you wrote, I did get a good idea of the young love Helena was wrapped up in.

xChar

Author's Response: Thank you!
Yeah, I think I'm going to go back through this story with a fine edged comb and edit it (especially the ending) because people are really confused by it :/
Thank you for such an amazing review!!
Jaz


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Review #5, by Dramionie_Child Purgatory

9th February 2012:
Aww :( Poor Helena! I wish she got to see the world but I completely understand Rowena's edginess about her leaving. Who is this Thomas bloke? I would like to know more:)

Beautifully written, and I really enjoyed it!

Emily x/ Hedwigs-Hat xx

Author's Response: Hi!
Yeah I'm going to edit this story later on this week and maybe add flashbacks or something because a lot of people are intrigued my Thomas (truth be told, I am too haha)
Thank you!
Jaz, x


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Review #6, by atellam Purgatory

9th February 2012:
Oh my god! My name is Adele! *squee*

*ahem* yes... so. Moving on.

This was really good, nicely done, and interesting characterisation. Slight grammar errors here and there (re: commas) but otherwise, this was lovely.

Something else to think about though - language.
At the beginning, Helena has a very relaxed tone, very modern style dialogue (which is fine. It's a one-shot fan fiction, not a novel for publication; your audience won't care too much) but then when you have her and her mother arguing, you change the speech patterns slightly to try and make it fit more with that time period. It's not bad, but because I was reading it with a critical eye, it made me wrinkle my nose at the inconsistency.

Also, the last paragraph made no sense to me. I couldn't understand who was dead, and if they were dead metaphorically (emotionally or something) or physically dead (like, I-killed-you-and-you're-lying-on-the-floor-not-breathing dead.) My thought process on reading the last paragraph: 'I wish to see her'- so she's alive? - 'who killed her?' - or not? - 'my anger got the better of me' - okay, she's dead then - 'she locked herself in Ravenclaw Tower' - woah...wait a minute. I thought she was dead?

I think you're trying to refer to how she's now a ghost, but that is never explained to the reader and makes it confusing. All it needs is a sentence here and there/rewording, and it's right as rain.

But all of that aside, i'm so glad that I read this, because I love Founders and I love Rowena/Godric and I really enjoyed this.

Hope what i've said has been useful and send through the beta stuff whenever,
- Adele :)

Author's Response: Hey
Thank you! I'm going to edit this story sometime this week so hopefully that'll banish the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.

Yeah, the ending is a bit confusing. I tried to write it and leave a bit to the readers imagination but that failed epically *facepalm*

I love Rowena/Godric! and the Founders are amazing, such an underloved era though :(

Thank you!
Jaz


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