Reading Reviews for Blood in Your Kisses
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DracoFerret11 Four Cups of Tea

4th March 2012:
Hey there! This is DarkRose from the forums here with your review. :] Sorry it's been so long. Off we go!

Okay, first I'm going to tell you about all the spelling and grammar mistakes that I caught. They'll be in order from the story and if you'd like to fix them, I'm sure you know where they are. :]

1. "the window pains" -- should be "panes"
2. "ticked under loose" -- should be "tucked"
3. "It felt wring somehow" -- should be "wrong"
4. "world write its' own" -- should be "its"
5. "shown him its' contents" -- should be "its"
6. "which ad always been" -- should be "had"
7. "almost feel it's' weight" -- should be "its"
8. "guests composed of same crowd" -- should be "of the"
9. "beginning toe circle" -- should be "to"
10. "give him change to attack" -- should be "chance"
11. "paper into the pocket and leaning back on he hands" -- should be "paper into his pocket and leaning back on his hands"

Okay, now for the actual review:

I think the emotions in this chapter were incredible. I love how this story has started and I definitely think that you have caught readers' attention. It's very well-done.

Characterization: I love that you're giving Lysander a real identity here. I haven't seen too many stories about him and I like that he's important and original here. Good job. I definitely felt bad for him that he's sort of the black sheep of the family. Poor guy...

Descriptions: I thought this was very well done. I really liked the bit about the teacups and later with the sunflower. You brought the story to life with your descriptions and I really enjoyed that.

Plot: I don't know exactly where the story is going yet, but this chapter was very good. I really like how weighted it was--it connects to the readers on an emotional level and I think that's important.

Overall, I think you did beautifully. Don't worry at all about it being "too angsty." I liked that about it. It made it realistic.

Keep up the good work! Great job!

--Emily

Author's Response: Oh this is such a marvelous review! Thank you so much! I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond, honestly I feel so daft for letting this go so long, but thank you so much for this!

I'll make sure to edit this chapter ASAP to fix those things up :) argh... window pains... I can't believe I missed that... haha, oh well, at least you caught it

Thank you so much for this again :) It made me so happy and I'm so sorry again for not responding sooner

~Ria


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Review #2, by Nevermore_EAP Four Cups of Tea

13th February 2012:
This is really good! Update! Update! Update!

Author's Response: thank you! Glad you liked it :) I hope to update soon, though I've got a rather pesky case of writer's block, but still! I shall push forward soon!

Thanks again :)
~Ria


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Review #3, by CloakAuror9 Four Cups of Tea

12th February 2012:
Hey there! Sorry for taking some time to review the story, I'm just busy is all. Hope you really understand.

I think...I can just go curl up in a ball after this. Seriously! I reckon it was pretty awesome. Angst are the hardest genre to write, at least it seems like so to me, and for someone to succeed in that is just wonderful.

I like totally love the story! I can't even put proper words to express how great this story is. I mean, I know this is just the first chapter but who cares?! This is like so good! Where is chapter two?!!

Moving on from the stupid rambles...In all seriousness, I think the story is great. I think I'm just a super-duper bit disheartened by the fact that this is a Rose/Lysander. I have nothing against the ship but I'm more of a Rose/Scopius shipper so..I kind of tend to avoid stories that ship the both of them with someone else...but heck I'm not going to avoid this story. I love it!

I think the best bit for me was how the emotions in the story really got across without getting me confused or anything. And your description is just a wow-er. you can really feel everything in here. Omg. I love this.

I think by now, you'd never request from me because all I did was praise and ramble on this review but I'd seriously love to review chapter 2! :P

A super great start! 10/10,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: oh goodness! feel free to hit me for how late it took me to respond to this :( I don't even know... I have no excuses, but I'm sorry!

hehe, this review literally made my week, this story is one of those 'gets-under-your-skin' types and it wouldn't let me do anything else until I wrote the first chapter but it seems to be a treacherous one too because now I've got a horrendous case of writers block for it, but I have the entire thing mapped out so it's really a case of finding a way to continue the piece and stay true to the first chapter.

Well now I've rambled a bit, but yes. Thank you so much for the review and I will certainly be back for another as soon as my writers block goes away :)

Thanks again!
~Ria


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Review #4, by Fingerposts Four Cups of Tea

11th February 2012:
Hey, it's simplelullaby here with your review!
Can I say first of all how great your chapter image was. Did you make it yourself?
What an amazing opener. It IS extremely angsty, but it manages to grab the reader's attention in a way another style might not have.
As we're introducing a new character (and even though everyone knows his second name) it might be more proper to say "Lysander Scamander" the first time.
I loved the "behind him his mother" paragraph. Of course if your father had just died you would want to think of the past, when he was alive, so well done.
But probably the best thing I loved about your story is that Lorcan and Lysander are different people. It takes away the old twin stereotype and allows for sibling rivalry to ensue.
I also love Lysander's little habit of writing everything down. I'm not sure about Lysander as a whole, though. I don't dislike him, exactly, I just don't have any kind of...were you going for the aloof, mysterious thing?
I sense this is going to be a tear-jerker...tissues might be needed. ;P
You describe the grief so accurately. It just gives us readers something to relate to, I think. The absence of his father isn't piled on all at once - it's gradual, and I think that's what hurts more.
I'm so intrigued to see what Lorcan and Lysander's relationship is like. You give some detail but not all, allowing us to bring up our own conclusions and want to read on in order to see if we were right. That's how I saw it, anyway.
The transformation of Luna is brilliant. Where we don't see exactly how Lys is feeling, we see exactly what Luna must be feeling. The small changes you highlight in her are brilliant. Just...wow.
"a white tent was propped on a nearby hill." I got really confused at this part. Is that the burial site? If so, why doesnít Lys and co. move towards it? I think you should make this a little clearer.
I don't understand this bit either. Is Scorpius there or not. You make it out like he is, but then you go on to say he's not. I'm so confused!
GRAMMER - "in an almost desperate manor" - "in an almost desperate MANNER."
This is where I really started to love this story, at your introduction of Rose. It's just...perfect. Don't ever change it. ;P
"Instead he let the world write its own story about him" - my favourite line! But "its'" isn't right. Lose the apostrophe.
I continue to love how Lysander sees his mother. A hollow bird - brilliant!
TYPO - "felt a slight twist in his stomache" - "stomach"
TYPO - "her voice, which ad" - "had"
I love that as soon as Lysander realises Rose is there, there are small mentions of her movements dotted throughout. Gives a slight hint of what Lysander's really feeling.
TYPO - "she'd sad yes" - "said"
BRITPICK - "purse" is "bag."
What is "the stone?" Is it Lysander's place? I got really confused here.
I loved the ending. It was just...perfect. Gave me butterfiles!
All in all, I loved this chapter. It SO makes me want to read on and see where this story will take me. The whole developing love-triangle between Rose, Lys and Scorp is lovely, and you've obviously thought heavily about characterisation. I love it. I just...LOVE IT! In terms of flow and description...you did perfectly.
Sum up the criticism: There were more than a few silly typos and Americanisms. Some grammar problems as well. In terms of everything else...I think it was spot on. There's nothing here a beta wouldn't be able to fix.
I just...love it!
I hope you found this review helpful - please respond so I know!

~Aimee~
(9/10)

Author's Response: Eek! I feel so horrible for not responding for so long! Things just got sort of hectic in RL but I can't thank you enough for this review!

Thanks for pointing those things out :) I should be doing a revise of this chapter soon so I'll definitely fix those.

This was such a helpful review, I can't even tell you how much! Thanks again and I'm so sorry for taking so long!
~Ria


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