it was alright but it could of been better

Author's Response: Sorry that you didn't enjoy it. I wish you'd told me what you didn't like so I could improve? But either way, thanks for the feedback.

- Adele :)

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Loved this cute little look into the Marauders' lifetime, and I love how you also included Hagrid! I seem to think that he just went from his own school year to teaching during Harry's time, forgetting that part in between. You did a good job with the characterisation, too! Great writing!

Author's Response: Thanks! I love random reviews like this! You've really helped make my day, haha. Yeah, I wrote this a few times before I was happy with it; none of the original drafts included Hagrid, but as soon as I changed the setting it flowed so much better and I knew it was a keeper, haha.

I'm really glad that you liked this. It's so nice to know that people are happy to read one-shots like this that don't have much of a plot line. It's just a snap-shot into a day in the life and I was worried it wouldn't get a very good reaction, but I seemed to have misjudged it.

Thanks so much for the review - as I said, you've helped make my day. ^_^

- Adele :)

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Look at Hagrid being a match maker! I really enjoyed how James and Lily have both gone to him for advice, it's good to see that they both talked to him whilst they were both at school, and I love the mention of a baby fang!
James seemed exactly how I imagined him, not knowing what to do to get Lily to give him a chance and arguing with the other marauders.
I laughed outloud at the line "you have as much charm as a dead slug" so brilliant! and then the bicker they had afterwards about the spider.
I really enjoyed this one shot, it was well written, would you consider writing more of it?
I really enjoyed reading this :-D

Author's Response: I've been asked that a bit actually - If i'd consider writing more of it. So far the answer is no, but that's largely due to lack on inspiration from where it would go from there. I'd have no problem adding to it if I knew where it would go, but at the moment I like it where it is. Just a snapshot into their lives, just enough to get you thinking... :P

But i'm thrilled that you like it enough to want to read more. That makes me so happy you have no idea. I've got a similar story (although after they've left school) called 'The Stag and the Stars' which you might enjoy if you liked this one. (Shameless self promotion :P)

I love Hagrid and hope to include him (even as a minor character) in more of my stories in the future. I feel he's often forgotten about in fan fiction, although he played such a wonderful role in the novels.

Thanks so much for the review, lovely. It means so much to me that you took the time to let me know what you thought. :)

Thanks again,
- Adele :)

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I really like the simplicity of the story. How its so full of James/Lily, without them kissing or even fully interacting with each other..

I thought your charcaterisation of Hagrid was pretty much spot-on. I can't believe he has been the gamekeeper of Hogwarts for SO long. And the fact that both James and Lily went to Hagrid for advice, then their son always talked to Hagrid during his school-years. Its a bit hard to believe, don't you think?

Anyway, I thought this was a really well-written, fantastic James/Lily! I love it! Atellam, you're a really fantastic writer, just in case you haven't realised that! :P

Slytherin For The House Cup 2012,
Izzy xx

Author's Response: Naww, Izzy! Thank you, lovely. ^_^

I'm really glad you liked this one. Well, Hagrid went to school with Voldemort, and became Keeper of Keys and Grounds right after he was expelled (or apprentice to the current one, anyway) so I thought it fairly reasonable that he'd be there with the Marauders. Besides, Hagrid seemed pretty upset about their deaths, which lead me to thinking that he must have known them fairly well. This of course could have just been through the Order, but I like to think he would have known them at school. That's just me though. :P

I'm really glad that you liked this. I wasn't sure how James/Lily fans would take it as there wasn't any interaction between them, but it seems to be okay, haha.

Thanks again, love. And you're a fantastic reviewer, incase you didn't know :P

Go, Go, Gryffindor!
- Adele :) xx

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I loved this story! the characters were perfect! & your writing flowed really well, making it a terrific read :)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much. This was my first challenge entry ever, and I was so nervous when I wrote it. It's been edited a bit since then, but still. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review it. It's much appreciated.

- Adele :)

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Aw I liked this! It was just such a nice sweet one shot with Hagrid and the Marauders, and I'm a fan of any good James/Lily, even though technically, it wasn't prominent in this story. I really liked the discussion and the advice Hagrid gave. I especially liked finding out Hagrid had talked to Lily two weeks ago :)

The characterisation is great too - all the Marauders' characters felt real to me. This was quite simply, a short but very sweet story about a moment in the Marauders lives and it made for a nice one shot :) Nicely written!

Author's Response: Ahhh, thank you! I haven't had reviews on this for a while, and it makes me so happy to log on and see someone spent the time telling me what they thought of my story. Particularly when it's such nice things. ^_^

I'm really glad that you liked it (considering I wrote it four times before I was half happy with it...) Seriously though, thank you. You've made my day.

- Adele. :)

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Hey, you. :) I hope I don't disappoint you with this review - it won't be as detailed as the ones I've given you for Canis Major.

I liked this story. It was a nice look at the Marauders' and Lily's relationship with Hagrid, which was alluded to in the series when Hagrid talked about them but never really spelled out. I thought that the idea of the Marauders sitting around Hagrid's hut was completely realistic, as was James complaining about Lily and his friends briefly mocking him and then mostly ignoring him.

I only had two issues with the story, both of which are relatively minor. The first is that you sometimes didn't make things possessive when you should have. For example, in the third paragraph, it should have been "Gamekeeper's," not "Gamekeepers," and in the ninth paragraph, it should have been "best friend's," not "best friends." Minor, but easy to correct and something to watch out for. The second is that Hagrid's dialogue didn't always feel quite consistent with what we saw in the books. Hagrid can be very difficult to capture well; what I do when I'm writing him is pull out my copy of one of the books (usually PS) and flip to a long conversation he has with Harry and use that as a reference.

Just a suggestion.

All in all, though, this was a really fun one-shot, and I enjoyed it a lot! I hope my short review wasn't too disappointing. ♥

Author's Response: A review from you will never disappoint me. ^_^

Apostrophes (?) are my biggest problem. I'm always paranoid about them, and I generally use them either too often or not often enough. Thanks for pointing those things out, i'll fix them up ASAP. :)

Hagrid is a horror to write, and I know that his dialogue needs editing. I'll keep that suggestion in mind when I have another chance to edit this :) Cheers.

I'm glad you liked it, despite my apostrophe errors and issues with Hagrid. And as I said before, your reviews are always fabulous, and never disappointing. Thanks for taking the time to review ^_^

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Oh my God, YES. This, right here? This is what one-shots should be. Just a glimpse into the life of someone. A small scene that explains something about the way people relate to each other or how people think. I can't stand when people try to fit an entire plot into a one-shot and that's why I am always initially hesitant to review one-shots.

Of course, considering this is something that you have written, I'm not too sure why I was so worried. You're brilliant.

I'll go through the areas of concern you had, one by one, okay? And then I'll add in anything extra that I think fits if I want to. Cool? Cool!

1. Pacing and flow. These two are different, yes, but I think that they go hand in hand and can basically be discussed as one. This was brilliant. It was just perfect. It was like a scene out of Hagrid's life. He was having tea with the boys and it describes their experience. That's it. It doesn't have anything else and it doesn't need anything else. The pace and flow is perfect. It's not too fast, not too slow, the dialogue and the prose flow on from each other beautifully. I always think that if you are reading something and don't notice the flow or the pace then they are done well. That is what experienced here.

2. Dialogue. Can I make a huge claim here? I have read a lot of Marauder stories. No matter how many times I say that I get sick of them (and they can be a bit repetitive after a while), I will always have a soft spot for them. Of all the stories I have read that have the four boys talking to each other, this probably has the best dialogue. I don't know how you did it, but you managed to capture each personality and the way that each boy relates to the others in just a few lines of dialogue. You also didn't miss the fact that they are, first and foremost, teenage boys and that was really well reflected here.

Hagrid's dialogue was also done well. I find the way that Hagrid talks very tiresome and it's never really done that well, certainly never as good as how JKR does it. You were pretty damn close to how she does it. He should be warm and gentle and kind and it's there in his dialogue. You did well with him.

3. Characterisation. Again, you did so damn well with the Marauders. I'm scratching my head, trying to figure out how you did it. You barely have 1,500 words here and I have such a clear idea of the boys and it's just done so well.

James is frustrated. Sirius is teasing James. Remus is the voice of reason. Peter is the quiet observer in the background. That's how it should be. You haven't exaggerated any of their personalities, James isn't running his hands through his hair, Sirius isn't flirting with everything that moves, Remus isn't reading twenty four books at once and Peter doesn't stink of cheese. Okay, that might be a bit of a harsh thing to say, but you get my point. People overdo the Marauders. They're just teenage boys who were best friends. You got that here.

And Hagrid. Hagrid was done so well. I just want a huge hug from him. It's raining outside as I write this, I'm near a window and it's quite cold where I am and I get the feeling that a hug from Hagrid would do more than a pair of socks ever would. That's the impression I get from here.

I also loved that he had spoken to Lily as well. You can see that he is patient with both of them and offering their wisdom but ultimately standing back a bit and letting James and Lily figure things out for themselves. He still cares for them, but he isn't central to their story. He was written so well in this.

4. Is it interesting? Yes, it is. It's so simple, it's just a snapshot into an afternoon at Hagrid's Hut and I love that. Some people might say that there isn't much in this because it's so simple but I think that's the beauty in this. You haven't got a lot here but you still manage to say so many things.

5. Description. You don't overdo it here and I think that it's almost good that you have somewhat minimal description here. The story is, ultimately, about what happened down in Hagrid's Hut one afternoon and it doesn't need a thesis describing the hut. You have enough so that there is a balance between prose and dialogue, but not too much; you have the perfect amount.

6. Originality. I haven't read a lot of Hagrid-centered stories so I might be wrong in saying this, but I do think this is original. Hagrid doesn't feature too heavily in the Marauder stories and when he does, he tends to be in the background or in just a scene or two. I like that he was central in this. And I think that is original. Not many people explore the relationship that we know the boys must have had with Hagrid.

7. Believability. If I haven't already made it clear, this is definitely believable. The characterisation and overall relatability of it are excellent. It's not very long but you still have done so well with this.

Really good job!

Joop.

Author's Response: Oh my God, I love you. I can't believe you like it. I'm so unbelievably flattered. Your stories are some of the best I've ever read, and certainly better than many published authors, so hearing that you like MY one-shot is amazing.

Thank you so much for the review, I'm sort of sitting here alternating between shock and dancing in my chair.

Thank you, thank you, thank you,
- Adele :)

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This was great! did you get the dead slug from the hunger games? i noticed that and thought it was really funny. Nice job!!

Author's Response: I did! Yes, this was a challenge entry for a 'Hunger Games' Quote challenge, hence, the quote :P

I'm glad that you like it! Thanks for the review ^_^

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This was actually quite good. Lately, some of the stories I have been reading are poorly done, and it makes me wince. Yet, your writing was one of the few stories that I truly enjoyed. I didn't keep reading through it just because of a plot that seemed interesting, but also because this is one of the first stories in a whole that was well written.
I don't think you should keep this as a one shot- it has great potential, and with someone like you as the author, it could be a really great story.

Author's Response: Hey :)

Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you like the one-shot. I'm so thrilled that you like my writing. That's such an amazing compliment, and I'm really, really happy that my work was enjoyable for you to read. It means I've done my job as an author.

If I ever get inspiration, I might expand on it, but for now, it will remain a one-shot. :P

Thanks again for the amazing review,
- Adele :)

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i loved it, very well written and engaging!

Author's Response: Ahhh, thank you! ^_^ I'm glad you liked it, I had fun writing it, haha.

- Adele :)

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I liked your angle! And the quote was well slipped in, I only wish it wasn't just a one shot! I think Hagrid as match maker is a very cute idea.

Author's Response: Ah, you're the second person to say that you wish it was longer! Maybe if I get inspiration I'll expand on it, but for now it'll stay as a one-shot. I'm so glad that you like it though! I had such fun writing it. ^_^

Thanks for the review,
- Adele. :)

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Hey, great job with Hagrid's speech! I really appreciated how accurate it was.

Author's Response: Haha, thanks! It took me a while to get into the mind set, but after a bit, I sort of fell into it. I'm so glad that you like it!

Thanks for the review,
- Adele :)

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For something that is out of your comfort zone, this is excellent. Plus, James/Lily is my OTP, too ;D

Pacing: No problems here!

Flow: Everything flows just right :) I especially liked how you explained that Lily had come to Hagrid with the same problem James had, just reversed.

Characterization: Well done! I really liked Sirius's dialogue in here; it fit him perfectly :D I also wondered if Hagrid had been close to James and Lily like he had been to Harry. This is a great way to show that relationship. Hagrid seems more insightful here then in the books, but I kind of like it that way. :)

I really love your writing style and reading your James/Lily stories! I'm so glad you re-requested. This was an excellent one-shot :D Fab job!

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you :)

I'm so glad that you like Sirius's dialogue as well as Hagrid's characterisation. I re-wrote this three times, all completely differently before I was happy with it, so i'm really glad that it works. James and Lily are perfect, and i'm thrilled that you think I did them justice here :)

Thanks so much for the review. I'll defiantly re-request!
- Adele :)

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:O I love this piece

It is absolubtely fabulous! I don't normally gush in my requested reviews but I think I have no critisism in this... I am going to beg for your writing ability please!

Adele this is an actually amazing piece as it explores James and simply the way he loves Lily so much. I love the idea of Hagrid being a matchmaker also because it is so obvious they are just meant to be together and they are just so cute!

Thank you for such a wonderful piece!

Author's Response: Ahhh, thank you! Beg for MY writing ability? Ha! Yours is far better than mine, but thank you anyway :P

I'm so glad that you like it. I was so nervous about it, because it's just so different from Canis Major or anything else, but hearing that you like it so much is brilliant. :D

I love James and Lily. OTP forever.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this lovely review,
- Adele :) x

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Hi :) There weren't any major grammatical our flow issues with this. This is definitely plausible (ITS CANON :D), your description was good also. My biggest question is that, was Hagrid gamekeeper during the Marauder era? I would do research on that, but I'm feeling a bit lazy, sorry :P The part that made me most happy was when Remus went all philosophical. Was that the quote for your challenge? If so, I did the exact same thing :) But yeah, overall great job, its original and the plot is great :)

Author's Response: YAY! Thanks so much for this. ^_^

I wrote it for a challenge and it was a really new thing for me, so i'm glad that it worked and that you liked it. ^_^

Thanks again for the review. :)

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I thought that this was a wonderfull, well thought out One-shot.

It screams believable to me as I can just picture poor Hagrid having to listen to James continue on about Lily. I can also picture him and Sirius arguing about it back and forth. Remus's logic and not wanting to get in trouble and Peter's wanting to be included no matter how much trouble. You characterized them all very well, even if some had minor parts.

The plot was great and I liked how you included the quote. It felt natural and not just randomly shoved in some where just because you needed it. Pacing and flow were all really well done to.

I love the Marauders they are just way to much fun. =)
I really love your writing!

Keep up the great work!

-SR17

Author's Response: Argh, I love you, and your amazing reviews ^_^ They never fail to disappoint, and are always so speedy. (Seriously, i'm in awe. I wish I could get through mine to quickly... D:)

I'm so glad you liked this. My first ever challenge entry and I was so nervous about incorporating the quotes. I'm really happy to hear that it seemed to have worked.

Thanks so much for this, your reviews are always fabulous. ^_^

- Adele :)

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First off, I want to say that this one-shot is fantastic. I thought it was beautifully written and incredibly cute. I loved Hagrid and James in this piece, and to be honest, this is the first time I've ever read a story set in the Marauders (hopefully I spelled that right) Era. This is amazing and what I specifically loved about it was how well it flowed. It was easy to read and I truly enjoyed it. Thank you for writing this and keep on writing ;*
10/10

Author's Response: Hooray! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^

I'm so glad that I could be your introduction to the Marauder Era (and yes, you spelt it right :P) and that you enjoyed it so much.

I'm glad you found it to flow well and the characterisation (I was worried about Hagrid!)

Thanks for the review swap, and hopefully you find my review helpful,
- Adele. :)

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Hi there! I'm here with the review you requested.

First of all, I have a special place in my heart for one-shots. Not just because they're quick to review, but it takes a lot more to stuff everything in one chapter. This was a charming one shot. I thought the boys were all cute, and I liked that it lacked the typical 'drama' of a Marauders fic, where they're suddenly all studs. You did a great job in characterizing them, I loved the banter between Sirius and James, and Hagrid's dialogue was dead on. The ending was rather sweet, too, I liked how it started with the boys but it eventually ended with Hagrid. The one thing I want to know is, was he there at that time? He can't be THAT old, can he be?

'best friends words' you need an apostrophe in there somewhere. I spotted a few grammar mistakes, but they weren't major and they didn't take away anything from the story. That's the only flaw I noticed, and since it was hardly noticeable I'd say that you're in great shape.

Congrats on the one-shot! It was charming, sweet, and surprisingly short (something I struggle with when writing oneshots is making everything happen without killing the reader with words) I love this and I'd be happy to read anything else if you just come back to my thread! 10/10

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much for this ^_^ You got around to it really quickly, and it's really appreciated. I'll certainly have another look over it for those grammar mistakes etc.

Cheers for this, i'll defiantly re-request my other one-shot. I'd love your feedback ^_^

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Hey (here for review swap)

This was a cute little fic xD

I liked Hagrid's characterization, and of course James and Lily's. You gave this a very nice narrative and I enjoyed reading it quite a lot xD It was a fun little piece! There were a few grammar errors here and there, which I'm sure you can fix with a re-read and quick edit.

Great work!

9/10

cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Oh, cheers. I'll go have a look at that now.

Thanks so much for the review. Hopefully you found yours alright! :)

- Adele :)

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I still can't get over how well written this one-shot is, I really do love it. I honestly don't know what else to say, its just so perfect.

I'm just going to give you a one million outta ten and hope that it makes up for this really short (and late) review.

Jessy. : )

Author's Response: You're amazing, and i'm thrilled that you like it so much. Thanks again for your fantastic help on this, you're brilliant ^_^

- Adele :)

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Wow! Just thought you might wanted to know how much I loved this! I do hope you win your challenges, though I haven't read the other entries. . .

Anyways, the environment description was soft and nice. I also think you did great with the characterization! Remus' philosophy was great for your quote, I have to say I've always loved him. The little we saw of Wormtail was good, a lot of people tend to represent him really nasty for what he did after Hogwarts, and you not doing that was a nice touch. Sirius was perfect, and James too! I loved his internal argument :)

Now Hagrid. I so saw him as a paternal figure it was lovely. Though I do think you exaggerated a little with his language. And I'm not sure Fang should be alive by that time, but it was really relaxing to see him again.

I got a little confused with the two prefects thingy, but nothing to worry about ;)

It was a great idea, Hagrid being the one to get them together! You have no idea how sad I am that this is only a one-shot :( I enjoyed it greatly, and once again, wish you luck with your challenges. Though you might not need it ;D
10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this! I've had a few people comment on 'the prefect thing' so thats something i'm going to have to go back and re-word.

I'm so thrilled you enjoyed this. I'm so nervous every time I upload something like this because it's really different and I don't know if I get the scene across properly. But getting reviews like this one really helps.

Thanks so much, and i'm honestly so happy that you liked it. ^_^

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Hey, it's simplelullaby over at the forums with your review!

Can I just say, first of all, that I enjoyed this little one-shot immensely. I can see why you're nervous though - it's unlike anything I've ever read. It's good, though. Very good.

Anyway, onto the actual review.

I loved your opening. Setting the scene in one beginning paragraph is tough to do, but this...it's amazing. It gets the reader settled into Hogwarts once more, settled into the supposed atmosphere of your story. It's a great approach, especially for a one-shot when you've just got one little chapter to tell a whole story. So well done. ;P

Okay, so then we get to the actual main body, which you also did REALLY well. A one-sentence paragraph, separate from anything else was a perfect method of getting the reader's attention. Brilliant!

A word on the detail you put into the whole story. Hagrid's oven mitts being pink? That's a stroke of genius!

The banter between the boys I enjoyed so much. How I thought the marauders would speak to each other you did. Throughout the whole story, though, I think there could be a little more description in between dialogue. It would improve the flow and slow the pace down just a little to help the reader stay on track of where we are at what time, if you get what I mean. Here's me talking about description when I can't actually describe what I mean myself. Oh dear.

I also noticed you use semi-colons a bit crazily. I laughed actually because I know I do this too, all the time - reading over just one of my chapters I have to take at least three quarters of them out. So I have good advice - use different punctuation that could mean the same thing, like a dash or a comma. You could always end a few sentences where the semicolon is, it would add the variation of the lengths of your sentences (which is always a good thing).

Here I'll talk about Hagrid's dialogue. It's always I hard thing to do (trust me, I know) but I think you did it quite well. I'm not sure if the ToS allows me to post links in reviews, so in my review thread I've posted a resource I use every time I write Hagrid. It's immensely helped me, and I think it'll help you too. I write Hagrid's speech like normal speech, then I use the resource to edit it to sound Hagridy.

"But you slaughtered it so many times, I thought I'd put it out of its misery and let it stay dead." Brilliant line - I thought it just needed a mention.

"The boy sitting on the edge of the bed" - I got a bit confused here, because it sounds like you're introducing a new character even though Sirius has already spoken. Maybe a little more description, or putting this sentence nearer to the start would clear this up.

"Oi, there's nothing wrong with spiders, yeh 'ear me? Some of 'em can be quite gentle characters." My favourite line - it's just SO HAGRID.

You introduced Peter perfectly. Thought that deserved a mention. ;P

I think you've got a typo here, but I'm not entirely sure. "...to be opened at will and examined at leisure*" Is the asterisk at the end meant to be there?

I loved how you introduced Remus - the armchair being too big for him was a brilliantly added touch. James' frustration at being outsmarted was great too. In fact, I think your characterisation of the marauders in general was just fantastic, and me being an avid marauder-centric reader as well. I'm educated in this stuff. ;)

James' internal argument was a brilliant touch. I could just see him doing this all the time, while keeping face on the outside. And also, I love that he enjoys the arguements he and Lily get into - it explains perfectly how James managed to keep Lily away for so long.

Calling both Lily and Remus "the prefect" was a little confusing - I didn't know exactly who you were speaking about.

And then, just like your beginning I loved your ending. It was so natural, not stopping abruptly or trickling on until there was nothing else to say.

Have to say, adding Fang was a stroke of genius!

Overall, it was brilliant. Truly brilliant. What I liked best was how much you'd obviously thought about it, and hard work deserves to be noticed. There were a lot of added touches which just created such a REAL environment for anyone to jump into for a while.

I'll sum my (minimal) criticism up. A little more description in between dialogue, Hagrid's speech could be re-touched just a little, and a few less semi-colons would also be beneficial.

But Wow. Capital W. I just have to say again how amazing this story was for me. Don't be nervous, it's brilliant, and with just a little polishing it could be absolutely perfect. I hope you win your challenge. :)

I hope you found this review helpful, and please respond so I know if I did help in any way at all.

~Aimee~

(9/10)

Author's Response: This is extremely helpful! Thank you so much! I've been reading through the resource you linked and it's brilliant. I just had to sort of wing Hagrid's accent, so studying that is brilliant. *into my bookmarks it goes*

I just requested my other story (sirius/oc) and I hope you like that one as much as you liked this. Thanks so much for the review and your really helpful comments!
- Adele :)

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Hey! I like this so much! The way you write your speech is great! Also, I like how you characterise all the characters, especially Sirius! Well done!

Emma xx

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this one. I'm really glad you liked it, especially the characterisation.

^_^

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Review Swap!

James/Lily recently became my OTP so I absolutely loved this! I love how you wrote it from James POV (in a way) and had it based around the Marauders instead of Lily and her friends. It was original and refreshing :)

I didn't pick up any grammatical mistakes or anything which was good :)

Overall, great story! I loved it! :D
Jaz

Author's Response: Woop, Review swaps!

My poor Jily shipper heart. Honestly, i'm pathetic when it comes to these two, and i'm so glad that you found it original and refreshing. I was desperately hoping that it would do them justice. ^_^

Thanks so much for this one,
- Adele :)

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