Please write a sequel! Please please please! Report Review
Can You Please Update I Want To See What Happend Next Report Review
Okay, really, though. I absolutely love this story. Sophie's a really relatable character, and I just lovelovelove your writing style.
Update soon please! 10/10 Report Review
Awww, that was adorable! Yes! They kissed! Happy dance time!
The story is pretty awesome, update when you can! Please oh please oh please? Report Review
Aw yay!!! Finally! I hope you update soon! :) Report Review
Good chapter, but I'm confused...why does she have a phone? It's been a while since I read the previous chapters so I can't remember if she's muggle born or not, but still...it seems odd for a witch to be carrying a phone around and for nobody else to think that's strange. Just my opinion though. Report Review
i liked the POV thing, but i think i should tell you that neville has 2 l's Report Review
Ah man... that was amazing, just perfect. I need more! Please update soon,
GirlOnTheSidelines x Report Review
I think it's fun that they got together just by being themselves, being together. That's how it should be :) You really wrote their scene beautifully, really great job!
I did notice one thing, that you switch between past and present tenses. I personally love the present tense :) my novel is written in it.
I can't wait to see everyone's reaction to them getting together :D it'll be so much fun!
again, wonderful chapter. Report Review
Omgomgomg you updated!!! :D
Awesome chapter :)
I really liked that part where Sophie was asleep and Al was trying not to wake her up … kinda adorable ^_^
And they KISSED!!! :O
Please update soon , don't keep us in suspense for so long!! Report Review
Finally!!! Yay this was super good! I loved it! I can't wait for the next chapter! Report Review
Awww that was actually beautiful, i really loved the description leading up to their kiss, it had such a great build up to a perfect moment. And i totally didn't see them kissing so soon! Also, what's up with James, i thought he liked Sophie too, but now i'm confused!Author's Response: Aw, thanks! Nope, James is just the obnoxious older brother, no designs on Soph :P Report Review
WOOO! Yess! I am very, VERY happy with this. I think it's awesome. I kept thinking that they would get interrupted, and I am SO GLAD that they didn't :) Al was adorably, perfectly lovely! I DIED WHEN HE WAS LIKE, "Really?" :D All hopeful. Ahh, so clueless :) not anymooore!
The beginning was nice, too. AL IS JUST SO CUTE I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE IT. I didn't understand the line that was like "The light flashed brighter for a second - that was weird - and then a steady beat came as he carried me down the hall to my bedroom." What light? What beat?
It needs a tiny bit of editing overall - you switched tenses about halfway through and then back again, and there's a teensy bit of punctuation that needs to be fixed. Also, the lack of space between lines made it really hard to read, especially at the end. But overall, it was really brilliant. A bit short because only 2 scenes, but what happened more than made up for it.
Thank you so much! This was fabulous :)
PS: now I want a boyfriend. Or a best friend who is male. You know. IT WAS JUST SO PERFECT.Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! The light will be explained later; the 'beat' was Albus's footsteps, guess I need to be clearer, lol. Tenses drive me crazy! They're one of my biggest weaknesses. The line spacing was actually an issue the validator asked me to fix, s/he felt like there shouldn't be spaces...
ps-I know how you feel. I'm kinda jealous of Sophie :P Report Review
Can you please hurry up with the next chapter? I'm dying here! Not to rush your creative mind, but I would do love to read the next chapter so please hurry! Thanks for putting up with my whining!Author's Response: it's in the que! sorry!! :P Report Review
Ahh, the obliviousness is keeeling meee! I'm glad my suggestions last chapter could help, by the way :) I'm super-de-duper happy that they're practically all living in the same flat. That's like, my dream. Rent out the whole floor of an apartment building or a whole house with all my friends. Ahh, good times. I am def expecting to live vicariously through Soph & co. :)
Hmm, suggestions... You did really well with everything this chapter. You always do :) I guess I would suggest to not indent your paragraphs and stick with the space between paragraphs instead - saves space and easier to read, in my opinion. And of course, extra length would be appreciated! I usually think 3000 is nice, but whatever you have to offer is perfect. I know how hard it is :)
I liked the dream thing at the start but this line confused me: "...A pained expression crossed his face." Why was Al "pained"? Another confusing line: "Suddenly I was seeing those same waves flying as she ran after her brother." That seemed out of context - the prepositions weren't clearly denoting their objects. (Or however that goes.)
I'm glad that Al didn't throw a hissy fit when he found out about Logan/Lily. I like them. I'm glad Al's not the violent drama queen type.
Thanks for a great chapter!
-Cat :)Author's Response: Oh, another english buff!! I've been working on my formatting, I've been noticing it's a little 'off'. I actually tend to aim for about 3000, not that I manage to hit it. But I tend to percolate a chap. until at least 2000 :P Report Review
Absolutely loving this fic, Lily and Logan are so cute and i'm guessing Logan was talking about Sophie. Anyway, hope to get another update soon!Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! Report Review
Hey Sorry about my assumptions!
I thought Lily was 14 and Logan was 17. ;)
Yeah I never played either game as well, but I think we are the few ones ;)Author's Response: we can't help if we're awesome like that, can we?! :D Report Review
Hehe I think Lily is a bit too young for Logan, imo.
I have a hard time believing that Sophie has never kissed anybody,
I mean even if she never had a boyfriend, I thought everybody played Truth and Dare, and dared other people to kiss each other or Spin the bottle, hehe ;)Author's Response: In my mind Lily is almost sixteen and Logan is seventeen. So less than a two year age difference.
I made it almost all the way out of high school without ever playing either game(and the one time I did 'play' was in the middle of gov't class with a very wound up friend, and all we did was spin the bottle and eye each other.)...I guess I was just writing from my experience ;) Report Review
Hey there! Just read this all right now, and can I just say that I really like your style of writing. Sometimes there are mechanical issues (it might help if you do the "***" thing when time passes, double check for staying in the past tense, etc.) but I like the story line so far. The characters are awesome :) I really like that Soph has diabetes. Sometimes - okay, a lot of times - Soph seems to over think things and that gets a bit annoying, but it's mostly all good!
So, after that random mash up, I need to say this: ALBUS TOTALLY LIKES SOPHIA. If anything, that last scene totally confirmed my thoughts. :)! When you had his POV, I was excited, but then not because it revealed 0. But in that A/N you said you couldn't reveal anything! And now, my interpretation of this brilliant scene goes as follows: Albus is sulky and jealous of the weird guys playing frisbee with Soph. She comes back and he's super happy/relieved to hear that she "just lost them when they went into the caves" and so she "went to get her frisbee back." Then he is "pleased" when she bad-mouths the weirdos. AWYEAH. I am happy.
Thanks for a really cool story so far!
CatAuthor's Response: that's actually a really great idea(the ***), i think i'll do that!
heh, Soph is like me with the over-thinking :P
thanks! i love random mash ups...long reviews are awesome!! Report Review
Literally I am in love with this story along with the others. O Liverpool how you are clean, but it's still sweet and romantic. Could Al please kiss Sophie soon! Please!?!?! Oh and write more! Sorry this isn't much of a review but I had to tell you that your an amazing writer. Oh could you also write the wedding scene for rose and Scorpius? Thanks again fit your lovely stories!!Author's Response: i blush too much when i even think about writing crass stuff... :P
i'm so so glad someone else likes stuff that's clean! i'm working on a oh baby epilogue/sequel, a million thank-yous for the compliments! Report Review
Loved the cuteness in this chapter, Sophie and Al making eyes at each other, and Harry and Ginny, Lily and Logan, all very cute :)
Just so you know, you might want to edit the couple of miss spellings when you try and say 'humpf' without the f. It's not supposed to be the word spell check would want it to be. It's only like twice, but probably necessary.
great job :DAuthor's Response: thanks! my friends and i say 'humpf' with a very loud F on the end(idk why, we just do o.O ), so that's why it's written that way ;) Report Review
haha this is so cute!! I love it!! (part of it may have to do with the fact that my name is Sophie.)
maraudersrecklessgirlAuthor's Response: thank you! it's so awesome to find stories with your name, isn't it? I loved Incarnate(published book, not fanfiction), and part of it was that she had my name :) Report Review
Aw cute! I liked it, all the Al/Sophie moments are so sweet, I hope she gets the boy of her dreams in the end :) I liked the different jobs you had for each of them. Can't wait to see where the story goes from here!Author's Response: thank you!! Report Review
Great job! I did like Al's POV it showed how much he cares about her, but without Sophie really knowing to the extent so I think the mystery is still there for her. When you go back to writing her it won't change too much. I also loved that you're bringing such a muggle (regular) health problem into a magical world. That's a great idea, and something I don't see too often, but is starting to pick up. It's a nice way to keep it a bit more realistic.
Great job! Even though I forgot they'd be graduating so soon, I can't wait to see what they start doing after they leave school :)Author's Response: thanks! i was a little worried about whether people would like her having a health problem or not since i hadn't seen it before, but the response has been really good!
A good chapter, there was a nice balance between the drama with her diabetes stuff and the lightheartedness of the graduation prank. It was nice to see that her friends cared for her and to see a softer side of Claire too.
Whilst I thought you handled the change in POV fairly well, I have to say that it still felt strange and I think that's because you left it too long to bring Al's POV into play. Five chapters in is too late in my opinion. I also felt that it wasn't necessary, you really could have covered it all from Sophie's perspective with a bit of creative writing. I'm really sorry, I don't mean to sound negative or mean but that's really how I felt about it. You write Sophie really well and I suggest it would be better for you to work on writing her really well and bring out everything you want to communicate from her perspective rather than swapping POV's all the time. It might be more difficult but I think it makes for better writing.
Anyway, sorry if you didn't like this review but I wanted to be honest. I did like the chapter though, I loved the idea for the prank actually, it wasn't malicious - it was just a bit of fun. And your description of it was good too :)Author's Response: Ah, no, I love reviews of any sort. Actually, I like the longer ones, even if they're slightly more critical of my writing, the best :)
Al's POV didn't end up being as useful as Scorp's was in Oh Baby, but I love writing guys, so I had to try Al. It was also a good way to bring in some more info about Sophie's condition, what happened after she passed out, etc. without having Soph give a mile long inner monologue or a synopsis of what someone else had told her happened. I wanted to keep Al a bit of a mystery, and I think that took away from his POV, too. I probably won't be doing too much more with him, maybe just some little cameos.
Thanks, pranks are always hard for me, my family is more of a teasing/joking family, not big pranks, so I have to think long and hard before I write one! Report Review
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