Reading Reviews for Toire
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by cypress Toire

20th July 2013:
Hi there! Just stopping by to give you your first of four reviews. :) It's been a bit hectic for me in RL, so I'd hoped to get to this before now, but oh well. Nothing to be done about that now. *sigh*

Anyway - I read both your one-shots and just decided to review this one because i think it spoke to me a bit more. I really liked your decision to have Teddy's hair color be an overarching theme. I think you could even play with it a bit more. Maybe mention how he stops trying to approximate her color once she starts dating the jerkface, whatever his name is.

I also think it's interesting that you portray Victoire as more of a normal girl without veela-like tendencies. For example, her mother was very composed, but always distant around boys. She lapped up the attention, but didn't get excited over any particular one. It wasn't until she met Bill that she went head-over-heels, and all of a sudden she had eyes for no one but him.

You sort of focus on Teddy throughout, but I'm curious, have you ever thought of writing a bit more from Victoire's perspective? Like, did she ever have a crush on Teddy? Did she fall in love with him and he's just oblivious? Maybe she went out with Mr. Jerkface McCheatingPants because she wanted to make Teddy jealous. If she didn't have feelings for Teddy, I wonder whether she would have reacted so calmly to his kiss at the end. In fact, it's how calmly she took the sudden kiss at the end that first made me think about whether she really was oblivious or whether she might not have had feelings the whole time. It kind of hints at more beneath the surface, you know? ;)

Anyway, although this works as a fine one-shot, I think this is a great start for a much longer story if you ever decided to maybe flesh out some of their interactions over the years. Very imaginative overall.

Hope this is is helpful. I'll warn you, I won't be able to get to your novel for a little while yet, but I will read and review as soon as I have time. I promise. And thanks again for your lovely entry in my challenge!

-cypress

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving such an in-depth review! And sorry I've taken so long to respond to it - my life, too, has been horrifyingly hectic...
I'm glad you chose to review this one, since I like it a lot, but I know that it still needs a lot of refinement before it's finished, so your ideas are really helpful!
I like your idea about making more of the Teddy's hair theme - I think I'll have a play around with that one. :)
And yes, I always thought of Victoire as more of a normal girl than how a lot of stories portray her. After all, she's grown up in the massive Weasley family, so I don't see her as being particularly conceited, like how most people make her. And at this point, the Veela genes aren't really that strong - she's 1/8th Veela, so I don't think she'd show quite as much of that side of herself as her mother. I think I should, however, play up the physical characteristics a bit more - I think that reading the story as it is, it could be easy to forget she's Veela at all.
I get what you mean about writing from Victoire's point of view more - at the moment it definitely is hard to see what her feelings are, but I'm wondering whether it might be a good idea to just tell the reader everything, you know? Leave a little ambiguity. Although maybe not quite so much as there is now :P
I haven't ever considered bringing this into a longer story, but I am now considering it. Thank you so much - your review really was incredibly helpful for me, and don't worry about getting to the other reviews quickly - take your time and enjoy your hectic life!


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Review #2, by CloakAuror9 Toire

30th January 2013:
Ooh! I liked this! :D I love how Teddy trying to imitate Victoire's hair colour brings the story to a close, it was a nice touch. Hahaha. I also love how your characters weren't simply described with one or two words. You gave them their own different personalities.

I honestly enjoyed this, though I felt like the pace was just a off a bit. The start was really good with them being kids, but then suddenly we're transported into their later Hogwarts years without much transition. So maybe you could work towards that next time when you think revisiting this. :P

All in all it was a really nice one-shot. I enjoyed reading it. ♥

~Izzy

78th review out of 100

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Review #3, by adluvshp Toire

10th January 2013:
Hey! Here for your requested review!

I think this was a beautifully written story. I loved your idea of starting with how Teddy and Victoire were little babies, and ending it with their finally getting together (tying well with the DH epilogue).

You asked me if the detail you've provided is sufficient or not. Well, to be honest, I think the story is surely lacking some more detail. I think you could have added more descriptions and maybe put in a few more flashback scenes.

Your characterisations of both Teddy and Victoire were quite good but I think they could have been developed a little more too, if you had added in more detail and descriptions.

Same goes for the pace - this seemed a little too fast paced as I think you skimmed over their lives a little too fast, so a little more detail and description, again, would have been nice.

But apart from that, this was a very well-written story. I liked your plot, and the whole concept of Teddy matching his hair colour with Victoire's. Their relationship development was also portrayed nicely through your effective use of various life stages. More detail and description would have been even better, but without that also, this was a lovely read.

The grammar was fine throughout the story, except towards the end you had a few typos. For example, it should have been "taught" and not "tought", and "tears in her eyes" not "tear sin her eyes".. etc.

But anyway, such small typos are not too distracting. You can always give your story a re-read and fix them, or get a Beta.

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story. It was very sweet and touching in a way, and definitely well-thought and nicely written. Great job!!

Do keep writing, you definitely have room for improvement!

Hope my feedback wasn't too harsh for you. I am just trying to help :)

Feel free to re-request!

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you for such an in-depth review!

thank you so much for your advice on the story. I've been aware of the few problems with it, and I'm going to try and fix it after my exams. I'll try to add a little more detail and show how the characters develop through their childhoods.

Thank you so much for this - I really appreciate it :)


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Review #4, by Shay_Gryff Toire

26th March 2012:
Forget the wand and punch his face! I love it! Toire and Teddy forever!! :D

Author's Response: I totally agree :) Best couple ever.

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Review #5, by iLuna17 Toire

3rd March 2012:
Aw . . .

Seriously, that's all I can say. The end just made it so sweet. :) Please tell me there's more?

I love how you've done Ted and Toire. Toire is almost always vain, or too perfect, and don't even get me started on what people do to Teddy. :)

But . . . I think there could be more detail, you kind of gloss over long periods of time.

(I still LOVE it to pieces, though)

I am proud to say I'm going to be the first favorite on this. :)

Ellie

Author's Response: Thank you so much- yes, I know it's a little lacking on detail, but i sort of wanted it to be that way, to emphasise how long they've known each other, and how long he's loved her- please read my other one-shots and novel if you want to!

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #6, by raznilla Toire

19th February 2012:
OH MY GOODNESS.
I LOVE THIS STORY.

I'll stop with the caps now, sorry. I JUST LOVE IT.

AHHH I love how you developed the characters - you absolutely nailed their personalities. I love how Victoire isn't vain. A lot of people seem to think she's really conceited or something, but I like how in this story she isn't. And Ted is just... perfect! Witty, confident, yet down-to-earth and insecure as well. Great!

I also LOVED how you tied it in with the DH epilogue, that was awesome!

Ah I just can't get over how much I enjoyed that. Good job!
-raznilla

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'd never written a short story before, so I'm glad it went down well! I really love getting such nice comments, so thank you very much!
If you want more of that kind of thing, I'm writing another short story at the moment, about Luna and Neville, and I'm also doing a novel (you know, a 'those nineteen years' sort of thing), so feel free to read that too.
-unknownhorcrux


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