Hey Beeezie :)
I'm here with your 3/10 review! :)
Sorry for the massive delays - RL is very hectic with exams, friends anf family etc. Anyway onto the story! I've never actually read a Teddy/Victorie before (for some reason I see Teddy as Remus' double and Victorie as Fleurs which is a couple I think I'd find too strange to contemplate!) but I can honestly say that this one-shot has really warmed me towards them as a couple and I would actually read them in the future!
This was so sweet! Both characters felt realistic and her nerves were believable as she was about to enter his flat. I really like how you've portrayed Freddie as a mischievious character without actaully having him in the scene! Freddie seemed sweet, supportive and at the same time, fun! There definetly seemed to be an echo of Fred and George! :)
Teddy - oh he's so cute! You could feel the childhood past between them and how much he really cares for Victorie. From what we see here, Teddy is a lot like Tonks. He's quite free-willed and smiley! :)
Victorie is classed perfectly as a teenager in love. You've characterised her fantastically - we can tell that she wants to take things to the next step but at the same time is terrified at doing so. We can clearly tell how much she cares for Teddy - I also like the hint of Fleur when she scrunched her nose up at Teddy's original appearance!
I think you handled the whole 'sex' bit really well. Some fics will skim over it so fast that you're never sure whether they just fell asleep instead, whilst other give WAY too much detail! I honestly felt like I was reading some sort of erotic novel once :P Anyway, I like how you built it up so the readers knew what was going to happen and then cut it off before anything actually did. :P
That was great - another brilliant story Beeezie! :)
Keira :)Author's Response: No worries - you know me, I've had the same problems. RL has been really busy and stressful for me, too. :(
I'm so glad you enjoyed this, despite usually not liking Vic/Teddy! :) I think you hit on a huge part of why people don't read Teddy/Vic in general and Victoire in particular, I think - a lot of people don't really like Fleur, and there's this perception of Victoire as being a clone of her mother. I don't dislike Fleur to begin with, so I'm more likely to emphasise how good points, but I also think that it's silly to act like kids are ever just like their parents. Some similarities, sure, but they're not... well, clones, and unfortunately Victoire (and Rose) in particular often gets written that way, which is sad.
My Teddy is definitely a lot more like Tonks than Remus - he can be serious (especially in the beginning with Vic), but he tends to to look on the bright side and be pretty optimistic overall. I'm glad you like him - he's one of my favourite next-gens!
Thank you so much for your review! :) Report Review
Aw! This was lovely! I want to feel this review box with hearts:P
Anyway, point is I love Teddy/Victoire and I always imagine them so cute and adorable together, and this definitely meets my expectations!
I like the idea of Vic sneaking out to meet him so she could have the chance to be alone with him for once. I've certainly never seen this before. It's quite unrealistic, though: I don't think it'd be so easy to leave Hogwarts. Also, given that she would see him the following day, I don't think it makes sense for her to risk getting expelled. I guess that people in love don't use logic, however, and in anyway, I like where this little detail leads your story.
The conversation between the two characters seems so natural, it really flows. It proves how well they know each other in your fic. Also, it's quite funny at points and cute in others! I really enjoyed it.
The plot and flow are also nicely thought. I didn't catch myself skipping lines or getting bored, so I guess this means you didn't a great job with the parts of the story you chose to tell here. Furthermore, I like the idea of their first time with Vic being the bolder one, and Teddy the more thoughtful of the two. He was really cute, especially during the tea scene:P
Overall, I'd say that this was a very sweet and interesting read. I liked your story and characters a lot and I'd love to read more from you in the future.
~ AngieAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you! I love Teddy/Victoire, too - they're probably my favourite couple to write.
I thought about it, and I'm actually not sure that it would be so difficult to sneak out of Hogwarts if you knew what you were doing and had a good working knowledge of the secret passages. Harry certainly managed it. In the hustle and bustle of getting on the train, I'm not sure whether anyone would notice one student not being there, especially since students were allowed to stay at school over the holidays. Just my thoughts, though - I agree that it's less likely, but I liked it as a backdrop. :P
I'm really glad that you liked their characterisation - I'm quite proud of my Victoire, actually, because she's so much fun to write and has gotten a lot of compliments since I've started writing her (which of course always makes you feel lovely as a writer ;) ). I'm also very happy with my Teddy, so again, I'm really happy that you liked him so much!
Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it. :) Report Review
Ah, gorgeous. Teddy and Victoire are a great couple, and I especially like the way you write them. I like how you considered their age difference, because that is often ignored, but it wasn't a big deal, it was just the right amount of deal :P Thanks for this, I really enjoyed it!Author's Response: Oh, good! I'm glad you liked the way I dealt with their age difference. I feel like it often just gets ignored completely, and I didn't want to do that or to overhype it.
Thank YOU for all your support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! :) Report Review
So I wasn't quite sure what to expect from this, and six paragraphs from the end I still wasn't quite sure what to expect. You did a great job of capturing that uncertainty that always seems to go along with young romance on the cusp of moving to the next level of intimacy. Will they? Won't they? Will she lose her nerve? Will he lose control? I really liked the way you explored those questions without coming right out and asking them.
Teddy reminds me so much of his father in this. Such a gentleman. Much more concerned about doing right by Victoire than his own desires. It's so easy to imagine Tonks and Remus having an encounter just like this, but that's a different fic.
I'm glad I noticed this in the New Story thread. It was worth every minute!Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad that you decided to check it out, and that you ended up liking it! :)
I can definitely see the Remus parallel - I tend to think that Teddy resembles his father a little in that regard, especially because Vic is younger than he is (though, as she points out in another fic, it's not like they weren't both born to parents with a much larger age difference between them!).
Thank you so much for your review. I always really appreciate your opinion! :) Report Review
Beeezie: Hello! Laurie, from forums, here with your requested review.
I loved this! I have quite a soft spot for Next Gen, and Teddy/Victoire is usually so adorable to read. Having just been reading a darker fic, this was refreshing with its light and fluffy nature!
I think your strong point in this piece is definitely the characterisation of all characters featured. Although we don't learn much of Teddy or Victoire - you seemed to have them wrote perfectly - in terms of reflecting their age. You could definitely tell Teddy was the slightly older one in the relationship, for example. I also liked the comments on the minor characters (Micah being one) as their age could also be reflected through the small details you added in.
Enid was also brilliant, even if she didn't feature all that much. I can definitely imagine the sort of woman she was - and it was great to have some insight to what Teddy was going to be like through Enid.
I liked the way you had Victoire worrying about going to see Teddy - it makes it a little more realistic, since she's still only a teen and very nervous about seeing Teddy.
Now, Teddy! He's one of my favourite Next-Gen characters but this also makes it a little tricky to please me. I usually am a little stereotypical when it comes to him because I can really imagine how I'd think him to be. Truthfully, I thought you wrote him brilliantly!
The relationship between Victoire and Teddy was written beautifully. Nothing was rushed and the references to the photographs and other hints at past memories (like the Christmas present) were great touches adding to the build-up of their relationship. I think this is important in One-Shots since you don't have a whole novel to show the progression of the relationship, it just sort of needs to be assumed and these touches reflected this perfectly.
So you asked particularly about flow and description. I think you did really well on both parts. The flow of the story was great - it wasn't too rushed and I liked the balance between Victoire's inner thoughts and actual dialogue between the characters. I think description is the strongest point in the piece as your characters were realistic and I found it easy to imagine the scene unfolding as I read, due to your brilliant description!
Overall, I loved this story! It was a great one-shot and I noticed that you've wrote other Teddy/Victoire one-shots in the A/N so I might have to have a look at those!
- Laurie.Author's Response: I also really enjoy next-gen - Teddy/Victoire is probably my favourite ship to write, and (as you could probably see from my author's note) I write it quite a lot. I find shorter fics with them to be a lot of fun, because they allow me to skip around in their relationship - for example, I've got a story about their first date (Fish Out of Water) and a story about them getting engaged (Cloud Nine). Some of my readers are occasionally after me to write a novella or novel, but I just find these to be a lot more fun.
Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it. I was a bit unsure about this one (just because I tend to second guess myself in general - it's rare for me to immediately be pleased with a fic I write), so this was really lovely to get - especially when I saw that you'd liked it so much that you'd favourited it! ♥ Report Review
Hey, it's simplelullaby with your review!
First off, I'd like to say that I absolutely adored this. You managed to avoid the usual Vic/Teddy clichés and pulled off characterisation so well in such a short time.
And also, this was such a lovely bit of fluff to brighten up my day! I was smiling most of the way through it. Reading your A/N, I realised I've read "In a Brown Study" and it was also amazing, so this was a nice surprise.
Anyway, I should really quit rambling and get on with the review, shouldn't I?
The start I thought was a little shaky. The first sentence, especially, was a little bit clumsy. Maybe reword it, or add more description about the room. The "dimly-lit" description was a little bit...pointless? I hope you get what I mean.
But, I loved your Enid character! However minor she was, I instantly knew how she looked through your little descriptions dotted in and about your main writing, and this is something I especially love in stories. She's just one of those characters which jumps out of the page. Also, I thought she was a clever little character to put in just so we could see what Teddy thought of Victoire even BEFORE we meet him.
The character I love most in this though is Victoire. She's such a wonderful blend of teenage shyness and insecurity, and at the same time I got the sense that she didn't APPEAR shy or insecure to any outsiders. She was just human to me. I loved her embarrassment when Enid said Teddy mentioned her, and the little things she manages to notice, like Enid's pudgy hands. Brilliant!
Fred and Micah I quite loved. Again, as with Enid above, you managed to make them so REAL with just a few words.
The paragraph where Victoire asks herself endless questions just HAS to be mentioned, just because it was so brilliant. It just humanised her more than anything else ever could.
I liked Teddy's initial appearance - the fact that he just goes and changes it because Victoire wants him to gave me a lovely fuzzy feeling inside. You just get a sense that he'd do absolutely anything for her.
"Remind me to get them both something nice for Christmas." I loved this line. Lovely!
I noticed about midway in that you could do with varying the lengths of your sentences - a lot of them are fairly long when they could be split up into bitsize chunks for us lovely readers.
I love the initial awkwardness between Teddy and Victoire when they're first alone. I'm loving Victoire's uncertainly of how she's SUPPOSED to act now that she's Teddy's girlfriend. Actually, I'm just loving Victoire.
This might seem a little nit-picky, but a little more description of Victoire's pyjamas would be good, just so that we readers can understand Teddy's hefty reaction when he sees them better. I had to go back and read "tank top and shorts" before I understood.
Teddy being all noble - I'm just loving it. Again, you just get the sense that he's been dreaming of this moment for a long time, and he doesn't want anything to go wrong. And I'm liking Victoire's increasing frustration with him.
I absolutely LOVE Victoire's seducing techniques. Your description in this section I feel is just right. It's not a lovey-dovy-mushy overkill, it's not so indirect that nobody gets it, or so unfeeling that nobody WANTS to get it. You've managed to get it just right - so jealous!
Another aspect of this story I loved so much (if you haven't got it yet) is Victoire "rediscovering" Teddy. It's just another brilliant addition.
But "Feelingly?" I really just don't like this word, it took me right out of the story and stuck out in the sentence like it wasn't really supposed to be there.
"She opened her mouth and he shook his head." I wasn't sure who was speaking at this part. Maybe a little word or two of extra explanation would help?
The part where Teddy is telling Victoire WHY he doesn't want to get carried away is a little dialogue-centric. I would've liked to know a little more of what Victoire was feeling, not just what she was telling Teddy.
"Teddy had inherited his grandmother's seriousness about tea." This has to be my favourite line. I love it!
And something has to be said about the ending. It was perfect. 'Nuff said.
So, if you haven't got it yet, I loved your story.
What you actually asked about:
Flow: I thought it went pretty well. There were separate, distinctive sections, just the right amount of Victoire's thoughts, and minor characters making the story seem all-the-more real. It went really REALLY well.
Description: Your character-description is brilliant, and I especially love your minor-character description. If anything has to be worked on, it's setting. We really didn't get too much of that.
I hope I helped, and I hope this wasn't just a silly ramble you can't take anything from.
(9/10)Author's Response: This was much a long, detailed review. I love getting these, and since these tend to be the sorts of reviews I write as well, I know how long they take. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.
I definitely understood what you were talking about with all of the cc, and I've actually already gone through the story with this review open and made a lot of the changes you suggested.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this, and I'll certainly be visiting your review thread in the future. :) Thank you so much for such a lovely review. Report Review
Hey! Here I am with your requested review!
First of all, I'd like to say that I think you are one of the best authors on HPFF. You're writing is simply amazing and certainly some of the best I have read on this site. I'm really jealous actually. I really like Teddy/Victoire and after this I think I will read your other stories about them. I have already read 'A Fish Out Of Water' but I can't wait to look at the others.
Anyway, I'll start talking about characterisation. I think I'll start with Victoire. First of all, I just love how you wrote her. There is no way I could say she is a Mary-Sue. I'm jealous about this part of your writing too. Her personality reflects her age well. I don't know how much I can say because I think you wrote her perfectly.
I'm going to go on to Teddy now. He seems to be written really well. Again, I can't seem to spot any faults with him. Gosh, he seems like other Teddy's I have seen but different. It is hard to explain. What I mean in English is that he is written so well like I imagine him but he has his own original traits that I have not seen other authors write him like. I just love it!
Now I shall go on to description. This, again, is very near perfect. I can't put my finger on it exactly but when you write, I can barely spot faults with it! You are such an amazing writer. The description is just gorgeous. I don't really need to say any more.
I actually saw no mistakes. I know this sounds like I am exaggerating but this is definitely just perfect. I am so envious.
Overall, this is beautifully written. I feel like you captured it so well!
Emma xAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much! That really makes me feel awesome - I'm so flattered that you think so highly of me!
Victoire is probably my favourite character to write. I mean, I enjoy all of my characters, but there's just something about Victoire that's just especially fun to write.
Thank you so much for such a lovely review. I really, really appreciate it, and I hope that if you do check out my other Teddy/Vics you enjoy them just as much. :) Report Review
I read fish out of water a few months ago, I think it was one of the very fist reviews I ever left on this site. This was such a great continuation! I reconized it about half way through with the back of Teddy's neck going red :)
Anyway, I loved this a lot! Teddy's such a sweetheart here, but he's still cocky. And I still love your Victorie's personallity, it's so different than the Vic I'm used to reading. And the little blurbs about Fred were really funny :)
Brilliant job!Author's Response: Oh, I'm really flattered that it was one of the first reviews you left on the site. :) That was one of my favourite fics to write - it was just so fun and flowed really naturally for me.
I'm glad that you liked this one as well. :) Especially Vic - I really love writing her character, and I know that she's a bit different than many of the other Victoires out there.
If you're interested, I have a few other Teddy/Victoire fics posted, which all include this same Teddy and Victoire. (I don't remember if I mentioned that in the a/n - if I did, sorry for saying it again!)
Thank you for the review (my first on this story, yay!). I really appreciate it. :) Report Review
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