very, very, good,
9/10Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Hi, there! I decided to go back and follow up on some of the stories I got to sample during the holiday review swap and yours came to mind.
I liked the rhythm of this chapter. You took Amelia through a low point and then ended her on a high, but with a very interesting little twist at the end. It will definitely make most readers want to know what happens when she finds herself standing on the side of the deep end of that pool.
You started to fill in some of the picture in this chapter, which I thought was good pacing. It seems that the Darvills and the Potter family aren't all that familiar with one another, in spite of living next door. It's pretty obvious that the Potters have raised their children to be very cautious what they say and do around their muggle neighbors. Lucy made for a nice contrast on that point. It made sense to me that Percy and Audrey would be more likely to raise their children in a wizarding neighborhood.
Albus's reaction to being asked about his school reinforced the idea that the Potters are very nervous about maintaining their secrecy. Again, for the family of the Head Auror, that makes all the sense in the world. But, he does open up to her a little later on, which was neat to see. I think Amelia has a lot of very interesting "moments" in her future and I'm eager to see what she makes of them.
As far as suggestions, I would definitely like to see more of Amelia's inner thoughts and feelings as she experiences the decidedly odd events going on around her. The fact that the Potters' car is able to accommodate them all in spite of the fact that it appears to be too small, for instance, was a moment where I really wondered what she was thinking. I really like to get "beneath the surface" of characters and figure out what makes them tick. So far, your treatment of Amelia is kind of "stream of consciousness".
You have a neat and engaging story going. I'll be back to read more. Report Review
So, the last chapter. I'm so disappointed that this story has to end, because quite frankly, if I had it my way it would continue forever. (Although that'd make it really hard to review every chapter, haha!)
I truly enjoyed this chapter; it was just brilliant. In fact, the whole story was, and I just enjoyed it so much that while my original plan was to give one review for the swap, I ended up giving seven. Which just shows how intoxicating this story is.
You managed to create an unique fanfiction told through the eyes of a Muggle, and while I'll always wonder what happens to them in the future, I loved the ending. It's just so good to read a feel-good story that ends on a high. You're really talented, Lily! ♥ Report Review
This chapter was just so incredibly sweet to read! It developed interestingly, and I liked the beginning where Amelia was forced to wait several days before learning the truth- as an impatient person, I definitely empathized with her on that one. :P
I however thought that she accepted the wizarding world too easily. After so much anger and weeks of believing that Albus was lying about a wizard, it seems unlikely to me that she would suddenly change her opinion based on one magic spell.
I however liked that it was Harry who explained the whole thing- as someone who's been through it before, he definitely did seem a better option to reveal everything. That said, I've never considered normal Aurors to be similar to MI5- perhaps elite Aurors, or even Unspeakables, would be better suited to that comparison.
And have I already mentioned how much I love your endings? That kiss... aww. ♥ I can't believe that there's only one chapter left; I've loved reading this fanfiction, especially as it's so unique. XD Report Review
Ohmygosh, we have their first date?! Ahhh! I loved how Amelia wanted to squeal when Albus held her hand- what teenage girl hasn't been through that or at least a similar version? It was so sweet!
The wizard paparazzi though... why?! I understand that Harry's famous and everything, but why do they feel the need to torture his children?! (That wasn't criticism of your writing by the way- more like praise for writing it so well that we (the readers) can't help but hate the paparazzi now.)
And when Albus told Amelia that he was a wizard and she didn't believe him... I understood that initial reaction completely- who would actually believe something like that without question?- but I'm surprised that she didn't consider everything she knew about Albus and put it into context- the car and its sizing, for example.
And how could you possibly leave a cliffhanger like that?! Albus is in love with Amelia... awww. I'm getting so many feels for the pair of them! I can't wait to see what happens when Albus and Harry tell Amelia the truth about the wizarding world! ♥ Report Review
Awww! Awww! Awww! I'm sorry, but I have so many feels for this pair! I'm so happy that Amelia and Albus finally developed a friendship and oh, they kissed?! They kissed at last! Woo!! :D
I only have two small criticisms; the first being that Amelia seems to learn how to ride a bike unusually quickly. It usually takes several weeks, and while she might do well on her first time, I don't think her parents would have bought her a bike until she had been riding for a good few weeks. ;)
The other one is that when you mention Amelia riding her bike, you wrote "petal" when it's actually spelt pedal. I also noticed a stray "Insert Line" that you must have missed. ;)
Overall though, I love how Amelia is developing and I really hope that she and Albus manage to somehow have a relationship and that Amelia manages to accept magic. It's sad to know that if Albus does decide to settle down with Amelia and marry her in the future, he'll have to give up his wand / magic. Although considering how much he dislikes his father's fame, this could sound appealing to him. I just... you've written this so well that I just don't know what I want to happen because there are so many possibilities!
I can't wait to find out what happens! *runs off to read the next chapter* :P Report Review
Aw!! The swimming lesson that Albus gave to Amelia was so sweet! ♥ It was so lovely seeing their relationship flourish!
But, but, but that moment when Albus told Amelia that Harry was a police officer (technically that is the Muggle version of Aurors) and the argument that ensued... aww. I felt so sorry for them; Albus' difficulty in having to keep the wizarding world a secret and Amelia's confusion and the feeling that Albus and his family are lying to her about everything. :(
And that ending. That ending. Amelia's curiosity about the car, and how it's changed, is definitely interesting- it's smart that she's able to notice the differences, but also heartbreaking that her suspicions could destroy this blossoming new romance. Aaaargh. You're too good at writing endings, Lily! ♥ Report Review
Hello again! I couldn't resist reading more, and I love this chapter!
This was really fun to read! It was a relief to see that the mysterious girl that Albus was with was Lucy! I liked the way that Amelia's questions about Hogwarts caused Albus (and Lucy) to become uncomfortable and disappear, and for a minute there I thought their relationship was doomed before it had even begun!
James' "wand-erful sandwich" was absolutely hilarious and just priceless! I was in stitches, just imagining Albus' embarrassment at his "crazy" brother, James' mortification and Harry's confusion.
I liked that you included the mentions of Muggles, wands, the TARDIS-y car that's bigger on the inside and wrote it from Amelia's point of view; it's interesting as while we saw those from Harry's POV in the books, he got everything explained to him while Amelia has absolutely no knowledge.
Maybe she should have told him she couldn't swim. This was one of the most fun endings I can remember reading; I wonder if Albus is going to be the hero who saves her from drowning? :P Report Review
Hello! I'm apondinabluebox on the forums and I'm here for the review swap! :)
I was definitely intrigued by the summary, and I really like this story so far! I especially like the way that you've introduced several characters and a reasonable backstory while keeping the plot moving at the same time without supplying us with excessive information all in one go. :D
I enjoyed how you created a Muggle character with a crush on Albus and how she thinks he goes to a private boarding school. However, I'd have liked to see more information on how the Potters and the Darvills interact as neighbours- how, for example, does Amelia know that Albus attends a "private boarding school"?
I did spy a couple of Americanisms, but they're quite minor so you could probably get away with it, especially as it's set in 202-something and even now, there are some Americanisms spoken in Britain and vice versa.
As a side note, I absolutely love the names you've used for the characters. ;)
This is a good start to what seems like an interesting story! XD Report Review
Ho, ho, ho, and happy holidays! I'm here with your Holiday Swap Review.
As an entree to a longer story, I think you did a pretty good job of setting the stage and sparking some questions in my mind. The big things that I took away from this chapter are that Amelia is a muggle girl from a large (4 daughters), middle class (has her own room and her own cell phone) family who fancies Albus but doesn't really know all that much about him. For instance, she thinks that Hogwarts is just a private boarding school.
I liked the fact that you got the majority of the information across in the context of getting the plot moving, instead of beating me over the head with a lot of first-person narrative. We got to see a normal summertime morning in the life of the Darvill family, while at the same time meeting all four children and learning a bit about each of them.
I think I would have liked to get a little more of Amelia's inner thoughts on Albus, just to sell her interest in him a bit better. What is it that she finds attractive about him? Has she been secretly watching him every summer? Do their families ever interact, living so close to each other? A few anecdotes about their past encounters could have really helped to flesh out the dynamic and make the chapter more memorable.
I did like your ending. It was a good hook and it made me want to keep going.
I thought your writing was good. Fairly Americanized, but I'm guilty of that quite a bit myself. Everything flowed nicely and nothing sounded awkward or stunted. I didn't see any typos or grammatical problems.
Nicely done and thank you for the lovely review!Author's Response: Thank you! ^.^ I'm glad you liked it! As for the Americanized bit...yeah, I know. I try to make it more British, but I am American so it's pretty hard. :P Thanks for the review though! I loved it.
~Lily Report Review
Aww yay, bitter sweet ending! it was so cute :) I'm glad I found this in the review thread, this was acutally my first time doing anything in the review thread, actually! Do you ever plan on making this a sequel? Maybe a few years later when Al is graduated? I'd read it (: Anyways, great story! I really liked your writing style and hopefully if i have time I can go read some of your other stories!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it so much! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I'm really happy you found it too, and enjoyed it so much. When I went in, I didn't expect an entire story to read! Thank you for that, and thank you for the reviews. They really mean a lot. :) Report Review
Awww yay(: She did find out! I'm glad she's okay with it and I'm glad they're finally getting together :) I'm kind of sad. There's only one chapter left! nice chapter(:
-AmandaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it! Thanks for the review! Report Review
Ahh he told her! He told her and she didn't believe him! I wonder why Harry and Albus were acting so suspicious? Hmmm, great way to keep the reader interested! I really liked this chapter, nice job(:
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Thanks :) I was like...well, if that was me, I wouldn't just be like, oh okay, you're a wizard, of course. makes total sense :P lol. Thank you for the review! Report Review
This chapter was cute too! It's so fluffy, I love it. :) I kind of feel bad for Amelia. I can tell how much Albus wants to tell her and she feels like he can't trust her. I hate that feeling. One question, though. In like the middle of the chapter there is a random like that says "INCERT LINE" what does that mean? lol. Anyways, great chapter!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: INSERT LINE was a note to myself that I must have missed :P I'm glad you like it though! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! Report Review
Oooh, she is smart, isnt she? I kind of hope she catches on. I feel like she'd find it cool instead of creepy like a lot of muggles. Great chapter!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hmm...but what if she found it creepy? lol. Thanks for the review! Report Review
This had me smiling throughout the chapter :) I was worried at first- I thought Albus didn't like her lol. I'm glad he finally came around and asked her to hangout, it was cute :) Ahaha, James and his "Wand-erful sandwhich" nice touch, that made me laugh. I'm excited to read more, you have a nice writing style!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, the 'Wand-erful sandwhich thing :P I liked that part myself. Thank you for the compliment. Report Review
Hey, I'm here from the review tag!
Aw this seems interesting :) I wonder if she'll ever find out about wizards? I can't wait to see how this takes off & I'm excited to continue :D
-AmandaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it :) Report Review
its good! You've got a good long distance romance going on here! I like it! Its intriguing and captivating keep at it! Author's Response: I'm glad you like it so much, but this part of their story is over :) Thank you for the review though!
~Lily Report Review
aww! Fantastic end to a truly brilliant story. I'd love to read a sequel if you ever write one, their story is so beautiful. But, I'll understand if you don't, this can stand alone as a brilliant story of one summer :) Great work! Your writing is amazing.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it so much and reviewed every chapter, and in a day no less! I am toying with the idea of a sequel, but I don't think I'll ever write it, because I would just want it to be their letters to each other, you know :P Thanks for liking this story so much and reviewing and just...ah! Thank you!
~Lily Report Review
(: This was such a sweet chapter. I loved how Albus asked for his dad's help, and Harry's explination of how he found out that he was a wizard.
The kiss was just way too adorable :) Great job! I love your writing.Author's Response: :D I thought it would be best for Harry to tell her, and I'm glad you liked the kiss. I tried to make it okay :P
~Lily Report Review
I loved the holding hands part, Amelia's character is so perfect. I couldn't help but laugh at myself when she wanted to squeal in the theatre, i've totally been there.
Aw, and then the stupid paparazzi had to go ruin everything! But he loves her!! and he told her the truth.. even though she didn't believe it, I'm hoping she will when she talks with him again. Maybe Harry can show her some magic :)
Great work! loving this story!Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I'm really glad you like the story :P And Amelia :D
~Lily Report Review
aw, Albus is such a sweetheart teaching her! I can see why she likes him :) Really great chapter again, I really love the way this story is progressing.
It's so intersting to see how the little things that witches and wizards do don't go unnoticed by the muggles around them. I wonder when she's going to find out! I loved all of your details in the beginning about finding shoes, and not being aloud in the Potter's house.
I did see one thing (I do the same exact thing, so that's how I noticed d:) but you have 'incert line' where I'm assuming you wanted to add a line break? Just letting you know :) it's about 2/3 way down.
I forgot to mention this in my review of the last chapter, but I thought it was really sweet how Al knew she'd like him for being him, and not for the Potter last name. Great work, this is a really great story!Author's Response: :D again, I'm so happy you like the story! Thank you so much. Oops, I should probably go take that out and put in the line, huh :P Thanks! I'm glad you like it!
~Lily Report Review
great chapter :) He did get to save her! and teach her how to swim. I loved how she instantly panicked that Ginny was lecturing Albus on 'being apropriate' in front of little kids. I'm guessing Harry got called into an Auror mission? Poor Albus, getting all flustered when Amelia's dad is a cop :)
I loved the overheard conversation between James and Albus, I just had to say 'awwwh' when he was telling James how 'pretty and cool' she had to be :)
I wonder when she's going to find out... and what she will think! Fantastic chapter, this is a really neat idea, and it's very well written, brilliant job!Author's Response: Yeah, Harry was called out to an Auror mission :P Glad you liked the part about her dad being a cop! Actually, I'm just glad you like the story! Thank you so much for the review :)
~Lily Report Review
oh, ok good! It was a cousin :)
I really loved how everyone had to cover up not saying "muggle" or "wand" in front of Amelia. James' "Wand-erful sandwich" was awesome :D I think it was really neat how you included things like the undetectible extension charm on the car, and showed it from a muggle's point of view.
Amelia has such a relatable personallity, I really enjoyed reading about her. The part with "she was going into Albus Potter's house..." I loved that part; I've been in those shoes :)
Great chapter! I loved it. She probably should have told him she can't swim, but now he can save her, and they can fall in love! If only things were that simple :)Author's Response: I'm glad you like it :) I couldn't think of what James would call wand-erful but then I got hungry, so I said sandwich :P I'm glad you like Amelia :)
~Lily Report Review
I loved the calender reminder on her phone about getting Albus to notice her... it just made her character so instantly relatable, I loved it :)
This was a really great start, I'm hoping the girl is Lily, and it's just Al's sister! Great start, I liked this a lot!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it :) Thanks for the review!
~Lily Report Review
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