This story sent chills down my back. I loved it. It was so succinct, so fragmented, but it worked. It worked really well actually. I loved it. I can't say anything more than that!Author's Response: Aww I love my random reviews!! :) Thank you so much, I'm really glad you liked it (: Thank you so much for reviewing, it really means a lot. Report Review
Before I apologize for the delay in this review can I just say... Wow. Just simply wow. This was so well-done.
And yes, I am very, very sorry for the wait on this review! Hope you're not too angry with me!
Onto the review, then!
Plot: Okay, so there is only one thing I had trouble with throughout this entire story and that is that I was confused as to when she was speaking about her time with Regulus and when she was speaking about her time with Sirius. Otherwise, the jumping, didn't matter much. Sometimes, however, I couldn't wrap my head around that, to be honest. I think you were going for a more ambigious feel, however, so feel free to ignore this if that's what you were going for! Otherwise, I feel like it flowed well, was paced well, etc. And very believable!
Characterization: I know you were worried about Sirius' characterization, but I say, don't be. I think as much as we know about his days at Hogwarts, he was sort of a ladies' man, which you showed here, but that, as he fought in the war and saw people he cared about fall, he would have changed. A lot. And I think the desperate feel you gave him when he proposed to Dorcas, when she decided to walk out on him, that was spot on. I think he would be desperate to keep close anyone he cared about that was still alive in a time of so much death.
Grammar: At first, I was going to comment about the dialogue tagging, what with using commas when they should have been periods, but I saw it happen a lot and I figured out it was just your style! (: Other than that, only a couple things I saw!
“Not this dark and twisted war-ridden man who asked her to marry her.” The last ‘her’ should be a ‘him’, dear! (:
“T’is like air.” Not sure if you meant this or not, but I think you meant to put the apostrophe before the ‘T’ not after.
“I cannot be who you want me to be.” She repeats. Instead of a period at the end of this sentence, it should be a comma, and the ‘she’ shouldn’t be capitalized, dear!
Most haunting line and best written part out of all of this? (It was hard to pick because you did such a fantastic job!)
The ever-consistent question in an era with no future:
“What are you going to do for a living?”
“Survive this war.”
I hope I helped in some regards, and again, I apologize for the wait on this review! Thanks so much for requesting from me and I hope to see you around the thread again sometime! (:
~VioletBladeAuthor's Response: I do not mind the slightest that you took so long! Especially not after a review like this! Thank you so much? Your wonderful kind words are truly appreciated and the critiscm is just spot on. You were right; I was indeed going for more of an ambiguous feel. And gosh, yep Married Him --- huh. :p I'm happy you liked the characterization - I was really worried about that one. Thank you so much for the great feedback, this was absolutely wonderful, so thank you! Report Review
Wow, truly just wow. This is an amazing little one-shot. I've read other Dorcas fics and I like the way you portrayed her here. It was very different from the other Dorcases out there, but she fit in so well with the tragedy of the story. I can't believe this doesn't have more reviews, it was honestly beautifully written. I love the idea of this being turned into something longer :)
10/10Author's Response: Hey. Thank you so much. I really wanted to portray a different Dorcas - a darker Dorcas. Thank you so much for reviewing, it really means a lot. Report Review
WAHHH! Why are you so amazing?
Really! And you do like sad endings, which I good I suppose because not many people do and that way you can make a lot of different and more memoriable endings.
I loved this one as well, and all the flashbacks of Regulus, and the constant feeling of fear and of being trapped to the same fate.
It was really, really good and I cant put into word how much I love it.
Also, you have quite a few one-shots, so when I feel like reading one I guess I will come to you since they are all so good so far.
Good job :)
-Kerryn xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! They really make my day. Sad endings are just lovely, but that's just me, I guess. Thank you so much for taking the time to review. Report Review
this made my heart ache.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. If it made your heart ache I have indeed fulfilled my purpose. Thank you . Report Review
Hi it's Rose m here with your review
Sorry it's taken me such a long time. I have been Ill and then we went away for a few days.
Anyway, onto your chap!
I really liked this! It's the first story that I've read that's set like this and it really caught my attention!
I liked the pace in this, it was a bit quick at times, but I think it suited the story.
I am another one that also liked the repetition of we'll make time.
I think your descriptions are really good, sometimes I would have liked to have seen a bit more though, there are times when it's mainly dialogue.
I think you have a good voice in this for each character and I think the characterisation is done extremely well.
I also didn't find anything major in terms of spelling and grammar.
Overall, really good job and interesting chapter. If you write anything else or need any more reviewing feel free to ask again!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review!
About the mainly dialogue part: I intended it that way, actually, as a writing technique but I guess not all like it :p Thank you so much for your kind review! Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review!
I think that you did an absolutely amazing job with this story. Truly. I loved the way you interspersed the action with reflection and the way everything was short, almost broken- it made the story just that much more powerful, that much more emotional.
I loved your repetition of "You have come a long way, Dorcas Meadowes"- each time it was said it had a slightly different meaning but it was a thread that drew the whole story together.
I liked your characterization of Sirius and Dorcas- to me they seemed realistic, human, and it was easy to see the effects of the war on them. I think that you did a great job with that last point- the war permeated their every moment and they couldn't escape from it. The small scenes where they tried to, where Dorcas reflected on it, where she made decisions that she wouldn't have if there hadn't been a war- they just made this story that much more realistic. It was interesting to see the thought you had put into their histories and the way it affected their actions- the line where Dorcas talked about killing "their own" was particularly powerful in that aspect.
I was surprised about one thing, though. You mentioned at one point that Dorcas' family was religious and it struck me as odd because religion was not something that I associated with pureblood families. Did I misread the scene?
As well, with the grammatical mistakes, I noticed only two (and I was just being picky). With the phrase "This boyish charm" I would change "this" to "the" or "his" to make the sentence sound more complete. The second thing I noticed was with the phrase "To her teachers;"- I would use a colon instead of a semi-colon.
As I mentioned before, I really enjoyed the way in which you wrote this story and that includes the plot. Though I found the sudden change between past, present and future events confusing at times I loved the moments that you chose to write. They all fit together to form a large picture rich with emotion. Though nothing "big" happened that is not to say that nothing important didn't happen- I really enjoyed your perspective on their lives, as seen during a time of war.
All in all I think that you did a fantastic job with this story, especially with the transfer of emotions. Thanks for requesting a review and I hope that my comments are helpful!Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for your long review!
I knew there was something wrong there: purebloods don't go to church. I just thought it fitting, really. With all the regal elegance and stiff traditions I thought the church fitted in nicely. But you're right. Oh, well.
I don't think I jumped back and forth in past and present, though? I know Dorcas reflects a few times, thinking back, but when she does that it always begins with "Remembering" or "Thinking back" or something like that. Hm... Maybe I've missed something.
Thank you so much for your wonderful wonderful review, it was absolutely perfect in every way! Thank you ! Report Review
That was absolutely breath-taking. And I mean that, truly. I've always been a fan of a broken flow like the one you have here, with little bits and pieces of the story revealed in a semi-nonlinear manner in tiny sections. You pull it off masterfully, so kudos to you.
Am simply in awe of your writing and your style. It is, in the simplest of terms, gorgeous.Author's Response: Thank you so much. I love those broken flow thingies too tehe. Thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much that means to me. xx Report Review
Awww, I saw this on the front page, I saw the author and I was all 'I MUST read this.' This is such beautiful melancholia. I will not take back what I said earlier about you being genius. :)Author's Response: YAY! :) I still can't believe someone would think of me as a genius... :) Thank you for reading, and reviewing! Report Review
Hey! Sorry for taking quiet some time reviewing the story! I was just kind of busy. But...(wait for it...) better late than never right?
Okay, so you asked me to review your summary and just to let you know, I rarely review summaries so please do not take my opinions about it too seriously if you don't like them.
Any way, at first glance the summary was kind of confusing for me (just a tad bit) so I had to re-read it and I actually understood what you were saying. The length, I thought was quiet long but then I got my head around it and realised that it was just how the words were spaced in the forums. So all in all, I think you have a very decent summary and it is captivating and mysterious (if that was what you were heading for.)
The thing that stood out to me the most were the emotions in the story. I thought you really put them to words really well and it gave a lot of depth through out the story. Yes, your descriptions were really good -fantastic, even.
I also liked the way you used the line 'We'll make time.' along the story. The great thing about it is that, its something authors can always do with a one-shots but they don't because as simple as it might seem it is kind of hard to incorporate it in a one-shot. And I think you really did well 'incorporating' it with every other elements in the story.
And as for the characterisation, I couldn't say anything else but you did such a wonderful job about it. I like the way how you made Sirius a romantic person but no too romantic. So long story short, perfect characterisation, yes?
Overall, a lovely lovely story that deserves a lot more attention because it is just awesome. I don't think I could've wished for a much better Sirius/Dorcas one-shot.
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Hi! That's quite alright! Thank you so much for your long review! I love getting long reviews. I've edited the summary - I'm really terrible at them... But thank you for commenting on it, I know it was a weird request, it was just the only way I knew how to get a comment on it!
I'm glad you thought it was a good Sirius/Dorcas one-shot. I know it's kind of clichÃƒÂ©d and all, but it just kind of possessed me and didn't let go until it was finished. Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Woah. That story was actually so amazing. I think it was one of the best interpretations of how life would have been like during the wizarding war. I absolutely loved your quotes like "We'll make time," and "It's funny how life changes when you're looking into the eyes of death." Also your story summary was amazing! Siriusly that was an amazing story! To me it seemed like a world going through a war and you really had a great mood in the story! I loved it so much and i hope you continue writing fanfiction (or anything at all), because you definitely have a gift for it! Keep writing!
-RavenclawWayToBeAuthor's Response: Aw thank you! I'm really happy you took your time to write that. All authors get really insecure and it's lovely hearing that what you're writing isn't terrible! I was aiming for that mood too, you know, going through the war, being lost, pushing people away and then not being able to let go. So I'm happy you spotted that! Means I'm doing something right tehe ! Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
This is beautiful... Is there any chance you can turn it into a novel instead of just those little moments? (being hopeful)Author's Response: Hahaha Thank you ! :) I actually don't know? Hm... I haven't really thought about it... Maybe? When life settles down a bit I might. For now, though, it's going to stay a oneshot ;) Reread the story in a few days time; I've made some edits to the story and added some scenes. Thank you so much for reviewing ! Report Review
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