It's really good. Your writing is quite nice and I loved reading this chapter.
I would love to see how this story unfolds. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! It means a lot to hear things like this :) Report Review
Hey, it's me here with your requested review.
So the basic premise of this is very familiar to the average HPFFer; funny OFC is friends with a Next-Gen kid and in love with the other - so be warned about falling into the many and varied cliches associated with this all.
However, your OC is different in that a) she doesn't have pale skin (which is a definite plus for an amateur sociologist like me!) and b) you've accepted rather than rejected 'girly' things. Good for you, we don't see enough of that on here.
I'm not sure who would give their kids such similar names but I'm willing to overlook that. :P
As for your area of concern: the flow so far is fine, and as long as you keep this kind of pacing when you get to parts that are less dialogue and more action, it should continue like this, too.
So, good luck with writing, and I'll see yer round. :)Author's Response: Thanks, for the review, it really helps to have feedback. As for the similar names, I know I shouldn't have, but I really like both the names. Report Review
OMG, Love this soo much already:D Felicity's sister seems really freaking annoying. So she must like either Fred or Louis? I wanna knowww D: pleasee update reallyy soon:')Author's Response: Aww, glad you like it! Actually, one of those guesses are right, she does like one of those two. I'm almost done the second chapter now, it's just not flowing the way I want, but I should have it up soon! Report Review
That was really good! Your writing is of excellent quality (wow, wasn't that a dorky sentence?), and I really enjoyed reading this! There characterization is great and you get a strong sense of Dom and Felicity's friendship. Ha ha, I too have a black notebook that is not allowed to be read by anyone, so I can only imagine how Felicity felt. I'd really like to see where you go with this!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad to see that someone enjoys what I've written! Report Review
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