Reading Reviews for To Capture a King
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dreamgazer220 Love and Bludgers

5th March 2016:
Hey there! Here for the HPFF Review-A-Thon :)

So, I've been meaning to read this story for a while now, and I'm glad I had the chance to dive in!

You've done a great job of creating these characters and developing their relationships so strongly. I love the dynamic between Lyra and James, and I'm so excited to see where this story is going to take them. It was a bit refreshing to see them bickering on the Pitch, then bickering some more, but then James being sort of nice and helping with her essay... and then it was back to bickering.

And I also love the dynamic you created between the three girls, Roxanne, Lyra, and Pippa. Pippa's comments about Lysander are wonderful, and you do such a great job of having them act as, well, teenagers.

The dialogue here is really strong too, and I love some of Lyra's inner narration as well.

The great thing about Next Gen is that there's so much freedom here, but you've already done a great job with everything. I can't wait to see how Lyra's plan to make James fall in love with her pans out - though it probably will have some bumps along the road that she isn't expecting ;)

Great first chapter! I can't wait to read more ♥


Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review, I'm so happy you got a chance to read it!
I just love getting feedback on the characters and the development of their personalities so i'm really grateful for your view! I hope you get to read the next chapters at some stage :)
Thanks again for the lovely review!

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Review #2, by Vanillaberries Detentions and Games

3rd February 2016:
I think you have real potential with this story! I think you are defining the characters just fine, although sometimes I feel you may need to take it a bit slower with the James and Lyra interactions. That being said, the fact that you're enjoying writing this story is the most important thing as happy writer = amazing story = happy readers. And that I definitely am - keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I understand completely what you mean about taking it slower with James and Lyra, so far I'm just laying the scene for how these two have kind of interacted their whole lives, growing up together. But there will be more then a few hiccups along their way, I'm sure. Thanks again!

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Review #3, by Ana Tempers and Tantrums

19th December 2015:
This story is hilarious! I love Lyra's character so much. Her banter with James is hysterical! I can't wait to see them together.

Author's Response: Ahh I'm so glad you think it's funny! I'm used to writing more darkness and angst so humor is very new for me, thanks for the review!

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Review #4, by Ginny the Chaser Tempers and Tantrums

31st August 2015:
Hey! I'm just writing to say I absolutely love this story. I started reading it today and I can't wait to see where you take it. I absolutely love your writing style. You have a brilliant talent. I cannot wait for the next chapter. The way you've written James II, Scorpius and the Scamander twins is exactly the way I've imagined them to be. Thank you! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! That's so nice to hear especially because this is my second story so I"m a little bit more unsure with it.
Thanks for the amazing review I hope you continue to read in future!

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Review #5, by Alicelost Tempers and Tantrums

23rd August 2015:
Put up another chapter soon it's really good!

Author's Response: Thanks I'll try to start working on one :)

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Review #6, by Elenia Love and Bludgers

17th February 2012:
Elenia here from the review tag.

I love this! I mean wow. You're such a brilliant writer! This story just captivated me from the very first sentence and now I'm crying because there isn't another chapter for me to read! Update soon please?

Lyra is wonderful. I love her name btw, and how quirky and witty she is. I think you've made an amazing job creating her. I especially loved the necklace -part. Oh and the list she made while she! That made me chuckle out loud. And that's always a great sign! (:

James was annoying, but that's where you were heading so great job on him too! Can't wait to see his reaction when Lyra turns her act into a more flirting one.

Excellent job! You should definitely continue this story! I think it has the qualities to become a great one! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the great review! I'm really glad you liked it, i'm trying to get the update done fast =)
Yay glad you liked Lyra and her name, I wanted it to be similar to her brothers but still pretty! I also wanted her to be quirky like Luna, but not exactly the same.
James is annoying! But hopefully he won't be forever hehe thanks again for the review!

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Review #7, by VioletBlade Love and Bludgers

15th February 2012:
Hey there! VioletBlade here with your somewhat late review, and I apologize for that! RL's been crazy, wouldn't you know?

So first off, I wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading your story! :) It was interesting, paced well, and funny!

Onto my actual review though!

Plot: I think you've moved the plot along nicely, and that there was enough detail and description about your characters without completely overloading the reader but not so little that we had no idea what was going on! :) I think the way you opened it was great, already showing the intense amnosity between Lyra and James! It was a unique plot line, and I think it has the potential to really go somewhere!

Characterization: I really like Lyra. She's quirky, she's got both of her parents in her, and best of all: I can relate to her. I think you've done well with her!

James: Your portrayal of him is very interesting. I mean, yes, he's portrayed as the guy who wants to win a Quidditch match so desperately he'll do just about anything, but he's also kind of got a really, really annoying streak too! Like the way he pushes the Quidditch team so hard, or the way he blurted out Lyra's personal life to everyone she knows, etc. It makes for a great flaw in the oh-so-perfect James we usually see!

I also like that you've focused in on Lysander and portrayed him as kind of the 'jerk' older brother. It's not a way I often seem him portrayed in stories like this!

Grammar: Nothing really stood out to me that took away from the story. The usage of italics was a bit off-putting though, they seemed to me to be a bit too frequent. There were also just a couple dialogue structure errors, but again, nothing big at all.

Thanks for requesting from me, and I do hope you continue on with this because I think it has great potential!


Author's Response: No worries about the lateness! Thank you so much for this review, it has given me a lot of help. I'm really glad that you found it enjoyable and funny! I usually write more dark-ish stories so this is my first time giving humor a go.

I'm so glad you can see Lyra has both her parents in her, I want to make her both like Luna but not like her at the same time, if that makes any sense! And yes James definitely does have flaws, like everyone else =)
I wanted to make this story different to other ones out there so I thought I'd give Lysander a bit of a jerk-ish edge.

I've read through again and totally noticed the italics thing! So thanks for that I will fix it up.

Thanks so much again for the review, the feedback was really helpful and I will be continuing on with this story =)

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Review #8, by just jennifer Love and Bludgers

10th February 2012:
I really like this ! You have serious talent :) and i love the single-minded determination Lyra has ! So have the next chapter out lickety-split please

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you like it =)
I'll try to have the next chap out asap.

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Review #9, by adluvshp Love and Bludgers

7th February 2012:
Hey there!

(Slytherin Tag)

..I quite like your concept of the story. It is something different from the other next-gen stories around, and I always like original writing. Your characterizations are also well-placed, and I can see some good development for later chapters as well. The flow and the narrative overall was nice too.

There were a few grammatical errors here and there which can be fixed easily by a re-read or a beta.

Rest, I think your story looks good, and you should definitely continue.

Good work!



Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review! I'm really glad to hear that it's a bit different, that's always what I'm aiming for when I write these stories.
And I will have another read over and see if I can find those errors.
Thanks =)

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Review #10, by Tonks1247 Love and Bludgers

4th February 2012:
Hello! Nymphie Tonks here with your requested review!

This was a brilliant start to the chapter. It drew in my attention and had me interested right off the bat [Haha xD]. The characters and the situation were for sure believable. The love/hate relationship that seems to be going on is good. It, at first, seemed like any other love/hate relationship, but you did twist it a bit now that Lyra is going to try to convince James she’s in love with him. Just be cautious as you continue with that to make it believable. James should probably be a bit skeptical on her sudden change of heart, and how nice she’s going to have to be with him. But really, this was excellent in terms of believability.

My only concern with this, flow wise, would be the amount of dashes you use in the first section of writing. A couple of them are always good to vary the sentence structure and length, but I almost feel as if they were used too much. There were a couple places that could have used some other form of punctuation, like a colon or semi-colon.

Also, one sentence that really confused me in this: “Sometimes I think Lysander fancies it his sole purpose in life to make mine a living nightmare.” –I’m not quite sure what you were trying to say here…so you may want to look at that.

Things I really enjoyed in this chapter include the bits of humor that are added into Lyra’s character. They made me laugh. It really is realistic, the sarcastic comments in her head. I adore them. And actually, I’m going to share 3 of my favorite lines and then be done.

“Lyra, my little Salamander.” –I laughed. A lot. And I’m not quite sure why. But it was funny, James calling her that :D

“And let’s face it – playing tongue hockey with Fred Weasley isn’t exactly a life threatening situation.” –Hehe. This one made me giggle. :)

“Did I say he could be sort of nice sometimes? I take that back.” –Haha, this in addition to the “I’m not usually so violent, I swear.” Made me laugh. It’s just great! Really added to Lyra’s character!

Overall, this was a great chapter. Flow was great, and this was really easy to read! I loved it! [Let me know if you have any questions!] :D


Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review I did find it very helpful! I'll definitely keep in mind about how James should be skeptical about Lyra's change in behaviour, I want to keep it as realistic as possible. And i'll go through and see if I can get rid of some of those dashes, even I realise that I use them too much sometimes. It's a bad habit lol I'm really glad you liked those lines too and the sarcastic comments! I have fun writing them.
Thanks again this really did help me out and I will probably re-request once I get chapter 2 out =)

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Review #11, by lilygirl Love and Bludgers

30th January 2012:
Awesome!!!your a great writer!!!love the story so far!!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Glad you liked it.

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Review #12, by youknowwho013 Love and Bludgers

30th January 2012:
Please continue with this story! It's very good, and I would be dissapointed if it was abandoned... :( So keep writing! I really like this, and believe that the idea is original, and that the story will be very interesting :D
-Alex xoxoxo

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I will be continuing this story, wouldn't want to disappoint anyone =)

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Review #13, by 6 Love and Bludgers

29th January 2012:
i love this story!
cant wait for next chapter.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, thanks!

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Review #14, by blackangelwings Love and Bludgers

28th January 2012:
Well, I really liked it! I like all of the characters and the idea and just, yeah.

Hope the chapters stay long!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! I usually write pretty long chapters so they'll probably only get longer! I'll try my best to update soon, Thanks for the review.

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Review #15, by AlexFan Love and Bludgers

28th January 2012:
I'm loving this story and it's only the first chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks! That's good to hear :)

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