I'll admit what made want to read this is because the oc had quite and Irish sounding name. :P
This story was very well written and very easy to read, so well done.
I like how as a reader you grow to care for an oc who has no contact with any canon characters so well done for that too!
It was very interesting to see the memories of someone you dont know and care about what's going on and Rory seems to have a very interesting back story.
I like how calm he is while fighting in a war, its almost like he knows things probably wont end rosy but he's ready and accepts it without question or something. I dont know. hes very likeable!
And I loved the blue tack bit. :P
Ladybella.Author's Response: Hi.
This was my first attempt at writing a story from an OC pov, and when I was given the details of this charactor to do for the challenge, this just popped into my head.
When Rory was thinking about his memories I just thought that it would be apt to have him think back over his life.
The person who issued this challenge that this story came from has sent me the details of all the other characters that were never used in the challenge. So look out for a few more stories.
He was calm because he was thinking of his father who (though he had arguments with) he loved and respected. He thought he'd never see him again. So I thought I'd have him come to stand side by side with his son in the final battle.
Thanks for the read and review. So glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
This is a nice little piece.
I really do like the characterisation of Rory and think he seems like a very strong character only enhanced by the fact that although he is underage he is brave and wants to stay and fight. That shows that the sorting hat was right to put him in Gryffindor as he's not going to role over and let the battle be fought by others when he can help.
The only thing that I really noticed was that some of the paragraphs were a little bit too long and blocky which made it difficult to read in places but obviously that is only a little thing which is more of a personal preference.
I really liked the way you also gave us an insight into his life and how his mum died. This makes us realise just that he had a lot going on at home but he still believed in making the world safe very strongly.
I liked this pieceAuthor's Response: Wow thank you for this awesome review. When I was given this challenge to do, for some reason the idea on how to portray this character just popped into my head.
It was really the first time I'd tried to write a story from an OC's pov, and I'm glad it worked out nicely.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and review. If you read anymore of my stories I hope you enjoy them with equal enjoyment. Report Review
OC's can be hard to design, and even harder to work with. You've done a good job with this one. The mix of hating Muggle tech, while at the same time wanting to "look like a Muggle" as a teen was a great paradox to throw in. I very much enjoyed it. Only one nit: by this point in time, Dobby is dead, unless we're talking AU here. Other than that, it was a great read!Author's Response: Hi again.
Thank you for stopping by and reading my Tales of an OC challenge entry. I know what you mean where the designing of OC's are concerned. But for some reason, when starryskies55 gave me the details of the person I was to write about this story seemed to form in my head right away.
I have changed the genre settings to include AU to accommodate the fact that Dobby is in this, I can't believe that I missed small fact. Thank you for pointing that out.
I'm glad that you enjoyed the read. Report Review
Yey! My 100th review!
Heey, I'm participating in the same challenge too! So first of all I'd like to wish you good luck (:
I really liked this. Your OC seems very interesting. And the whole idea of the story was great. All the flashbacks fit really well, I think they were things that many of the people who were present at the fight were thinking when they got a little chance to breathe. Life flashing in front of your eyes before you think you're about to die -sort of thing. I think it was really clever idea.
Great work! I'm glad I got the chance to read this! Hope you'll do well in the challenge!
~EleniaAuthor's Response: 100 reviews posted, well done. I've noticed that people who have been on the site for years who have not done half as well as you. So well done on achieving the century.
When starryskies gave me the details for my character this idea suddenly popped into my head and refused to let go until I'd written it, so glad you enjoyed it.
Good luck with your entry in the challenge. When it's posted, please pm me the link and I'll be able to read it. I wish you all the best.
Many thanks for the read and review.
I really liked how unique this was. It's a great One-shot from an original characters view point.
The descriptiveness that you use is amazing as always. I really liked the vivid picture you were able to paint for the reader and it really appealed to me. I was able to get into your characters point of view so much more because of it.
There were a couple of things that I found with the flow of your story that slowed me down. You may want to look into them.
"Upon seeing this Rory looked at the sweet and then at his mother then shrugged his shoulders and took the sweet."
I was kind of confused when I read this sentence, then I read it out loud and it seemed a little awkward. It might just be me, but I wanted to point it out to you so you could judge it for yourself.
"Just before he’d come back to Hogwarts to attend he’d had a sever argument with his father."
I believe you meant severe instead of sever? Again, I am only pointing these out so you can see what might have been confusing from a readers perspective.
"his father Looked down at his son, and smiled giving Rory’s shoulder a squeeze, as if to say that everything was in the past and forgotten about."
You started the sentence with "his" and it's uncapitalized.
These are all minor things, but they do have a tendency to desturb the peace of the flow in a story when they come up.
Overall, I really loved the originality of your One-shot and the descriptiveness of what they were feeling when that last battle was looming. You have a very wide range of insight to your characters which makes them well developed and well liked.
Keep up the great work! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Wow Thank you. This is exactly what I was wanting, someone to point out the minor details that can change the way a story is told and how well it makes sense.
So glad you liked it, going back and make the minor changes now.
Thanks again for the review and the awesome encouraging words. Report Review
The thoughts were neatly arranged and well written. This was a really good piece of writing.
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: Thank you. I thought and wrote this in one day. It was done for a challenge and in a review from the person who issued the challenge, and they said that they'd never expected something this good from the subject that they'd provided.
Thanks for the read and review. So glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Hi :) This is sweet. I really like all the thoughts and flashbacks that come into Rory's head when he knows he could be about to die. Did he die?! I hope not...
One thing I would just say is that 'Dark Lord' and 'He Who Must Not Be Named' should really be in capitals. JK wrote them that way and also it just makes it easier to read.
By the way, the first chapter of my sequel to 'Journeys' is now posted. I hope you have time to give it a read!Author's Response: Hi again.
Thank you for reading this and leaving a comment. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. It was really my first time writing an oc story. When starryskies55 had put up this challenge I decided to do it and see if I could broaden my writing skills and write something totally new. And from the look of it, I appear to have succeeded.
I am writing a sequel so watch this space and your question will be answered.
I noticed that your next chapter was up and I'll be reading it shortly.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Another fantabulous story! I love the whole OC thing, I haven't tried it but I doubt I could do it so well. and the ending, where Daddy comes back to the good side, love it. I gotta gotta GOTTA get some more of my stuff up. hopefully my second story will soon gain some length. I bet Scotland's nice, you know, not boiling at 80 in febuary. By the way, not to be rude or anything but are you in colledge because soo many people on this site are.Author's Response: I did this story for starryskies55 oc challenge. And it was pretty much my first time doing something like this myself. I wanted to see if I could broaden my writing skills by trying something totally new, and it looks like I succeeded. I am now starting to write a sequel to this story, but it might be a wee while before it's up and running.
And to answer your question no I'm not at college. I cannot tell you anymore because it might be construed as giving personel information and that is not allowed.
Many thanks for reading and reviewing. And by the way, Scotland is freezing, falling below freezing at night. Report Review
I really like your entry for the tale of OC. I went back to the challenge post just to see what the starryskies55 wanted for your entry. I think you used all your information really nice. I like the way you described the flashback. I particularly liked how you wrote about his first signs of magic. I think it was brilliant. I agree with one of the reviewers. You could write a bit less about the details of the war i.e. the things that were already mentioned in the original books. Try to bring out the emotions of your character. Overall, I liked your entry.
P.S. I really need to work on my entry. :pAuthor's Response: Wow thank you for your words of encouragement. It's words like this that help authors write better. I will be going back over this after to see what I can do with it. But not until after the closing date.
Please feel free to pm me concerning your story, just tell me what your trying to achieve and I'll tryh and advise you. Report Review
It's the CHALLENGE-MASTER, by the way.
I really liked this, the way you've done the flashbacks is very good and Rory's feelings.
You've got some spelling/grammar mistakes, but that can be overlooked by the general awwwness of it and the priceless family moments. It's very believable for him to reflect on his life, and I'm so glad that he was reunited with his dad. I totally didn't expect this when I said "death eaters" as your plot point, but it was brilliant. Did he survive the battle? *hopeful smile*Author's Response: Wow thank you so much. As I said before, when you gave me the details, this just popped into my head. I totally enjoyed writing this and if you set another challenge after this one, please please pm me. I will be one of your first entrants.
I am so glad you enjoyed it. And many thanks for allowing me to broaden my writing horizons and skills by exploring new ground.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Well, congratulations on another excellent piece. The first few paragraphs with the scene setup at Hogwarts could still use some editing. The scene setup felt longer than it needed to be, and you explained details that weren't even really needed to prepare the reader for getting into the character's feelings. If you ever decide to edit the first few paragraphs, I might suggest that you experiment with leaving out any explanation of what Potter fans already know, and simply focus on creating an ominous mood of impending danger as your setup. I think one of those ominous beginnings you're so good at writing would be a great way to lead into this piece (just my humble opinion) so that whole piece does nothing but create emotion from the very first sentence.
That said, once you got into the character's memories this piece flows beautifully. Particularly from the paragraph where he displayed magic at age 7 to the end is truly captivating. I didn't want it to end. And I loved the way it did end. Excellent one-shot.Author's Response: This has got to be one of my top 5 reviews that I've ever received. Your humble opinion means so much to me.
Thinking back to my opening chapter/s I can pretty much see where your coming from. I will look at it again and see what I can do. And thanks for saying that I'm good with the ominous beginnings.
Overall I enjoyed writing this and I hope others enjoy it as much as you did. Thanks once again for the read and super awesome review.
By the way. I've now posted my writers duel entry. If you've not read it yet during the voting stage, please look out for The Surprising Life of Hermione Granger. Report Review
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