Hi! It's Dobby and I'm here for your review!
Let me start off by saying you have a lot of promise for writing. Your spelling and grammar are for the most part, done very very well. Good job with that! Also, you did first person POV in a very positive way.
However, although this did get a bit better as the story went on, it would help if you would add more description such as what people look like, personality traits, etc. It was difficult to read at some parts because characters were just thrown into the mix without actually knowing who they were and what their real purpose was. If you would go through and add a couple paragraphs describing these people or the actual scene, the story would be a lot easier to understand.
You asked if the characters were interacting well or if the story was bland. I have to say, there's not much going on in this story right now. And you have character's personalities, but if you would describe their actions or facial expressions, it would be easier to relate to their interactions.
You do have a promising beginning...especially because your writing skills are so good. :) Feel free to re-request for the next chapter. I would love to help you improve!
-DobbyAuthor's Response: Hi, thanks for reviewing!
Yeah, I reread it and what you said makes sense. I guess I was trying to avoid overdescription, and I kind of went overboard. Thanks so much for pointing it out, this is exactly what I was looking for! Report Review
Hey, Elenia here with your review!
I think your story has a lot of potential! You managed to hold interest during the chapter since your writing was good and easy to read. So I think you did a good job with flow and pacing.
Not much to say about the plot yet, since the chapter was a bit short and the first one, but I guess it will start to reveal itself in the next chapters!
I liked your OC! She's really interesting with all her flaws and I love it that her last name is Potter too but she isn't related to the famous ones! Oh, and the speaking with her mount full, disgusting but a nice detail for her character!
Quite chivalrous of James to stand up against a teacher like that! His explanation for his actions was great! I always picture him like that too, you know, someone who wants to deal with his own things and not use the popularity of his family as an escape rope from situations!
Good work, I want to see where you are taking this story! (:Author's Response: Hi, thanks for stopping by!
It was? Thank goodness, I'm always getting stressed about that stuff.
Yeah, my original James was quite annoying, so I rewrote him as someone who can be a prat, but has some strong redeeming qualities.
Thanks so much for the lovely review! Report Review
What happened to the story? It Changed!!! :O
well i liked the old one, but this isn't bad either. I see you've started writing again. Good Work. :DAuthor's Response: haha, yes, I've rewritten it. I just lost interest in the old one - it wasn't really my thing, you know? Plus there were too many characters and it just got out of hand. HOPEFULLY, I can manage better this time, but you know me and characters. Report Review
Are you rewriting the whole story? I'm really glad it's back :)Author's Response: Hi, thanks for reviewing!
Yes, I am rewriting the whole story. It wasn't going in the direction I intended, so hopefully it'll be back on track. Can't believe you actually still noticed it after so long! Thanks again. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection