Wow, I really loved this one-shot! It was so sweet and you did such a wonderful job with it! I could feel the range of Narcissa's emotions, and how important this day was to her family, without anything seem over the top of melodramatic. I could picture her sitting in her room, worrying, and missing her true love. I was wondering how the story would end, and I was really surprised but definitely happy that Narcissa found out her husband to be was actually Lucius! I could tell how much they genuinely loved each other, which isn't something I've read a lot in stories on the archives, so that was really sweet and refreshing! The story flowed really well and I didn't see any grammar mistakes or anything like that. This was really wonderful! 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Thank you SO much for taking the time to read and review this, dear, and I apologize for the ridiculous amount of time it has taken me to respond to your wonderful review! I'm SO glad that you enjoyed this, and that it didn't seem over-the-top or melodramatic. And I owe the no grammar mistakes to my amazing beta! I'll pass along the compliment! :)
Thank you SO MUCH! ♥
~Jayde Report Review
Hello from the review tag.
It was adorable and it made me smile even though I hate smiling.
I actually liked that Narcissa and Lucius didn't know about each other's family too much. Many writers make all the purebloods know one another. Something that I think at this time wasn't too important. Yes, they made sure to marry purebloods, but I don't think they made sure to hang out with each other every week just because they were high and mighty purebloods. I like to think it wasn't until Voldemort's rise that they began to worry about that and especially after his first fall when no one was sure if he would return. But of course, this is all in my head so it doesn't really matter.
You were really good at keeping the reader from finding out it was Lucius who was her lover all along. I was at first under the impression that she would meet Lucius and end up loving him and being the Prince Charming or something. My mind tends to assume that the author is going to try to lead you away and then attempt to throw something unexpected toward you, so it wasn't until after she mentioned family honor that the idea that it may be Lucius popped into my head. Before that, at the very beginning, my mind decided to entertain that idea that maybe she was thinking Lucius as a different person after he joined Voldemort but it was dismissed as I read on, so no, it wasn't easy to find out it was Lucius all along.
Wow, I ramble. Anyway, Narcissa's thought process is what I think would really happen if something like this actually occurred. She does, after-all, think about her family first.
The ending was sweet and much better than those who make it as though they don't have any feelings for one another because of the giant icicles stuck permanently up their bums.Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you SO much for review-tagging me!! :)
Haha; I'm not sure whether I should say "Yay" or "I'm sorry" that it made you smile! :P
Wow! What you said about the purebloods not hanging out all the time is really insightful and is honestly something I hadn't thought about before. A lot of people who have read and reviewed this have commented that it's not very believable for the two of them not to know each other, so it's great to hear (or read, rather), a different opinion on that! Thank you SO much!
Hehe; I tried REALLY hard to keep Lucius anonymous until the very end. I had the ending planned out before I really even started the piece (if I remember correctly), so I basically just had to figure out how to get there without revealing who he was.
I've always thought there was a bit of a 'softer' side to the Malfoys, and in general, I try to portray it. I completely agree that Lucius and Narcissa definitely have feelings for one another.
Thank you So much for your kind and thoughtful review!! :) Report Review
EEEK!! XD *hugs*
I'm most definitely a Lucius/Narcissa shipper; I feel that their personalities are so different when they're behind closed doors to when they're in public, and you remained so true to that!
The descriptions that you use were wonderful and so incredibly accurate. The way that you describe Narcissa as looking older than she is; how you place emphasis on her family's honour and blood status; the emotion that she feels for Lucius: they all add up to a beautiful characterization of Narcissa. You're so talented! ♥
I quite loved this line: Family honor, she thought to herself with a chuckle. Now I'm starting to sound like my mother. Everyone has moments when they sound like one or both of their parents, and it was excellent that you included this, as it made this one-shot all the more realistic.
While reading this, I was under the impression that Lucius was stopping Narcissa from being with her beloved, and that the fate she'd dreamt she have became nothing but a fairytale. I was so shocked when it was revealed that her beloved was in fact Lucius!
Although, I do have to admit that what threw me off was the fact that Narcissa didn't know Lucius' family history. I always see the pure-blood families as socializing with each other regularly (hence how Draco knew Crabbe and Goyle before they started Hogwarts) and also because Narcissa and Lucius attended Hogwarts together. (Lucius was born was in 1954 and Narcissa was born in 1955, so depending on when in the year they were born, it's entirely possible that they could be up to two years apart at Hogwarts. I'm more inclined to say up to one year though, as the Narcissus flower blooms in November to April but more commonly during the spring, so I tend to think of Narcissa being born in spring 1955 and Lucius would therefore be either in her year or the year above her. And yes, I just typed all of this from memory. *blushes*)
In addition, I'm sure if you've been dating someone for two years, you would be able to recognize their voice, so I'm wondering why Narcissa didn't recognize Lucius'. It's entirely possible that she didn't recognize it as she was utterly convinced that it wasn't possible for Lucius to be there, but in that case I would advise including something to mention that. That might just be me, though. :P
And now to the ending. I loved the ending! It was so sweet and wonderfully, a happy ending for Narcissa! (And for Lucius, considering that he was also going through similar torment!) The way he hugged her and smiled sweetly and reassured her that they were going to be together after all... I had a MAJOR case of the feels; so major, in fact, that it provoked the reaction at the beginning of this review! I know I've said this before, but you really are incredibly talented! ♥Author's Response: EEEK, Santa!! Thank you SO much; you spoil me!! :)
D'aww, thank you! *blushes* I'm really glad that you liked the descriptions! This piece was a bit different for me... "different" as in I tried to go about writing it differently than my other pieces. I'm glad to see it payed off!
*Hangs head in shame* Yes, the whole Lucius-and-Narcissa-not-knowing-each-other thing is something other reviewers have pointed out, and, in total honesty, it's something I just really didn't think through before I wrote it. I didn't really research their ages or anything, or when they'd have been at Hogwarts. In fact, I was hit by this plunny during class one day and pretty much wrote it all in THAT day. I've thought about going back and editing that, but I'm really trying to focus on "Keeping Secrets" right now, and I don't have much spare time. But as soon as I do, I'm going to give that a bit of an overhaul!! Thanks SO much for the info; you've definitely saved me a bit of research. (And don't blush about knowing all that by heart; the fact that you do is totally AWESOME! I know fact about some of my characters like that as well!) :D
And you're totally right, she WOULD recognize his voice. That's something else that I thought about a bit too late. That's another thing that I'll definitely revamp when I get the chance!
Awww; I'm glad you liked the ending!! It honestly gave me a case of the feels as I was writing it! And even now I can't stop smiling when I re-read it!!
Thank you SO, SO, SO MUCH!!! Report Review
That was ADORABLE!
I'm so glad they were together! I had my suspicions at first, and I knew it was going to happen because they're canon, but this in fanfiction so anything could have happened!
It was an absolutely adorable one-shot! I absolutely loved it!
10/10! :DAuthor's Response: AWW, yay! I'm so glad you liked it! And thank you SO much for reviewing! ♥ Haha, a few other people have said that they had suspicions, and I think the title kind of lends to them as well. :) Either way, I hope you're glad that your suspicions came true! And again, SO thrilled that you loved it! Thank you SO MUCH!! Report Review
Wow, this was really a very sweet story and you wrote it beautifully. I listened to the storycast of this and it was equally brilliant (I reviewed it). I love your portrayal of Lucius and Narcissa, and I think you have captured Narcissa's emotions very well. The ending was surprising yet very nice. I liked the way your story flowed, and I enjoyed reading it.
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Aw, AD! Thank you SO, SO much for taking the time to read this (And listen to it!) And not only did you review the podcast, you reviewed the story, too!! You seriously made my day with this (even though it has taken me a RIDICULOUS amount of time to respond- I'm sorry!)
I am so, SO thrilled that you enjoyed it, you're too kind. :D Thank you SO MUCH! *squishes* Report Review
Aww, this is a really nice piece! :)
I like happy endings, even for the bad guys so this was a refreshing read. I don't think I've ever read anything like this before so great job on originality.
I think your characterisation's are great, you've really understood Narcissa and Lucius well, I could imagine them acting like this.
Overall, this was a really nice piece 10/10 :)Author's Response: Aww yay! I'm glad you liked it!! (I know what you mean; I like happy endings, even for the bad guys, too!)
YAY! I'm glad you think it's original! I certainly hope so! And I'm thrilled that I did a good job with the characterizations, too!
Thank you SO much dear! *Huffle Hugs* Report Review
Aww this was adorable? Well, certainly very sweet and a lovely happy ending! I really liked the plot of this - and it was well written as well. I think you managed to convey Narcissa's emotions very well - and I really loved the emphasis on honour + family is worth more than her feelings! I loved how sad she was that she had to break up, but still willing to marry someone else - I just thought her characterisation was really spot on.
I had a small feeling that the person she was already dating would be Lucius and that the 'suitor' would also be Lucius and it was nice to see that happen! The one thing I was unsure about was this: "Narcissa couldn't fight the feeling that his voice sounded oddly familiar, but she wasn't quite sure where she'd heard it before." I think someone's voice is quite distinctive and if they were lovers I don't understand why Narcissa wouldn't be able to place his voice immediately.
Nonetheless, this was a very enjoyable story and I especially liked Narcissa's characterisation and the plot. Well written :)Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave a lovely, long, and thoughtful review! :) I'm really glad you liked the ending; I'm rather fond of it myself. Thank you TONS for your comments about the writing, portrayal of the emotions and characterization; I'm glad you think I did a good job with all of those things!
Haha! A few others who've read this said they kind of thought Lucius would be the suitor... I'm glad that it had an overall good effect. :) And you're absolutely right about Narcissa knowing Lucius' voice; in looking back at this after writing, I realize there are a few small details I missed out on... like the fact that Narcissa could possibly have gone to Hogwarts together, and she'd therefore have known his last name and blood status. I may go back and edit those things at some point, but for now I'm just concentrating on updating my longer fic. Thank you for pointing that out, though; you're the first to bring it to my attention! :)
I'm really thrilled that you enjoyed the story overall! Thank you again SO MUCH for taking the time to read and review this! I can't tell you how much it means!! :) Report Review
Very interesting start! I never read a Narcissa/Lucius fic before, but I think I'll start to because I really like this.
Looking forward to the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Awww! What a surprise! Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing; you've made my day!! :) Report Review
Beautifully written, are you continuing? I like how you portray how much they love eachother and the reaction of their parents was awesome. Please continue! Loved it.Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much! I originally intended this to be a one-shot, but several people have been asking for more! So, as of right now, I'm *considering* adding a prequel to this, or even perhaps doing a short story collection, or series of one-shots.
I'm really glad you liked how I portrayed their love for one another and their parents' reactions. Thank you SO, SO much!! Report Review
What an interesting twist! you know, I always sort of wondered how much Lucius and Narcissa loved each other or if it was just a match of convenience for the sake of blood status and family prestige. It was interesting to think that it was actually both.
The story had a nice and easy flow to it, and the descriptions were very effective at capturing the scene and giving us insights into the emotional tumult that Narcissa was going through.Author's Response: Awww! Thank you so much for your sweet and thoughtful review!! Report Review
This was so lovely! So lovely that I demand you write more now! *pounds desk in petulance* :)
You lent such a bittersweet air to the whole story with Narcissa missing her school sweetheart but being willing to give it all up for the good of the family. How you worded it and showed how Narcissa came to that decision was really done well.
I do have questions in regards to how Narcissa didn't know the proud Malfoy name or seemed to not even know about Lucius' blood status and such. This would seem to me to be a fact that Lucius would prominently display at Hogwarts or that she would be made aware of by someone at the school since everyone talks about everyone. Maybe I'm not supposed to care about these details but they do kind of stick in my mind.
Other than that, I was pulled into Narcissa's anxiety and sadness over losing her lover. The little details of going through the motions to get herself ready, how the memories seamlessly were incorporated and the step by step motions you let us follow made Narcissa that much more real a character. And the ending was so sweet to read after all the turmoil! ♥
xCharAuthor's Response: Awww, thank you! Haha; your desk-pounding made me laugh out loud. :) I originally intended this to be a one-shot, but several people have been asking for more... so I might just end up continuing it. *winks*
You're the first to comment on the bitter-sweetness of the story, and I'm glad you did. I didn't even realize that's what I was going for until you said it. :) And *whew*! I'm really glad that you felt Narcissa's decision was explained; I was worried about that!
As far as the whole "Lucius and Narcissa not knowing each other's last names" thing, I wasn't sure how far apart they are in age or if they were at Hogwarts at the same time, so for the purposes of this story I just kind of ignored the whole "Hogwarts" thing. I just imagined the two of them meeting at the Hog's Head or something and deciding not to ask about each other's last names or blood status because they were so interested in one another. In hindsight I really wish I'd explained that. Oh well, that'll just be something to explain if I write a prequel! :)
Eep! I'm super-thrilled that you found the emotions to be life-like and that Narcissa seemed like more of a real character! *Sighs* I rather love the ending, myself. :)
Thank you SO, SO much, dear! I can't tell you how much your kind and thoughtful review means to me! Report Review
That was so adorable! Good job, perfect one shotAuthor's Response: Awww, yay! Thank you SO, SO much, dear! I can't tell you how much it just made my day to read your review! Report Review
I actually completely wasn't expecting that to happen untill about half way through and she was talking and I suddenly thought back to the title and was like, wait, wait, maybe it's Lucius! And I was really really glad when it was, because it made for sure a cute ending which I really enjoyed.
This was really well written and lovely and I'm really glad that I got a chance to read. I also want to see how it pans out with their parents and stuff, but I guess that will have to wait.
Lovely story :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Awww, I'm really glad you enjoyed it!! Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing! I'm going to consider writing some more to this once I finish my novel... I'll be sure to inform you if I do! Thanks again!! Report Review
Hey! Review tag brought me here :)
I really, really loved this. I think it's a unique take on the Lucius/Narcissa relationship and the idea of them having an arranged marriage. I wouldn't have guessed that he was the man with whom she was having an illicit teenage affair, nor did I realize that he would, in a wonderful twist, be the man her parents chose for her in the end. Their relationship is painted as being loving and tender, and I really like that.
Your imagery is very beautiful. I really like how in the beginning you described Narcissa as looking older than she really is, because that's how I've always seen her as well. I also liked how you described Lucius's voice as sounding like honey being poured from a jar, because it's quite fitting! The story flows well and I didn't catch any errors, which is great.
Wonderful work! :)
AmandaAuthor's Response: Awww, thanks so much dear! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
Haha, I'm glad the ending surprised you! I really don't know where the plunny for this came from... it just attacked me one day! I'm glad it did, though; thus far it seems to be working out very well!
Aww, thank you so much for your compliments about the imagery and flow! *Tears* I owe the bit about the errors to my wonderful Beta - I would seriously be lost without her!
Thanks again, dear! Your review made my night!
~Jayde Report Review
WOW! I really wasn't expecting that. I really thought the man she had fallen for was a muggleborn or just someone that wasn't him so when I read the ending I did a doubletake and a huge, HUGE, HUGE grin appeared on my face.
I love, love, love this couple.
I love, love, love your writing.
Aand, I think once the story of Jayde is over you might want to explore writing a prequel to this one-shot, perhaps a short story, of the relationship or even what happens next, or something.
Actually, what do you have planned after Jayde/Draco is finished?Author's Response: DEEDS. You have once again made my night! This was an absolutely wonderful, unexpected and pleasant surprise! Thank you so, SO MUCH!
Muahahaha! (That's my evil laugh) I was hoping the ending would be a pleasant surprise! And I'm thrilled that I could put a huge smile on your face!
I love, love, love your reviews!
Haha, you're the second person to suggest that I continue this story... I'm actually seriously considering it now, of course, after I've finished with Draco/Jayde. This is sort of a prequel to Draco/Jayde, anyways. :-)
As of right now I don't have anything planned after Draco/Jayde. In fact, I didn't have this one-shot planned... it just sort of 'happened'. And by 'happened' I mean I was attacked by a vicious plot bunny who wouldn't go away. I've actually had an idea of turning 'Inevitable' into a series... but I'm not really sure about that.
So, other than possibly doing a sequel to 'Inevitable' and continuing this Lucius/Narcissa story, I really don't know... the possibilities are endless. (Correction - I had a Lily/James or Ron/Hermione baby plunny the other day, I may or may not be chasing it.) And someone had asked if I'd continue a one-shot I wrote for the house cup collab, so I'm considering that as well. (Okay, well when you read all that it seems like I've got a lot planned... but I swear I don't.)
Anyways, again, thank you SO much for taking the time to read and review this, dear! And I saw that you added it as a favorite, too - *Squee*!
Nicely written. So it looks like the two of them were mean't to be together after all. 10/10 and adding to favsAuthor's Response: !! Thank you SO much!! I can't believe this got a favorite on it's first day up!! *hugs* Report Review
Very cute! Nicely written :)Author's Response: Yay! A brand new one-shot and it's already got a review!! Thank you SO much dear!! Report Review
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