This is Dramione? Oh wow, I'm surprised I didn't see that coming.
I'm really surprised though by your portrayal of Hermione. She is much too OOC for my likes. I would think that Hermione is strong enough to still be the same person after finding this out. That she would be just as determined as before to help Harry defeat Voldemort and she would not let the fact that he is her father affect her. But that's why they call this FanFiction huh? haha.
In terms of pace, this chapter was much better than the last. It worked well. You slowly went through what was going on. There was a lot of dialogue though. A bit more of what Hermione was thinking and feeling could have been a nice tough to let the read in more.
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: I'll keep that in mind when I edit it. I don't see her as OOC because I read many Dramonie fics where this is her personality and I've only read the books once because They are too expensive for me to own and my library never has them. When I go through this again, I'll consider what about Hermione is OOC and attempt to change it. Thank you for your insight. I enjoyed participating in your challenge. Report Review
Wow, that was so very unexpected. You really took this secret to a new level. When I first read the secret it seemed like one of the more trivial ones, not one of the ones that seemed life changing, but you proved me wrong which I enjoyed! I really like to see the secret played out in ways I don't imagine myself. It's really interesting to see another person's interpretation.
I think this need a bit of work on grammar. Have you tried getting a beta? I think having a beta could really help this out. They could help you with simple grammatical errors, but also with some of the flow issues I noticed. You gave your reader a lot of information in just about 500 words. Its a lot to comprehend so quickly. You could have had a chapter in which we learn only about Hermione's eavesdropping, and maybe see some examples on a smaller scale. Then the second chapter could have gotten into this incident.
I really do find this story to be intriguing, and I cannot wait to read more!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: Thanks. I know about getting a beta, but I never do for a challenge because typically they are less then 10 chapters, i also wrote this one without Microsoft word. I will go through and edit it again. I'm glad that you liked it, I knew that the secret I had could be made into something more so I decided to. Report Review
wow!! i cant wait for the next chapter! brilliant job!:)Author's Response: Thanks glad you like it. Report Review
i love it!! what year is hermione in though?Author's Response: Either sixth or seventh, but since i have not compleatly decided yet maybe younger... Report Review
Keep writing hermione eavesdropping incident was great keep it comingAuthor's Response: Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. I'll try to update soon, no promises, but i'll try. If I don't get it updated before its due for the challenge then i'll update it after. Report Review
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