Love the story, update soon?:)

Author's Response: Thanks, i wont be updating for a while because ive got exams so it might be another two weeks or so before i do :) x

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Hi there! I have just read all of these wonderful chapters and I have a couple comments :) First off, nice job! I think you've found a pretty good way to make a tired storyline new and interesting.

Before I continue, I don't want you to hate me because you think I'm mean! This is meant as purely constructive criticism; I like this story--it could just be improved a bit. Don't hate me! •.• *puppydog eyes*

So, it definitely needs some editing. Commas, apostrophes, the likes. And sometimes the conversations or thought processes just seem a little too formal in language. Don't be afraid to loosen up a bit! It can also be a little awkward, in my opinion. Like the little "why did you choose me for the gift of your friendship" blurb here seemed a bit dramatic and maybe a tiny bit forced. I don't know. I like the sentiment, just not the way it played out.

The summary is kind of... weird. I think I only started reading this because it was a favorite of one of my frequented authors or something; the summary is not appealing. I would change that to be plot-relevant.

Lastly, I think that it would be great if you could make the chapters longer. Say, 3000 words? Is that too much? I just feel like sometimes nothing really happens. Take this one for example. Albus got a girlfriend. ...yeah, that's it.

I don't mean to be rude or harsh! I honestly like this story so far! I hope you don't hate me forever and that I helped, not hurt.
-Cat

Author's Response: Hi,
Wow that was like the longest review ever haha.
And no i dont hate you and i get what you mean about going through it and all because i am quite bad at grammar etc.
Its only really formal when i cant be bothered to write. I fell kinda obligated to write a bit at least once a week but when i do i cant really be bothered and thats when it comes out forced and... boring.
I havent actually looked at that summary since i first wrote it, which was a while ago but im so crap at summaries i cant think of anything, so if you have any suggestions or anyone else, i would put it up immediately, with recognition, because even i think its terrible.
The chapters are short because i'm really bad at description...and emotion. I dont have the proper umph to write a lot because on this other website i post on, it kinda looks like more and other people only write about that much. At one point i will go through this story to improve it but i have exams now and i need to revise. Probably in the next holidays i have or if i ever finish this story ill go back over it and improve it so its longer and better.
Basically, thanks for all the advice because i know its not the best, im just stressed now and thats also why the last chapter came out so bad. I will go over it at one point and i dont hate you, you helped :D
-Mary

p.s. i was being serious about that summary thing because i have NO idea what to say in that box :/ xxx

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I loved this chapter but her relationship with James confuses me. I see her as closer to James than Albus but yet James fancies her sister not her? Bummer. Is this Albus/OC or James/OC

Author's Response: Just because theyre sort-of friends doesnt mean they fancy each other. James is going out with her sister and its an Al/OC story :)

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I love Aly and Aj, Like Whoa is one of my most favourite songs by them!

Author's Response: I know, i only found it recently and i cant help but love it :)

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So funny XD
Great to see some more of her sister.
I can't wait to see what's going to happen in the next chapter, please update as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Ive gotten about one quarter of it written and i realised there will only be around three or four more chapters if it all maps out how i want it too, which is sad :( xx

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Just realised that I haven't replied to this chapter even though I've read it... sorry about that.
I really loved this chapter :D

Author's Response: Haha thanks and dont worry, you dont need to review on each chapter its just good to know you still like it :) xx

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I really liked this chapter and it was nice to see Albus standing up for someone. I didn't like the way James acted in this chapter though. However I wanted to tell you how much I love the way you title your chapters I think they are really inventive. Keep Writing :)

Author's Response: Yeah, i havent really been showing anything for Albus maybe/maybe not liking her so i thought i might as well add it in. An dont worry, he has an explanation, he didn't actually just not help to see his brother getting beaten up! And thanks thats really nice!! Thanks for the review! :D xx

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i love your story. "princess" is sooo funny. i would DIE if my name was princess haha. great chapter! update soon!
xoxo harrypotterluver123

Author's Response: Haha thanks, and yeah, i know!
Im nealry half way through the next chapter now so itll be up in the next week or so :) xx

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AVPM quote!! Loved it!! XD
'Princess'?! I think I actually snorted while laughing reading that!! I'd hate so much to be called that!!
You've got more reviews!! Yay!!
I can't wait to see what's going to happen next, please update as soon as you can. :D

Author's Response: What was the quote again? Its been a while since I submitted this and I've completely forgotten. but thanks for reviewing... again, and probably being the only one. Ill try and write some more but I'm lacking motivation seeing as i don't really get any reviews and now TDA wont let me resubmit my request for a banner because i keep on getting told off because i make stupid mistakes i don't realise I'm making, and people rarely read stories without banners (im most annoyed at that seeing as they only just told me i could never resubmit for a banner again. >:() and... angry rant at the mean people at TDA over, thanks again for the review! :)

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Well, since you asked... ;)
She's pregnant, 'again'? Ooooh, the plot thickens!
And everyone wants a gay best friend ;) I love Louis! And I love Albus... he's kinda cute :D
Update soon! :)
Little_rebels

Author's Response: Haha thanks!
And, i knoww, mysterious much?! Hahaha!
I love him too to be honest, he would be my ideal best friend (that's a boy)!
Thanks for the review, and i'll get onto writing it soon!! :) xx

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Well her mother getting pregnant is certainly a surprise.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)

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Ooohh!! I want to find out what her mum being pregnant "again" is going to cause with them.
Also I really can't wait to see where things go with Al.
I loved this chapter :D
I really hope you get some more reviews, you really deserve them. Please update as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Yep, you'll find out pretty much it all in the next two chapters, i dont really know why i've taken so long to do it though, its not that big but oh well! Thanks for the review!!
(secretly, i agree too, i wish i got more!)

:) xx

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Aww... sweet chapter. I loved it.
I really can't see why you don't have more reviews, this is a really good story :)
I really want to find out what's happened to her, like that whole 'anniversary' thing at the beginning. Will it be coming soon?
I really can't wait to see what's going to happen next, please update as soon as you can. :D

Author's Response: Haha i know, your like the only one! Oh well, better than none! Yeah probably in the next 2/3 chapters, it depends how it all works out :) To be honest, i haven't even started writing the next chapter after this, I'm putting the next one on soon, but I'll get straight onto it!
Thanks for constantly reviewing as well! Haha :) xx

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OOO OOO OOO OH!! I didn't expect that!!
I want to know more, will we find out more soon?!
I really can't wait to see what's going to happen next, please update as soon as you can. :D

Author's Response: Haha! Well, i've just started to write the next chapter, so that will be up in 2 weeks or so, sorry for the wait :) And thanks for being an avid reviewer!! (practically my only one) :D ! xx

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Very funny, loved it XD
I'm interested to see what's going to happen between Al and her.
I can't wait to see what's going to happen next, please update as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Thanks :)
The next chapter is in validation but i have 0% of the next chapter after that written :/ But im glad you liked it :) xx

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Loved this chapter!!
Louis and James are so funny!! XD
Loved the wand joke!!
I really can't wait to see what's going to happen next, are we going to have more Louis? Please update as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Haha thanks, i thought it was quite good ;) and defiantly, even I love Louis! The next chapter is in validation... i think anyway, thats for the review! xx

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I like this story! So funny XD I like Malfoy and Albus :D update soon! I wanna know what happens next! Is she going to make any friends? Is she going to go out with Albus?! Ooooh, can't wait! :D

xx

Author's Response: Thanks! And the next chapter is up, and i have half of 6 going :) Haha, the next will deffo be up soon! xx

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Very funny, Malfoy seems funny. I guess he's going to be interesting in the future XD
I can't wait to see what's going to happen next, please update as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Haha yeah.Thanks! :D x

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Loved this!! So funny, I laughed a lot.
I really can't wait to see what happens next, please update as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Thanks! And i already have the next 3 chapters pre written so the next is in for validation as i type this :D xx

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I enjoyed your characters POV, it would have been great to get the name. I loved that you started the story with just her thoughts and about what they were. I don't think that I have seen that before it was good. The way you explained other characters to others was great but some of them, the ones with the brackets it was a little like you just didn't know how to make it to a sentence. I feel that having them in sentences would have added your flow but other than that I believe there was good flow it just stopped at those points.

Author's Response: Thanks and really? I've seen it many times before! Its supposed to be like that, its supposed to be explaining them quite quickly and to show that she's kind of judgemental so its easy to put someone's whole personality into one line. Its not a good thing but that was the point. Its supposed to be in brackets as well because its just sort of on the back of her mind, she just comes up with these stereotypes almost automatically. But sorry that didn't come across. thanks for the review :) xx

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This sounds like a great start, I really can't wait to see where you go with it. :D
Please update as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Thanks :) Ive just finished the next chapter xx

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Haha, it's a great start! I'd love to read more soon! :D

Author's Response: Thanks! Next chapter will be up soon! :)

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HI-LARIOUS! PURE AWESOMALIATILI (new word yea be jealous) please upload this soon or i'll explode
ok maybe not explode(don't want to hurt myself)
how about implode? (won't hurt the outside so thats good)
(10/10)
Love
Sarah (Flip_Side)
(oh by the way imm adding you to my favs)
I think this maybe the longest comment I ever wrote

Author's Response: Hahaha thanks and i will soon, i'm nearly done with the next chapter actually and then it will be up! thanks for the review :)

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Your main character sounds absolutely lovely lol

Author's Response: Thanks :) x

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