Reading Reviews for Becoming Beautiful
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pen2Paper Let me Run

11th February 2012:
Hey Hannah,

It's Pen2Paper from the forums with an extremely overdue review! So sorry but real life has been incredibly hectic. Anyway I'm here with your review. Lets get to it.

This was very beautifully written. I loved the way you portrayed Victoire. Although the chapter clearly tells of how broken she is about her lost beauty in the undertone we can feel she is a much stronger character and not one to base everything on her looks. That is really a masterful job to pull off. She has a feel about her that says she has enjoyed being the attention-grabber although she tried not to let it go to her head, and she's only broken now because she is in completely unfamiliar territory. She has no idea how to be brazen and tough and not care what the world thinks of her, especially since what they used to think might have been secretly to become her.
This is a very hard labile emotional state you've picked for your character and I praise you for pulling it off really really well!

You've introduced a lot of characters here but you've done so in a few sentences that quickly and effectively describe Vic's relationship with them. From Louis' worried expressions, Dominique's impatient sighs, her dad's tender advice... these are all so amazing that you can clearly picture the family. I'm thoroughly impressed by this aspect.

Your word choice is brilliant. However there are some minor grammatical errors scattered across the chapter that you could fix with the quick once-over or by getting a beta.

Descriptions. Lovely. I love the settings you've chosen. The distant sea and storm, very reflective. and the calm night outside on the porch for the daddy-daughter talk. You're indeed very skilled with your imagination and I believe it wouldn't be wrong for you to go with your instincts with this story :)

I was hoping we'd get to see Teddy before the end of the chapter. And you didn't dissapoint. Teddy was a reflection of his father, kind, soft-spoken and protective. I can't wait to see what you have planned for both of them and I wonder about their past and the fragility of their friendship because of her actions when she was beautiful... hmm very curious.

Your chapter focuses on the present, which leaves readers curious and interested of the past that led her to this unfortunate state. It's really both cruel and genius of you to end with a cliffhanger which will most certainly ensure your readers will follow onto the next chapter. I'm dying to find out the sadistic criminal who was responsible for her near death experience.

Overall. I only have praise for you. Your word choice, description, narrative and flow, all are absolutely brilliant. You're undoubtedly a dedicated authour and I wish you luck with the rest of the chapters. This is really a wonderful start to a potential beautiful story :) Thank you for requesting. Please don't hesitate to request for the following chapters :)
10/10
~Pen2Paper.

Author's Response: Hi!

So, I've been away for about a week and I was very pleased to get your review, it was a nice coming home present. It was no problem at all for your review to be slightly belated.

Even better to the fact this was so nice, I'm really glad you liked it and your interpretation of the way I wrote everything was just how I intended and that really makes me happy. As for the mistakes I have a beta'd copy, but it hasn't gone in the queue yet unfortunately - but thank you. It was great to hear your thoughts.

Thank you!
Hannah.


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Review #2, by AC_rules Let me Run

3rd February 2012:
Ahhadhiahfidah. Hello there!

I really enjoyed this chapter and I'm really glad that I had a chance to come and read this. I think you've got something really original here and I actually can't wait to read the rest of it.

The cliffhanger-type-thing was, of course, very intense and made me want to know what happens immediately as every cliff hanger should... and, yeah. I loved Teddy, loved Victoire and everything about this.

I saw your post in the... summary help was it? I knew I wanted to read it then and I've really enjoyed it so far :)

Can't wait to see where it goes!

-AC

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for the review! I'm so glad you liked this, it means a lot to hear that from you :) As for, original...wow. That /really/ means a lot to hear. Thank you for the lovely comments! I really can't even convey how much this review made me happy.
The Cliffhanger was there as a device to keep the readers on a little bit of a string and I'm glad that worked and I pulled it off well. And I love both Teddy and Victoire myself so I really worked on their characterisation.

Thank you!
Hannah.


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Review #3, by Tonks1247 Let me Run

29th January 2012:
Hello!

I loved this chapter. It was filled with a lot of beautiful description and the characterization was amazing. You really bring out the emotions Victoire feels in the beginning, with her running away from her house. I also like that you included Bill in there. His words to her are so true, and I’m happy you didn’t have her just go for them. I like that she thought more about them and made the adjustment during the day.

I also adore Teddy. I was sort of waiting for him to join Victoire. It just really seems to be a part of his character to be protective of her. And him trying to reassure her…it makes total sense because they’re so close in age. But I think your characterization of Teddy and Victoire was spot on! It was great!

This does leave me curious as to what exactly happened to Victoire. And who the guy is in relation to that entire things…I’ll definitely be keeping watch for new chapters to read! :D

And, before I go, I found 3 little things that you may want to fix.

“She got as far as being up to her waist in water, with the tide out she looked a lot further away from the shore then she had thought she was She could make out Dominique’s expression of worry…” –You want a period between ‘was’ and ‘She’. I think it was intended to be two sentences.

“For all she knew it was a ruse to get her out of the water and really they were going to punish her some how.” –This sentence was a bit confusing. Mostly the ‘and really’ part. It could just be me, but the wording may need to be edited at the end a little bit.

“But now she was acutely aware of how she grotesque she was and a paranoid part of her looked around wondering who was talking about her.” –I don’t think you wanted the she in before the grotesque.

Other than those few things, I loved this chapter! Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for the lovely review, this made me really happy. I toyed a lot with Bill's words and her reaction to them so I'm glad you liked that. As for Teddy, eee, I love him and it made sense to me as well for him to be like that about her, I always think that they always had that kind of relationship where they look out for one another and Victoire to me, always felt as though Teddy was the only person she could be herself with.

I'm hoping to get new chapters up soon! And as for those mistakes, I've gotten a Beta so they should hopefully be worked out :)

Thanks for the review! :)
Hannah


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Review #4, by LittleWelshGirl99 Let me Run

29th January 2012:
Hello! *Team Bronze*

I remember helping with the summary for this story, and thinking it sounded good. Now I am completely in love with it! It has such a chance for a deep, meaningful plotline. The beautiful girl turned ugly. The emotion is absolutely wonderful throughout, and I just can't wait to see where this goes! The only sentence I thought could have been written better was 'the girl every stopped and stared at and turned into this.' every should be everyone, and I think it might sound more powerful as 'the girl everyone stopped and stared at...suddenly turned into this.'

Just an idea!
LWG x

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you for the lovely review! I really, really want to explore more of how she deals with herself like this and I am so glad you liked it. Actually, I meant to credit you for the help so thank you for reminding me!

As for that sentence, I knew there would be something I missed. I do plan to edit that so thanks for pointing out the mistake. As for the structure, I know what you mean, I'll take a look at that when I edit it :)

Thank you for the lovely review, team bronze!
Hannah.


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Review #5, by TenthWeasley Let me Run

28th January 2012:
Hannah! ♥ I am so pleased I get the opportunity to review this for you. :3

Already I'm loving this story -- your writing has improved in leaps and bounds since I first came to know about about a year ago, and you should be very proud of what you've already accomplished here! I love that you're dealing with literal and figurative scars, because that's just something that greatly intrigues me -- I don't know why, but when I realized that's what was in play here, I got so excited. And I LOVE all your descriptions of the ocean, too -- so gorgeous.

I want to give your Louis a hug, because he just seems like the best brother ever, and I have now decided that should I ever get a brother it should be one like him. I think it's very natural that Vic should be closer to him than Dominique, too, for the very reason you point out -- "queen bee power" is a bitter thing to have to think about, and probably even more so for Vic now.

AND NOW I WANT TO KNOW WHO'S AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. You've piqued my curiosity and I just... dfhdslfh. And Teddy! ♥ Teddy's going to punch this strange offender and all will be right with the world. Excellent, excellent work, Hannah, and I hope to get the opportunity to read more from you quite soon! Lovely job!

Author's Response: Jane!

Your review just made my day :3 I actually read it about three hours ago when I was with my brother and sister and they were all really confused as to why I was very happy all of a sudden.

ANYWAY. To your actual review - you have no idea how much it means to me to hear I've improved! I'm really glad you think so, it gives me a little bit more confidence in what I'm doing. As for the theme, it's a n idea i've been playing around with for months and it really does intrigue me - the idea of someone relying on their beauty and it suddenly being destroyed and then having to deal with the figurative scarring of realising they can't be who they thought they were anymore and on top of that the trauma of the situation. I really love the idea of exploring that!

I loved Louis, he was great to write and I thought Dom would be a lot more impatient with her sister as well, the way I have her characterised in my head whereas Louis is a lot more able to give Vic the patience she needs which is why they probably feel closer :)

AH. And as for who the mysterious stranger you shall have to wait my dear and wonderful Jane (although, I am right with you there - I was tempted to have Teddy do it right there and then. But alas - we need a lot more context to understand)

Thank you so much for the review Jane, it made me really happy :)
Hannah.


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Review #6, by Alia Let me Run

27th January 2012:
This is an amazing story. I love the way you project the characters feelings so well, you're an excellent writer. You have to write more chapters! I'll be eagerly awaiting them! 10/10, great job ;)

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
You've made me want to update right away (sadly I have a queue to go in the queue) But I shall update the second I can!
So glad you like it! :)
Hannah.


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Review #7, by alicia and anne Let me Run

27th January 2012:
Wow I love that ending!
This is a very good first chapter, I wonder who that guy is at the end and what exactly he done to her to cause her to be so disfigured?
You wrote this incredibly well and it flowed nicely. I like how she's close to Louis and how her and Teddy are friends with him being there for her. Her family are very supportive of her as well.
Overall a fantastic read *favourites* :-D
P.S I love the chapter picture!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you for the lovely review ^_^
I'm hoping to very slowly reveal what happened to her through the chapters, but it will make sense soon!
I'm glad you liked the relationships I created - I felt she needed that support and if any family would give it to her it would be the Weasley family :)
Thank you!
(And I made the Chapter Image myself so that made me blush a little ^_^)
Hannah.


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