Reading Reviews for Falling, Falling In Love
  
30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp Home At Last

6th March 2013:
Hi there!

Considering that this was an "early" story of yours, it seems quite good so far. This first chapter is a little short, but it is okay in a way too - at least for the first introductory chapter.

I liked how you introduced Hermione and Draco, though it'd have been better if you had included more description on the situation and established the setting first before jumping into the action of the situation. Some introductory details are really important to be told in the first chapter of the story so the reader knows what has taken place, the current situation - in environment and relationships both - and maybe some more on appearances etc.

I liked the brief interaction you provided between Hermione and Draco, and the part about Hermione looking into his eyes and assessing his personality was in-character, though it could have been done in a less "cheesy" manner also.

Since you're editing this, I'd like to give you a few little suggestions about your writing style.

You need to polish on your sentence phrasing and punctuation. For instance, in the first paragraph, the phrase "Mrs. Weasley" was repeated more than once when you could have simply referred to her in pronoun form ("her") after mentioning her the first time. Such small things may not seem a big deal but they disrupt smooth flow.

Then, in another para, this sentence is awkwardly phrased: "His trademark smirk no longer was etched apon his sharp features like they used to always be for the past five years that Hermione had knew Malfoy." If you read it aloud, you'll realize it sounds really confusing and strange. So better rephrase such long-winded sentences.

It's also good to ensure that all your sentences are grammatically correct. I also noticed that you had a few missing commas after dialogues, so better fix that. For example, it should be:
"Sorry," I muttered..
and not - "Sorry" I muttered..

If you fix these small mistakes, and work a bit on your descriptions, as well as writing style, this should turn out quite well.

Your plot seems interesting, and I liked the way you ended this chapter. You could always get a Beta to help you imrpove the story as you certainly have room for improvement. Keep writing, and good luck!

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #2, by write more Heads

2nd March 2013:
This is a bit short but it was good! Write more please!

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Review #3, by a fan Home At Last

2nd March 2013:
Good chapter but needs more details but nicely done overal

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Review #4, by megthechef43 Smiles. They're contagious

1st March 2013:
Shelli,

I'm back and hopefully you aren't dreading my reviews. I love that Draco stuck up for Hermione from Pansy. Great scene!

Tell us the password!! Really, tell us everything you are seeing in your head as you are writing your chapters. Tell me how Draco's hand felt. Was it rough, soft, calloused? I want to know. I want to know where they were when the fight broke out and where was Harry and Ron? Tell me I want to know everything.

Please continue I would like to know more about budding friendship.

Meg

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review Meg,
I wrote this a while ago, and I am currently re-writing and adding more details to this story (I am so embarrassed by how my writing was when I wrote this!)
Thank you so much for your constructive comments and input- this is very helpful.
-Shelli


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Review #5, by megthechef43 Heads

1st March 2013:
falling in love,

Hmmm... The head boy and head girl scenerio is done quite often in the Dramione realm, so be careful to stay true to yourself and be original.

I think one of the best Dramione weiters on this site is Dark Whisper and she once told me that you should write each chapter as if it is a one-shot. You need a beginning, middle, and end to each chapter to make it intriguing and make the readers want more.

You did answer my questions about when this story is taking place but this chapter has provoked more.

Why did Pansy say that? I find it odd she would just spout that out of the blue to Draco. Did Hermione make a move to talk to Draco? Was she near them?

Again I need more, more, more details into everything! Use it to fill out the chapters and it makes the read get a better sense of the aura of your story.

Please continue to write.

Meg

Author's Response: Meg,

Thank you so, so much for this lovely review.
I will be sure to keep in mind the thought of writing every chapter itself as if it is a one-shot.
This review has been so helpful!

I'll add plenty more details as I am re-writing these chapters! (Along with adding the missing information of the Pansy situation.)

Thanks for the reminder to stay true for these heads cliche plots! I appreciate all the effort you put forth into these reviews! Thank you so much.

-Shelli


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Review #6, by megthechef43 Home At Last

1st March 2013:
falling in love,

At first I just want to tell you that you have done a good job with this chapter but it does have plenty of room for improvement. I think that you chapter is a bit on the short side of things but that can be easily remedied if you choose to. I think you did a great job in the first paragraph with feelings and the description but the next few chapter need more. Here are a few questions I had after reading this chapter.

Does this take place before or after the war? If it is after Harry and Ron in canon had opted not to go back to Hogwarts but Hermione did? What changed their minds to going to school?

What is happening between Ron and Hermione because you didn't show much either way. Are they together? Did they break up but are still friends?

You said that Hermione was being dragged behind Harry and Ron so I am curious why they would leave her behind instead of her sitting on someone's lap or them squeezing to make room because they are such a tight-knit group. Maybe you could say she lost the boys in the bustling crowd and by the time she caught up their carriage was headed to the castle.

I think you could give us a ton more info and description to fill out this chapter. I think you should be this has the potential to be an awesome story.

Megthechef aka Meg

Author's Response: THIS is the best review I have gotten-ever. Thank you so much. I will try my hardest to improve on all the aspects you have just pointed out. I wrote this a WHILE ago, and reading my story made me cringe- which is why I am re-writing chapters.

Your input is a HUGE help for re-writing and i appreciate it so much. I will include those details- and add many more ASAP.

Your honestly have helped me so much- I didn't expect a review so great and helpful.

I'll keep your reviews in mind as I edit and re-write some more.

Thanks a billion,
-Shelli


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Review #7, by Harveyboy Smiles. They're contagious

1st March 2013:
Draco is so nice and its very believable that he should be after going through what he saw in the war...good chapter

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Review #8, by Harveyboy Heads

1st March 2013:
Needs filling out but keeping my interest to continue to next chapter

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Review #9, by Harveyboy Home At Last

1st March 2013:
Good start...I will read on

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

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Review #10, by C'est moi Smiles. They're contagious

12th February 2013:
Some spelling errors but pretty good

Author's Response: Thanks
-Shelli


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Review #11, by FeltonLewis Smiles. They're contagious

10th May 2012:
Hey you (: Good job on this one, I loved their little moment with the hand-holding (Y) Again, make your chapters longer because I love love reading this story ;)
Great update though and keep writing!
-Feltonlewis x

Author's Response: Thanks for the review Feltonlewis! Ya ik i shud make then longer :// Ill try next time! I cant wait for EHFAR and TOR to update:)
-Shelli


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Review #12, by Teena Smiles. They're contagious

8th March 2012:
I LOVE IT SHELLI!
IT WAS SOO GODD!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! :)

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Review #13, by NoNameGirl Heads

8th March 2012:
Yeah, it does seem sort of short. There are a few grammar errors. I still like the story and hope you will continue.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you like it! Thank you!!! _Shelli

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Review #14, by NoNameGirl Home At Last

8th March 2012:
Nicely done! I'm left wanting to go on.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!!! Keep reading!!! :)
_Shelli


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Review #15, by Timechild Heads

16th February 2012:
Interesting chapter.

Your detail was good in this one. Hermione's emotions were well documented.

Overall, nice job

Author's Response: Thank you for the review
The next chapter will be up soon I hope. I'm working on it. Thanks for reviewing
~Shelli


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Review #16, by Teena Heads

9th February 2012:
OMG THAT WAS AWESOME
DUUUDE UR REALLY GOOD!
TOTES DESERVES A 10/10

Author's Response: Haha Thanks Tina for the review! keep reading the next chapters when i post them! WIP
~Shelli


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Review #17, by FeltonLewis Heads

9th February 2012:
This was good :) Except I wish your chapters were longer because I love reading on and on and on and on :P anyway,I told you I would check it out ;) the next chapter of EHFOA should be out soon but I don't need to tell you,you'll read it anyway. Oh how I love you ^^

Keep writing and amazing job so far :)

Author's Response: hahahahah Thanks for the review!!! I'll make it longer next time, it was originally going to be two chapters but i split it up because i wanted to get the chapters in as soon as possible for validation. I'm working on chapter 3 right now :P haha I'll go check out your story!! Thanks for the review

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Review #18, by Ada Castallanta Heads

6th February 2012:
POOJACK!
*Shelli* + rusty buttox 4evah

Author's Response: DEOOO haha no way!!!
hahaha ECO COOKIE
thnx 4 reviewing devon!! haha i need 2 check out sum of ur stories deo!!!
~Shelli


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Review #19, by magicmuggle01 Heads

6th February 2012:
You seem to have what looks like a good plot with your story. I wonder how your going to put in the changes in Draco's behaviour. And I can guess that was Pansy talking at the end.

You do need to go over it again and do a bit of editing here and there, just to basically correct a spelling mistake here and there. 9/10 and plz update very soon.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review i will edit it next time I update a chapter for validation. The next chapter might be a wait because I have a lot of school work at the time but i will update as soon as possible. Thanks for the review.
~Shelli


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Review #20, by harry poter fann number 100000000 and 1/2 Heads

6th February 2012:
wow you are a amaizng writer, where did you get this talent from?

Author's Response: haha thank you for the review and complement :)
~Shelli


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Review #21, by magicmuggle01 Home At Last

6th February 2012:
A nice start to your story. I wonder what you have planned for the strange behaviour of Draco? I must move on and see if reveal anything in your next chapter. 9/10.

Author's Response: this takes place in their 7th year so they are coming back to finish their education. You'll have to wait and see. Thank you for reviewing!
~Shelli


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Review #22, by TEENI Home At Last

3rd February 2012:
AMAZING DUUDE! LOVE IT SHELLI

Author's Response: thnaks tina!!! :D
chapter 2 is being validated :)


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Review #23, by Devon Home At Last

1st February 2012:
UGH SHELLEY THIS STINKS SO BAD!
Jkjk it's pretty good! And guys, you reading this, I know the author thats why I'm being mean (:

Author's Response: haahha DEV:D thnx :P
hahaha way 2 spell my name wrong gurl lol. I'm typing chapter 2 so keep reading! ill send u the link for the next chapter when it's validated!!!
lol


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Review #24, by ewsoucf7 Home At Last

1st February 2012:
Hiya!

I think for your first fic you've done a really great job with it so far. I am going to be a meany and point out the one thing I noticed which was wrong.

'I were finally home'

It should either be, we were or I was. That was the only one I found I think...and sorry to point it out. Anyway lets get onto the positives.

I like that you didn't give your plot away all in one go. I'm still wondering how the two are ever going to be friends, let alone a ship. I also like that you showed that Draco was fearful of something.
Cant wait until your next chappie. (sorry for being a bit of a meany)
=]

Author's Response: haha thanks for the review! Oh yeah, Oops, typo. ill fix it when i write my next chapter. Thank you for this review, I think its great that you pointed out where i made a ksitake so i can change it and make it better, and not make the same mistake again.
Thanks you for the review, it made my day! Next chapter WIP
~Shelli


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Review #25, by Timechild Home At Last

1st February 2012:
Nice start.

A little short on detail. Maybe how she reacted when Ron shook her awake would help a little. Just a suggestion.

I am putting this fic in my favorites so I can keep an eye on it.

Overall, nicely done

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.
I'll keep your suggestion in mind next time I update it. I am honoured to be in your favourites! Thanks for R&R - ing!
Next chapter WIP
~Shelli


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