Reading Reviews for A Force Of Wills
71 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Infinityx Monster

14th September 2014:
Hi, here for your requested review.

I just couldn't stop reading. My eyes were glued to the screen until I completed it and I wanted to leave reviews as I read but it was too engrossing to stop.

This is like, everything I enjoy reading put together in one and I LOVE IT. Also, if you haven't noticed, it's gone straight into my favourites.

Okay, since I'm reviewing the final updated chapter, I guess I won't be able to completely touch on every single aspect so when I get the time, I'll go back and review each chapter.

You have created such a brilliant, enthralling universe here with such a deep, dark plot, and your writing style completely brings out the various moods in each situation in a really powerful way. There were so many times when my heart began racing and I just had to read on and find out what happened.

Totally love the whole Mafia type setting you've got going on with the Greengrass family. Maximus Greengrass gives me the chills and it's as though he's omnipresent, it's so creepy. Every time his character appeared, even the slightest of movements he made were filled with
so much significance, especially during the whole exchange between him and Blaise.

And BLAISE. He's just oozing with exterior calm and confidence and the way he handles Maximus is just. Wow. I was so scared that he would be cursed any second and I was kind of waiting for him to just drop dead but I'm glad that didn't happen. I knew it probably wouldn't happen in order for the plot to progress, but that didn't stop me from being terrified. Just. andepfmkm.

And Scorpious. You know, about the spelling. I get that it's a typo but I think the spelling makes a distinction between Astoria's brother and Scorpius from canon - Draco's son. I suggest you keep the spelling that way. I don't think I'll be able to think of him as 'Scorpius' because the entire personality is formed and now there's an identity to 'Scorpious', if you know what I mean.

Coming to his characterization. There's something about him that keeps me at the edge of my seat. Until the whole incident at Knockturn Alley, he seemed like quite a rational person who cared about what Astoria's wishes were, and he was just endearing in a way. And the other side to him, the mad one. That gave me thrills. You wrote that scene so brilliantly that I was put in a kind of scenario where I could visualize the expression on his face and the extent of his anger clearly. You really have a knack for writing action scenes. And when Scorpious finally showed his tears when Astoria was leaving...that broke me. I really hope there's some way of making him understand Astoria's position because she needs as much support as she can get right now.

Emily on the other hand. I don't really like her much. She seems really overbearing and egotistic and it's sad the way she doesn't really have a mind of her own because of her fear of her dad. But she's also quite intriguing. She does kind of understand that she's being controlled but she's fine with it. I am SO curious to know exactly how Leo died. It's obvious that Maximus killed him or had him killed and I'm trying to piece the various details together but I need MORE. :D

Draco Malfoy makes me want to throw up. He's such a slime ball in this and I hate how he has such pure lust towards Astoria. The amount of mental scarring she must have with his hands and mouth all over her whenever he sees's just horrifying. I'm also really curious to see whether you'll follow canon and have Draco end up with Astoria or whether you'll break away from that.


So, I'm guessing that Astoria has to give in to Draco's advances? That's probably the condition her father gave her? I'm not to sure because she was fighting him off quite vehemently in this chapter so I'm DYING to know what happens.

The plot so far has been AMAZING and I can sense that there'll be a lot of twists coming up. I really love how you've tied this in with canon. The appearance of Ginny and Neville was a lovely surprise and I'm really impressed by your writing.

I noticed a lot of misplaced apostrophes throughout the chapters though, like when they're used for plural words. I suggest you go through them or have someone look over the chapters because, at least for me, they were quite distracting and I wouldn't want the flow in such a great plot disrupted because of such errors.

I am so curious about the engagement rings as well. There has GOT to be a catch. I refuse to believe that they are a harmless gift. Nuh uh. Not from Maximus.

And I NEED to know Astoria's background. I am so confused there because I wasn't able to completely understand how she ended up in the family even though there's some mention about it in the initial chapters. What could be so extreme about it that knowing it would scare Blaise away? :o

I'm sorry for such a rambling review but I just read all the chapters at a stretch and my head is reeling from the intensity of every scene. Love this. Thank you for requesting, I'm so glad I read this.



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Review #2, by Xavier Kadmiel Half and Half

4th August 2014:
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Although I was not entirely familiar with all the characters beforehand, this made me feel like I could identify them with no problem now. I especially love the characterization of Historia, you can really identify with her plight. The only problem I encountered while reading was sometimes not recognizing which characters were speaking at a moment. But that could simply be my inability to juggle multiple characters at once with my mind processing lol. Overall, its a really well written first chapter, its inviting and leaves me wanting to find out what happens next.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for taking the time to stop by and leave me a review, buddy! Its a shame that you're not very familiar with the HP universe and I suggest you get on that right away before I cast you in the fire! Hahah.

Astoria, not "Historia" my friend and yes, I think that I put in a sense of doom with her fairly well. You can obviously sense that things aren't going to go very well for her and I like that you were able to keep reading! I know that its kind of hard to figure out who's speaking sometimes and I have to go back and edit that at some point but thanks for pointing that out to me!

I hope I see you again!

Much love,


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Review #3, by CassiePotter Turmoil

13th May 2014:
I wasn't expecting this chapter to go the way it did! Astoria is such a fighter that I never thought she'd consider giving Malfoy what she wants! But he knows where her weaknesses are, and he knows exactly what to say to get to her and it kills me! Can't Blaise just regain consciousness and go beat Malfoy up and sweep Stori off her feet?
I just can't believe how far Malfoy is willing to go to get Stori. You did a brilliant job showing his obsession with her. I could tell that for him it seems like his fascination with her is almost out of his control and he can't not go after her every time he gets the chance. I also felt how afraid Stori was and honestly this whole chapter just gave me goosebumps!
This story is so fantastic and I can't wait for more! Also, there's a new chapter of ASOS waiting for you! :) 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to review for you but here I am! Its always lovely getting your reviews for this story, I hardly ever hear from any other readers so its always nice knowing what you think! This was the chapter that took me FOREVER to write, I had no idea how it was going to turn out and I'd worked through about three other versions of it without really getting what I needed. In the end, this turned out way better than I thought. Thank goodness.
Astoria will fight until she has no breath left and you know how much her freedom means to her but Malfoy knows her just as well as Blaise to some extent. He knows how to push her buttons and he knows that she has no other option but to do as he says.
Ah, the next chapter will give you the action you want! Blaise will be back and things will get so dramatic and bloody that I can hardly stop myself from giggling. Hehehe.
You have been warned.
Draco was a hard character to get back into, I hadn't written him for nearly six-seven chapters and it took a long time to get back into his mind. I'm glad that it worked though but his obsession with her will be something that proves to be his downfall.
I'm working on the next chapter so I hope you'll be patient and wait for it! :D
I left a review for ASOS so you can hop on over and check that out! :D

Much love,


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Review #4, by CassiePotter Secrets

8th February 2014:
This chapter... And the end... Blaise... Stori... Maximus... the end with Draco.
Wen this chapter started out I honestly had no idea where you were going to take things, and Stori's father just continued to make me feel so awful! He does so many horrible things with no mercy whatsoever, and I don't understand how he can be so cruel while being so nonchalant about it! And Scorpious isn't any better! The change between how he was at the beginning of this story and how he is now just makes me really horrified! It shows how much control Maximus really has over his wife and children, which is terrifying! I'm so impressed the Stori had the courage to leave when she knows how much her father is capable of!
Then when she and Blaise got to Hogwarts, and he was being so charming and cute and I LOVED it, I thought they were finally going to get some peace! I was curious to see how Draco would come back into the story, but I never expected what actually happened! I thought it was going to be at least a day later, when Stori was alone. I never thought he would attack Blaise and actually drag her out of there!
Speaking of which, OH MY GOSH. I'm really scared for Stori right now, because I don't think Draco understands the concept of "too far." Plus, they were on their way to her private dorm, so there probably aren't going to be a lot of people around, and Draco just covered her mouth so she can't scream, and BLAISE IS UNCONSCIOUS. You have just made me melt into a nervous little puddle of feels!
I can't wait for you to update this story after that cliffhanger, and I hope it won't be too long until I get a new chapter to devour! This story is incredible, and I can't believe how often you keep surprising me while I read it! Just when I think things can't get any worse for poor Astoria, they do! I need more to read!!! Wonderful writing, as always! Please update this as soon as you can! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I am so sorry that I'm just now getting back to this review. I've been really busy and things have been crazy lately but here I am and this is about to get intense! Hahahahaha.
This chapter too me forever to write, I went through a lot of different versions before I was finally able to get this right. Maximus is just the worst but what's sad is that Scorpious is sort of turning into his father and that was so awful for me to write, especially since he's so consumed with rage.
Stori had to get out of there or else she would have been completely devoured by the insanity that was in that house and I'm glad that she finally got out of there too. I had been wanting to get them out of the house for a while but hadn't quite managed to do it right. I'm glad that it worked out. D':
Oh, Blaise! Isn't he just the most perfectly acharming person in the world? I love him to death. But right as you thought that they might get some peace, things just get worse for them! Muahahahahahaha.
Draco has been going through his own sort of insanity and in the next chapter, he really does show what he's capable of. I hope you won't be too scared...he's just going to be a little naughty, though that could mean all sorts of things with him. >:D
Blaise is unconscious and that means that Astoria is in some serious trouble! How will she get out of this?! Hahahahha. I'm sorry that you turned into a puddle of feels but I was sort of surprised that I was still able to breathe after it was over. HAHAH.
This chapter...the feels...
Anyhoo, I'll be updating this pretty soon so I hope you stay tuned and patient!
Thanks so much, as always!
Much love,

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Review #5, by jazz16 Sibling

12th January 2014:
I really love how angsty your stories are :) I really like how Astoria is portrayed in these stories but I have to ask...are Astoria & Blaise together forever now? I really like Draco/Astoria but I admit, he is a complete jerk. Great job, I really enjoy all your stories!

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there newbie! Its great that you've stopped by to check out all of my stories and feel free to leave me a thousand reviews and junk. That would make me happy! DO IT.
All joking aside, Astoria and Blaise are together now and forever and ever sounds really great but then again...there's Draco Malfoy to deal with and yes, he's a major prat! But just wait until what he does later and you might just want to beat me up. HAHAHHAAHAHA.
Much love,

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Review #6, by CassiePotter Sibling

17th December 2013:
Hi Gabbie!
Oh my goodness. I absolutely adore this story. It is so wonderfully written! I can't get enough of it (not just because I LOVE Blastoria :D), and I'm so excited to see where it goes from here!
I got chills through probably this entire chapter. The beginning with Scorpious was amazing, and the change from how he was in the first few chapters to how he is now is mind-boggling! He was so sweet and caring when we first met him, and now he seems like a completely different person! It really shows what being a part of the Greengrass family can do to someone, and I'm happy that Astoria is trying to get out of there before she's totally stuck!
Then there's Maximus... He is so terrifying. The way that he always keeps this cool composure while toying with the idea of killing people is so scary! You've created such a layered character through that, because we're never really able to tell what he's thinking, and he can say one thing but mean something else entirely! It's a good thing he and Rowena never met... Imagine how scary that couple would be!
I love, love, loved the end of this chapter! The moving engagement rings were a bit unsettling, but it was the moment after that that's sticking with me! We got the reminder that Malfoy is still very much a part of Astoria's life, and I'm really nervous about what will happen when she goes back to Hogwarts! (I have to be honest, I'm also kind of excited just because I love the way you write Draco)
This chapter was really incredible. Your characters are fabulous and the plot always keeps me guessing! I can't wait for the next chapter! I think ASOS is up next for me... I'll let you know when I figure that out! Haha. 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: HellO!

I'm glad to see you again and its so great to see that you're still in love with the story, it means a lot to me! Scorpious goes through the most changes aside from Astoria in this story and it was really hard to write for a while because I'd loved his character so much in the beginning. Watching him become slowly more like their father just gives me the chills!
Astoria is trying to get out as soon as she can but there's still so much that she can't let go of, her love for her siblings and mother will be something that she won't be able to forget.
Maximus Greengrass is perhaps the most terrifying character I have right now. I mean, I really have to get into the zone when I'm writing him and its a lot tougher than you might think! Technically, he would be considered a sociopath if you wanted to get a name for why he's so calm and controlled about what he does. There's no real warmth in people like that and its great to write but I sort of have to take a deep breath after writing his scenes.
You'll never be able to tell what he's thinking and it only gets worse from here...
God, he and Rowena would probably be best friends! How horrifying is that?!!
The moving engagement rings will play a bigger part at some point but oh, dear! That ending...Mr. Draco Malfoy is getting ready to show up again and I can't wait to see what you'll think about him! God, I've missed writing him...hehehehe.
Thank you SO much for the compliment my dear and I hope I see you around! Albus, Audrey and Abandon are all up so you have plenty to read until we're able to update again!
Much love,

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Review #7, by CassiePotter Bound

19th September 2013:
Oh my goodness. That chapter... What can I even say? I'm speechless!!!
Ok, after taking a few moments to collect myself, and can actually form words, OH MY MERLIN GABBIE. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. SO MANY FEELS.
YOU DEDICATED THIS CHAPTER TO ME? Gabbie! You're so sweet! I'm already a little pile of feels!
BLASTORIA BLASTORIA BLASTORIA! I knew they would happen! I knew it, I knew it! And I'm so happy that they're finally together and that they're getting married and they're so cute and Blaise is amazing and Astoria is fantastic and I love them both. I just can't believe they're actually getting MARRIED.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MALFOY? He's not going to be happy about that! He's still lurking about somewhere... I'm really nervous about that!
And Maximus Greengrass might be the most infuriating father ever. He's so, so much worse than Dezzy's dad. He just makes me really angry and really creeped out at the same time! You've made a ton of really bold character choices with him, and they've made his character so, so prominent, even when he's not physically in a scene. It's like he said- HE'S ALWAYS WATCHING. which is so, so scary!
And Scoripous is terrifying, too! I loved his character so much at the beginning of the story, and then he changed and got all mean and scary and I just want him to go back to being nice! I was honestly shocked at some of the things he had the nerve to say to his sister! My jaw dropped!
I think I can forgive Emily a little, because she seems more afraid than anything, and she's almost what Stori could have turned into if she had gotten sucked into the family business, so it's really fascinating to see them together now that Stori is openly defying her family.
I'm just so happy they're getting married!!! BLASTORIA.
This story just plays with my emotions! I'm all over the place while I'm reading it! I'm so happy and creeped out and nervous and sad and angry all at the same time and it's crazy! You have some serious talent as a writer to be able to do that!
This chapter was phenomenal, and I'm so happy you told me it was up so I could come read it! I'm in a bit of a writing slump at the moment, but as soon as something's up for you, I'll let you know!
Incredible job, as usual! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

*Blush* Cassie, I will never get tired of your reviews, they really do make my like, entire week. Hahahh. This chapter took me AGES to write properly, and nothing I did for it worked out, I had to change the entire setting to get it right.
I think this entire story could be dedicated to you, honestly, since you've read it so much and have been pretty much my only reviewer. Hahahha.
Blastoria does happen finally! I was blushing so much while writing that scene but it turned out so much better than I thought it would, thank goodness. I was sort of afraid that I'd messed up...
Ah, Malfoy. We'll be seeing our dearly beloved Draco very soon actually and he's not going to be very happy. Let's just say he's going to take bullying to a whole new level.
Maximus Greengrass is the scariest person in the world for me to write. He's very complex and getting into the head of someone like that is really difficult but I based his character on alot of mob bosses I saw on TV.
He has a way of seeping into your skin that's really unnerving! D':
Oh, Scorpy. I had so much trouble writing this scene because I love him so much but at the same time, he is a product of lies and fear. Astoria is betraying not only their family but the image he had always had of her, which I'll get into later. I want him to get nice again too but at the moment I don't think he can, he sort of has too much hate in his heart. Poor thing.
I think Emily would be like the future Astoria! I had never even thought of it that way, to be honest...but that's such a good comparison!
I think Emily and Astoria have more of a mother/daughter relationship, its not so much sisterly and it breaks me up having to write them growing apart.
Whoo! Blastoria!
I'm sorry I mess up your emotions but trust me, the pain has barely begun! Oh, them feels! Hahahahaha.
OH, stop complimenting head is swelling dangerously.
Thanks so much for the lovely review, as always, they mean a TON to me. But I hope you post more stories up for me, I just haven't had time to really read or get online at the moment. D':
Albus is going to be up and Audrey is waiting for you and speaking of careful with that one. HAHAHAHA.
Thanks again,

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Review #8, by AlmostInvisible  Bound

18th September 2013:
I've never really been much of a shipper, especially uncanon ships, and neither have I ever been one for Hogwarts Era fics but this story has given me a new look on things.
You characterization is amazing, the characters themselves seem so real, it's awesome. You have made something great. It's a real shame that some people haven't read this fic because they are missing out on an adventure.
Thank you and update soonly. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

*Blush* Well, this is a really great surprise! Its nice to meet you, I'm Gabbie! Gosh, for a while I was thinking that no one was really reading this fanfic because there hasn't been a lot of reviews for it in a long time but this just made me so happy. I could almost cry! D':
Bwhaha, I have an idea for what happens next but a certain blonde boy is going to get in the way. Hehehehe.
You know, I haven't been much of a shipper myself but I LOVE George/Angelina and made two stories with them on my page because they're my bias. Hahahaha.
I'm really glad that you like this story, it really means a lot that I've switched you over or helped you get into something you'd never really liked before. Or something? Hahah.
Oh, stop. These characters are so HARD to write for, trust me...this chapter did NOT come to me easily. I cried and ate a lot of chocolate writing this one and thank Merlin it turned out all right in the end. Phew!
I think there are so many fics out there that mine sort of gets pushed aside but I'm grateful for every review or read I get, it makes me feel really honored. :)
Thanks so much for your review!
Much love,

P.S.: I have no internet at home so updates will be really slow and I have five other stories that need updates its gonna be awhile. D':

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Review #9, by CassiePotter Denial

21st July 2013:
GABBIE THIS WAS INCREDIBLE. I can't stand ASTORIA'S family, though! They're so awful, it really just makes me want to go and pull Stori and Blaise out of there so they'll be safe!
Speaking of Stori and Blaise, I JUST HAD SO MANY FEELINGS READING THEM TOGETHER IN THIS CHAPTER. BLASTORIA NEEDS TO HAPPEN. It's kind of ironic that she really realizes her feelings for him now after she's made that agreement with her father. Hopefully she can get out of it! But will she really marry Blaise??? I wasn't expecting that at all! Especially because they're so young!

"Astoria had to bow her head, feeling the ugly emotion pulsing in her blood with a sadness that made her fingers shake...Blaise wasn't doing this because he loved her."

Please don't let this be true! You're so good at portraying all of Stori's emotions that sometimes I can't tell if he really does love her or not! I want him to so badly, but I also can't help but believe everything Stori says... Why do you have to go and mess with my emotions like this? ;)
I was also really worried that Astoria's mother and sister were going to hurt Blaise or even Stori! The Greengrass family is just so scary! I don't blame Stori for wanting to get out of there!
I hope she says yes to Blaise, but I really can't tell if she will or not! I know everything's not going to work out for her, though... You're just too good at torturing your characters! And there's still Malfoy to worry about...
I can't wait for more of your wonderful work to read! It was so nice to see my dear Blaise again, too! I'm updating TFD next, but since I've been so busy lately, I haven't had much time to work on it. Hopefully I can get it up soon, though! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, sorry that its taken me so long to get back at you! Thanks for coming back to this, you're the best reviewer in the world you know! ;)
The Greengrass family will continue to be terrible, there's really no helping it! I think with them, all of their secrets are at a risk of being brought into light and they're not sure how to cover it up and the cracks are starting to show.
Astoria still doesnt' want to admit that she's in love with Blaise even though she sort of accepted it in this chapter. Part of the issue is with what she had to do in order to protect him and yet...Blastoria is so lovely. I swear I got all mushy writing theri scenes and who doesn't like reading about Blaise? *Squeals*
I knew the proposal would throw you off! I think its going to play a major role in how their relationship plays out and the fact that you're not sure about Blaise's feelings really just makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Bwhaha, the mystery of Blaise...I can't really tell if he loves her or not sometimes through Astoria's eyes but the truth will reveal itself sooner or later. I'm evil and like torturing you, I think its so funny imagining what your face looks like as you read this story. >:D
When I wrote that scene with Emily and their mother, I wasn't sure what was going to happen to be honest. Tempers were flying in all directions and I was like, "God, I hope they don't draw wands..." LOL
Astoria and Blaise need to have a slight talk in the next chapter and then there is that Malfoy boy we have to worry about. I sure do have some evil plans for all three of these characters...mwhahahahahahaha.
I hope you get some time to update your stories soon! I don't have internet for a while so I won't be able to update my work as regularly as I'd like.
Expect Albus soon though! :D
Thanks again!
Much love,

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Review #10, by LilyLou Purebloods

4th July 2013:
LilyLou here with your Requested Review!

Okay, major points!

-You're thoroughly descriptive. You add a lot of details about everything, giving your story more depth and length. You create a picture in my mind; as if I were really there, as Astoria. The imagery is amazing in this story.

-You tend to write run-on sentences. If there's one thing you seem to love, it's the word AND. You use it quite often, and while it's okay in some places, of course, if overused, it can make your writing look poor. You're an amazing writer, as I said in my last point with how detailed you are, but maybe if you would cut down on the ands, it would be a little better! In my eyes, anyways. Some may disagree.

-I do love the relationship between Scorpious and Astoria. They take the same view on the purebloods as well as many other things. They share a very good sibling relationship! Well done writing that, it can be a bit difficult to stick with.

-Just a warning, though I'm sure that this has been pointed out, some people are not the biggest fan of the whole "Killing Myself" attitude you've placed on Astoria, and it seems Blaise has that as well. I don't have a problem with it at all, but some may. I think that it helps you see how she truly hates her way of life, and maybe Blaise does as well.

-Though you write him with amazing technique, I have to say I don't like Draco's character. I don't see him being so... forceful. That's totally my opinion, and while I see many purebloods in this way, such as Rabastan Lestrange and Crabbe, I just don't see Draco like that. Just my opinion!

Your story looks really good, and I hope this helps with whatever questions you had!

Keep writing!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this review so quickly, its always a nice surprise! :D
Bwha, thanks for the compliment on detail, I always think I put in too much but I can hardly help myself, I really just like making sure the scene is described well enough so that the readers can follow along without any problems. And its always better if you can sit there and be completely engrossed in the backgrounds and characters.
Oh, I've got this horrible thing with run on sentences and especially for the beginning of this story in particular. I'll have to go through and fix those, I've just been so busy that I haven't had time to get that done but I will sooner or later.
Scorpious and Astoria have a very good relationship right NOW hahaha but they do agree on alot of things that their family might not approve of. I don't have an older brother so if I did, I'd want him to be as funny and overprotective as Scorpious and sort of made him out to be what I'd always wanted. And plus, its always fun having siblings argue for me in a story so I made sure that they got along first before going into all of that.
I haven't gotten any comments on Astoria's "killing myself" attitude, other than that its sort of funny and relatable. I do understand what you mean but she isn't at all serious, just being moody and sort of a brat when she's thinking like this. Being in the room with purebloods doesn't help matters.
You're not supposed to like Draco at all! Hahaha. He's not the hero of this story and I don't want you falling in love with him! Hahhaa. I think of him more as a bully that wants what he wants when he wants it so I picture him using more force. I always have so I don't really know why...but anyhoo, that's just me! :D
Thanks for coming and feel free to stop by again!
Much love,

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Review #11, by marauderfan Half and Half

4th July 2013:
Hello! Here with your requested review!

First of all, your descriptions are quite good. You've very accurately portrayed the stuffy pureblood clique and the Malfoys' fancy manor, and all the antiquated traditions Astoria is forced to adhere to and hates (like being married off early as if it's the 1800s.)

I appreciated Astoria's distaste for it all - her sarcasm is really fun to read! I think its nice how she and her siblings are all kind of on the same page as far as hating the superficial pureblood gatherings, too. (Speaking of her siblings, you mention that Astoria is the only half blood in the house, what about her brother and sister? Are they her half siblings?)

There are a couple of things you could do with your sentence structure that I think will help the story flow better. First of all some of your sentences run-on a bit, they seem like separate thoughts connected by an "and", for example:

"Will you stay with me and spare me the horror of being alone with Malfoy and his nasty little friends? His ego can grow so big that we'd suffocate." Astoria said and her older brother laughed and she asked slyly, "or are you going to see your girlfriend?"

I don't think the two bits of dialogue need to be in the same sentence. You could try something like this: "...we'd suffocate," Astoria said, and her older brother laughed. She asked slyly, "Or are you going to see your girlfriend?"

Another thing you could work on is maybe clarifying some of the subjects/objects. This paragraph in particular I had to read a couple of times to figure out who the word "she" is referring to - Astoria or Samantha Travers:

Travers... Astoria thought with disgust. That was a name that she had heard quite often from her fathers' contacts, her father was a Death Eater and had had a nasty habit of murdering his wives shortly after they were married to get his claws on their dowry.

Hopefully I'm not coming across as too mean or picky! ;) Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with your review, its always nice to get one and so soon too! You're way better than I am when it comes to this stuff, i'm always at least a week late because I'm so busy. :p
Anyhoo, thanks for the compliments! I tried to make this story as detailed as possible so that when you're all reading this, you don't feel as if you can't follow along. And details are great, you're able to set up a scene much better that way if you give alot of information here and there.
As for Astoria's distaste for the life, I had never pictured her as enjoying it. And her sarcasm his hilarious to write so adding that in was just really fun! Her siblings have their own views on it though, her brother is just as disgusted by it as she is and their sister rather likes the idea. Hahahah. As for her being the only half blood, that's only one in many mysteries when it comes to this story. You'd have to keep reading to figure it all out, nothing is what it seems! :D
I know all about my run-on sentences and some paragraphs do need to be corrected, I just haven't had a chance to get to it. Real life sucks! >:(
But I'll get to those eventually.
Anyway, thanks for coming to this and this story is about 18 chapters long, I have no plans in stopping anytime soon! :D
Much love,

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Review #12, by CambAngst Purebloods

4th May 2013:
Hi, Gabbie!

Such a tense (intense?) chapter! The existential angst was just dripping from every pore on Astoria's body in this one. She seemed to wander back and forth between angry and horrified, with a lot of misery thrown in for good measure. The physical description of her fainting was really well done, I thought, and it went a long way toward showing just how disgusted she feels at Draco and all of his pureblood friends.

Kudos for keeping all of your point of view changes correct. I doubt it was the easiest thing to do with so many substantial characters all vying for attention in this one.

The dynamic between Draco and Blaise was fascinating. Zabini comes off as quite the gentleman in this chapter, but Draco seems to fear him a bit. All of the others do, actually. I'm curious to find out why that is, since he's rarely portrayed as being powerful or menacing.

Astoria's brother seems solidly on her side, but it's a little harder to figure out her sister. Maybe it's just that her sister is older, or the fact that her sister's social aims are rather different from Scorpius and Astoria. Emily obviously adores Astoria and is very protective of her, but the things she wants for Astoria don't seem to be the same things that Astoria wants for herself.

You've really got me going now, trying to figure out what this Greengrass family business is all about. If her father is soliciting business from Lucius Malfoy during the Dark Lord's second rise to power, that suggests that it's not entirely wholesome. This private dormitory of Astoria's also suggests that her family either has some lingering influence at Hogwarts or holds some dark secrets, one or the other.

The final encounter between Draco and Astoria capped off a very tense chapter with some real intensity. The contrast between the disdain Astoria feels for Draco and her physical reactions to his advances couldn't be much stronger. Her body is betraying her in a thousand little ways. Draco comes off like a **massive** creeper in this, but he's also clearly so fascinated with Astoria that he's willing to associate with a girl that his parents would see as completely beneath him. That makes it pretty obvious that his interest in her is more than just physical. He can't comprehend the fact that she rejects his advances, and it makes him want her that much more. I have to imagine that fireworks are going to ensue once they return to Hogwarts...

I only had one substantial critique of your writing, and it's the fact that sometimes it was a little challenging to keep track of who was doing of saying what because of all the "he's" and "she's" involved. The scene in Draco's salon was a good example. At one point you have three distinct "he's" -- Draco, Zabini and Scorpius -- and two distinct "she's" -- Astoria and Emily -- and you're occasionally mixing and matching which person the pronouns are referring to in the same sentence. It's something you'll want to watch closely with that many characters in the room at the same time.

Aside from that, your writing was lovely. Once I got into the final section with Draco and Astoria, the story was barreling downhill to the end. Nicely done!

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, I'm sorry that its taken so long for me to get back to you. I've been really busy with boring real life issues and well, that sucks but now I have enough time. So, this of course is a monster of a review and its going to take me a minute to answer! I'm going to apologize beforehand if I can't respond back to everything that you've said. D':
I think with Astoria fainting I had hinted at it in the previous chapter with her corset being too tight and the effects of all that. It wasn't just her nerves getting to her after a while but it was a scene that I liked doing!
But I think anyone would have been disgusted to be around Draco and his friends after a while.
When it came to the different and various POVs and characters, I sort of died a little, it was really difficult to get that part right. I rewrote it quite a bit! :D
It was horrible! :D
The dynamics between Draco and Blaise was really something I wanted to show. There's alot of mystery around Blaise himself and perhaps some actual fear from Draco and the others too.
He's not quite "normal" by their standards, but you'd have to keep reading to find out all about that.
Anyway, when it comes to the siblings and Astoria, you are correct when it comes to Emily and her reactions to what's going on. Her desires are very different so she can't quite understand her sister or brother very well but she'd never turn her back on them precisely.
Bwhaha, the Greengrass Family Secret will come into play later on, I promise. Actually, by chapter five or six you should pretty much have a guess of what it is.
Its not anything pretty either and of course, her father trying to go into business with Lucius Malfoy is a huge tip off. But things don't exactly go as planned at this dinner party, hehehehe. Also, with Astoria having her own dorm, there are daker reasons behind it and I hope you have fun guessing what they are. :D
Ah, the final encounter between lovely Draco adn my hissing Astoria! That's one of my favorite scenes in this story actually, just because it really plays on what you can't control and what society expects.
Astoria may hate Draco but her body doesn't exactly know what to do and of course, he's pretty skilled at what he does. ;)
Bwhaha, you think Draco is a creeper now? Just wait until later on! It gets worse and I think his desire for Astoria causes him to make risks that he would have never considered before. It makes him very dangerous.
And he's an arrogant bloke, I think. A girl beneath him telling him no? How can he stay away? Its like the ultimate test!
But if I were a guy, I'd leave Astoria alone, she's kind of scary. :D
Argh! I know just what you mean by all the mistakes you mentioned towards the end of this. I'd been meaning to clean this story up alot but haven't gotten around to it, but thanks for pointing it out! You've saved me a ton of trouble. D':
Anyhoo, thanks for coming back to this! I really can't wait to get back into Detox and oh, there's another Draco Malfoy one-shot on my page that you might or might not want to read. You've been warned. Hahahaha.
You're a dear and I'll hopefully be stalking your work pretty soon!
Thanks again!
Much love,

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Review #13, by CassiePotter Bargains

9th March 2013:
Astoria's father is really scary!!! I don't know how you manage to write him so well, because his character is so layers and mysterious and tricky, but he gave me chills! I don't know how someone could be that cruel to their own daughter! He makes Dezzy's father look lovely! Their conversation was terrifying, because he was just so nonchalant about what was going to happen to her, and I thought for a moment that he would kill either Stori or Blaise, just to spite her! I'm really glad he didn't hurt Stori, but I can't say the same thing for Blaise yet, and that makes me really nervous!!!
And whatever she agreed to... I have a sneaking suspicion it has to do with Draco and that also makes me nervous! She's going to have him to deal with when she goes back to school...
You were so sweet for dedicating this chapter to me! Good luck with everything during your hiatus, and I hope to hear from you every once and a while if you can ever get back to the forums or the archives! Your writing is fabulous, and you've been so wonderful as the only person on here to review everything I've written! I'll really miss you my dear! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello! D':

Waagh, Cassie this is the last review that I might get from you and it makes me really sad, I'm going to miss you!
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this chapter, it took me ages to write it. I think I went through at least five or six different versions of this and none of them stuck. One draft was even of Astoria confessing to all her secrets to a half naked Blaise! You can only imagine how that one didn't work out...
Maximus Greengrass is perhaps the hardest character to write. I didn't want to write him as overly cruel so I settled on something more calculating and subtle. He did turn out to be really scary though and I had to pause every so often because he's just so complex! I think he looks at all of his children as a business arrangement, he's always one step ahead of each of them and its sort of creepy.
I think Astoria would switch places with Dezzy in a heartbeat. Hahahaa. Oh, yes, their conversation was horrible but it was the easiest part of this chapter to write because I'd already had it in my mind for months. It felt great to finally let it out! :D
You weren't really sure what he was going to do since he appeared so casual and at ease and I think that's what disturbed me the most. A very awful person can sit there and bargain, threaten and hurt their own child you know. D':
I do believe that Maximus wanted to hurt Astoria but she was able to show no fear and bargain with him. Plus, there's something from her that he needs done and as for Blaise, well, he has plans for him too. D':
Bwhaha, whatever Astoria agreed to is foul indeed and most likely does involve Draco, it is not going to be pleasant when she gets back to school. >:D
So much Blastoria! I was saving that last little section for you! I knew that you would love that and went, "Yep. Cassie Potter will really enjoy this!" and I'm glad that you did. :D
I would dedicate the entire story to you since you're literally the only constant reviewer I have for this story! Hahahhaa.
I will be popping back as much as I can during my hiatus and I hope to keep updating for you!
I'm going to miss all of your stories, I think you're a fabulous writer. :) Never stop doing it!
Thank you so much for being so kind and reading all of my stories, it means so much.
I think there's a Draco Malfoy one-shot that's just begging for some love. ;)
Much love,

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Review #14, by patronus_charm Risks

2nd March 2013:
Hi Gabbie! Iím here with your review!

So Astoria and Blaise are off to London then? I liked that mention about her not knowing what all these strange muggle things are, it just made me laugh for some reason, and you really caught the hustle and bustle of London well.

It was nice to be out in Diagon Alley, as so far the story has been confined to peopleís houses, so it felt almost strange to be venturing out into daylight. I liked how you wrote about the darkness there though, as it seemed really accurate, and you could sense how they would be fearing the death eaters where ever they walked.

Haha poor Astoria! I was almost as shocked as she was when Blaise said she was his fiancťe! That was rather unexpected, but I guess Tom would have been suspicious if they had asked for a room otherwise. I liked Tomís appearanceís it seemed very in character, and very him.

Blaise seemed to have her character down well though. It is a trait of hers to go running away from her problems, and itís probably due to her being naÔve, so it was interesting to see other people recognised, and got annoyed by it too.

I liked that little scene at the end, with Astoria hugging Blaise, it was just really sweet, and it felt as if it was needed. It just seemed rather natural to me, and it was nice to see it helped reconcile them, after their fight! Ooh I forgot to say that when Blaise called her darling, that again was lovely, it just made me aw in side, as you can see that they're starting to develop feelings for each other.


Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back and indeed, Blaise and Astoria are in Muggle London, although briefly. Haha.
Astoria knows a bit about Muggle things from reading Muggle novels but not nearly enough for her to understand anything. I thought I'd play on that for a minute, it is sort of funny. :D
Yeah, I know, most of the story takes place in other people's houses and I got sick of it myself. But due to me not wanting to rush the story, I sort of just went with it but here it is, Diagon Alley at night! And later on, during the day when Blaise...well, you'll figure that out soon enough. I'm not going to spoil it for you.
Mwhahahaha. >:D
Fearing Death Eaters is the least of their worries for right now. Bwhaha, Astoria being called Blaise's fiance just about made me die laughing because I could picture her face so well! Haha, torturing her is so much fun.
Tom would have been suspicious but keep your eye on him anyway. He shows up more than once.
Blaise is a very observant person and he's been around Astoria for a few days to know her pretty well by now. Yep, Astoria does run away from her problems alot and it was a good thing that he pointed it out to her.
Astoria hugging Blaise was a major tipping point in their relationship I think. To clear the air and to also hint that they're not thinking of one another as just a friend of course.
Blaise will call her darling more than once and whisper dirty things in her ear just cause he's mean like that. :D
Thanks for this lovely review!
Much love,

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Review #15, by patronus_charm Fear

26th February 2013:
Hello Gabbie, Iím here with your review!

I liked the fall out of Helena catching Blaise and Astoria together, as it involved a lot of tension, and anger, which is always fun to enjoy! Poor Astoria though, you could tell she had some insecurities when that argument was occurring, as she seemed to be doubting herself, due to her looks, blood and wealth.

I liked that Blaise had some backbone, as thatís always nice to see, and it makes for more interesting arguments. It was interesting that he had a go at his mother for spending their little money, I always assumed that they were wealthy, so this was a nice twist.

Aw and he bought all of Astoriaís school things, how lovely! The banter between those two is just really sweet :í)

So Astoria tried to get away, and Blaise had to appear of course. Though I love having scenes with those two, I sort of wanted her to get away, so I could see more of her home, and learn more about her family as thatís still bothering me not knowing.

I donít blame her for trying to leave though! Having to put with Blaise calling her a cactus, and talking about her panties, then Helena. It sounds almost as bad as her own home!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: HellO!

I'm just now getting to you and this response and you'll have to forgive me. I had some grown up things to handle and I was eating candy and watching horror movies...
Anyhoo! Astoria did have alot of insecurities while listening to Blaise and his mother harping at one another. I think they were really powerful because her feelings for Blaise are becoming something she can't fight. And plus, its really fun! >:D
Blaise isn't really as polite as he can make himself out to be and he's made it more than clear that he despises his mother. And for good reason of course! I would say that the Zabini's are wealthy but not in the sense that they have an unlimited amount like, say, that darn Draco and his family. That's really what he meant and since his mother doesn't work and they're basically living off their savings...well, it can get rough.
And yes, Blaise bought Astoria's school things, cause he's just amazing like that. And their banter is SO much fun! Like, seriously. HAHAH.
You may get your wish by the point when you do, you will not like that Astoria is back at her home. She ran away for a reason, after all.
The not knowing is making me laugh at you! Mwhahahhahahahahaha.
Cause I'm EVIL. ;)
*Hands fat kitten* There, there.
Bwhaha, Blaise's teasing isn't really why she wanted to leave but he is rather annoying, isn't he? Hehehe.
Nah, the Zabini Estate is paradise compared to her home.
The Greengrass's are insane...
And I say that loosely.
Anyhoo, I'll re-request eventually!
Thanks again lovely.
Much love,

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Review #16, by patronus_charm Exposed

24th February 2013:
Hi Gabbie! Iím here with your review!

I really liked the brief hints you gave about Astoriaís home life. It sounds pretty horrible! The way her father could so easily trace her down, with his contacts, and the fact that she was worried she could be locked up for a whole year. I really love the dark background youíve given to this story, as itís just so much more intriguing, and fun!

Iím so glad that I read that one-shot about Astoria hitting Draco with the book, as now I can get the meaning behind it.

It was also nice to find out why she had her private dorm, as that had always puzzled me, given the lack of money the family had. Itís almost as if itís her bunker, the way she talks about the safety it gives her. I really wish we can learn even more about her fatherís business as it sounds so dark, and mysterious.

I almost forgot that Astoria had another brother Leo, and that he died. Speaking of siblings will Daphne Greengrass ever appear? Or is she just not in this story? Either way I donít mind, as her family is complex and cool enough, so itís fine as it is.

I really liked that conversation that she and Blaise had. It meant that we could learn so much more about them, and they got closer of course as well. I rather like your dialogue, as though it was practically the entire chapter, you still manage to maintain my interest, and it flowed really well, as well.

I canít wait to see what itís like when they go back to school, as I canít imagine itís going to be that easier for Astoria, after that night at Malfoys! I can see where Blaise was coming from, so heís bemusement about it, is understandable! It is nice that she still wants to talk to him there, as it shows how much she likes him.

I thought the ending was great, with Blaise talking about her kisses, then Helena walking in, I almost donít want to know what her reaction is, as Iím guessing itís going to be bad!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, welcome back, its always nice seeing you here of course. :3
The Greengrass family home is not a really pleasant place and I'm glad that you were able to pick up on that. There are so many risks to what she's done and plus, I like making a dark atmosphere! Angst is what I love after all.
Bhwhah, that one-shot was pretty hilarious wasn't it? It was just a quick mention of course but I couldn't help but add it in there.
I would describe Astoria's private dorm as more of a prison but of course, there are alot of mysteries behind it. You learn more about her father's business in teh current chapter that I've been lazt about writing. :D
Hahaha. You've got a ways to go before you get to that one though!
Yep, Astoria had another brother Leo, but there's alot of mystery behind his death and no, Daphne Greengrass is not in this story at all. I didn't need her and the family was already established before hand. :D
I was sort of worried about this chapter because it was nothing but dialogue and I'm glad that you were able to stay into it.
It won't be pleasant when they go to school but lots of awful things happen to Blaise and Astoria in between then so you'll have to wait and see! >:D
Astoria will deny her feelings for Blaise for a long time up until the last chapter that I have up. :D
And even then, she won't admit it really.
That line from Blaise is a favorite from alot of people who've read this and it was nothing really that I planned. Blaise is just...he just controls the story sometimes! :D
Helena's reaction won't be good! I shall re-request for you! :D
Much love and thanks so much!

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Review #17, by CambAngst Half and Half

23rd February 2013:
Hi, there! I have to admit I cheated a bit in responding to your status because I've been meaning to check this out for a while anyway. This just turned out to be a good opportunity!

I really, really liked Astoria's sense of humor. OK, it's not exactly a sense of humor so much as it's a passionate, deep-seated loathing of this pure blood society that her parents and sister aspire to be part of, but the biting sarcasm and "oh, god, please kill me now" feelings of dread that she's constantly feeling are pretty humorous to me. I plucked out a three of my favorite Astoria reflections from the story:

But she found that if she pitched herself out of her window, they would only want the dress back and hope that her blood hadnít stained the satin material too badly. - Poor kid!

And it also couldnít change the fact that she was already awaiting her father so that he could inspect her and her sister Emily and their older brother Scorpious to make sure that they were flawless, perfect and bitterly happy. - I think anyone who's ever been forced to attend a "society" wedding against his or her will can easily relate.

Astoria wondered what poison tasted like. - This one completely cracked me up.

I thought your descriptions from the moment they arrived at Malfoy Manor were fantastic. The stifling, museum-like, old-money opulence of the place came through loud and clear. Lucius with his fake courtliness and Narcissa with her cold, scornful snobbishness were perfectly in character.

I really liked Scorpius. You're gone more than a little AU with Astoria's family, but I really don't mind. It's kind of sweet to think of her naming her only son after his uncle, although between that and the fact that this Scorpius is dating a muggle girl, I get this terrible feeling of foreshadowing...

The canon Slytherin kids and their hangers-on were pitch-perfect for me. Pansy and Nott are both nasty pieces of work and Crabbe and Goyle are little more than Draco's big, ugly cheerleading section. Zabini had some interesting twists on him, which I'm looking forward to finding out more about. He definitely isn't another one of Draco's sycophants. There's some genuine dislike there. Perhaps a bit of rivalry.

Lastly, there's Draco. I had a hard time putting my finger on it, but I think his interest in Astoria goes beyond just tormenting her. It's all the little signs you threw out. The glances that went on just a bit too long. The way he stares at her throat. The way that they wind up paired in this game, which I'm at least 90% sure is rigged, seeing as how all of the girls wound up with the "passive" squares.

The next chapter is going to be very, very interesting. If I had to bet, I'm betting that Draco winds up getting hexed, slapped or possibly kicked in the jewels. But I'd need pretty good odds to want to bet on it.

I did notice two relatively minor typos:

Scorpious had an attitude that suggested that if he could murder himself on the spot, he would do it in an instance. - in an instant.

ďBut Mum, weíre going over that insufferable pratís mansion... - over to that insufferable prat's mansion...

The best constructive criticism I can offer is mostly a matter of taste. If it were me, I would probably combine some of the shorter paragraphs together into longer ones. For me, at least, I think it would improve the flow of the story. In my mind, there's always an implied pause or change of topic whenever a new paragraph starts. And that happens so often in this chapter that it wasn't as easy as it could have been for me to get into the flow of the story.

I think you're spinning a very interesting tale here. I shall return! ;)

Author's Response: Hello!

*Fangirls* Hello there, welcome to my SUPER ANGST story. I'm glad that you had actually meant to stop by and read this, as it doesn't really get much review (Randomly I mean) so this is nice. :D
Bwha, Astoria has a sense of humor but due to the circumstances, its more of what you said. Just a deep seated loathing and hatred of the torture that she's going to be forced to endure for more than a few chapters. Hahaha.
I had soo much fun coming up with her responses/thoughts/misery so thanks for enjoying it as much as I did. :D
Oh, I have this obsession with Malfoy Manor and I'm really into detail so I wanted the first impression of it to be something you all could really remember. And plus, its just fun imagining a bunch of stuffy purebloods in a glittering, pretty place when we all know how they're just so awful underneath. ;)
Lucius and Narcissa worried me, they're not characters that I'd tried to write before this story so I wasn't sure if I'd gotten them right.
You know, I'd thought of changing this to an AU since I'd changed quite a bit with Astoria and her family but might hold off. Quite a few people enjoy my Scorpius (I'll probably dig deep and correct his name too while I'm at it).
But his romance with his Muggle girlfriend really doesn't end well. But I haven't even written that yet so you're sense of dread is very accurate! >:D
The Slytherin kids had me worried too, there was alot of personalities to work with and I got worried that I didn't pull it off. Pansy and the rest were easy but the character I wanted to focus on, aside from darling Draco was Blaise. ;) I mean, at this point, Zabini.
There's no love between him and Draco at all and I'm glad that you and so many others picked up on that. :D
Heheh, oh, Draco! I love writing him and I'll admit he's slightly exaggerated but his interest in Astoria isn't simply based on tormenting her. There are other reasons for his interest in her, most of them sort of uhm, naughty but half of them actually genuine.
Bwhaha, the game is rigged. I won't lie and say it isn't and do you know how many people actually liked the idea of it? How naughty of them, I hope they don't actually play it though...
HAHAHA. Lots happens in the next chapter but don't worry, Draco gets his soon after in more ways than one. ;)
Astoria is no passive little thing. She's like a horrible, vicious nightmare! :D
D': I'll have to look at those typos and fix them, I'd been meaning to clean up a bit with alot of stuff but haven't had the time. :p
I shall take your CC to heart though! :D
Thank you!
I hope you return! :D
Thanks again!
Much love,

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Review #18, by patronus_charm Blaise

22nd February 2013:
Hi Gabbie! Iím finally here with your review, as I have a laptop again :D

I liked the description of Blaiseís house being like a dusty museum. I always imagined purebloodís houses looking like that, as theyíre so big, theyíre bound to be underused in some way, so itís perfectly like a museum.

I liked that we got to see some of Blaiseís family, especially his mother, as she always appeared interesting to me in the books, due to her multiple husbands, and she certainly lived up to my expectations, with her blatant preference to Blaiseís sister.

The whole Zabini family is extraordinarily strange. Blaiseís motherís many husbands, is obvious enough. Then thereís his sister, whoís relatively unknown, and you can tell thatís she probably one of those pureblood princesses, due to her mother preferring her. Then thereís Blaiseís fatherís study, which sheís not allowed in. And Blaise himself is rather odd, and Iím glad that Astoria thinks so too. I mean the way his mother described him bringing girls there before, sounded a little strange.

I have a small Britpick, no one really says jackass, they would probably say git instead :)

The that fight, I didnít expect that to come! My dreams of Astoria/Blaise are sort of fading away now, but there was a great line from Blaise in there about him not being able to have children due to her. That made me laugh so much, and it seemed rather strange that someone like Blaise would be thinking of parenthood already.

Then then ending saved those dreams! Theyíre not completely back to the way they were before, but they do seem to be closer again, so yaya!

The only CCís I have are include more periods and breaks, and sometimes I saw a few random capital letters, but thatís a minor thing really.

I thought this was a great chapter, even if it did slightly ruin Astoria and Blaiseís relationship! I canít wait to find out more about his sister, as she sounds very intriguing!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back and I'm glad that your laptop is not in your possession again. Its nice getting such a long and lovely review! :3
I think it makes sense for Blaise's home to be falling apart a little from underuse. The days where his own family used to host and party and have a limited amount of money is sort of fading away. He's still rich of course but not in the sense that he's like Draco or Pansy or any of the rest and it might have something to do with his horrid mother.
I'm glad that you liked her though, I do have fun writing Helena, she's just so awful. She does prefer his sister over him though and Blaise goes into more detail about that sometime down the line, though not quite so soon.
Blaise might talk about his mother's previous husbands and his own strange relationship with his mother/sister. I think Blaise is perhaps one of the strangest people I have in this story and its so much fun to write. Astoria notices that he's weird and she doesn't quite mind, as it throws her for a loop each time.
Ah, Blaise was sort of a skirt chaser, which was why he was bringing girls to the house. ;)
I shall remember that Britpick! D':
Bwhaha, Astoria and Blaise actually fight more than once and I didn't want to stray away from it. There's bound to be some tension between them at some point and haha, isn't Blaise funny? He actually doesn't like children but that was a funny line coming from him wasn't it?
I think that ending was supposed to leave you feeling that way. They're not quite right but they're getting to another point in their relationship. :3
I really hope you keep on reading as I re-request, I think you'll really love the next chapter. :D
Thanks so much!
Much love,

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Review #19, by patronus_charm The Zabini Estate

17th February 2013:
Hi Gabbie! Iím here with you review!

Is it bad to say that Iím kind of relieved that weíve moved on from the Malfoy party. While it was great, I felt if there was another chapter there, it would have dragged on, and Iím also intrigued to see what kind of action happens at Zabiniís Manor!

I found Astoriaís thoughts about Blaise really adorable. You can tell that sheís starting to like him, but she doesnít want to admit it! I love this part of the relationship, as itís just so sweet to see one of them fall for the other. Also the way heís portrayed in Astoriaís mind, how could you not fall for him?

Then that whole scene when Astoria reveals that she ran away. Then Blaise touched her face, it was such an awing moment, and really well done. I just want them to get closer, as they would be so cute together. Iím waiting for that moment in anticipation so I hope that it happens soon!

I like how you keep on dropping hints at her fatherís job and family. Though we know that he is some sort of assassin, and bad things have happened to his relatives, we still donít know the details of it all. We also donít know why the Greengrasses are in such a bad financial state, and I canít wait to find out why. I think itís really good that youíve developed a sense of mystery, and tension surrounding these events.

I like how Blaiseís character is developing, and weíre getting a sense of who he is now. I think his dry sense of humour is great, and itís nice to have some comedy, in an otherwise dark story. Also the fact that he has a sibling is surprising, as I just imagined him to be an only child. I could sense there was tension in their relationship though, and it will be nice to see how thatís developed.

I thought this was an interesting chapter, and we got to know a lot more about Blaise and Astoria which was really nice, as I like to have a backstory to characters, as it feels as if we know them better that way! I think the only CC I can give is use more periods and breaks, but I can understand with a chapter this long, itís a pain to proof read!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, thanks for coming back. I had gotten tired of writing the Malfoy's and the party myself but I hadn't gotten what I wanted in my earlier drafts which was why it took so long to get OUT of it. Hahhaa. But anyway, its always fun talking about Zabini and his life, eh? :)
I think you're going to be getting a feel for the way Astoria sees Blaise the more you go on in this story. With the way I write him, i just sort of turn into goo because, honestly, he's fantastic! :D
Bwhaha, they might have some trouble getting together, to be honest. But you'll see what I mean if you keep on reading! :D
I don't think you really get a grasp of the full Greengrass family and their secrets until waaay into the story. I never quite fully say what they do and why because I haven't gotten to that point but its fun guessing, right? :D
Blaise is a great character to write for, hard on some things but really fun! He's got so many layers and depth to him that you're never sure what he means or what he's trying to say. Hahahah. Or something.
Oh, yes, he has an older sister but while she's mentioned right now, you don't get the full scale of her evil until much later. :D
You shall get more Blastoria action later on (See how I shipped their names?!) and more backstory and such. This was a really long chapter but I haven't gotten to edit and such cause it sucks and its boring. And I've got other stuff to do. Hahahhaha.
Much love,

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Review #20, by FallenAmaranth Purebloods

15th February 2013:
Oh wow, right at the end there I could actually feel my own eyes well up slightly for Astoria, although I am slightly jealous that she gets to see my two favourite purebloods so much in one evening.

I think you've really managed to write Pureblood Society perfectly, exactly as I would imagine it to be. I mean, only people of that society could casually offer to have someone "go missing" or threaten to ruin a family with a few simple rumours.

I'm quite coming to like Emily, in a strange way, I mean she might be into the whole pureblood society shebang because she's desperate for a decent match and stuff, but I honestly think that she really cares about her whole family, and that might be a reason for her being so into it. I think she's quite tolerant too, especially in situations where Astoria would insult and threaten defensively, which I still love(it's good to see a bit of fire in a female character)

*Happy Dances* Blaise is such a lovely character! I'm so glad because I'd cry if he was disgustingly horrible! He shows a lot of respect for Astoria where the rest of them do not - in fact he's quite different from them all and it makes me wonder if they would be friends if none of them were purebloods or if it didn't matter, they don't appear to be a very close and caring group, and I think that's brilliant because I imagine purebloods to be mostly about their own 'survival' in the society.

Right now, I'm even more intrigued about the family secrets ;) and also about Astoria's prospects, I mean, she's clearly got Malfoy wanting to have her, but Blaise makes so many appearances that it starts to make me wonder..:D (also does he like her? I got that feeling, but then I wasn't sure)

I cannot stress how well this story is written :D It's fantastic!

~ Emily

Author's Response: Hello~!

*Blush* I didn't think I would be getting another review from you and especially not so soon! Thank you so much, I'm very flattered and just turning into a puddle of goo at your feet. Hahaaha.
I think in this chapter I'd wanted to show that pureblood society isn't as pretty and glamorous as people think it can be. Honestly, there's so much darkness underneath it all and Astoria has to really stay strong if she wants to make it.
Bwha, I always sort of saw Pureblood Society something quite nasty. Saying that you want to "dispose" of someone and spreading rumors here and there to ruin someone? That's what I always sort of figured went on in between the scenes.
Ooh, an Emily fan? I haven't many of those to be honest! I think I wrote her as the child that really does want to please their parents and make sure that everyone is happy. She's trying her hardest and she wants to have the sort of life where she can be comfortable. Yes, she is tolerant to a certain point with Astoria, who has a sharper mouth and less patience. I have to give my female leads some fire because otherwise, I would get bored, I can't stand it when a girl is weak and passive.
Oh, Blaise! He seems to have quite a few girls fawning over him for this story. I never pictured him as a bad character really, and I like the idea of an old-school gent. He's very polite, which might add why he's with the other purebloods, he's not quite as rude as he can be. But yes, to be honest, its all about appearances with them, I don't think they can really care for one another. Especially with the way I have the purebloods for this story, I mean, can you say that they're good for one another? Its like being in a cage of vipers! :D
You'll really enjoy the family secrets as they come out. I hope you like them, they're not very pleasant! ;)
With the way Malfoy is, I feel sorry for her. I mean, he's not at all pleasant and Blaise is the much better choice, though she has to keep her guard up with him too. You're never sure what he wants! :D
Hehehe, you'll find out if he likes her or not.
Thank you so much! *Hands fat kitten*
Much love,

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Review #21, by FallenAmaranth Half and Half

14th February 2013:
I promised you I'd stop by to drop off a review, and this story caught my eye(although I did click it before I'd even scrolled down to see the rest) and where better to start than the beginning?

I've never actually read a Draco/Astoria fic before, and this would be the first 'version' of Astoria that I've read so I can only compare her to my own idea of her, but she's exactly how I would have imagined her; living the pureblood life, being forced into the company of "leering old men and their nasty sons" - I loved that line.

I liked meeting her siblings, Scorpius and Emily. It was so clever to give her brother the name that she (canonically)gives her son, although her sister's name seems so normal next to Astoria and Scorpius - don't get me wrong, it's obviously such an amazing, fantastically awesome name(I'm not at all biased) and I think it fits her character very well :D

The mention of family secrets was so exciting! So yeah, I'm going to have to read some more :P Especially with Astoria being a half-blood and unaccepted by her peers, which is an interesting twist, I like it!

I liked how she described the 'private lounge' of Draco Malfoy whilst also describing what events had occurred there ;) and also giving the reader more information about Draco. I don't usually read stories about him being a 'womaniser' but I think you wrote him so well that it was absolutely perfect!

I loved Zabini, and his twinkling eyes xD (I always love Zabini)

This new game should be interesting! I look forward to reading it xD This is a fabulously written story, and you use such amazingly fantastic description and vocabulary. I envy you :P

- Emily

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh, wow, hello there! :) I don't get many reviews for this story so this is really nice and its great to see you and all that stuff. ;D
There aren't alot of Draco/Astoria stories out there but you can read CambAngst's "Detox", its super amazing fantastic.
Like, seriously, its amazing.
Anyway, I had to give Astoria some fire, I really can't stand it when a female heroine doesn't have that. And plus, with what happens to her in this story, she'll need it. Like, alot. D':
Why has no one used Scorpius (Forgive the way its spelled throughout this story, its a typo I ran with like mad) as her brother before? It just really fit and well, honestly, where else could it have come from?! Emily's name does sound rather bland compared to her sibling's but her personality makes up for it I think. And she's actually quite different from them anyway so I think that her name sort of shows that too. Or something, right? Right?!!!
I dunno.
Yeah, there are family secrest. Like, awful, family secrets and it'd be nice if you kept on reading! :) It'd make me all happy and gooey.
The thing with Astoria being half-blood actually does come up sooner or later, I actually have to get to typing it...
Ooh, you like Zabini?! Well. This story is for you then, as you see him ALOT! ;)
I wonder why everyone likes that game? Are you guys just pervy?! Like me?! :D
Thank you so much, it really means alot, I just really never get that much on this story. I'm so happy now! :)
Much love,

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Review #22, by CassiePotter Sacrifices

14th February 2013:
Hi Gabbie! Just a heads up, but there will probably be an absurd amount of me typing in all caps for this review...
So, Astoria's confessions to Blaise. You wrote that whole scene beautifully, and I loved how she wanted to talk to him and tell him everything, even if he couldn't talk back. She wants to own up to what she did, and what she's going to do, and I really respect her for that!
And then when he woke up and they were SO CUTE TOGETHER. BLAISE AND ASTORIA JUST MAKE MY HEART SMILE. You can tell how much they care about each other from the way you write them together, even if Astoria is convinced that he has another girl in mind. I'm not convinced, but I ship them like nobody's business so I think that's self-explanatory :) BUT THEY KISSED AND IT WAS AMAZING. But they're both still so weak and hurting, and I want them to be able to heal and be together and be happy!
Also, Astoria's mother was really harsh! She's a little scary! Like the way she was practically dragging her daughter away from Blaise, and how Stori heard her yelling at Emily. But I have a bad feeling that she's nothing compared to her husband!
AND DRACO AND THE END OF THE CHAPTER OH MY ROWLING. He just gives me chills because he's so creepy but it's awesome! You write him so, so incredibly, and I think it's because you give him this air of subtlety and mysteriousness. You're never exactly sure of what he'll do next, and I love that! It also makes me a little nervous, but I still love it.
ASOS is next for me, so I'll keep you in the loop about when that will be up! See you on the forums! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

*Blushes wildly* Oh, goodness, how do I leave a decent response for this? I thought the review you left me for "Loyalty" was blush-worthy but this one tops it! Gosh, I don't even know what to say! D':
I had to put that kiss in there, it was about ready to kill me from waiting this long to do it but it worked out better than I thought. I was so concerned that I didn't accomplish what I'd wanted but I know you must have fangirled all over the place just like I did! :D Whoo, I sort of had you in mind when I wrote that scene because I knew hwo much you'd been waiting on it. Not merely because I was thinking of snogging you of course. ;)
I thought that Astoria talking to Blaise really just set up this entire chapter. She wants so badly to do the right thing while doing what she has to do and the opening scene had been in my head for a few days before I wrote it down. :D
I hope that you respect her decisions later on for what she has to do! It shall not be pleasant.
Blaise and Astoria forever! Hahaha. I love writing them together, they seem to play on one another so well that their banter and interactions are just wonderful to write. At least when Blaise is being cooperative!
The other girl that she's worried about is something that might come up again but you'll just have to wait and see. :3
LOL! I wish I could make you a shirt with "Blastoria" on it. Does that sound good? Hahahah.
After Blaise and Astoria rest up, they'll have to face that kiss and what it meant. Neither of them might do it, depending on how they are at the time. But.did I blush while writing it! OHMYGOD, I sort of sat there and went, "Come on, make it sound good! Make it romantic and angsty and stop spacing out and getting embarrassed!"
I can't write kissing scenes without blushing, I mean, so much for being an adult, right? :D
Yeah, Astoria's mother is really scary in her own way. She's nothing at all compared to her husband, who we all will deal with in the next chapter...but they compliment one another in a way that's just plain wrong.
Draco, dear Draco! I really liked that last part because it really gave me the chills too. I know what he's going to do but you all don't and it really makes me go, "What on earth have I DONE?" Hahahaha. He's actually hard to write, I'm not even going to lie about that! I fear him.
Sometimes. ;)
You read it yesterday and it took you today to get your thoughts together?! Oh, my goodness, its This is Angelina all over again!! The FEELS!!! *Swoons*
Hope you stick around for this in the future, I really love your reviews. They just make me all giggly and such, I turn all gooey and think I'm amazing for the rest of the day. :D
Much appreciated.
Ooh, ASOS! Would LOVE to see it soon! Ah, expect the Misfits again in a bit, Audrey and Percy have stuff to work out. :p
Hehe. See you on the forums!
Much love,
Gabbie :)

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Review #23, by patronus_charm Greengrass

12th February 2013:
Hi Gabbie! Iím here with your review!

I liked that you started with Dracoís thoughts as it made a nice change, and I always love getting the perspective of another character, as I hate not knowing what theyíre thinking. As for his characterisation, I think his thoughts definitely captured his darkness and deepness, so yay for that!

Draco seems really keen to get Astoria, though Iím pretty sure itís for evil reasons rather than romantic ones! I liked how you showed Pansyís hurt at him leaving her, but hey she kind of brought into onto herself.

This line seemed a little old to me ĖĎ helpless woman being drugí, did you mean drunk, drugged or dragged, as I think thatís a typo! Also you mentioned Draco receiving spankings that sounded a little odd as well, as it gives off humorous connotations to me, and I think if you said beating it would sound better:)

It was interesting to learn about Dracoís childhood, as we donít really much about it, and I liked the little snippet, as it helped me understand him more as a character.

I liked the little information thing on Astoriaís father as it meant we can learn about him in just a little bit. His family does seem to have a lot of suspicious deaths, so I wonder whether thereís something unusual going on there?

I liked the ending of this, and it hopefully means more Astoria/Blaise time, which I missed in this chapter, as there was only a brief mention about if from Draco. Though I did enjoying having his perspective though, so it was a win-lose situation I guess.

Another great chapter and I really enjoyed Dracoís POV, so hopefully it will feature again!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for coming back, always nice getting your reviews you know. :3
I tried to switch up on Draco and Astoria's POV a bit in this story. I'd done it in chapters two and three for a brief moment but most of this chapter deals with Draco this time! :)
I don't like writing Draco sometimes, he can get a bit intense for me. But he's fun, as his thoughts are actually pretty deep! And I like getting a feel for him, its fun to play around with that when he's around Astoria.
Bwha, Draco isn't really the "romantic" type, he wants Astoria and that's about as far as his mind goes. He wants her more than anyone else and well, Pansy found that out the hard way, yes? :p
Drug, as in "drug across the floor" but I might go in and change it. Eventually. Probably. I can't say "beatings" on the site, actually, as it would be considered "child abuse" which is why I used spankings instead.
I think knowing that Draco's a spoiled little brat is more than enough sometimes but I think he's had other things happening in his life though.
Yeah, the Greengrass family has alot of weird little deaths, though only one of his siblings IS dead. That they know of, anyway. There's something more happening, of course.
There will be more Astoria/Blaise in the next few chapters, actually. And the Greengrass family reveals more about what they do for a living. :p If you weren't able to guess.
You won't see Draco for a while but when you do, you won't like it. Hahahha.
Thanks again!
Much love,

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Review #24, by patronus_charm Revenge

8th February 2013:
Hello Gabbie, Iím here with your requested review!

It took longer than usual this time as I had to psych myself for the long chapter, but Iím ready now, so on with the review!

I felt it a little strange that this chapter is still based on the same night, as due to the long chapter length, I would have thought it would have moved on by now. Itís not that I donít like the party, it has a lot going on and the game of course, itís just that I was wondering whether it would ever go back to Hogwarts as Iím intrigued to see what happens there.

Yay more Blaise/Astoria action, Iíve given up on shipping her and Draco as I know itís a lost cause, so Iím excited for these two now. I picked up on the fact that she recognised his scent, she obviously knows him well enough, and has been close enough to him, to recognise it!

I liked that youíve kept Astoriaís characteristics the same, as sheís still the naÔve and innocent girl, from chapter 1. As some authors have the tendency to suddenly change their characters traits, yet you havenít done that, which is great as we then get familiar with the characters!

Iím loving the insight into the pureblood world again, as I find it fascinating, and their behaviour is similar to those with titles in Britain, so itís cool to see even if theyíre muggles they still act the same way. Itís probably where JK got her inspiration from.

Ooh we get a little clue as to what the family business is about, when Scorpius mentions, that they may be paying their father to get rid of him. Iím guessing heís involved in some hit man type of thing? I would have never predicted that, Iím still wishing it was muggle gardening tools, given the surname and all.

It was nice to see Astoriaís parents again, as they are rather unusual characters, and interesting to read, so I hope they pop up again!

I saw Thaddeus in another story as well, and it surprised me as it was a rather unusual name. Does it have some magical or mythological meaning behind it? Or is it something else?

Another great chapter Gabbie!

Author's Response: HellO!

Hey, there doll. Its always nice getting your lovely reviews and welcome back! :3
If I could go back and change things I would probably make this the next day or a few weeks later but I'd tried that angle and it didn't work out for some reason. But anyway, the children do go back to Hogwarts soon but not for a long while. Horrible things happen in between that and then. Awful, terrible things.
I think quite a few people stopped shipping her with Draco by this point. There's so much fun writing Astoria/Blaise though, I really like seeing them together. And she's attracted to him too, which would explain why she was so interested in his scent. ;)
I can't change Astoria, she would get mad at me and hit me. She's the sort of character that slowly changes over time and I couldn't rush that.
Whoo! Writing pureblood culture is really fun, I can't realy get over it, its the details and the haughty lifestyle that really captures my attention. But it does remind you of titled jerks--I mean, people back in the day, right? We had socialites like that in America too. :D
Hahah, the Greengrass family secret will be known, don't worry about that. It has nothing to d with gardening tools. :D
Oh, Thaddeus is Blaise's father's name. I'm not sure if it has anything special behind it, I just like the way it sounds. Blaise Thaddeus Zabini.
I could say it all day and not get bored...
But I'm perverted so, yeah.
Anyhoo! Thanks for coming back!
Much love,

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Review #25, by patronus_charm A Force of Wills

4th February 2013:
Hey Gabbie it's me spreading the love with reviews!

Can I just say that the first line was great! I mean 'A parade of wild horses' created so much imagery it was fantastice, and I never thought of using that, but it was a great analogy, so kudos for that ;) And then describing the Malfoy family as blonde statues, it's exactly how they are, cold hearted and blonde haired!

I feel rather sorry for Astoria due to her not having any friends, and having to have such protective siblings, and being forced to hang out with mean purebloods! I hope some happiness comes her way, as I hate to see someone have such a miserable life!

I would love to know more about Astoria's background, as to why she's a halfblood. As we know relatively little about her parents other than her fathe's involved in some dodgy business, so having that extra info will mean we know Astoria better:)

I did find at times that the sentences were a little awkward such as this one - 'as she was not remotely who he had wanted.' If you just rephrase that, it will sound a lot better, and improve the flow as you won't have to reread it!

And yay the games back! I know it's kinda weird that I like it, but it does make for some very interesting storylines and it was really good plot idea! And the game also meant that Astoria and Draco had to kiss, I do ship them so that was nice, but I wish Draco would be a little nicer to Astoria, as she's so nice and lovely, but hey maybe he'll change? Well at least Astoria and I want the same things from him.

Hahahhaha that line from Zabini saying he was very fond of cake, it was just so unexpected it made it so funny! I love Zabini as well, as he's very different to how I've usually seen him, so it was nice to get a different perspective of him. Now I've got pictures of him eating cake in my head, that's kind of weird:/

And yay more Zabini/Malfoy rivalry it's so funny to watch, as they seem to competing for untirely different reasons. I really want to know who will come out as victor! And I hope that Draco doesn't destroy their family too much, as he can't be that evil, can he?

Well I'm supporting Blaise/Astoria at the moment, but I guess that can all change, another great chapter! Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, thanks for spreading the love with the reviews. It makes me happy and very bigheaded to see you here reading this after I asked you to! Right? Huh? *Ahem*
I liked the first line too, it really sums up the entire chapter. So many unexpected things happening all around them that they can't control really makes me giggle. Haughty purebloods getting a taste of reality and yes, the Malfoy's are very cold and very hard. But they can't give up in the company of their fellow evil...I mean, lovely guests. :D
The entire thing with Astoria and her lack of friends actually comes up later on in the story, as does her being half-blood. There's so much darkness around the Greengrass family themselves so you'd have to keep reading it to discover it all. :D
And please, in the future, don't hate me if you do.
I'll go through and fix those sentences, I'd been thinking of editing this soon. :p But I've got a million WIP's to do and well, that sucks.
Yeah, its weird that you like the game but admitting to being a tad perverted never hurt anyone, yes? :3 That's mainly why I wrote that game scenario. But shshshs, don't tell anyone! :D
Ooh, you should probably not ship Astoria and Draco. At all. Not only does she hate him but he wants her for the wrong reason and well, it doesn't turn out so well for him. :D
He won't be any nicer to her.
I'm sorry.
This doesn't fall into canon, does it? HAHA.
Zabini is an oddity, isn't he? But so much fun to write for! And he really loves sweets, so picture him eating so much cake if you must!
Ah, the Zabini/Malfoy battle will continue but not in the way you think. :D
Draco's as nasty as he seems. >:D
Thanks for reading!
Much love,

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