Reading Reviews for A Force Of Wills
80 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan Revenge

23rd April 2016:
OH my god that was wild. That's all that I have to say, that was wild. The amount of tension between all the characters oh my god. Draco may be a Malfoy but we all know who has the real power here. Blaise rules, I need more of Blaise destroying Malfoy in public.

Malfoy is all like I will destroy your family and Blaise is all like you can try but don't forget the amount of dirt that I have on you. I wonder what it must be like to be so rich that the only thing that you have to worry about is your reputation. The quick thinking that Zabini and Astoria did was great, Malfoy was trying to save his skin but Zabini was going in for the kill.

I'm so sorry for taking so long to leave your reviews but I finally managed to do it, and I'm glad I did as well because now I have this story to look forward to reading everyday!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you a thousand times for these really great reviews and no worries about how long it took to get to them! ;)

This is actually one of my favorite chapters and I am so happy that you liked it. The emotions from all of these characters was all over the place and I just loved making all of those characters clash.

Blaise will destroy Malfoy again, it doesn't happen until much later but it will happen. Haha.

Isn't Blaise a little scary though? He has all of this information on Draco and the others that he could use at any time. I would not like to be on his bad side! Seriously, how much of a privileged dork do you have to be to consider your reputation as the only valuable thing you have? Man, I would love that!

Blaise and Astoria are great and their quick thinking but you know Blaise was trying to come for that [insert naughty word here]. Hahahaha.

Thank you again and please stop by whenever you have the free time! I really enjoyed these reviews!

Much love,


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Review #2, by AlexFan A Force of Wills

23rd April 2016:
Go Astoria! I'm proud of her, she's sticking to her guns, she won't let Malfoy push her around on this. She knows what this will mean for her family but she won't let herself be used like that, I admire that. It's not easy to say no to an offer that could save the people you love at the expense of yourself, that takes a lot of courage. I'm also very happ to see that Astoria is having the proper reaction to Malfoy's treatment of her. His kind of behaviour gets romanticized a lot so I'm glad that Astoria sees it for the abusive, unhealthy behaviour that it is.

I felt so bad for Blaise, he was just trying to make a new friend considering he had pretty much cut ties with all of his old ones. I liked his conversation with Astoria, I like how the two of them get along and how easy their conversation is. But I can understand why Astoria said no, I'm sure she would be okay with being his friend if she actually knew what kind of person Blaise is. And considering her family business, she can't just have anybody over.

On a final note, just imagine your story in the form of a Spanish telenovela.

Author's Response: Hey again!

I think Astoria is really stubborn and there was no way that she was going to give in to anyone, her whole life isn't even in her control. She knows what will happen to her family but she values herself and that's the only thing that matters to her.

This decision actually has very awful consequences for Astoria but you'd have to keep reading. GIRL! Let me tell you that I seriously hate that people think it's okay for a guy like Draco to treat a girl like this. I made the mistake of this with another story of mine that I'll be revising soon but I seriously, seriously hate that.

Like, I want to punch myself in the face when I read about how I wrote that particular story but there's nothing cute about this. Draco is a little creep and he's going to get treated like one throughout this whole story. Hahahaha.

Blaise was trying to make a new friend but I think that after what Astoria went through with Draco, she was just on guard. The two of them will be together again relatively quickly though so stay tuned! I honestly love the two of them together but her family wouldn't approve, for various reasons.

Hahahahahahaha. I can picture this as a Spanish telenovela. Those are awesome!

Much love,


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Review #3, by AlexFan Traitors

23rd April 2016:
BLAISE IS SAVAGE OH MY GOD I ALMOST YELLED. "Could you speak up so your insult can sink in better," my mouth dropped open I kid you not. Blaise just does not care, he does not give one flying fart. He's literally just there like can I leave now? Is it over? I love Blaise, he's my favourite character for sure. His disdain for Draco and Draco's entire family is so clear and Draco is still like, ah yes, my friend.

I love how everyone's got their own little plans going on at different ends of the table. Malfoy and Blaise are being passive agressive towards each other at their end, Emily and Astoria are planning on how to get Malfoy to leave them alone by ticking him off. Everyone feels like they've got some kind of edge over the other trying to plan something against each other.

On another note, Draco needs to chill with the possessiveness (someone needs to tell him that that's one of the reasons why Astoria is so uninterested in him, because it's frightening). He literally degrades Astoria every chance he gets, he doesn't respect her boundaries or her wishes and then he's like why isn't she interested in me? Like fam you're kind of a sociopath and clearly the creepy lurking in the shadows isn't doing it for Astoria, he should really consider trying a different technique, like being nice. My favourite bit about whatever is going on between Astoria and Draco is how Draco is trying to be all alluring and stuff and Astoria is like fam you're hella creepy can you not?

Anyway, I'm on to the next chapter (I don't think I'll be able to stop reading, this is so entertaining and interesting).

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! Hahahah. Your reviews are seriously a joy to read. :D

Blaise is a total savage! I think that what makes him so interesting is the fact that he honestly doesn't care. He does not care one magical whit about anyone else that's at this party, he doesn't want to be there and Draco can kiss his bum. Hahahahah.

Draco doesn't really think that Blaise is worth his time so he's not stressing about him just yet but it is kind of dumb that he considers him a friend. Kinda.

So many different plots going on! That's pretty much this entire story in a nutshell. I feel like there are so many different personalities clashing, so many wills being tested that no one is ever on the same page.

Emily is more cunning than Astoria but I think she didn't understand how dangerous it would toy around, considering their situation. It doesn't quite go as planned.

Draco is the possessive jerk that every girl should totally avoid. He thinks that he's in the position to bully Astoria into being with him simply because he considers her beneath him and would be grateful. He's a spoiled little prat and doesn't seem to understand that people, especially someone like Astoria should never have their lives already written.

Hahahah, Astoria is so grossed out by Draco and she is totally like: "Stay in your lane, I don't have time for your foolishness." Hahahah.

Anyway, thanks for the lovely review!

Much love,


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Review #4, by AlexFan Purebloods

23rd April 2016:
Draco has reached levels of creepy I didn't know we're possible in such a short period of time. I would advise Astoria to not be anywhere that's not in public and full of people because Malfoy doesn't sound like he's up to any good. Seriously though, I can't believe that he stalks Astoria at Hogwarts, that's worse than Harry setting Dobby on Draco.

I'm very much looking forward to Astoria kicking Draco's butt some day, it sounds like he really needs it. I imagined Draco doing a lot of things during his last year at Hogwarts but stalking some poor girl and threatening to assault her just wasn't one of them. But I can picture him bragging about being able to destroy someone's reputation.

I think my favourite thing however was Astoria telling her siblings that she would keep herself in check and watch what she had to say, and then like right after making that promise she goes ahead and roasts Draco and his family to Draco's face. Also, as a sidenote, I feel like Astoria learned a lot about her sister very fast and the knowledge of what her sister has done in her spare time is probably going to haunt her in her dreams.

Blaise seems like a really cool guy though, that's for sure. He's always seemed very different from the rest of the purebloods. I always got the feeling that he hung out around the purebloods just because it was easier than socializing with others. I just really like his character, he seems so chill, I hope he and Astoria become friends later on.

Author's Response: HEY!

I have to say that these reviews are just on a whole other level of hilarious. They really brightened my day! I honestly haven't had any fresh opinions on this story in a long time and so I'm happy that you enjoyed it so much.

Draco's creepiness will only get worse as this story goes on. I feel like we only get a hint of it in the first chapter and by this one, you really get the sensation that he's a major freak. He stalks Astoria at school and it's one of his many little secrets.

Astoria does get to the point where she does beat him up but that won't be a for a while. I think that Draco would enjoy letting everyone know what he was bullying anyone and the fact that he seems to enjoy hurting Astoria the most just shows a lot about him.

Astoria has a will of her own! She makes promises to her siblings and then just totally destroys Draco's life in the next scene. That's why I love her so much. Hahaha. I think that there are a few things that Astoria would rather not know about her sister and finding out what she does in her spare time just ruined a fantasy of hers.

Blaise is made of magic. He's one of my favorite characters to write and I think that you made a good assumption about him! He's not quite like the other purebloods and has his own agenda. ;)

Thanks for reading!

Much love,


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Review #5, by AlexFan Half and Half

23rd April 2016:
I was supposed to leave your reviews some time in January for the challenge but I'm finally here now!

Personally speaking, I've never really been a fan of Draco's character, however I can't help but like him in this story. I live for stories like this to be honest. He's in character but at the same time, he's kind of not. It's almost as if this is a side to Draco that nobody ever really saw at Hogwarts (we would know if he did show this side of himself at Hogwarts from Harry's stalking).

I didn't really know what to expect when I started this story but I'm liking it so far. All of these canon characters are terrible people from what we know from Rowling, and yet, the way that they all carry themselves and practically scream wealth in your story is just so appealing. Everything about them says old money and that they don't have to worry about anything, and Astoria is trying so hard to fit in with that concept but everyone can tell that that's not the case.

I like how you started off the story and the little details that you put in, like Scorpious's girlfriend, that contribute to Astoria's character, and how open-minded she is about the muggle world. Just as a side note though, I think Astoria had an older sister named Daphne, at least from what I remember from Order of the Phoenix.

But speaking of Draco, he is so obviously lusting after Astoria, he's not even being subtle about it and Astoria is so oblivious to it. He's staring at her constantly and she's like bruh why are you staring? I knew something weird was a foot, I was just waiting for the thing to happen that would get the story going and the game of Hide and Seek was it. It sounds like it's going to be a wild game (I would've been out of there in like seconds myself but I can see Astoria doesn't back down from a challenge).

The enemies-to-in-love stories are my favourite kinds of stories so I'm very excited to continue reading. I'm so excited to see how this story progresses, and how Astoria and Draco's relationship progresses.

Author's Response: Hello!

My, my! This was a surprise because I don't even remember signing up for a challenge in January so you will have to remind me what this was about! I am so honored to have you here though. :3

I was never that big of a fan of Draco either but he's one of my favorite characters to write now. I wasn't quite sure what to do with him in the beginning of this story because it hadn't been fleshed out that well. I tried to keep some aspects of him the same while twisting him to fit my universe.

I'm pretty sure that Draco kept this side of himself a secret to uphold his family's reputation while at school. He may not have been this extreme but I'm pretty sure that he dabbled here and there.


This story is going to take you down a crazy little path and I hope you're prepared for it. I wasn't sure what I was really going for in the beginning but all of these terrible people just get worse. Hahah. They reek of wealth and this sense of entitlement that just makes my skin crawl.

Astoria is merely trying to fit in for her family's sake but she would rather not be there if she had a choice. I had to put in a few small details just to flesh out Astoria and the others more. Astoria and her brother are really open minded about Muggles and that makes them pretty strange.

Ah, this story is basically an AU so Daphne Greengrass doesn't make an appearance here. I don't know why I didn't include her but she just didn't fit.

Oh, God. Draco lusting after Astoria is SO very obvious and it makes me cringe. Like, he's not subtle about it at all! Hahaha.

Staring is rude, boo.

The little game is weird, I meant for it to give you guys a foreboding feeling. Hahah. Hide and Seek with a pervy twist to it and the game will be very wild. It won't go in the way that you might think though and I can't say that this is exactly an enemies-to-in-love tale with Astorai and Draco.

I don't want to spoil it for you. ;)

Thank you so much for this!

Much love,


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Review #6, by TreacleTart Half and Half

1st December 2015:
Hey Gabbie!

I'm here for our review swap.

Since there aren't any new Audrey Tang chapters, I thought I'd come on over to this and see what you'd done with Draco and Astoria.

I thought you did a good job of capturing the way ultra rich upper crust sort of families behaved in Victorian era society. Who cares if the girls are comfortable and can breathe? Who cares if the boys at the party treat them like a piece of meat? As a daughter it's her job to stand there and take it to improve her families standing. It's truly awful.

As soon as Astoria stepped into Draco's room and they started talking about the game, I knew something was off. Once I realized what the actual game was I could feel my stomach turning over. I can't fathom why Astoria agreed to go along with it considering the fact that she despises nearly everyone there. Especially with how threatening everyone is being. I think any punishment that her parents could come up with would be better.

One little bit of CC I'd give is that I think this chapter should have a trigger warning because of the sexually threatening/bullying type behaviour. I could see someone who might've been through sexual assault finding this very uncomfortable.

All in all, this was an intriguing start.


Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks for stopping by and everything, I was just about to head on over to your AP when I saw this review. Haha.

I honestly didn't think that you would find this story interesting enough to read. It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea but it's always great getting fresh opinions on it! :D

Ugh. I was pretty uncomfortable writing the scenes at Malfoy Manor, the Victorian-esque feel that I drew a lot of inspiration from took a lot for me to flesh out. I hated the thought of girls being treated this way but I had always wondered what it was really like for pureblood girls to be practically sold off.

I'm no sure if they mention it in the HP books or not but it just always rubbed me the wrong way. The Blacks, Malfoys and a few others always made me wonder what growing up in such a toxic household could be like.

I thought about Sirius's family for a long time and how determined they were to keep the line pure and whatnot. It's pretty revolting and even more difficult to write. :(

The game itself is pretty disturbing but I was working up to the night going horribly wrong from the beginning. Astoria didn't want to be there and she certainly didn't find it fun but the only reason that she agreed to it was because she's far too used to guarded her family's secrets. It's all about survival but I talk about that in the second chapter, at least a little.

I've gotten this warning before and I really will go and make a note about that, I certainly don't want to upset anyone who has suffered from sexual assault. Thanks for reminding me, I really appreciate it!


Thanks a ton!

Much love,


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Review #7, by Penelope Inkwell Greengrass

7th September 2015:
Hey Gabbie! Here for our swap!

Okay, Draco is so gross. So creepy, and so gross. His headspace is not a comfortably place for me to be. But you're quite good at that--making me monumentally uncomfortable. And I do mean that as a compliment ;)

Twin moment! Both our Draco's are aware that their mothers love Bellatrix, but they most certainly do not feel the same.

I like that you give Draco...well, not depths exactly. Except depths of creeperdom (vast, vast oceans of it). But you do give him facets. He's not a total caricature. Seeing violence in his own home makes him uncomfortable, even as he has violent thoughts. He wants to kill Astoria for humiliating him, but also the idea of her death disturbs him. And you can feel a tiny bit of pity for him, as it's clear he suffers from abuse at his father's hands. I wouldn't call any of these significant redeeming factors. It just makes him, like, a tiny smidge less despicable. It's good to have facets, even if most of his sides are still awful.

It's interesting that Astoria's mother--who I suppose is technically her stepmother?--is apparently fond enough of her that she would kill Mr. Greengrass if he killed Astoria. I mean, good for her, because Astoria's origins are not her fault, but as she's the youngest sibling, that implies that, at some point, her father cheated, produced a child, and brought said child into his home. And Mrs. Greengrass doesn't seem upset by this--or, at least, she's willing to put that aside enough to care for Astoria. She may have married into a psycho mafia-esque family, but Adele Greengrass née Selwyn can't be all bad. They've got a really interesting family dynamic, and I really want to know what on earth is going on there.

WHOAH! Her dad is working for the Order of the Phoenix? -ish? I'm guessing he's kind of just up for hire, for anyone, but man, I did not see that coming!


Aww, I feel bad for Emily. I mean, she definitely wouldn't be my number 1 role model, but it was kind of mean for Astoria to throw it in her face like that. Still, I understand that she's distressed. I'm distressed for her. I do not want Draco Malfoy anywhere near her! Does the Ministry offer a Restraining Order Charm, by any chance? They need to look into that.

OOooh! She's going to the Zabini Estate! That should be interesting. Good note to end the chapter on.


from the nights varying events.
--nights = night's

It had proved pointless and by the time the others had returned, all of them very well-pleased, Draco had been boiling with fury and had decided that as they all had been told to leave and gather their coats by a servant—to get a drink.
--I had trouble following this sentence. It might be good to restructure it.

after theri fights
--theri = their

And while it had aroused him to no end she’d told him no; as if she could really afford to be picky. Draco was fascinated, humiliated and enraged and he intended on ruining Astoria Greengrass for what she had done to him.
--The fact that you begin the sentence with "And while" implies that there should be some mitigating factor later in the sentence--some concession that even though he wanted her, there are downsides/other considerations. But there isn't anything like that, so it doesn't quite match up.

He had many other horrible things to worry about that dulled the little spankings and firm scolding that he had been given as a boy
--this seems incongruous with the type of punishment described previously, where it was implied that Lucius is much crueler in his style of discipline.

a book, of course and he eagerly removed it before flipping it open.
--there should be a comma before and after "of course"

Draco paused again and could only imagine what sort of horrid potions that man was coming up with and he idly thought of exploding heads…withering droughts that left a man empty and void of life and for some reason he had a feeling that Maximus Greengrass felt very much at home.
--Where did Maximus feel at home?

A chill came over him because he didn’t trust that man near his father and his children…his children…--it sounds as if Draco is talking about his own children (and honestly if he had a few who among us would be surprised? But still I'm thinking that's not what you mean.)

I'm kind of curious as to how everyone 'knows' that Astoria is a halfblood, but nobody seems to know who her birth mother is. Surely someone must know, or else you'd think that her father could have simply passed her off as a Pureblood?

Everything is in your disposal now, for I won’t even bother to send any of our soldiers out on some childish hunch you may have.”
--In "Everything is in your disposal now", "in" should be "at". However, that statement seems to directly negate what she says next. It's like, "You can use every resource now that you're a Death Eater. Except for the resources that would be specially available to you, as a Death Eater."

Because of their back alley associates in Knockturn Alley, quite a few people knew that the Greengrass family did.
--that = what

This was definitely a tense chapter. I just kept wondering what Draco was going to do. He absolutely made my skin crawl, so good job on that! And her father did not do that much better. What are you thinking, Maximus?! Have some humanity! You cannot send your child into that kind of union. No way, no how. Someone needs to kick up a scene. If someone has to employ the discreet use of poison, I think I'd be okay with that! Ugghhh.

Here's to hoping we can have a tiny moment of happiness at the Zabini Estate before you deal our fears and emotions another crushing blow! :D


Author's Response: Hello! >:)

Thank you so much for the wonderful review, evil twin! It's always great hearing from you and getting your thoughts on this story, no matter how awful it can be on the senses.

I honestly can't imagine Draco getting along with Bellatrix very well. I assume that he knew of her because of his parents but I think that their relationship would never be more than forced. He did learn how to block his mind from her though but I don't think those moments were pleasant for either of them. Hahah.

I know, Draco's gross. I mean, there's something about writing him that just gives me the shivers--mostly of delight because I know how much you guys seriously hate him--but he's kind of demented. I also wanted to play around with the fact that he's not quite evil, he has his moments of actual human emotion. He doesn't like the thought of killing and no matter how much he hates Astoria right now, he couldn't physically hurt her. I don't think he would consider that to be very gentlemanly. Weird, eh?

I can't really give you much information about Adele Greengrass (I can never really think of her as kind either but I'll let you discover that on your own) and her relationship with Astoria. I will honestly say that everyone in the family is a tad touched but there's more to her than I would say now. She would poison Maximus if he hurt Astoria though, she's overprotective for a reason but it's so bizarre that I don't want to ruin the surprise for you. Hahah.

The family dynamic is based mostly on lies and survival. It comes into play with Scorpious and Emily mostly but Astoria feels the pressure of it.

Maximus likes to pretend that he's a good man and by working with the Order, he gets them off his own scent. It wouldn't turn out okay for his family if they were found out.

He also lacks any common decency where his children are concerned. I don't want him to make Astoria be with Draco either, I kind of gagged while writing that at the time. Cause...nope. So much nope. It wasn't very cool of Astoria to yell at Emily but I think that she was a little out of her mind at the time. Hahaha.

So many Cc's... *Sobs*

Draco does NOT have any children though, that was about Maximus.

I'm sure that Lucius snooped on the Greengrass family in his spare time because he's a weirdo like that and I'm sure he spread it around that Astoria was half-blood. I'm not saying by WHO but because children are often born out of wedlock in Pureblood society, it doesn't come as a surprise. Just an unpleasant one that Maximus uses to keep people from finding out where Astoria really comes from.

Yay! Zabini Estate to the rescue!

Oh, threats of poison will be issued shortly. Hahahaha. You can count on it.

Much love,


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Review #8, by carry on with your knitting Half and Half

3rd September 2015:

I'm here for the review swap :)
I've been meaning to get round to starting this one and it's so exciting! :)

I love the dry humour of Astoria and her brother, it's briliant! Especially her constant referral to whether it might just be better to kill herself then have to put the act on.

I really loved the way you write the whole party at the manor. As a reader I realy got a sense of how false everyone was! I also loved that it was described so lavishly but also came across as cold and hollow and pretty much represented the malfoys :)

Wow the Slytherins are awful! What horrible people, ergh it madee shiver uncomfortable at the way you described them all, it was a brilliant not of writing, I could feel exactly what Astoria was feeling! I hope Scorpius can come and save her! Or she kicks malfoy in the knuts or something! :')

I did notice a couple of words that had letters missing of the end, there was a 'though' that I think was meant to be a 'thought' and an 'exciting' which I think was meant to be 'excited' but nothing a quick read through wouldn't sort out and it didn't affect the flow of the story at all. :)

Over all its a great start and I'm looking forward to reading more! Oh and beautifully well written descriptions as always! :D

Katie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for stopping by and leaving me this awesome review. :D

I think Astoria has a very dark sense of humor sometimes and I love pairing her off with her brother. I tried to make the manor to be the sort of place that you didn't want to be. You're supposed to get this sense that all is not well and I'm glad that you liked it!

The Slytherins are awful! I couldn't resist the temptation of making them out to be that way. I am so flattered that you were able to feel Astoria's emotions, that's a huge compliment! :')

I really do hope you stick around to find out more about what happens to Astoria later on. :D I think that you're going to be in for a few surprises...

Much love,


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Review #9, by Penelope Inkwell Revenge

1st September 2015:
Hey Gabbie! Penny here for our review swap!

So, I know I had that temporary ban on Drastoria stories, but I've been wanting to find out what happens next in this for ages. Rules are meant to be broken! So, I'm back! Hooray!

By the way, I've officially given up on this story, at least. I can't even believe that me-from-the-past ever even considered giving him a chance. Did I have head trauma? Because he is gross and that is messed up!. I was doing some rereading to catch back up and just...uuuggghhh.

Actually, I need to add a little more, for emphasis: UGGGHHgh!!! *shivers with disgust*

Astoria deserves so much better!

Okay, so I'm liking the vibe that's sprung up between Blaise and Astoria. He actually does seem to be a gentleman, mostly. Nice to see that someone can manage to keep their hands to themselves. He's right about her, too--I can see why he'd find her intriguing. Astoria is a bit of a conundrum. She's a loner, and she hates Purebloods even though all of her family members are Purebloods themselves. Besides that, there is the sense that she's a gentle soul, kind of innocent despite all the darkness she's surrounded by, but there is that snappiness to her, and you've mentioned that she's got her father's temper. There are lots of angles there--no denying that she'd be an interesting person to get to know. It's nice that Blaise sees that, and actually tries to talk to her, rather than being...well, super creepy (*cough* Draco *cough*).

But yeah, I'd really like to see Blaise and Astoria getting to know more of each other.

And yeah! You tell 'em, Blaise. I know it'll probably get them into so much trouble with the younger Pureblood set, but I'm so glad Blaise exposed Draco's creepy, sketchy game. And the fact that he was harassing Astoria. Plus anyone that can keep their composure under the scrutiny of Scorpious "I-Cut-People's-Fingers-Off-And-Would-Do-Anything-To-Protect-My-Baby-Sister" Greengrass is obviously pretty good at keeping his cool. That could be a handy skill to have, what with the impending war and all.

And Astoria, I was proud of her, too! I know that Blaise might not thank her for it, but I'm glad she was able to make that scene at the dinner table less of a big deal with just a few words. Both their necks were potentially on the line, and while it was very noble of him to take a stand, the pragmatic side of me just insists that it was not smart. She probably saved his damn life. Definitely both their reputations.

And he smoothly slips her his number...well, address? Close enough.

You know me and my CC--I always try to give it, as a rule. But I tend to give the most on the stories I really appreciate. General: watch for run-on sentences and missing commas.

Of course, this should have alarmed her to the unnerving fact
--I think, in this case, "alerted" might be better than "alarmed"

He was vile, cruel and ignorant and the only thing he could offer her was distance and because that was how her life would end some way or another if she married a pureblood, she would not cave.
--This sentence confused me a little. What was how her life would end? With distance? It might be good to clarify that, because I stumbled over it.

(1) crisp trees in spring, “why are you acting this way with me?

(2) "did he tell you what he wanted out of me at some point?”
--the first words of both the sentences in quotes should be capitalized, even though they are part of the previous sentence. Really, though, since the previous sentences aren't describing the dialogue, those commas should probably be periods, and the sentences in quotes should be left to stand on their own.

"You have no guts Greengrass to do what you like."
--there should be a comma before and after "Greengrass"

--several times the plural of Malfoys is written as "Malfoy's", but you don't need the apostrophe--just the "s".

and Astoria felt that this all was he fault.
--he = her

“I managed to get Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy interest about a concerning problem.
--I think this is meant to be either, "I managed to get Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy's interest about..." or "I managed to get Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy interested in a concerning problem."

Astoria was surprised o see
-- o = to

Now, Blaise, what is this all about and make haste,” Mr. Malfoy said venomously.
--since "what is this all about" is a question, the dialogue should end in a question mark. But there are different ways to do it. It could be: "Now, Blaise, what is this all about and make haste?” Mr. Malfoy said venomously"--which looks kind of weird, so I see why you didn't do that. But it is a question. So maybe, "Now, Blaise, what is this all about? And make haste!” Mr. Malfoy said venomously," might work better?

Mr. Malfoy and Mrs. Malfoy exchanged looks but there was no remorse in them and Astoria was reminded of strapping dead things.
--what is a strapping dead thing? I didn't totally understand the image.

I zoomed through this chapter and am definitely looking forward to finding out what happens next! I'm dying to see how everyone will interact at Hogwarts! But then I also have so many questions about the Greengrasses that are begging for answers! And more Blaise! This party has been illuminating, but I'm hoping that, in the privacy of home, a few more answers will slip out about this mafia business? So intriguing!

Highlight reel:“Ms. Greengrass, did I lay my hand, my mouth or anything remotely interesting on you in that pantry?” --Okay, it's inappropriate, but I laughed. Such snark!

Great job with this chapter! I continue to be fascinated by this story and the situation you've set up here. I always enjoy swapping with you!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by evil twin! I see that you've taken a break from hiding under my bed! Also, I am so sorry that it took me so long to answer your review. Hahah.

I think it would be wise to give up any kind of romantic notion about Draco. He isn't the sort of person that I would wish on my friends. Hahah. I think that he's going to have his hands full with Astoria though, she doesn't respond well to being backed up in a corner and I don't blame her for that.

I think that most people by this point start leaning more towards Blaise as a potential friend for Astoria. I do understand what he sees in her, which makes their interactions all the more interesting. I know that there are so many different layers to her and what's fun is trying to figure how which ones are the lies and what she's been taught, versus how she really feels. I wonder about that sometimes even now, after writing her for almost a year or two. But Blaise is a gentleman and he isn't easily intimidated by anyone, not even Scorpious. What I like about him the most is that he's just so darn cheeky! He exposes Draco and the others and during that entire scene, he's just so deadpan and polite. It makes me laugh every time i go back and read through this chapter. Hahah.

Astoria DID do him a favor though by stepping in. I'm sure that if she hadn't, something bad would have happened to Blaise and his mother. It wasn't necessarily smart of him but Blaise has moments when he's really impulsive, as you'll see later on.

He gave her his address! :D It's not like, you know...Netflix and chill kind of thing though. Oh, God--did I really just say that? WHO AM I?!


*Burns CC's in a wave phoenix fire*

I think that you'll get more answers on the Greengrass family as you read on but things at Hogwarts aren't going to be a smooth ride either. Hahaha.

Blaise is the king of snark. Hahaha.

What's sad about this is that he doesn't exactly change once he's older. I have him pretty much the same in my story, Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince. He's kind of a prat.

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #10, by blackballet Half and Half

31st July 2015:
Hi I'm here for a review swap from the forums!

I love Astoria's character so much. I am a little confused about her half-blood status. Is she a child born of an affair, or are all her siblings half-bloods? Anyway, I'm sure that will be revealed in the future, along with more of her alleged family secrets.

I really like your characterization of Malfoy, especially the fact that he has no shame. The bit where he blatantly stares at Astoria's neck really proves his arrogance and self-confidence.

I love how you got into the action so quickly as well, and I already feel as if there is a cliff hanger! I DETEST writing first chapters, so it was lovely to see one that was so daring and inspiring. Congratulations on that front.

I was also afraid of reading such a long first chapter, as I usually stick to 2000-4000 word chapters, but this didn't seem too long at. It was the perfect length, and definitely leaves the reader wanting more.

I'm happy to say that you've absolutely made me look at Draco in a new light as a love interest. I haven't read any Draco fics since my dark dramione days back in 2012!

Thanks so much and I can't wait to keep reading

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for stopping by! I am happy that you liked Astoria, she's a very complicated character to write for and I'm always glad that people love her. You actually don't find out about her half=blood status until much later on in the story but it's not what you think.

The Greengrass family secrets are more disturbing than you may realize but I won't spoil it for you. Hahahaha.

Malfoy is a spoiled little rat, he wouldn't find it in himself to be discreet about anything. Hahahaha. He wants Astoria and so, he's going to do whatever he can to have her.

I always write cliffhangers because I honestly have no idea what I'm doing most of the time, especially with a first chapter. Hahahahahhh.

Most of my chapters are long, I'm glad that you survived!

I'm not sure if you'll be able to look at Draco as a love interest for long but I'm curious to know what you think about him after chapter four. Hahahah. I hope to see you again!

Much love,


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Review #11, by navyfail Half and Half

16th July 2015:
Hello, it's ~chocolate from the forums here for the review swap! I'm a huge Drastoria shipper so I thought I would pick this story since the summary was so interesting. I love how mysterious you made the Greengrass family seem. I wonder what their secret is. And Astoria is the only halfblood? Is she adopted? I can see why she hates those pureblood society parties. They don't sound fun at all, especially since a lot of the people there look down at her for being halfblood.

I have to say you made Draco very cunning. If I was Astoria I would definitely be scared. He seems very determined to corner her and have his way. And I'm guessing Zabini likes her too? By the way he looks at her and Draco's comments it seems that way.

The game... I could see Slytherins playing that. And now Astoria has to go along with it. Hopefully she'll get her brother to save her or be able to hide from Draco. I have to say that Pansy's reaction to getting tickle was funny though. As was Millicent's.

You have a really interesting story here. I love Astoria already! She's seems strong-willed and smart as well as rebellious against the pureblood norm. I also like how you wrote Draco as almost ruthless. A lot of people write him way nicer than he actually was. Overall, this is a fantastic start to a story!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the awesome review, it's been a long time since anyone has read the first chapter for this. Hahaha. I tried to make this as interesting as I could without giving too much away and my sympathies are with you. This doesn't follow canon so you may want to toss aside your Drastoria feelings. >:)

The Greengrass family secret will be known around chapter five or six. I leave little hints throughout the story but you just have to read the clues. Astoria as well is a mystery and her half-blood status is something that you find out more about later on.

Pureblood parties sound awful and I wouldn't want to be there either! Draco has always been cunning in my mind, I can't think of him as a nice person so Astoria's distaste of him makes more sense to me. Zabini has other reasons to be interested in Astoria for the moment but i won't give it away.

That game...please don't ever play that horrible game. Hahahah. Things don't go as planned but you'd have to keep reading.

Tickling isn't fun for everyone!

Thanks for the review!

Much love,


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Review #12, by EnigmaticEyes16 The Rift

14th July 2015:
Ughh, Gabbie this chapter was amazing! And look, I'm finally caught up! This means you need to update again soon, yes? lol.

Anyway, as always Blaistoria are the most adorable couple ever even with all of their issues. I loved all the joking and playful banter before Aradelle so rudely interrupted them. She is definitely starting to get on my nerves...

I hope Emily and Scorpius are okay after what happened when Astoria left. For Scorpius to turn on his father like that he must have been seriously angry and broken over everything that's happened, there really don't seem to be proper words to fully describe all the feelings.

But I do worry about how Maximus will respond to Blaise's message that Aradelle will surely tell him. I hope he doesn't get hurt for it. And I still do wonder if any of Maximus's men were listening to that fight between Malfoy and Astoria and what would happen if Maximus found out Draco Malfoy knows. I wonder what that would do to his plans, and I wonder exactly what his plan for Malfoy that he expects Astoria to carry out already is really about.

But the end of this definitely tore at my heartstrings when Blaise finally broke down and cried in front of Astoria and they finally declared to each other that they would never want to be without the other. Ugh, it's so emotional and heartwarming and I love them together.

I'm really curious about what's going to happen in the next chapter and I do hope you update soon.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by again with this review, it was amazing! I really do need to start updating again soon. I actually have the next chapter half way finished, it's just been that time hasn't been on my side lately. Hahahaha.

Bah, aren't Blastoria the best? I seriously can't get enough of them. They're a very cute couple and it is really upsetting that Aradelle showed up and ruined it. Hahaha.

Actually, you find out if Emily and Scorpious are all right in a few chapters but it won't be pretty. Scorpious must have lost his mind (Even more so) after Astoria left, which is probably why he attacked his father. The feels were nearly too much for me as well...

Ah, Maximus's response to Blaise's threat will not go the way you think. I've already got this entire story played out but it's not going to be a nice meeting between the two of them. There may have been men hiding around listening to Astoria's battle with Malfoy and that makes you wonder, doesn't it? Maximus may already know everything and that is not good thing. At all.


I can't tell you what Astoria has to do in order to keep up her bargain with Maximus but I've been hinting at it for a while. You just have to look a little closer. Hehehehe.

Blaise has never cried in front of anyone, I think so that was a really emotional part of this chapter. The fact that all barriers were gone for just that moment says wonders about how much they love each other. That was the one good thing that came out of this. Hahahahha.

Thank you so much for the review, honey!

Much love,


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Review #13, by EnigmaticEyes16 Need

14th July 2015:
I forgot to review this chapter before moving on to the next, and they are so long I know I won't be able to even touch on everything. But I LOVE THIS STORY! In case you didn't know.

I'm glad that Ginny and Astoria and Blaise were able to come to a draw at the end, and I wonder what will come of this alliance in the future. Also, I'm very curious that Draco went back to his so-called friends who abandoned him and told them about Blaise and Astoria's return and I do wonder if this is one step in a ploy to get the Slytherins back on his side, by agreeing on a common enemy. I'm also very curious about what gossip will spread soon about Blaistoria (I'm just gonna call Blaise and Astoria that from now on...). Although I have to wonder, while I do understand why Draco may think ruining Astoria and taking away everything from her might make him her last resort, wouldn't being with the girl everyone hates and despises in the end bring him down a few notches as well? To end up with the same girl he ruined? Idk. I'm very curious to see how it all plays out.

And Blaistoria are so cute! At this point I have to wonder if anything really could break them apart, they are so devoted to each other. But we will see.

Great chapter, Gabbie!


Author's Response: Hello!

Hahah, thanks for stopping b again and I'm so sorry that the chapters are so chunky. People are always fussing at me about that but it's a bad habit, I guess.

Ginny, Blaise and Astoria came to an uneasy truce. The three of them, including Luna and Neville will be together again at some point but I'm not sure if they'll ever be friends, really.

Draco is all about survival so he would have gone back to his old friends in order to make it through unscathed. He knows that their fragile friendship is gone but he ALSO knows that distracting them from what he intends to do (No pun intended, since I'm talking about Astoria) will benefit him in the end. I'm not sure if you noticed or not but Draco is actually kind of petty. If he starts a rumor about Blaise and Astoria, he's getting some measure of revenge as he watches the backlash from the sidelines.

What a child, right? Hahaha.

Oh, please call them Blastoria! I started that with my friend Cassie Potter ages ago and it just stuck. Anyway, the rumors about them won't be pretty but you'll just have to wait and see.

You know, Draco hasn't really thought this through much. He understands that being Astoria's last resort might give him what he wants but at the same time, he hasn't really thought about the consequences. I think that he assumes that his fragile influence will be able to get him through but it's not going to be that easy. Also, he would love to be with Astoria as a constant reminder that, "Yes, I was the one that brought you to this point. There's nowhere else to go and I'll never let you forget it." Yes, the boy is THAT vindictive.

Blastoria forever! \m/

Thanks again!

Much love,


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Review #14, by EnigmaticEyes16 Monster

8th July 2015:
This was definitely a surprising ending to this chapter. I did not see that coming. But I'm glad that Ginny, Neville, and Luna went out of their way to help two Slytherins despite all the hate between Slytherin and Gryffindor. And Malfoy knows Astoria and Blaise are engaged! I wonder what he'll do next! I'm very curious to see how this plays out! Great chapter, Gabbie!


Author's Response: HEllO!

I'm glad that you liked the ending! I was trying to do something different and it worked really well. I had never written Ginny, Neville or Luna before so it wasn't as easy as I thought. I was worried that they would be kind of bland but the chapter wouldn't have worked without them.

Malfoy doesn't know what he's gotten into but you'll just have to wait and see what happens. Hehehehe.

Thanks for the review!

Much love,


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Review #15, by EnigmaticEyes16 Turmoil

5th July 2015:
Ugh, Draco. I can't handle it.

He's so evil and yet just ever so slightly caring that I just can't write him off. Although, to be honest, I thought he was pretty tame in this compared to his other encounters with Astoria, in this story and in the corresponding one-shots.

And I forgot that he saw everything at the shack in Knockturn Alley! And he has an idea of what her father does! But her father still has people in Hogwarts. People who could overhear this conversation!

I don't know what to think. And I have no idea what Astoria will do with this decision he's given her. She of course doesn't want her family to die, and she especially doesn't want anything to happen to Blaise now that he's associated with the family. Although I wonder how Draco will react when he finds out Astoria and Blaise are engaged... that probably won't be pretty.


I love it.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by again, I was missing your reviews!

Ah, Draco. I thought that after you guys hadn't seen him in a while that introducing him again would be so much fun. He's crazier than you thought, right? Hahahaha.

There's this little bit of humanity in Draco that makes him hard to completely hate and I wrote him that way on purpose. I didn't want him to be just some one-sided villain but there's more to him than what you would expect at first glance. Hahaha, Draco is far from tame but I see that you read the chapter after this and know that he's wilder than you could have anticipated.

Draco saw everything that day in Knockturn Alley and you know what that means for Astoria and her family. It's scary to know that! Draco will not react well when he learns that Astoria and Blaise are engaged but the mind games are just beginning.


Thanks so much!

Much love,


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Review #16, by EnigmaticEyes16 Secrets

5th July 2015:

*takes a deep breath*

Okay. It was really sad seeing Astoria argue with her family over Blaise again. And having to say goodbye to them when they are so upset with her and don't understand. I am glad Emily finally gave in at the end and promised to always be there for Astoria when she could. But Scorpius... Astoria clearly still holds him very near and dear to her heart and it must have broken it to see him refuse to even look at her. And then at the end, when he couldn't hide the tears any longer. I hope they patch things up eventually. I think he got the worst of the punishment when she ran away because now he's been unable to see his muggle girlfriend who he wanted to marry when the time was right. But Astoria is clearly deeply in love with Blaise and nothing they do or say can alter that.

And Blaise is so freaking cute! I love the two of them together and I was really hoping for that to continue on...

But then of course, Astoria probably wasn't feeling paranoid for nothing, because then, boom, Draco Malfoy comes out of the shadows!


I'm gonna read on now to find out just what Draco does next. Because even though I'm currently mad at him, I've missed him and his twistedness for quite some time now...


P.S. I'm also getting more and more curious about exactly what Astoria's origins were and where she came from and why she thinks anyone who knew would be disgusted by these facts...

Author's Response: Hello!

Hahahaha, I'm sorry! I had a lot of trouble writing the scene with Astoria and her family in this chapter. I knew that they were all at their boiling point and it was difficult to get their emotions right. They're never going to understand why she chose Blaise over them, which is actually the sad part of this entire thing. Emily may have warmed up a bit but Scorpious will never forgive Astoria for leaving them, he may never even forgive himself for what he did to her.

Oh, the tears...Scorpious crying pretty much solidified everything that was destroyed about his relationship with Astoria. It hurt to write but Astoria loves Blaise more than she loves being in a cage, which might make the two of them reconciling impossible.

Blaise is adorable! I love writing him, he makes everything better. Hahaha.

I think Astoria jinxed herself, she's Draco's preferred prey and kind of learned her lesson about being so unguarded. Hahaha.


Hope to see you around soon!

Much love,


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Review #17, by EnigmaticEyes16 Sibling

18th June 2015:
Ahh! I am back and I am very curious as to what will happen next! I can't believe Maximus is allowing them to marry! But I have to wonder if those rings he gave Astoria and Blaise have a downside to them. And of course the promise she made to protect Blaise still stands but what is it she has to do? And it does involve Draco!!?? I knew it! I'm super excited to see him again! I can't wait to read on and find out what happens once they are back at Hogwarts!

Great chapter, Gabbie!


Author's Response: HellO!

Thanks for stopping by again, I certainly wasn't expecting this review! Maximus certainly has his reasons for letting Astoria and Blaise marry. He's got it all sorted out in his mind on what he wants from them and yes, there is something about the rings. Please pay careful attention to them as the story goes on, they actually play a role in what might happen to Blaise and Astoria. Heheheh.

I don't necessarily say what Astoria needs to do in order to live up to her end of the bargain but you'll figure it out soon. It involves Draco in the worst possible way but I'm keeping my lips sealed!

You'll be seeing Draco again and not in the way you think! ;)

Thanks so much!

Much love,


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Review #18, by EnigmaticEyes16 Denial

29th January 2015:
This is quite possibly the longest chapter I have ever read. And so very, very intense.

I'm surprised Blaise is even still alive after all that fighting! And now he's asking for Astoria's hand in marriage! What!? I can't believe I waited so long to come back to this. This is the best, most intense story I've ever read. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Will Astoria say yes? And if so, what will happen in her and Blaise's private meetings with her father. And what happens if she says no?

Plus, this sentence right here: “my intentions to have an intention with the intention of marrying your daughter aren't a lie, as you can see.”

Part of me loves it when he talks like this, and the other part is wondering what the heck I just read because it still doesn't make sense to me.

And when will we see Draco again? I've been missing his character, is that weird? Probably.

Great chapter!


Author's Response: Hello!

I am so sorry that this chapter is so long and that I'm just now responding to your review but I've been so busy. It's so annoying! Blaise is asking for Astoria's hand in marriage indeed! He's quite the shocker, isn't he? The meeting with Maximus won't go well but I don't want to spoil the twist for you! Hehehehe.

Also, Blaise makes absolutely no sense at all so it would be wise not to think too much on when he talks so strange. Hahahaha.

Much love,


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Review #19, by EnigmaticEyes16 Bargains

29th October 2014:
Hey! This is a very interesting chapter, seeing Astoria with her father in his office for the first time. Like it's a strange initiation to her family's business. He's decided to spare her life but now she has to play by his rules.

It's very intriguing the dynamic between the two, how she is mostly able to keep her cool in her father's presence, and even wants to raise her upper lip in a sneer at him, the way she would with other purebloods.

I also like how you include the portraits of her father's siblings and how they are sort of a lesson as to not let the business make you go mad, as it did for his brother and, possibly, sister. I wonder if they are all really dead (kind of assuming they must be, but I don't know) or just no longer apart of the family business, and I wonder if the older brother wanted to turn away from it when he wanted to change things.

I'm very curious to know what her father asks of her, and what it will mean for Blaise as well. I wonder if he'll ask her to get close to Draco again in order to get back into the Malfoys' good favor.

I love how Blaise enters at the end, making jokes and acting as if nothing has happened. I think him and Astoria are so cute together and I wonder what he means when he says he'll make her a part of his life when she's basically promised hers away in order to keep him alive.

I really want to read on to find out what happens, but this may be the last you hear from me for a while because of NaNo, but I will be back!


Author's Response: HELLO!

I'm sorry that I'm just now getting back to you with this response! ;_;

There are a lot of things about Astoria that I love and one of them is her defiance. She hates her father and isn't afraid to show it sometimes but at this moment, that might have gotten her killed. I tried to play this out where no one really has the upper hand and I just enjoyed writing the two of them here, warring against one another to gain the upper hand.

The Greengrass family has a lot of secrets and what happened to Maximus's siblings is one that will be revealed in time. Leo had his own thoughts about breaking away from the life he was given and yes, it did have horrible consequences. We learn more about him later though.

Ah, Blaise. He's the life blood of this movie and I adore him! He makes no sense sometimes but you really need him in your life. Hahaha.

Much love,


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Review #20, by EnigmaticEyes16 Sacrifices

25th October 2014:
Hi! Sorry I've been terrible at reviewing, I've been so wrapped up in reading the story and there's so much to comment on in every chapter, but I'm going to start trying again. So, commence this very long review.

This was a really sad chapter. Astoria's guilt is clearly evident as she feels responsible for Blaise's injuries (although why he went without his wand is completely unknown to me and just blows my mind. I wonder if and where they will find it.). And she says she never knew things would turn out this way, but then she admits (to herself) that she had known. But of course she knew. That's why she wanted to leave the Zabini Estate the second Blaise was willing to let her in, and she kept trying to convince him that he was in danger but he wouldn't have any of it. And clearly he made her feel safe and gave her hope that her family wouldn't find them. And even though they've only really known each other for a few days, and she might not even admit it to herself, I think she's already fallen in love with Blaise, and it really shows in this chapter.

I love, LOVE the part when Blaise wakes up and tells her he wouldn't mind hearing her continue to confess her undying love for him. It's a relief to know he's okay enough to be cocky and make fun, but the same time they're so cute together. I practically squealed when he got her to come close enough and he kissed her.

I'm very anxious to know exactly what Astoria is to her family. The way her mother calls her their gift is very strange. It almost seems like she was brought to replace Leo in a way, and maybe not even share any blood with the Greengrasses at all. Although, I wonder if Leo was also a halfblood. It seems like whatever he did to get killed must have been very serious, especially if their own father is the one who killed him. I mean, to kill his first son seems like a very drastic measure.

Now, onto Draco's bit of the chapter. I think it's interesting how happy he is. Even though his friends had shunned him on arrival, he's so happy because he thinks he has Astoria right where he wants her, except he has yet to notice that she's not even on the train. Or maybe he expects her not to be on the train after what happened the day before.

I do like how your Draco doesn't seem to be very fond of the Dark Lord and his Aunt Bellatrix, afraid one of them may off his family if they make a mistake. And you can tell he cares for his mother, telling her to stay strong, and wishing he could just take her and run away.

I find it intriguing though that Draco is finally starting to figure out Astoria's secrets and instead of being scared of what they could do to him, he only wants to know more about her and her family. And I think he may even see her in a higher respect knowing they both deal with the same kind of violence and madness on a regular basis. It seems like he may be finally seeing her as his equal. But at the same time he still thinks he owns her. I wonder how it will all play out in the upcoming chapters and if/when Astoria will return to Hogwarts...

Guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out. Anyway, great chapter!


Author's Response: HEllo

Astoria had a lot guilt about what happened to Blaise and although it had its consequences, she won't really give up her feelings for him either. She won't be able to say that she loves him just yet but you can tell that he means a lot to her. It's scary that she's back with her family after all this time and I didn't want you all to think that this was going to be an easy victory for her either. Hhaaha. I'm evil like that.

You find out more about what happened to Leo in later chapters and it was a pretty serious thing that got him killed. I don't want to reveal it too soon but I thought that having that little mystery hanging around Astoria only emphasized how trapped she was.

Blastoria for LIFE! They are so cute together!

I never got the sense that Draco liked what his father was doing. I think that he admired him for some reason and yet was afraid of what might become of them. He doesn't care for the Dark Lord and I think that he's just as afraid for his life as Astoria. It's weird that that's what draws him to her but it may have horrible consequences for them both if they're not careful.

Thanks for the review, sweetie!

Much love,


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Review #21, by TidalDragon Purebloods

18th October 2014:
Yes, I'm alive believe it or not (and finally here). Life's been insane recently with no sign of letting up through the end of the month. I'm sorry this is so late.

This chapter was quite dialogue-y, but I thought the way you handled it was largely good despite the imbalance. You did a nice job with the tags or accompanying thoughts/observations so that we were still able to get more out of the conversations than the words themselves.

I also think you're doing a good job with painting a picture of pureblood society within the context of your story rather than beating us over the head with it. The descriptions of settings and activities has really helped in that regard.

What did strike me as rather odd was the number of brazen death threats and the attitudes all the kids (Draco, Blaise, Pansy, Millicent, etc.) had toward each other. I definitely got the spoiled rich kids one-upping vibe, but at the same time, even if they're forced together by these events, you'd get the sense that there's more genuine friendship between them than the heavy almost omnidirectional disdain. Just a thought.

Author's Response: Hello!

Goodness, I'm so sorry that I'm just now answering this review. I've been ridiculously busy and I haven't had the time to really crack down and take care of some of these but here I am! Hahaha.

I didn't intend for the chapter to have so much conversation but I couldn't really avoid it. Haha. I was still setting up the world and all that jazz but thanks so much for saying you were able to follow it. I certainly wasn't able to. Hahahaha.

Okay, Draco and his friends have a relationship that's based more off of convenience than anything else. They know where they stand but they don't exactly like one another, they're always going to attack the weakest of the bunch. It didn't really come off the way I wanted but that was the gist, I guess. Hahaha.

Thanks so much for the review! I'll have to stuff some requests in your thread whenever you're not busy!

Much love,


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Review #22, by Penelope Inkwell A Force of Wills

27th September 2014:
Oh, Brava, Gabbie! This is the best chapter I’ve read from you yet. I was constantly engaged, just waiting to see what could happen next. The writing was tighter--orderly, great flow.

You just did such a good job on this chapter.

Now I need to gush about the things I enjoyed.

"Mrs. Malfoy having abandoned her quite some time ago to scrape up her ego.”--I love the image you create with this quote

And, oh, Scorpious inviting her to live with him and his girlfriend was so sweet! I know you’ve mentioned that their relationship will have some ups and downs, but right now I love the interactions between the siblings. I love how he knows that, more than anything, she just wants to escape.

I do have this weird, bad feeling for Diana, though. I’m quite worried that she isn’t going to make it.

I found another twin brain wave! Muggle novels! If things stay the same as they are in my drafts, my Astoria has reason to be interested in them, as well.

“They both knew that their father’s business would never be over so long as he was filled with so much hatred.”--this intrigues me. I wonder what her father’s backstory is. Is there a reason behind his vendetta? Have the Greengrasses always been part of the magical mafia, or did her father choose this business, and why?

Ha! When Draco threatens to cut off her fingers and Astoria responds, “You don’t have the guts or the stomach for it, Malfoy. It’s a dirty business.” Brilliant! I just love her so much more, in that moment. I love how, even though she feels so endangered, she never backs down.

“I heard that he’s going to go back to Hogwarts to teach as Potions teacher. And there was something about a girl—”
--Now that’s interesting. But I thought Blaise was still underage? How is he old enough to have a teaching position? It would be interesting to see what Blaise could do at Hogwarts in a position of relative power. If he is planning to work there, I imagine there’s an important reason behind it.

-"'I like you,' Zabini said after a while. 'You’re not nearly as stupid as I thought you were. Good for you.’

-'Thanks, I live for your opinion.' Astoria said dryly."

--Bahaha, I already really like them together!

-“Zabini continuing to make mocking faces until she actually laughed. 'Would you stop doing that? We’re supposed to be hiding!’


--That is adorable.

"Astoria said as she distractedly stared at his face, wondering how he was able to stretch and pull at it so easily.”
--I really loved this quote, because I feel like it gives us some interesting insight into Astoria. So, she feels like she always has to keep her face expressionless, and is intrigued by someone who shows so much emotion? That’s such a great detail!


There are still some run on sentences, or long sentences in need of some extra punctuation.
And, if a character is speaking, unless their words are incorporated in the surrounding sentence, then the quote should start a new sentence.

Eg.) Rather than, Worry lines sketched their way onto Albus’ brow, “I don’t know,” he hedged. it would be, Worry lines sketched their way onto Albus’ brow. “I don’t know,” he hedged.

Or, with a more complicated sentence from the story:

Astoria heard snippets here and there but could not imagine her sister seducing Malfoy, it sickened her to no end, “Be careful, Emily.” Astoria said tightly.

It would be more correct to write:

Astoria heard snippets here and there, but could not imagine her sister seducing Malfoy. It sickened her to no end. “Be careful Emily,” Astoria said tightly.

* I think you could also put a semi-colon between “Malfoy” and “it” if you’d like it to remain one sentence.

That’s just little grammar stuff, but it can help the flow of the story.


Overall, I was just really impressed by this chapter. It’s definitely my favorite so far. The way Draco’s demanding nature is juxtaposed against Blaise’s good humor and gentlemanly conduct was excellent. I really felt like I got a stronger grasp on the central characters--what they are really like beneath their masks. Astoria had some one-liners that made me laugh out loud. I just want to applaud her. I love how you make her both brave and vulnerable. It’s very well done.

Thanks so much for the swap, for being my official 100th reviewer for TH (eep!), and for the great reading material.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by with this awesome review, evil twin. I think that we're pretty even when it comes to chapters right now! Hahahhaa.

This was actually my favorite chapter to write but no a real favorite for some of my other readers. I was actually more engaged in this chapter than the others and it just keeps on rolling from here. What I liked the most about this was that there was a good power play going on, you weren't sure what was going to happen next.

Scorpious inviting Astoria to live with him and Diana was just really sweet. It was also kind of sad at the time because we all know that things never go smoothly. You should have a bad feeling about Diana and although I don't mention her much, things don't work out well for her. Hahahah.sorry.

Muggle novels! Whoo!

You get more details about the family business in chapter six. You might be left with more questions but Astoria's father wasn't the one who started it, it was her grandfather. I won't spoil it for you though so you'd just have to keep on reading to find out! :D

Oh, that part with Astoria destroying Malfoy about the fingers. Hahahaah. It was one of my favorite lines. My girl has a sharp mouth, she keeps bouncing back no matter what they do to her.

Okay, that thing about Blaise becoming Potions master was a mistake on my part. I should have elaborated more on that but what I meant was that he was going to try for the position after he had graduated. It would be a good position for him too but for someone who doesn't like children, I feel sorry for his students already...

Hahaha, yes, the face pulling was something that Astoria found fascinating. She can't reveal very much about herself but it was also something that would add a bit of humor to these two. And aren't they just the cutest?!

Oh, the CC's...they make me weep. Hahha.

Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews, this story has gotten a bit of a bump lately and I couldn't be more grateful. I usually only got one review until now! :D

And you're welcome for the 100th review as well! :D

Much love,


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Review #23, by GingeredTea Traitors

27th September 2014:
Okay, I'm back for another!

I'm getting curiouser and curiouser about Astoria's father. What, exactly is his 'business'? It's all sort of sounding mobbish to me...

Yup, definitely want to know what Astoria's other 'half' is.

That was a surprise with Zabini.Astoria's reaction was not surprising at all, however (obviously, I'm smarter and more perceptive than you, Draco Malfoy!)

And oh, Draco looks as though he has something terrible planned. He reminds me a bit of petulant toddler.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks again for stopping by! I drop hints about what Astoria's father does and you'll get your answers by chapter six. It's a complicated business that they're in and he's very, ah, demanding. How is it that you're the only one who has guessed the true nature of what they do? Hahahaha. "Mobbish" is exactly right.

Astoria is half demon! That would actually be awesome but nah, she's not.

Blaise is a whole big box of surprises and that's why I love him. Astoria is fascinated by him and well, poor Draco is going to have to get over himself. HAHAHA.

Draco has something planned but nothing works out he way he thinks. Hahahaha. And yes, he's a major brat.

Much love,


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Review #24, by GingeredTea Purebloods

27th September 2014:
You have me interested. I have a suspicion that Astoria is not as sullied as they believe? Perhaps her father is someone worthwhile? Or are all the children actually 'breeds'? Ugh - lots of possibilities. Something is important about her though.

As you can see, I made it pretty far in before I came up for air! Sorry about the delay with reviews - my schedule just doesn't seem to be evening out for me recently and it can be hard to predict when I'll have time to review. I always get back to them, though. :)

"“Emily, what have we always been taught?” Scorpious asked hotly. Astoria said it for her sister. “Never trust a pureblood.”"

Interesting. There is something 'off' about this family, I think. Is the father a spy??

Blaise seems interesting, but maybe he lost interest?

There are lots and lots of questions.

The flow of this chapter was excellent. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! Hahaha, Astoria's father is not to be trusted and there's nothing worthwile about him, trust me. If you keep reading, you'll see what I mean but until now, keep guessing. Astoria has a secret but I won't reveal it for a long time and no, her other two siblings are purebloods.

Curious, yes?

It's perfectly all right with how late your reviews are. I'm usually late on everything I do so I'm all good.

There are a lot of things wrong with this family, they're all a bit touched in the head. Hahahahhaha.

Blaise hasn't completely lost hope in Astoria but you'll have to keep reading. Hahaha.

So many questions, not enough answers. I know I'm evil. Hahahaha.

Thanks so much, dear!

Much love,


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Review #25, by TidalDragon Half and Half

25th September 2014:
Well, I've finally made it! You probably thought I forgot about you, right? But I didn't. Just had a rather nightmarish load of work recently.

Anyway, it's really interesting to see how much your writing has evolved over time. You're so much stronger with description, word choice, and characterization now than in this piece! Still, there were ghosts of those here, especially in the beginning that I enjoyed. The attire and Greengrass family relationships were fine examples.

There were two things I found most interesting overall: (1) your main character is once again a marginalized figure, even in the circles they travel in - this seems to be theme for you and it's intriguing (I'd love to know the whys, and here particularly the mechanics of Astoria's half-blood heritage) and (2) you had an incredibly consistent pattern of not exceeding 3 lines per paragraph in this story (was there a rationale? At times it felt deliberate, to sharpen Astoria's negativity and criticisms, but other times it made things a bit unnecessarily choppy.

I'll be back for the next chapter soon as penance for being late.

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey, there! It's good to see that you have returned from the struggles of Real Life! I welcome you back with kittens and lots and lots of chocolate. :D

This was my third (Not quite sure but I'm going to have to check) fanfic and I was still trying to get into the groove of things. I'm glad that you're able to see how much my writing has evolved though, this story itself has changed a lot since this first chapter. It's up to about...24 chapters at the moment so if you kept reading, I hope you'll be able to see how my writing has improved. I've been working on this for almost two years now, can't you believe that? Hahahhaa.

There's a lot of mystery around Astoria in particular and you might not expect some of them. Her half-blood status of course is the main thing that everyone wants an answer to but I think that the truth will surprise you and won't be what you think, at least I hope it won't be.

Ah, some of the paragraphs were like that on purpose and others were just me trying to get through this monster in one piece. It's a bit choppy in places where I was trying to get the kinks out but I smoothed over a lot of those problems in later chapters. :D

Hahahah, I hope to see you again soon with a review for the next chapter. I might have you reading this one for a while until I get Transparent back up there, I'll stop by and request again soon.

Much love,


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