Just literally stumbled on to this story (I slipped and fell onto my laptop) but I am very glad I did.
It was, intriguing, to say the least. The poem/prophecy thing at the start was good, sort of chilling and eerie. The whole suspense and being lost in her thoughts also added to the whole confusion and mayhem of it.
I was confusing, but I feel like I followed it along the whole time. It must be the way you wrote, as if you assumed that we know what's happening, so I didn't stop every second and be all 'What?!'
So, that was meant to be a good thing, just in case you were confused. Hehe, well, I really think you are a brilliant author (feel flattered- I used brilliant, my favourite compliment, and called you an author not a writer...) Just a warning, if you put up another chapter, which I hope you do, I will review it and all the following ones, and my reviews always tell the truth. Plus I can be giving major compliments without the writer realising, so people tend to think I am more harsh than I mean to be.
Aside from whatever I just said, I really like it. I am bursting with curiosity over how it is a story about a boy, not Rose Weasley. Oh, and I loved the repetition of that line, and that wasn’t meant to sound like something from an English analysis, I actually mean it. It sounded good.
I like Rose so far, not that there is much to base my opinion off, just the vibe of it. Scorpius also.
Everyone seemed panicky and stressed, and I cant wait until it is all explained.
So, good luck and sorry for the stupidly long review, but I wanted you to know my opinion.
-Kerryn xx Report Review
Pen2Paper here with your requested review:) Sorry its taken me so long to get this review out I've been crazy busy.
So your major concern was whether or not to go forward with it. Well I'm going to be entirely unhelpful in saying its really your choice. But if I may offer some advice, I find that we often abandon stories too early. Stories with so much potential are lost because the author feels its a waste of time when the first few chapters do not generate the response they are looking for with the audience.
Firstly, understand that if reader interest is most important to you, then you can adapt your story to suit such interests.
Primarily for a chapter to work, there are three things you have to consider making obvious to the reader.
1. Who the main character is (either first person or third person)
2. Where the character is- setting, scenery, surroundings, attention to detail. Lights, colour, texture, everything matters.
3. What is happening - the event, timeline and such.
Here only one of these things is apparent. Who.
It's clear that this is Rose speaking, thanks to hints from the title and Albus calling her buy the name. Since the other two are left hazy it leaves a bit of confusion in the readers mind.
Main question being "What's going on?"
It this was intended, then it's a good thing the prequel is kept short and I would be wise to make clear distinction of what is happening, why is everyone so anxious, why is Rose acting like the apocalypse is coming... etc etc.
The confusion raises questions that will make the reader certainly go forward onto the next chapter.
You've already caught attention with the tender closeness Rose and Scorpius seem to be having. I'm intrigued to see more of it and to see how they developed this relationship.
You have much you can improve on as you add to this story. Especially with description and detail. Describe everything you see in your mind's eye as you write because unless you tell us we can't see what you see. It will add enormously to your story.
Finally, every first chapter has a great potential to be an incredible story. It's how much dedication and novelty you bring to the story that determines how much reader's will love your story. Since your summary states its about Rose and her friends entering 5th year and battling a new Dark Lord you have a lot of freedom to write in your comfortable zone start there and build up your story.
Good luck. I do hope you don't give up on this just yet :)
~Pen2Paper. Report Review
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