Hey Sunday! I'm here with your requested review :)
So I noticed in the beginning you didn't have Minister for Magic, Death Eaters or Auror capitalized; if you edit just change those because they're job titles ;) It gives credit to JKR for creating the Wizarding world and everything in it.
OTTO REUNITES WITH PRIMARY ASSET IN THE HUNT FOR YOU KNOW WHO... AND HER FUTURE OFFSPRING - this was a little confusing, just because we call Voldemort 'You Know Who'; maybe try rewording it a little?
I loved James. I think your description and the dialogue you gave him fit his canon personality really well :) And Sirius. He was really playful and it fit him with his teasing. I was looking for Peter, but I'm just guessing he stayed in the background.
Remus howled. The boys laughed but Moody was far from amused - this was the only thing that I didn't think really fit Remus/the story. I don't think being a Werewolf would ever be something he'd bring up, and it almost came off as he was bragging about it this moment.
Once they’d all entered the boardroom Dumbledore was already there, waiting patiently for them.- I'd maybe reword this. It sounds a little awkward, like you started going one way and changed it half way through.
I'm not really finding any run-on sentences as I'm reading through. I did notice a few missing commas in your dialogue, but it wasn't anything that really took away from the story or distracted me.
I loved Misery in the press conference. It's so delightful to see Rita Skeeter get her snide actions thrown back at her. I think she - Misery - handled herself so well and I really commend her bravery.
All the things I pointed out were very minor changes, and overall I thought this was a lovely chapter. It's nice to learn more about what's going on and I did love the little Tonks interlude. Re-request! I can't wait to read more :)
-Julie Report Review
Hi Sunday! I'm here with your review! I'm sorry again for how long this has taken me. RL has its ways of sneaking up on you sometimes :p
I think the way you string together sentences in the beginning is really beautiful. It really feels like you write this with such a sense of care and I really like that about this story.
Finally ready to re-join the world, Misery poked her head out of Remus Lupin's bedroom door. -- I'm not going to copy over this whole paragraph but I thought this was such a lovely one. I think you did such a perfect job of capturing Remus' close friends view of him.. and I think the descriptions were perfect. I loved it.
So then we move onto the hospital. I really loved your characterization of both Remus and Misery here. Remus wanted to stay out of the way, but Misery brought him back in and he accepted it. I think it was a very.. accurate display of how Remus would act in a situation like that. lovely work! I feel like we learned more about Misery here and I loved the bit at the end; I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter and learning all about what actually happened.
So, I really don't think you have anything to worry about as far as unfavorable parts. I think this is so well written, dear. I can really tell that you've spent time working on it; it shows through the way you write.
I don't know if you've done this in the next chapter, but I do think you should include a little part - just here or there - reminding us that Remus is actually telling this story to Tonks. You know, her reaction, etc. Again, if you've done this in the next chapter ignore me, but that's the only thing I guess I kind of missed out on at this point.
Anyway, I really am enjoying this story. I think it's staying really faithful and I can't wait to read more. I hope this review was at least a little helpful, if not at least it hopefully put your mind at ease to some of the things you may be concerned about.
Again, I'm so sorry for the wait on this! I'm usually way better at clearing my thread, but *sighs* rl. Feel free to re-request for the next chapter! Lovely work.
-JulieAuthor's Response: Hey, don't worry about it. I think we all know how busy life can get - it's been months since i even started to think about adding on to this again, so cut yourself some slack :)
Anyways, thanks a lot for doing this. It actually has set my mind at ease a little. I'm glad to hear you think it's well written because I'm not sure I spent nearly as much time on it as you think I did, so that's really nice for me to hear.
Also relieved to hear Remus is staying in character. Writing canon makes me so nervous. I try so hard to be faithful - so I'm happy I'm on the right track. And I'm glad you think Mis is characterized well, also.
I actually have thrown Tonks in a couple other chapters, so don't worry about it. Though, I hoped I've timed the flashes between the past and present okay. Perhaps you could judge that on the next chapter?
Anyways, thanks again! Definitely re-requesting!
Sunday./. Report Review
Yeah! So happy this story is back!
I love the similarities between Dorcas and Tonks and how both women bring Remus out of his shell.Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much. I'm so excited to see that you recognize this story from before. Please stay tuned, chapter 7 should be out some time this week.
Review 3/7: Once again, you've done wonderful on this chapter. I think I squealed in class when I read them kissing(I was secretly reading on my kindle in class ;) Sh...) Anyways, I really like this one. I can't help but love the way Remus insists in taking care of Misery. What a romantic ;)
If there was an 11/10, I'd pick it, but for now...10/10 :)Author's Response: Heyyy,
Glad you liked it :) I know I haven't done any real editing on any of this stuff, but I'm glad you could at least get pleasure from Remus's romancing. If I can make a fangirl squeel, that's good enough for me. Thanks again
Sunday ./. Report Review
Thank you so much for your entry in my challenge. It wouldn't have been the same without this story, I can say that! I can't wait to read more.
Something i've noticed is you have MANY run-on sentences. Try shortening them up a bit.
I think that Dorcas and Remus are a good couple, even if they're not really a 'couple.' I've always seen a Dorcas/Remus when I read about them, really and I like the pairing. I wonder if you have that in mind :)
It breaks my heart what happened to the girl, but maybe a child will heal her a bit...I hope so Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for all your comments. I really appreciate the feedback. I know at first it probably looks like I completely missed the point of the entire challenge, but chapter one is really more of a prologue and i like to use the present as a sort of segue between events.
Glad the air was cleared in chapter two. I love how Remus seems to have separated himself from this seemingly whole other life that he lead a near twenty years ago. And I'm glad you liked the 'misery' thing, I don't know why but the concept always just seemed fitting.
Also happy that I can serve up a different type of Dorcas. I think she is kind of odd, but you're right, definitely strong. But not pompous about it. She just, can hold her own, y'know? But I am definitely moving toward putting her and Remus in each others arms. I really like them together as well and, let's face it, why else would Remus have an entire box dedicated to the life of a dead woman? If not for love, surely any other reason would be just sick.
Thanks for pointing out that I've still got some errors hiding out in there. I haven't really had time to give them a good solid edit, but I'm sure I'll get around to it. As for the runons, I just personally like them. It's a little bit a part of my style, and I know some people don't get it. But I'm sure there are still places where I could shorten things up.
Anyways, I'm glad I've got you interested and that you want to read more. Every writer dreams of hearing that from anyone, so thank you thank you thank you for all your kind words. And thanks for putting on a great challenge :)
sunday ./. Report Review
Hello, again! Wonderful chapter. I love how you perceive Dorcas. She's so..different from any way that i've seen her written. I love it, though she is strong like I usually see her. I really wonder who the father is...I'm so interested in this story.
You have a few errors, so you know. Not many, but maybe go through it again and read it aloud - that always helps me. 10/10.
~Cierra. Report Review
Oh, my. This is a very close decision that i have to make. I really love this story. I had a feeling that Dorcas would be pregnant, but I had to make sure in the first chapter that i said that.
The story is going along very well. I love how Remus is telling this story, like it was a long time ago. I always have loved Dorcas's character, only because she's so interesting in the fact that there isn't much said about her. I love how you constructed the story so far, the fact that they call her Misery, and when Remus says he doesn't know much about Dorcas, but he does about Misery, that's what got me. It was the cutest thing ever.
On to the next chapter: 10/10. Report Review
Thank you for entering my challenge. I hope you know, since you have Dorcas, she has to be the woman that's pregnant. Maybe she will be, later on in the story, I don't know just yet. Anyways, this is interesting. You have a few errors, though those are easily fixable. I enjoy reading about Remus, though. He's the most interesting Marauder, in my opinion. Anyways, thank you!
~Cierra Report Review
I'm curious to see what going to happen next. I love the way you write Remus, again it's the best I've seen :D
Also I'm curious to see Tonks's reaction to the tale of Misery...Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for your kind compliments :) I'm glad you like my Remus, i enjoy writing him so much. stay tuned if you want to see how it unfolds... Report Review
You have Remus and Tonks down to a T! From the very start you pull in the reader and hold their attention. It the first time I read a Tonks/Lupin fic that has them in character :) Good job! Report Review
Well... I suppose I was a little close? Ish.
haha.. not really. Great second chapter. Like I said before, you have a great talent for capturing characters personallities, and you nailed it spot on in this chapter as well. Dumbledore was perfect, which (from my attempts) I know is difficult.
I'm really intersted to read more of this! I'd love to know what Tonks' opinion on all of this is. I'll be favoriting, and looking for updates for sure!
Great job.Author's Response: wow! thanks for the great reviews XD i'm so glad you liked it. Remus is one of my favorites too ^^ i'm especially grateful to hear you think i stayed true to his character. that's my main goal with writing this kind of stuff.
anyways, the story's still got a long ways to go and develop. i promise all will eventually be revealed, and i'll try to throw a little more of tonks's reactions in there somewhere. the next chapter is currently in the queue, and the fourth chapter is in the works, so definitely let me know what you think when they come along. it's so encouraging to get this kind of feedback.
thanks again !
sunday ./. Report Review
I think you did a really great job with this. I'm so curious to know what/who Misery is! I'm going to guess before reading chapter 2. Is it. someone that died because Remus got her pregnant? Maybe it's a a girl he loved. Lol alright i'll stop now, and leave you an actual review ;)
I think you portrayed Remus very loyal to books. He's my favorite character,(if the name didn't give it away) so I ALWAYS love to see when people write him so great :)
Tonks was very well portrayed as well, I really liked when you mentioned how she felt childish after he calmed down toward her. I always pictured that about their relationship, because of the age difference, so kudos to you!
Great job, very intersting first chapter. I'm continuing now! Report Review
My guess was sort of close, but not exact. Very intense, and very well written.Author's Response: hey wistful,
thanks so much for the reviews! much appreciated :) I'm so glad to hear that you think remus is in character! staying in canon is one of the things i worry about most in my writing, and since remus is my favorite right now i really want to do him justice. also pleased to hear i left you hanging so well, a little suspense never hurt anyone ^^
as for misery, i'm going to tell you that you're definitely on the right track. of course, i can't just give it all away in the first two chapters to if you want to find out what's really going on you'll have to keep reading (hint hint). Anyways, thanks again for the great reviews :) and I hope to further kidnap your attention.
-sunday ./. Report Review
I'm not sure why there aren't any reviews! Remus is portrayed perfectly, and Dora is a great nickname for Tonks. You almost killed me at the cliff hanger there. I'm going to take a guess and say Misery was a girl Remus used to love and he hurted her someway? A guess... Report Review
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