Hey- sorry it took so long for me to track this down.
I think you managed to hit a lot of Harry's emotions quite well- the sense of guilt in particular. And I think it really is quite probably that Harry would fall into a sense of depression.
That said, I think some of his reactions were a bit...overly dramatic? I mean, yes, Harry can be very emotional, and his emotional displays can be quite extreme, but some of them felt extreme in a fake way? Mostly the sudden screaming/sobbing and falling to the pavement. Or maybe it's just the fact that it's sudden. Also, the running to London from Hogwarts thing...unless he apparated that's a really far run (Hogwarts being in Scotland and London being in the south of England).
I'm also a bit curious as to why he'd choose to go to the forest. Maybe he instinctively feels safer there, after spending so much time on the run? I dunno. I just think it'd be interesting to delve into the psychology of that choice.
Some of the dialogue is a little awkward- it doesn't seem like something that would be said outside of a very formal situation.
"Harry looked confused and said,
'What's going on here? How did I end up here? I take it I'm at the Burrow?' He asked." is about where is starts to get a little weird to me (dialogue aside and the redundancy of dialogue tags aside). I dunno. It seemed to move very quickly, or something. I can't quite put my finger on it.
But I did really enjoy the fact that you focused so much on Harry's emotional state and tried to humanize him a bit, so that he's not some superhuman hero figure.
Great work :) Report Review
Once again, I like the concept you've chosen to write about. It's difficult to imagine the events not having some catastrophic psychological consequence, not only for Harry, but for the rest of the survivors involved also.
As far as your execution goes, there were definitely sparks of quality throughout, but things such as grammar and dialogue in particular could do with refinement. I think a series of deep psych profiles of some of the characters would be very interesting, to be honest.
P.S. Work on the distinction between "your" and "you're"! Sorry, but I'm a stickler for detail!Author's Response: Thanks Nivan.
I had noticed with some people who've written stories about Harry and the aftermath of the battle, that they never went into detail with what Harry was really feeling. I'd decided to try and build on what JK had written in her books about the despire that he had been feeling with people dying whilst he couldn't fight back and kept in hiding. So I wanted to try and bring everything to a head after the final battle and Harry's torment just caught up with him after seeing the deaths of so many friends and other people he knew.
Thanks for reading and leaving a few words.
And your not the only one who has commented on my use of you're and your, but I am working on it. Report Review
I think you did a great job of describing Harry's feelings after the war! You put emotion into the story which is good :)
I noticed that you repeated your words a couple of times in the same sentence but other than that this story is great :D
8/10Author's Response: Hi
So many people had written stuff about Harry's guilt at the suffering and death after the war. So I decided to go more indepth and explore the more indepth feelings that I thought he'd have been feeling towards himself.
So glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
As promised here I am.
Wow. To put this simply, this is one of the best stories I have ever read. I definitely think you've captured the emotion and the psychological feelings perfectly. I think you've given us a glimpse into what it was like to be Harry, and that's something that not many people can capture.
I honestly loved this, and cannot wait to read some of your other works. =]Author's Response: Hi. Thanks for the compliment.
I wanted to do something that went a bit more in depth where Harry was concerned after the battle. And came up with this idea for his feelings.
So pleased you enjoyed it. And I look forward to reading you opinions on my other stories. Report Review
It follows that Harry would have a nervous breakdown. The superhero that JK created in him was sometimes too much to believe. This is a pretty good look at the actions of a nervous breakdown/stunned run! I liked it.Author's Response: Thank you.
I wanted to do something more indepth where Harry and the aftermath of the battle was concerned, and was totally different to what others had written. So I came up with this.
Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading and leaving a review. Report Review
I haven't reviewed anything of yours in a long time and I'm sorry, my workload sucks right now! I'm being swamped with stuff right now. I really enjoyed this because there isn't really much of anything about how Harry was feeling personally after the War was over. His depression and his memories of the Battle were amazing and I was really glad that his friends were there for him in the end. I almost thought that this would go on for a bit longer but then I read the horrible words, "One-shot" and cried a little. Its not fair! But anyway, this was very good and I can't wait to hear from you again!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hellooo.
Good to hear from you again.
If I'd made this longer it might have got a bit boring. But if you want another story to read you can always read It was meant to be. It's another one shot but I am working on another story to go alongside it.
Glad to hear your still enjoying my stories and thanks for reading and reviewing.
And I might do a tie in with this one shot. Report Review
Love this entry! I'm sure Harry had nightmares and breakdowns, considering all he's been through, and I'm glad he felt at the end it was worth it.Author's Response: With the help and support of his friends he'll make it through the ordeal. Glad you loved this little one shot, it makes writing it worth while when people leave lovely comments like this. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Report Review
10/10 I was doing a research project for school then the Sorcerer's Stone came on TV, and I thought of your stories. I checked this one out and I can't believe that the adorable little Harry Potter we see in the first movie grows up to be the Harry Potter we see in the beginning of this story. It was well written and it shows how the past has tormented Harry.
I had a similar idea for writing a story. If you wanted to hear about it just let me know and I'll tell you all about it in the next review I leave. Once again, 10/10 and great job!
About having writer's block, I have the same problem sometimes. I wrote a story for one of my teachers but it took me 3 months, mind you it was only 8 pages long. It was a Harry Potter story, I could probably put it up but to avoid getting distracted I would only try working on one story at a time. I find I overwhelm myself when I try writing more than one story at a time.Author's Response: Hi once again.
I've read many stories about Harry and the aftermath of the battle. But none of them seemed to go more in depth concerning his feelings, so I came up with this idea.
And yes I would like to hear about your story, so please do tell me about it.
And as to your other story, I think you should post it, it would be a bit of a thrill knowing that anyone in the world can read it.
Thanks again for the read, review and great rating. Report Review
Hi! This is prize review #2 for the Scary Story Challenge :)
I like that you tried to tackle a tough subject with this piece, and I felt like the emotions were done very well. I can imagine Harry wanting to get away so that he would not have to look at the mess that was created because he existed and was hated by Voldemort. I can also imagine him having some very complicated, painful feelings about the families who lost loved ones during the battle and the war in which it happened. I also liked that you included more description in this piece than I've seen in some of your other ones; it really helped me get an idea of how Harry felt and what he was seeing on his little journey away from reality.
Aside from my usual recommendation to get a beta, I want to mention that the dialogue seemed a little odd to me here. Some of the speech seems a little formal and I think that it would make more sense coming from a third-person narrator and not as speech coming directly out of a character's mouth. Also, I think Harry's reaction to waking up in the Burrow came a little too quickly; that is, I would have liked to see him put up more of a fight regarding his conflicted feelings. That would just have made it a bit more realistic for me.
-academicaAuthor's Response: I've read many stories that dealt with the way that Harry was feeling in the aftermath of the battle. And I decided to try and take things a bit further by coming up with this idea. I really wanted to go in depth where his feelings were concerned.
After thinking about what you said, I can see what you mean about him putting up more of a fight with his feelings. But if I do that I'll probably have to change the rating to mature. But I suppose that would be a small price to pay for a good story.
Thanks again for the read and review. And leaving your advice. Report Review
Awesome. So deep. I can imagine what you went through trying to capture the thoughts raging in his mind - seeing as I tried too! So its really good! :)
Again - thank you SO much for that sweet review!:)Author's Response: So glad you enjoyed this story.
It was differcult to capture the feelings that were going through Harry's head after the battle. So after reading other peoples accounts I decided on this story.
Thanks for reading and even more for the time to leave a review.
And also, your welcome for the review I left. Report Review
I really enjoyed this look into Harry's mind. We never get this in the books so it was nice to see someone bring it out and to the surface. Your use of descriptive detail helped set the tone for the story quite well and held interest. I also really like Mrs. Weasley being well...Mrs. Weasley. =)
9/10 Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more of your stories as well!Author's Response: Wow thank you for the read and review. I thought that many people show Harry as being guilty of everything that had happened, and I decided to take things a bit further. I suppose he just needed mothering and that's where Molly came in. And we all know how much she thinks of Harry being part of her family.
Thanks for the 9 and I hope you enjoy the rest of my stories that you read. Report Review
That was a really good emotional piece. At times I thought the feelings were hurried through, but that's okay. You managed Harry's psychological state quite well, and I really liked the story. Handling emotions in writing is really a difficult job, and you managed it quite well. I prefer reading and writing one-shots, and this falls into the good ones I've read.
I too have written a one-shot all emotional called 'I could not save her' but it will take a few days for validation. I'd like it if you go through it once.
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: I thought that people always highlight how Harry was feeling really guilty about all the deaths and destruction that he'd blamed himself for, but no-one had actually done the fact that he'd take a nervous break down. I decided to try and take it to the next level. And judging by the reaction that I've received so far, the idea seemed to have worked.
Many thanks for the read and review. I will try and get to your new one shot when it's validated. Also I've a new one shot going through validation. Should be up sometime Tuesday or Wednesday. Report Review
I don't get to read them very often, but I like to read other peoples interpretations of what they think happened after the war, and I feel like you did that very well. Harry is such a self criticising character that he really would blame himself for every single death that happened that day!
I liked the realisation at the end though, that it had all been worth it to have Voldemort dead and gone - because essentially it was.
The only thing that threw me slightly was that he ran out of the castle and then when he stopped running he was in London. Did I miss that he'd apparated? It's just Hogwarts is in Scotland and so it would have been a really long way to run!
But apart from that I really enjoyed it!Author's Response: No you didn't miss it. Harry apparated without knowing it. And being a powerful wizard I thought that would have been proper. Maybe I should have been clearer on that one. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll go back to that and maybe put something in to fill that gap.
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. I loved writing this. For some reason the words just flowed out and onto paper (so to say).
Many thanks for the read and review. Report Review
Amazing story, you should keep writing (:Author's Response: Thank you for your wonderful comments. I wanted to see what might have happened if Harry had taken a break down. Many thanks for reading and reviewing. Report Review
I think you did a good job with the feelings that Harry would have after the battle. That has to be so hard to feel like your the cause of everyone else's pain and basically that if you hadn't been born none of this would have happend.. and while that is true for him on the one hand i just never figured out why Harry pinned all that blame on him. If i was Harry I probably would have run away too thats a lot to deal with and sometimes being alone is the best thing to be in that type of situation so I'm glad you wrote that because honestly what person wouldn't want to run away when they were in the center of the light especially when you didn't want to be there. Great job on the story it was an interesting read.
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: What with everyone writing about the guilt Harry had been feeling, I'd decided to go more in depth where they were concerned. I'm glad it worked out.
Many thanks for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Report Review
Hi :) This was lovely. I'm not surprised that Harry had a breakdown after all he had been through. I like the fact that Mrs Weasley wouldn't let him be taken to St Mungo's too.
One (very small) thing, the line "'Your awake mate' Ron said" should be "you're" not "your". So easy to miss, I know!
Enjoyed it very much, and thanks for all your supportive reviews on 'Journeys' - next chapter should be validated tomorrow or the day after!
Alex :DAuthor's Response: Glad you enjoyed it. It was kind of everything finally coming to a head and the sight of all the destruction and the dead was the reason I had Harry having a breakdown. It was like a safety shut off valve turning on in his head and he wanted to shut it all out. Or else he'd have flipped all together. I will be going over it again editing, that mistake never showed up in the spelling and grammer check.
Your welcome with the reviews and I'll look out for the next chapter.
Thanks for taking the time to read and review.
I enjoyed reading this story- it's always interesting to read what others think happened in the immediate aftermath of the war. Your description really helped to set the correct atmosphere of a war-torn country/castle and the fast pace helped to mirror Harry's turbulent thoughts.
It's just like Harry to feel so guilty for something that wasn't his fault and to feel out of place because he doesn't have blood family, even though his friends wouldn't have tossed him out if he'd stayed with them. However I think that the journey you had him go through really helped him to come to the conclusion that the stress and strain and dammage of the war was worth the risk they had all taken. It nicely concluded the story and gave it a hopeful end.
I did notice that a few times you had long, run-on sentences that you strung together using commas- I would just be careful regarding those and try to split them up into smaller sentences.
All in all, I think that you portrayed Harry's after-war perspective well and in an interesting fashion. Good job!Author's Response: Many thanks. I'm glad I managed to get the feelings that Harry may have being feeling across. It was my first attempt at writing such a theme. And it appears to have worked.
I know that I tend to over use the comma. But I will try and correct that as time goes by.
Many thanks for the review. And enjoy your reading. Report Review
I really like the concept of the One-Shot! War affects people in strange and terrifying ways, which I think you portrayed well in here. Harry's emotions were good, but his characterization was a bit off. I'd see him more as the type of person to hide his pain and take care of the people he loved, only to have it resurface years later. Or something like that. Also he'd probably have a little more anger, against life, against war, against Voldemort, etc. Other than that it was great though!
There was a few grammar mistakes so you might want to have quick look at that, but it wasn't overwhelming. :)
All in all, very good, and the characterizations were perfect! :D
-JuneAuthor's Response: Hi June.
I can see where your coming from where the characterization of Harry is concerned. But you have to remember one thing. With everything that he's been through over the past 7 years I see him as someone who has been letting the pressure build and build and the end of the final battle,with all the death and destruction it just burst the bubble and he couldn't take it anymore. And he had to get away from the horror he saw and thought he caursed.
Thanks for the review. And I will be going through it again to try and go abit more indepth. Report Review
Oh! This is heartbreaking!
I really liked your take on Harry. It only makes sense for him to feel like this after the battle. It's a great idea for a fic:D
I think you really got the characters right here: Harry always being worried and caring about people, Ginny supporting him, Ron asking all these question, Mrs. Weasley treating him like her child.
As for Harry's feelings, they make sense: you did capture the right emotions- those he must have felt after the war. Especially, at the first part where you give us a scoop of Harry's mind with all those new about Voldemort, you manage to pass those emotions to us, the readers. Some more description, however, would definitely help the reader understand Harry's state better.
~ AngieAuthor's Response: Hi again Angie.
Thanks once more for stopping by and once more leaving a review.
In a way I was pulling on my experiences when I wrote this. I myself suffered a moderate breakdown sometime ago. And with people writing about how guilty he felt after the battle, I came up with this idea. I think I see what you mean about more description where Harry is concerned, I'll see what I can do about that later. Thanks again for taking the time to read and review.
If you read my other stories I hope you enjoy them with equal relish. Report Review
I think you did a really beautiful job with this, capturing Harry's emotion. I think you got Harry's feelings just right, he would blame everything on himself. Ah, noble Harry.
I'm glad he could open up to Ginny, Ron and Hermione finally, after they found him.
I loved Ginny in this. You wrote her perfectly.
and Mrs. Weasley, good god I love that woman and her hugs. :)
Brilliant job.Author's Response: I think that Mrs Weasley lives on giving hugs. If she didn't give a really good hug each day she'd go crazy.
Thank you for these awesome words. With everyone writing about how guilty he'd felt about everything I thought I'd try and feel more indepth with him taking a breakdown and running. Thanks for the review swap. Report Review
Great story. Extremely emotional. You have really captured the mood. 10 OUT OF 10! Try doing more like this because it really works.Author's Response: I was working from experience with this. I myself some time ago suffered from a moderate breakdown. I was thinking, with people writing about the guilt Harry felt when he saw the death and destruction, nobody had really written about Harry actually having a break down. So I drew on my experiences and how family and friends helped me and I came up with this one shot.
Glad you enjoyed it and many thanks for reviewing and the 10/10. Report Review
I've never bothered to review a one-shot but I wanted to leave a note for this one to let you know that I thought this was extremely well-written, and I really enjoyed it for that reason. There wasn't a single sentence that didn't flow well, not a single time that a voice of a narrator crept into the writing to explain the story details instead of showing it in front of the reader's eyes. You paid careful attention to how you worded each sentences and took the writing to a higher level. This was an excellent piece of writing from start to finish! I would love to see more stories from you that are this well-written. Way to go!Author's Response: Once again many many thanks for these awsome words. You are a brill reviewer. There will be another one shot in a week or so, I hope it does not disappoint. Report Review
I was not expecting to enjoy this one-shot because I'm usually not a fan of depressing stories, but I really did enjoy this because it was so well-written. There wasn't a single I noticed a sentence not flowing well, or a voice of a narrator creeping in to explain the story instead of showing it to the reader. You are writing at your best here. Excellent!Author's Response: Wow thank you. In a way I was writing from experience. I suffered a moderate breakdown myself and I got to thinking and wondering (with people describing how guilty he felt after the battle) what might have happened if the guilt had got to much for him. And I came up with this.i might try something else. Watch out for another one shot in the next week or two. Thanks again for these encouraging words. Report Review
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